Petals: Chapter 3: traitor
Pairings: Zayne/Reader Rating: E Genre: Angst/Smut/Fluff Warnings: No Use of Y/N for Reader-Insert, Reader Is Not MC, Miscommunication, Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Dubious Consent, Semi-Public Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Porn With Plot, Oral Sex, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/AlcoholismAlcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Power Imbalance, Mental Health Issues, Therapy, POV Second Person, Unplanned Pregnancy, Hospitals, Getting Back Together, Masturbation, Spanking, Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit Language, Romance, Not Beta Read, Unhealthy Relationships, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms Word count: 11.9k Summary: He loves me? He loves me not? Petals fall and you and Zayne fall harder... but not without some heartache first.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*Chp. 1 - Chp. 2 - Chp. 3 (you are here)✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Moodboard Playlist AO3
A week had passed since that night, and everything seemed to be fine between you and Zayne. Any issues that popped up, you immediately brought them to Zayne's attention, allowing him a chance to fix them in the moment. Your relationship with him felt stronger and more honest than it was before. Your transfer had also gone smoothly, although there were a lot of questions from the other nurses on the team. Most of them had been asking you why you'd chosen to transfer and why Zayne seemed to favor you so much. You'd always answer the transfer question, but never the one about Zayne; they didn't need to know, not when you barely knew them.
Yvonne had traded places with you for the day, and you were sitting at the reception desk of the unit, letting time pass by with check-ins and outs, and trying to answer any questions that came your way. It was probably the calmest day you'd had since you'd been here.
Ping.
You glance at your phone on the desk, seeing it light up with Emilie's name.
Emilie 12:16 pm Hey! I heard you and Zayne patched things up with each other Would you wanna go out for drinks to celebrate? My treat!
You 12:19 pm Sure I don't drink, though
Emilie 12:21 pm That's fine! We can still have fun You and Zayne wanna meet me at Jackal's after you both get off?
You 12:23 pm Yeah We rode together today, so I'll tell him to stop at home before we head that way See you there!
You lock your phone and turn it over, looking up at the empty lobby. You could run over to Zayne's office real quick and let him know. You were about to get up, but Zayne had stopped in front of the check-in desk.
"I was just coming to find you."
He gives you a quick nod. "If this is about Emilie inviting us out, I already know. She called me not too long ago about it, and I told her to double-check with you since I wasn't sure if you'd had any plans after work."
You cross your legs under the desk and look up at him. "No, I didn't have any plans. I was coming to find you because I wanted to tell you that I want to stop at home to change, I want to look pretty if we're going out."
He comes behind the desk, grabs one of the rolling chairs that was parked across from yours, and takes a seat. "You always look pretty, petal. I don't have a problem stopping at home. I want to shower before we go anyway."
Your face flushed a light pink. Zayne calling you pretty caught you off guard. "Do you have a lot on your agenda today, or do you just want to get the smell of the hospital off your skin?"
"Both, honestly. I've got surgery in an hour, and it'll take up the rest of my shift between doing the operation and writing the report. You're welcome to wait in my office until I'm done if you'd like."
You give him a confused look. "I can't go watch?"
"No."
You snort out a laugh. "What, are you gonna get nervous if you know I'm watching?"
He gets close to your ear and whispers. "The very thought of you watching me riles me up. You will wait in my office."
You playfully smack his shoulder. "Zayne!"
"Oh my god, will you two please get a room!" Greyson shouts as he passes by.
Zayne quickly pulls away from you, clearing his throat and adjusting his tie. "Right, I will see you later, dear."
You laugh nervously. "Right, later."
Zayne leaves the reception desk and walks briskly down the hallway, your eyes following him until he disappears.
You sit back in your chair, your head tilted back, forcing yourself to stare at the ceiling. He must have been more pent up than you'd noticed, for him to say that while at work was bold. You couldn't help but think you may have been a bit harsh on him, but there wasn't much you could do about it now.
