kyra in korea | 고려대 유학생

안녕하세요! I am an exchange student at Korea University in Seoul, South Korea for Spring 2020.

[kyrainkorea]

Take a Break (in Seoul)

August 25, 2020

I think one of the most important things you can do for yourself while traveling is giving yourself a break. After 14 days in isolation, laying in bed, cooking and eating mediocre food, and continually daydreaming about the world outside my Airbnb, I am finally free. I’ve already walked 30,000+ steps which is a lot more than my quarantine atrophied legs can handle. I’m sore and anxious and excited but today I think I need a little break. 

Part of me wants to “go go go go go” because I don’t know when or if things might change and I’ll have to board a plane back to America (I doubt that will happen this time, I signed a waiver and everything but nonetheless). But another part of me knows that for my physical and mental health I need to ease myself back into having a social life. It’s not just being in a new country that can be nerve wracking but for all intents and purposes, we’ve all been isolated in our own hometowns for the past 5 months. I had a mini-realization that the past couple days have also been my first time back out in the world where people are allowed to do stuff (most things. The clubs and bars in Seoul are closed for the time being). 

For the past two days, I’ve spent more money than I probably needed to and met a whole lot of new people. Unfortunately, my room has paid the price for my escapades in Seoul. The room is pretty much a hot mess, and while I’m not someone who necessarily prides myself on my cleanliness and organization I do not enjoy coming into my room after a long day of exploration only to see piles of disarray from clothes to hair care products. 

My body has also been telling me to take it easy if the tightness in my shoulders and twinge in my shins is any hint. I kind of hate for my first blog post on this new adventure to be a piece of advice that for all intents and purposes is rather boring, but nonetheless I think it’s really important.

I’m going to practice some self-care today which for me means unpacking my room and taking some time to reflect on whats happened and project and manifest what I want for the next couple of months.

School starts in a couple of days, but that’s a whole other hurdle.

Before I sign off on this post I’ll leave you with these pictures of me at the Studio Ghibli store in the Lotte Mall. Even though the store was small it was a wonderful experience and I got some cute stationery too! I also was able to experience my first 치맥 which is a modern Korean tradition that includes eating fried chicken and drinking beer (a wonderful combination). You can find chicken and beer restaurants everywhere.

[kyrainkorea]

Why I’m Coming Back Home (and whatever happens next)

4 March 2020

It really feels like every day is a week. And not because I’m doing so many amazing things and seeing so much cool stuff (which I am doing) but because of the stress, and the thinking and the decision making. Speaking of decisions, I made one. Two days ago actually, which feels really weird to say because two days ago I still wasn’t sure and also it feels like I made the decision yesterday as well. It’s honestly all a blur in my head. And I feel kind of numb. The only time I really feel intense emotion right now is when someone asks me “How are you feeling?” because then I start crying. Every disappointment and regret and all the anger and sadness comes to me all at once at the moment someone asks me how I’m feeling. Even thinking about it as I’m typing this I can feel the pressure at the back of my eyes and the warmness on my nose.

So anyway, I’m leaving Korea. It feels like I’ve done a disservice to myself leaving, but in a small way, it also feels like I’m doing a disservice to myself if I stay. Staying here means I get to stay in Korea and live here which has been a dream of mine since I was young, staying here means speaking Korean every day, eating Korean food, and exploring one of the biggest cities in the world: Seoul. But staying here, right now at this point in time, also means that I won’t be able to travel to the countryside (which is something I’ve also always dreamed of doing), I won’t be able to go to the cherry blossom festivals because many of them have been canceled, I won't be able to go clubbing (many of them have temporarily closed because of the virus), there will be less people out for me to meet. I also won’t really be in SCHOOL! Oh my gosh, I just want to go to SCHOOL. I can feel my brain petrifying. I need an ASSIGNMENT (mom this does not mean you can give me something to do. Now is not the time)KU has made all classes online indefinitely, that is definitely not the study abroad experience I wanted academic wise.

I think I owe it to myself and I owe it to Korea to come back at a time that is less ridden with uncertainty and anxiety. What I am happy to say is that even with this craziness of the last two weeks, I still love Korea. I have not been disillusioned in any way. My expectations were not let down. And a lot of that has to with the fact that I didn’t come in with any expectations or idealized visions of Korea. I think this is the biggest piece of advice for anyone traveling. Don’t have any glamourous expectations or delusions. It feels so rewarding to be here regardless of the fact that I have to return to America. And I will be back...I hope.

