[wastingspaces-deactivated202301]

i will die lonely, won’t i? i can feel it in my chest. i will die painfully alone.

[kxrasumeiji]

TAGGED BY: I mcstole this from @connachtking​ TAGGING: Whoever wants it! -fingerguns-

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Ayaka Sajyou

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?  

“I already told you my real name.”

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?

“Cause my parents liked the name?”

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?

“Single.”

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?

“I practice  black magic, but i’m not that good with it.”

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

“Blue.”

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?

”I have not, but some people told me i’d look good as a blonde.”

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?

“I had a father, mother, and older sister.”

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

“There’s some birds that live in my garden, but i wouldn’t call them pets.”

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.

“Failure.”

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

“I like to garden.”

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?

“Yes,:

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?

“I caused someone’s death due to my own inadequacy.” 

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?

“I don’t know, a cat?”

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.

“I’m stubborn, short sided, a pessimist to name a few.” 

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?

“My older sister. She was an amazing person.”

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

“I don’t know. I think i like guys moreso than girls.”

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

“Yes, i’m in high school.” 

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?

"It would be nice if i could, but i doubt something like that will happen.”

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?

“No.”

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

”Blood and failure.”

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?

“Anything comfortable.”

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

“I love my family.”

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?

“Middle?”

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

"I have more acquaintances than friends.” 

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?

"I like it.”

27. FAVORITE DRINK?

“Earl grey tea.”

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?

"My mother’s garden.”

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?

“Ah, i don’t know. Isn’t this question too personal?.”

31. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?

"I’ve always wanted to go to the beach, so the ocean i suppose.”

32. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?

“I-i don’t have a type.” 

33. ANY FETISHES?

“That’s none of your business! Also no! No i don’t!”

34. TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

“I’m not answering this one!”

35. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?

“Indoors.”

36. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?

“Some of the questions were too personal so yes, yes i was.”

[kxrasumeiji]

Shape of pain.

Glass cage

You feel disconnected from the world around you. You can see everything, everyone can see you, but you're not really there. No one can really communicate with you, can they? You're isolated, even when you're around people you're alone. You want desperately to be close to someone, but you're afraid of what will happen if you shatter your glass prison. You don't want to let someone in, you don't want to leave, and it's a constant battle of your own will. It's easier to be alone, where no one can hurt you... Isn't it?

Tagged by: I stole this Tagging: whoever wants it~

[kxrasumeiji]

𝕣 𝕦 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝟘𝕤𝕤, 𝕞𝕒𝕟?

“Wh-who?! Uh no?”

[toboldlywrite]

PSA: if you ever see me do a tag and I say “tagging whoever wants to do it,” and you think “she probably doesn’t mean me, though.” I do. I mean you. Say I tagged you. I want to read your stuff, I promise. Tagging people just takes Energy that I don’t always have and am not always sure who wants to be tagged. But please, if you ever see me do a game, and you think “wow I want to do that!” Even if I do tag other people, just do it. Say I tagged you. I will not mind, in fact, I will be happy to see your stuff. Ok? Good. That is all. Carry on.

[kxrasumeiji]

lunaetis‌:

─「ヴァイオレット」─  “ but caring and being in love is two different things, are they not ? just because you simply care for someone deeply, it doesn’t mean you are in love with them ? ” that was what she heard anyway. “ — have you experienced it before, miss ? being in love ? ”

          The magus fell silent, taking in everything that the woman had said to her. Her gaze drifting towards the ground below them as her mind scrambled to think of a proper answer. “I...I don’t know.” Love was one of the last things on Ayaka’s mind. If being in love with someone meant that it would end the same as the love she felt for her family, she wanted nothing to do with it. “I’m sorry,”

[kxrasumeiji]

what makes your portrayal of ayaka different from canon?

                   send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on

         There isn’t too much about Ayaka in canon since Nasu and TM has pretty much left prototype in the back burner for God knows how long now. So i can’t really gauge how much i have strayed from canon, but one thing that i feel that canon hasn’t dived too much in from my point of view is how being compared to someone who was perceived as perfect ever since childhood can really mess up with someone self-esteem. Ayaka will downplay every achievement she makes feeling that she could either do better or her achievements are a fluke and she likeness of her doing the same thing again is null. She will feel that she doesn’t deserve any type of praise she receives and believes that she s probably taking it from someone who deserves it more. 

        She will always find flaws it herself. Both in her appearance or her personality, neither of which she is a fan of. It’s so hard to write Ayaka actually accepting a genuine compliment that someone gives her cause every time will not believe them (even if it’s true) and will find something about her that will contradict that compliment given. That or feel that they’re exaggerating/trying to butter her up.   

[kxrasumeiji]

topic: loneliness

                    send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on

          Ayaka doesn’t seek out the company of others, isn’t the the type of person to start up a conversation, and doesn’t seem to have any friends just acquaintances. All this can be considered her subconscious’ way of dealing with loneliness. The more she is alone the more she’ll become numb to the feeling of loneliness that was stubbornly been clinging for over decade since the death of her older sister and Dad. To no ones surprise but her own it isn’t working instead it has Ayaka questioning why and when she chooses to be one her own all the time.  

         Ayaka’s loneliness hits her hard on the anniversaries of the death of her older sister, Manaka and their father, because her memories of her past before Tokyo’s grail war she sees the both of them (ESPECIALLY Manaka) through rose tinted glasses. 

[archaeologian-blog]

send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on

I might write anything from a paragraph to a whopping essay, but send me something you’ve noticed about my characterisation or just something you want to know about my muse and I will write what I can!

[kxrasumeiji]

i’ve been having a bit of a busy week which has really killed my mood to write, I’ll try to get to the replies i owe sometime this weekend, orz. 

[jodiefoster]

i'm what the kids call

really exhausted. I’m so tired.

[kxrasumeiji]

pupperofulster‌:

@kxrasumeiji  replied to your post: Life’s like that - The game: Take a shot whenever…

Ayaka gives the self proclaimed Aniki a worried look.

“Don’t worry, Missy Ayaka. Self-proclaimed Aniki is just having a moment.”

“It’s none of my business but if you drink too much it’ll make you sick.” Can servants even get a hangover? 

[kxrasumeiji]

anekiex‌:

     “ Wan, wan. ”

“You too?!” What in the world is going on?!

[kxrasumeiji]

“What’s going on?” Why is everyone making animal sounds?

[kxrasumeiji]

Ruffle!!

Send me "Ruffle" For my muses reaction to your muse randomly coming up and running their fingers through mines hair.

“Hey, i’m not some little kid you know.” Her lips form into a pout as she takes a step back from the servant. 

[abravelittlehobbit]

Send me "Ruffle" For my muses reaction to your muse randomly coming up and running their fingers through mines hair.

[kxrasumeiji]

arondightlight‌:

“Are you the young maiden the King speaks of so highly? Lady Ayaka was it? It is quite the pleasure and privilege to finally meet you.”

       “O-oh! Hello!” Lucikly for Lancelot, Ayaka didn’t know how to deal with complements of any kind causing her to forget about the prior topic. “I’m no one special really. I’m sure Saber was exaggerating when he spoke of me.”