The rest of your shift felt like you were dragging your feet through drying cement, slow. Painfully slow. Your eyes kept darting to the clock on the computer, hoping it would magically say it was six o'clock and you could leave the desk and let the next person take over, but that time wasn't coming fast enough. You knew you could technically leave the desk unattended for a few moments to stretch your legs, but you'd rather stay in your place until it was time to head to Zayne's office.
You darted your eyes to the clock one more time, finally—six o'clock. You practically bolted from the front desk chair and straight to Zayne's office, expecting him to still be in surgery.
Zayne looked over at you from his computer. "Eager are we? Only a minute past six and you're already in my office."
You smile awkwardly and walk towards his desk, taking a seat in one of the chairs. "Well, yes. I was anticipating coming in here and waiting for you, plus, it's been a while since we've been out."
A soft smile appears on Zayne's lips. "Give me just a moment, I just need to submit this report, and then we can go."
You watch his attention go back to his computer, and your mind wanders. Your eyes scan over Zayne, analyzing his moves. His brows were slightly furrowed in concentration, and his eyes quickly flitted over his screen as his slender fingers tapped away at his keyboard. You knew he'd return his attention to you, but you still stared at him, letting your mind fill with only thoughts of him. Minutes passed, and your concentration on him didn't break; you almost didn't notice him adjusting in his chair and turning his focus to you.
You blinked a couple of times, trying to act like you hadn't been gawking at him. "All done?"
He softly chuckles. "Yes, I'm done. However, if you'd like to stare at me for a while longer, be my guest."
You frantically shake your head, feeling slightly embarrassed. "No, that won't be necessary. Let's just get home."
You quickly get out of your chair and head toward the door, slowing your pace to let Zayne stride over to you. He holds out his hand for you to take, and you waste no time interlocking your fingers with his. He shut his office door behind both of you and made your way to the parking garage.
Once you arrive at Zayne's car, he releases your hand and opens the passenger door for you, allowing you to quickly take your seat and buckle up before he gets in. He pulls out and his hand, like clockwork, rests on your thigh.
"How do you like the unit so far?" Zayne asked, keeping his focus on the road.
"Honestly? It's kind of a breath of fresh air. There's always something to do, and I haven't found a day that I was bored, well, except maybe today. I don't know how Yvonne doesn't feel like a sitting duck all day. Plus, I get to see you every day."
He lets out a pleased hum. "I think seeing me every day is only a perk for you, petal."
"Maybe, I know a lot of the nurses and doctors find you intimidating, at least the ones who haven't worked with you very long anyway."
You couldn't see it, but you know he rolled his eyes. "I'm sure those are the same people who have been saying I've been giving you special treatment."
"Zayne," You give him a knowing look. "You do give me special treatment. You don't think it is because it's all stuff you'd consider as normal for you to do for me."
"How is anything I do for you special treatment?"He asked as he came to a stop at the stop sign.
You think for a moment. "You've been making sure I'm only scheduled on the days you're here."
Zayne doesn't respond until after he turns down the road. "I don't make the schedule."
"That's a lie. I've watched you make the schedule at home before."
He sighs. "Okay, do you have any other examples?"
"You don't care when I'm late, and outside of Greyson and Yvonne, I'm the only one you talk to at work when it's not work-related. Not to mention all the compliments about how well I'm doing."
Zayne pulls into the driveway and puts the car in park before looking at you. "You are doing a good job, and I think you needed the reassurance. You may have loved the pediatric unit, but it seemed like they didn't do anything to help you or let you know you were doing great. I had the department head do some digging in your file because I honestly didn't believe that you'd never gotten a raise in the five years you'd been at Akso."
"You didn't need to do that."
He shifts in his seat, turning his body towards you. "I know, but I'm glad I did. After they looked into it, you were right, they hadn't ever given you one, but I made sure your transfer came with a hefty raise, not only because you're taking on a bigger workload, but because it was long overdue."
"No one questioned why you were up in arms about me? When to their knowledge, we have nothing to do with each other?"
A look of guilt washes over his face. "That's something that did come up. I did have to disclose that we were in a relationship when I discussed it with them. They still said you could transfer, but I couldn't oversee you directly."