Ultimately, the factors that may stop me from coming back to Korea are academics, time, and the biggest one is MONEY. I think that all of these problems have solutions that will work for me, but now that I’ve made the hard and disappointing decision to come back to America (vomit emoji) I need to make even more decisions about what I want in my life and what I want as a career. Everyone in my grade and age group is asking themselves the same questions, but only a fraction of them will have to make them with this semester-long bump in the road. I want to be in Korea. I want to come back. At the moment, I’m pretty set on coming back in the Fall, but it’s hard. I don’t know how else to explain besides that it’s hard. Is it meant for me to be in Korea? What is the reason for all of these setbacks?

It’s dumb, but I keep thinking “if you love something, let it go. And if it comes back to you it was always meant to be yours.” In this case, the thing I love is Korea, but it’s not Korea coming back to me, it’s me going back to it. I love Korea, but does Korea love me enough to want me to come back? I have a lot of thoughts and decisions to make that are really only mine and mine alone to make. 

I’m scared of falling into a depression. I’m not sure what to do because I know that being back home and in America is not where I want to be at all. It’s not even close. I wish I could just take some time to be by myself for a while, but I don’t think isolation would help either.

It’s hard. It’s hard. It’s hard. It’s hard.

Once again on a lighter note: Some anecdotes I will write in the future probably when I’m back home to keep me from going crazy.

First time getting drunk in Seoul (I love soju and milkis and jjimdak and noraebang A LOT)

First impressions Hongdae (where the alt kids hang out plus the comic store with huge BL section how I miss you)

[kyrainkorea]

UNC cancels study-abroad programs in South Korea, leaving some students disappointed

UNC officials are now banning non-essential travel to both China and South Korea because of the coronavirus outbreak, interrupting students' study abroad plans.

And ANOTHER interview I did for my school's radio show. In this one, I sound super sad and pitiful and also super angry (rip). But I was all of those things at the time of this interview. It was recorded only hours after I had received the news that my program was being canceled. You can hear my crying in the interview looool. But also ㅠ.ㅠ

[kyrainkorea]

Coronavirus worries forcing students, colleges to make tough decisions on travel :: WRAL.com

Spring break is just days away for college students. However, worries about the coronavirus are forcing some to change their plans as schools put restrictions and recommendations on travel for students and staff.

Here’s an interview I did with a local news station about the decision to cancel my program. I sound kind of desperate but that’s because I was/am haha.

[kyrainkorea]

Choices! We all make ‘em

2 March 2020

Today is the day classes were supposed to start if they hadn’t been pushed back until the 16th before I arrived here. Why were they pushed back? Because of coronavirus. Everything is because of coronavirus! I’m so tired of this virus being the cause of most of my problems during this trip. I keep going back and forth about staying or leaving South Korea. Part of me wants to stick to my guns and stay. It was my original proclamation and I don’t really want to go back on it, but another part of me can’t help thinking “Is this what I want out of my study abroad experience? Was this the semester I wanted?” So many things and events are being canceled or modified here in Korea. If I left and came back in the fall I would have a much easier and normal semester (I hope), but the issue with that is money. I don’t know if I have to money to come back to Korea again or to take summer classes to try to make up for the semester I lost.

I hate that every day it seems my mind changes on what I should do. I feel like I should trust my instincts and stop doubting myself. I also am thinking so what? So what this semester might not have been the one I intended? That just gives me an incentive to come back to Korea again later in life to do some of the things I wanted to do. This study abroad trip was never meant to be my first and last time in Korea, in fact, I had always planned on coming back, for work, vacation, or otherwise.

Staying here is a gamble. It means less support from my home university and it means I have to trust that the coronavirus situation will not get worse, or that KU will not cancel the semester altogether. This is such a weird point in my life where I really feel in control completely because this decision will mean a lot. I don’t want to make a bad decision, but my mom says there are no bad decisions. We just make choices and hope for the best. If something bad happens, we get through it.

Yesterday, I thought I was going home, but today I’m feeling more prepared to weather to storm. Regardless, I intend to make a concrete decision sometime on Wednesday or Thursday.

I think I might be letting other people’s fear get to me but I’m going to try and make sure that this decision is completely my own. Last night, I looked up scriptures for guidance and strength, I’m going use those to help me with this.

On a happier note, yesterday me and my friend, Mari, went to the movies. We’ve both been kind of stressed and depressed with everything so I thought we needed to go out and do SOMETHING. We went to see Jojo Rabbit which was a phenomenal film. Granted, we did miss the first 15 minutes of it because Korean movie theatres don’t really do trailers apparently but nonetheless we enjoyed it. The funny thing about Korea, which also extends to its movie theatres, is that everything is kind of marketed towards couples. So at the movie theatre between every two seats is a connected armrest so that couples can more easily hold hands during movies. I found that funny and a small but interesting look into the dating culture here.

After the movie, we intended to eat in the area (we went to the CGV in Dongdaemun in the Hyundai Mall) but we had got an emergency alert that some restaurant in Dongdaemun had a worker who ended up having coronavirus and that people who ate at the restaurant needed to go to the hospital to be checked. So we decided to head back to Anam to eat. We got Issac Toast (it’s like a breakfast sandwich toast shop) and finally tried Gongcha (a popular bubble tea chain). It was good, but like most Korean food, very sweet.

Another thing I’ve noticed about Korea is that the flavor profile here is the exact opposite of the US. Where everything in the US is generally salty, everything in Korea is generally sweet. It’s kind of disconcerting sometimes when I bit in my bacon egg and cheese (and lettuce) toast sandwich and the bread was sweet, but not like a pancake. It’s kind of hard to describe.

After this I think I’m going to make some backlog posts about things I’ve done so far in Korea that I wanted to talk about:

Getting my nails done ( and the back streets of Itaewon plus Glamours Penguin)

First noraebang (and the taxi driver who thought I was Korean??? It was 2:30 am and dark though so *shrug*)

First impressions Myeongdong

First impressions Gangnam

First impressions Anam

Look forward to these probably short blurbs

안녕

[kyrainkorea]

The Worst Happened

29 February 2020

This feels like the absolute worst time of my life right now. I don’t think I’m being too dramatic because I think I’m going to have to return to the United States. This is not something I want to accept but I’m trying to start to allow myself to think about this very real possibility because otherwise I will break down and cry (which I have already done enough of these last two days.)

Yesterday my university sent an email notifying us that they were canceling our program in Korea. Not only am I already here, but I’m already adjusted, I’ve made friends, I’ve learned the subway system to Pete’s sake! From the beginning, being in Korea has felt so right for me in so many ways. Not once have I felt out of place, or uncomfortable. Every challenge has been an adventure that I’ve been able to overcome. For example, yesterday we were able to successfully order delivery food over the phone even though the person on the phone spoke no English. The longer story is funny, but it also shows me that already my Korean is improving even in this short week and a half I’ve had here.

This makes the possibility of leaving feel even worse because now I have a jaded view of this short vacation. Everything was way too good to be true, and that’s what’s making me cry. Up until this moment, everything that had to do with this trip was working in my favor. I prayed and saved and studied and worked SO HARD to make this trip possible and it all worked out in the end…. Until I actually get here it seems. 

I am a religious person so right now it really feels like a test from God, though I’m sure exactly what God is testing me on. 

The bright side that I am trying to see from this is that at least now I have the opportunity to think long and hard about what it is I want from my academic career and what I want from my university (this is a whole issue in and of itself).

Yesterday, me and many other students from my university in the states wrote emails to all of the higher up university administration and administration involved in the study abroad office saying that we wanted to stay and that their decision to cancel the program due to the COVID-19 scares were an overreaction to the reality of living in Seoul. We then received responses that they were discussing and that the decision was in flux. This gave me so much hope. I woke up this morning feeling hopeful and somewhat optimistic. I even did an interview for a local news station. However, in the middle of a shopping trip in Myeongdong, my friend and I received an email that said that if we chose to stay in Korea our university could not guarantee their support. I’m not even sure what that means exactly but if it means a loss of the financial support then it’s not much of a choice. I have to return to the states. I’m on scholarship here.

I am beyond disappointed and frustrated in my university which is why I also find it so hard to even want to return. Not only have I not felt like they cared about me or the other students, but the options they’ve given us upon return are not viable for anyone. I will not be able to graduate on time and my transcript will be left with bald spots that I will hopefully get the chance to explain to potential hirers if they don’t discount me immediately first.