You open your car door, hoping it will signal Zayne to follow. "That leaves what, Greyson?"
He gives a curt nod. "Yes, but you're the only one he technically oversees, so he's the one who keeps putting you on with me, so if anyone else mentions it to you, tell them to take it up with him instead of spreading falsies."
You stifle a laugh and get out of the car. "Sure, I'll tell them to go bother Greyson about his clear favoritism. As for having to disclose our relationship, I told you that was going to come up, so I'm not surprised."
You both begin walking to the front door. "I know you told me, I was more surprised they still let me take you from the pediatric unit. Although it seemed like they were investigating the unit head, the hospital director pointed out that you weren't the only one who hadn't received fair compensation for your time."
"Really?" You asked as you reached the front door and entered the code.
He followed you inside, quickly slipping off his shoes and leaving them in the entryway."Yes, I'm sure you'll be hearing from your friends from over there if there are any updates, but the investigation had only just begun at the beginning of this week."
You shrug, doing the same before heading towards your shared bedroom and over to your dresser. "We'll see. I only ever talked to Vanessa, and I don't know that she'll give me any details about that. She's more interested in our relationship and relating it to whatever the hell she reads in her free time."
"That's enough about work." He said, coming over to stand beside you. "Would you like to shower with me, or are you going to do that later when we come back?"
"I'll shower later. I know I'll probably get hotter and sweatier than I was at work, so I'd rather wash all of it off when we get home."
Zayne presses a soft kiss to your forehead before heading towards the bathroom. "Alright, I'll try to be quick then."
You turn your head and watch him go into the bathroom. You were waiting for him to shut the door behind him, but he didn't.
You hear the water turn on as you open the top drawer of your dresser, quickly rummaging through your folded clothes in search of something comfortable enough for a night out. You find a black, high-waisted, pleated skirt and a plain, white, short-sleeved shirt. You strip off your work scrubs and quickly put your newly selected ones on before running over to your closet to grab your light blue denim jacket and effortlessly slip it on.
The water from the shower is still going, you still had a chance to "innocently" look in on Zayne showering. You make your way into the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. You push a few strands of hair that have fallen into your face behind your ears before giving a good once-over to your face, before deeming it good enough to go out in. The water turned off, and you heard the glass door slide open. Your eye catches Zayne stepping out. You didn't turn to stare at him directly, but you could see the water droplets on his skin, slowly running down his skin and over all his muscles.
Damn. He looked good.
He grabs his towel and drapes it over his head before quickly drying his hair and pulling it down to see you standing there. "I can see you staring, petal."
You turn towards him. "Am I not allowed to enjoy looking at you when you're fresh out of the shower?"
He brings the towel down from his neck and wraps it around his waist. "Of course you can. Your ogling is not unwelcome; in fact, I encourage it."
Your eyes follow as you watch him walk out of the bathroom, and see a sly smirk splay across his lips. Your thoughts only lead you to believe he waited for you to sneak into the bathroom to get out. You weren't sure if he actually did, but the brief show you'd seen was worth it.
Zayne returned to the bathroom, now fully clothed (to your dismay). He had a pair of gray jeans and a short-sleeved black button-up shirt, layered with a plain white t-shirt. Your eyes traced the scars on his arms. You knew Zayne didn't like seeing them himself, but it was a welcome change for you. Seeing them felt like he was trying to be a bit more vulnerable with you since he'd only given you a short answer about losing control of his evol, and that's how they happened.
"Are you ready to go, petal?" He asked as he pulled his belt through his belt loops.
You blinked and shook your head, refocusing on him. "Yeah, just need my purse and shoes, and we can head out."
He nodded and turned on his heel to exit once more. You followed him through the house and back to the door, quickly slipping on a pair of black flats before grabbing your purse and opening the door, waiting for Zayne to walk through the door.
The car ride to Jackal's was quiet, not an unusual occurrence, but quiet nonetheless. The only things that could be heard were the soft hum of the car's engine and the almost intelligible music playing through the radio. The near silence was disturbed when your phone started ringing right when Zayne turned down the road to the bar.
It was Emilie.
You quickly grab your phone and hit the answer button. "Hey, we're almost there. Are you gonna be late?"
"Hey, actually, I have to cancel." She paused for a moment. "I just got assigned a mission and can't make it, but you two can treat it as a date! We can go out together another time, maybe a double date with my boyfriend and me?"
You sigh with fake disappointment. "Fine, I guess your big hunters' association mission is important. You owe us that double date, though."
She laughs. "Alright, alright. Sorry, I know I was also going to pay, but I'll make sure to next time."
"Alright, we'll see you next time then. Bye."
Emilie hangs up before you hear her say goodbye, and you let out a long sigh.
"She's not joining us, is that what I heard?" Zayne asked as he pulled into the semi-full parking lot.
"That would be correct. She did offer to take us out for a double date at some point, though."
He let out a soft chuckle. "I'll leave that to you to remind her of, but let's enjoy this night for ourselves. Maybe this is what we need."
We?
Did he have something planned?
You both get out of the car and make it to the entrance. The first thing that hits you is the abrasive scent of several different kinds of alcohol combining in the air. For a moment, you considered that this may be a bad idea for you; being sober for only a year and walking into one of your old main haunts could bring you back to where you were during that time, after all.
No, you can do this.
Zayne leads you to an empty table and pulls out a chair for you to sit down, before taking a seat across from you.
"This is almost a little silly, don't you think?" You asked as you sat in the chair and scooted yourself in.
He gives you an amused look. "Silly?"
"You know, being here, at a bar. We both don't drink, or at least I don't, and you don't let yourself do it that often."
A small smile appears on his lips. "Well, this is an opportunity for both of us to loosen some restraint."
You shake your head. "You can drink if you want, but I don't think I should."
"Not even one celebratory drink? I could help keep your drinks under control if you think you won't be able to stop." He probed.
"It's not that I think I couldn't control myself, but having a drink would break my year of sobriety. I'm just unsure if breaking it would be worth it."
He stands up from his chair and looks at you. "I can't force you to, but I think I'll have one drink, and if you decide you no longer want to be here, then we can go home."
You watch him walk away from the table, leaving you to make your decision. You look around the room, and everyone around you is smiling, having a good time, and they all have their reasons for being there. This was an opportunity for you to feel free and let your past go, start anew—one drink. You could have just one and stop. Zayne was right, you were celebrating both of you coming back together.
You get up from your chair, completely abandoning the table, and join Zayne, who'd just taken a seat at the bar. You sit in the chair next to him and scoot your body to the edge of the chair, close enough to Zayne that your thighs are touching.
"You're sure you want to do this?" He asked, bringing his arm to wrap around your shoulders.
You lay your head on his shoulder. "I'm sure. We're celebrating, and I think it may be good for me to cut myself some slack."
"Celebrating, huh? What are we celebratin'?" The bartender asked, stopping in front of you and Zayne.
He smiles. "A couple of things. She got a new position and a raise, and we worked out our differences as a couple."
The bartender claps his hands together loudly, and a broad grin stretches across his lips. "Sounds like a good time then, what can I get you two?"
Zayne grabs the small cocktail menu that sits on the bar and quickly reads it over. You place your hand on his and lead it back to the bar top.
"We'll have two Royal Rabbits, please."
Zayne looked at you, confused. "How do you know I'll like that?"
"Just trust me. I used to come here all the time. It was my favorite cocktail when I wasn't feeling beer." You said, watching the bartender walk away and start making your drinks.
Zayne removes his arm from around your shoulders and reaches into his pocket, grabbing his wallet and pulling out his card as the bartender comes back with both of your drinks. The bartender sets both drinks on the bar and passes over a payment terminal. Zayne quickly pays, putting his card and his wallet back in his pocket before grabbing his glass.
You'd already grabbed your drink, holding it to the side, waiting for Zayne. "To us, and putting mistakes behind us."
Zayne brought his glass to yours.
Clink.