I sent a last-ditch and very desperate and pitiful sounding email, but in the event, I leave Korea (which, again, is very likely) I’m planning on returning in the Fall. I don’t even really care about my home university that much anymore. Studying in Korea has been such a central dream of mine for so long I can not give it up. Not for anything. I’m not sure how it’ll work out logistically, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. Just like I did the first time.

Here’s hoping to better days and an education.

안녕

[kyrainkorea]

Sorry for not posting. A lot has happened. I’m getting ready to post two journal entries a couple days apart. And more happy stuff and pictures and everything to come. The posts are kind of a stream of consciousness so I hope you can keep up!

[kyrainkorea]

Cults and Coronavirus

26 February 2020

So I really had planned on recapping my first week in Korea-- In Seoul! And I still plan on doing so but now I find myself in the midst of a crisis. From cults to colds, to coronavirus I seem to have found myself in the middle of global medical history. I’m living in Korea (though who knows for how long--I’ll get to that later) in the midst of a burgeoning pandemic: COVID-19. First of all, masks (medical or otherwise) are becoming increasingly hard to come by. One of my first observations, while I’ve been here, is that 1) masks are EXPENSIVE. And by that I mean it’s about 2,000 won ($1.80 USD) for a single-use mask. Meaning that in a week, one spends around $12.60 a week. That will add up. I had intended on investing in a reusable mask but they’re sold out everywhere, even the mask companies websites. Just yesterday me and some friends went to the COEX Starfield Mall which is the largest underground mall in all of Asia. We went with the intention to visit the SMTOWN museum and to just look around the mall and get something to eat. Sadly getting something to eat was the hardest part because we came during break time and ended up having to eat a very sad meal at a Korean KFC (which tastes exactly the same as at home and I swear they make the Colonel look more Asian in the ads). But despite our intentions of doing some casual shopping it actually turned into a medical merchandise haul. We were in the most random store. It was called BUTTER and it sold a variety of cute character goods, but in the middle of perusing the shelves, the workers started bringing out boxes of KF94 masks. KF94 masks are the most effective at preventing the spread of sickness and also at filtering the air for pollution. Both of which are very important features for people living in Seoul. They had masks in packs of 5 for 7,000 won each (less than $7) and so my friends and I jumped on the deal, as we’d been looking for cheaper masks throughout our time here. We each bought two packs and were on our way to the check out counter when another Korean woman came in and asked the worker how much the masks were. When she got her answer the woman actually went out into the mall and started telling people about the deal on masks in the store. In minutes it seemed that their stock of masks was gone. I witnessed people coming into the store frantic and asking where the masks were and making a beeline for the small shelf in the back of the store.

Honestly, my concern for the coronavirus I think is healthy. I take precautions. I use hand sanitizer. I don’t touch my face. I wear a mask. But it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized that the Korean people themselves are also getting more frantic and it’s not just my friends and family in the states who are getting paranoid watching the news. The truth is that Korea has the second-highest number of cases in the world right now. And today they were moved to travel restriction level 3. Part of the spike in cases it due to a certain cult or “religious sect” that has intentionally been spreading the virus throughout Korea. I haven’t done much research on them but its a blatant act of biological terrorism. As I type this, more and more exchange students at KU are getting pulled from their study abroad programs and are literally leaving tomorrow on a flight back to the states. I really hope that is it just misplaced paranoia that is ending their programs and not an issue more serious than it already is. 

The good news for me is that my home university is not going to pull us unless KU themselves decides to end the program. The other good news is that I am over 300 km away from where the majority of cases in Korea are, and I do feel safe in my neighborhood of Anam. Right now, all I can do it hope and pray that the situation here can be contained and that my program can continue as normal. I’ve wanted to go to Korea for so long and now that I’m here, I don’t want to leave just yet. Please keep your thoughts and meditations on the people being affected and stay safe! 

P.S. My next post should definitely be more positive! I’ve already visited the Myeongdong shopping district and Gangnam (yes of the PSY variety) twice and they were both so fun and interesting. The craziest thing to me is that Korea feels both familiar and foreign to me at the same time and I can’t wait to see more of it!

안녕!

[kyrainkorea]

first blog post!

Hello! This post is a test to see if my theme code is working!