You both pull away, and you take a quick sip from the narrow black straw that was in the cup. After swallowing down your first sip, you feel the back of your throat burn a bit and feel your body warm up a bit. Your tolerance was nowhere near what it used to be, and that one sip may have sealed your fate for the rest of the evening.
Your attention was ripped away from your thoughts of your drinks and to Zayne's hand resting atop your thigh. You didn't think anything of it. He was looking at the TV across the bar, and maybe he just wanted to feel that you were still next to him and that he wasn't going anywhere.
You turn back to your drink and stare at it. You had to finish it. It wasn't like you didn't like it, but you still had to question: were you really in the right headspace to be doing this right now? Before you could change your mind, you grabbed your glass and quickly chugged down the sweet, citrusy drink and placed the glass down on the bar, sliding it over so the bartender could come around to grab it.
That caught Zayne's attention.
He turned himself to face you, his cheeks slightly flushed, but his drink had barely been touched. "You finished already?"
You nodded. "Wanted to get it down before I changed my mind."
You stare into his eyes, looking for some reaction, but you couldn't read if he were trying to give you any signal. He turned his attention back to the TV. It made you wonder what was on to keep his attention like that. You leaned over to see and saw a brief glimpse of an old Claymation cartoon of a penguin before the channel cut to a commercial. You recognized it, but couldn't remember the name, but seeing Zayne drawn into a show about a penguin was pretty cute. You kept your focus on the TV until the bartender came back.
"Would you like another, miss?"
Your head whipped around to look at him. "Uh, I'm not-"
Zayne interrupted you. "Yes, she'll have another one. Charge the same card."
"What the hell, Zayne? I was about to say no."
His head turned so he could look at you. "You'll be okay, petal. I'll take care of you. I want you to relax and have a good time. You deserve it."
The bartender returned with another drink, placing it in front of you.
What was his goal here?
You found yourself staring at the drink again, and you almost felt afraid to touch it. You didn't want to let yourself completely slip back into your old drinking habits. Before you and Zayne were together, you'd down as many of the house cocktails as you could before the bartender would cut you off, and then return home and continue your drinking escapades with the multiple bottles of beer that were always in your fridge. That was life until you had finally gotten the strength to pull yourself out of the slump you were in, but this time was different. This was your time to celebrate with Zayne, and there was no way he'd let you get so wasted that you couldn't remember how you got home, right?
You pick up the glass in front of you and down that one, too. One night of drinking couldn't hurt your sobriety that much.
The effect of the alcohol going through your system had become noticeable. You felt your skin becoming sticky with sweat, and you felt hot, but you knew your skin was cold. Your brain felt a little fuzzy, but the feeling was like welcoming an old friend; all the inhibitions you were having moments ago were fading away, and now all you wanted to think about was Zayne.
You'd finally noticed his finger running along the hem of your skirt. Normally, you'd try to stop him, knowing exactly what he was planning to do now, but you knew as the night went on, you'd be begging for him. You'd starved yourself of his intimacy for too long, and you weren't sure you could stop yourself if he tried anything, especially if you kept drinking.
You bring your head to his ear and rest your chin on his shoulder. "What do you think you're doing, Dr. Zayne?"
His hand pushes the bottom of your skirt up before ghosting his fingertips along your inner thigh. "I don't know what you're talking about, petal. I'm not doing anything."
Another drink was now in front of you. Zayne must have told the bartender to keep giving them to you while you were spaced out and in your head—that bastard.
"If you're not doing anything, why is your hand halfway up my skirt right now?" You whisper, your voice dripping with a hint of desire.
He smirks and snorts out a quiet laugh. "Don't worry about that."
You pull away from his shoulder as you feel his index finger running down the front of your underwear. You let a slight shiver run down your spine from the sudden, but pleasant stimulation. He was trying to rile you up. Fuck.
"Zayne." You warned.
His hand didn't move, but he turned himself on the barstool and grabbed your drink, pressing the glass to your lips. "I told you not to worry about that, petal. Just enjoy it."
You take the glass from Zayne's hand and down the drink, keeping your eyes locked on him as his eyes watch every gulp.
Three drinks. You should have known you'd end up having more than one.
Zayne finally pushed your panties to the side and let his finger run against your folds, his smirk now looking like a shit-eating grin in your eyes. He was quick to start circling your clit with his index finger, almost making you yelp out, but you caught yourself and stifled it into a cough.
"Are you okay?" The bartender asked, stopping right in front of you.
You nodded and faked another cough. "Yeah, just choked on my spit, uhm- another drink please."
The bartender gave you a look of uncertainty, but wordlessly passed over another drink. Zayne continued his ministrations as you took a swig and placed the glass back down.
"If you don't quit-"
He increased the pressure of his circles, drawing them out to leave you guessing. "If I don't quit, what? Is something going on?"
You get close to his ear again, whispering. "If you don't quit feeling me up under the bar, we're leaving."
He stopped for a moment, leaving his fingers in your folds. "Leaving?"
A whine escapes your lips. "Yes."
He grabs your chin and brings his face close to yours. "If you think we're leaving before I have my way with you, you're sorely mistaken."
You gulp. You were in trouble, and not because of your drinking. Zayne was getting off on getting you drunk and enjoying every second of it. You still had it in you to say no, but whether the words would come out was questionable. You finish your last drink before deciding to grab Zayne's still full one and down that before loudly placing the cup back on the bar. Zayne seemed to pick up that you were at least playing along and pulled his fingers out of your panties, allowing you to hop off the barstool and walk away.
Your legs felt wobbly as you walked. You'd really done it now. You didn't remember the cocktails ever being that strong, but you were hoping you'd remember everything that happened tonight when you woke up tomorrow.
Zayne came up behind you and slid his arm around you, grabbing your left ass cheek, squeezing it harshly as he tried to steer you towards the bathroom. Your conscience came back for a moment; you needed to get out of here before you regretted it.
"I don't need to use the bathroom." You slurred out.
A few heads turned, and some of the patrons at the bar seemed worried, but they quickly turned back to their conversations. Zayne didn't say a word as he guided you straight towards the bathroom. He opened the door and promptly slipped both of you in before shutting and locking the door behind him.
"I told you-"
He pushed you into the counter of the sink as his lips crashed against yours; it felt like he was trying to devour you. His hands made their way to your ass, holding both of your cheeks as if they were what was keeping him grounded, as your arms wrapped around his neck. You let him deepen the kiss; his tongue pushing into your mouth and tasting the alcohol that still lingered. He pulled away, and you watched his green irises darken as you removed your arms from his neck and backed away. He removed his hands from your ass and quickly grabbed one of your wrists and made quick work of removing your denim jacket, throwing it on the tile floor before moving in to press searing kisses into your neck. His lips moved slowly, switching from kissing to harshly nipping and sucking marks into your sensitive skin.
He pulled away for a moment, admiring the darkening marks that were blossoming on your skin. His hands moved back to your ass, and let his mouth return to you; this time, he was at your collarbone and moving across your chest, sucking more marks and further claiming you, marking you as his territory.
He pulled himself away from your chest. He placed his hands on your shoulders and forced you down to your knees. You looked up at him, watching intently as he undid his belt and pants before reaching in and pulling his cock out.
He stepped closer to you, softly pressing his tip to your lips. "Be a good girl, open for me."
You blinked hard, trying to process the words that just came out of his mouth. You slowly open your mouth and let your tongue slightly hang out.
He smirked as he lightly smacked his tip on your tongue. "Now, put that smart mouth of yours to use. This is your punishment for not keeping it shut."
You slowly reach up, taking the base of his cock in your hand. You drag your tongue up the underside of his member, stopping once you get to the tip. You start open-mouth kissing back down towards his base and lick another stripe up his cock before wrapping your lips around him and slowly sinking him into your mouth. He hisses, his hand going to the top of your head and gently grabbing a fistful of your hair.
With his fingers in your hair, he guides your bobbing head, letting you set your pace so you don't immediately choke around him. You decide to pick up your speed and let his cock hit the back of your throat; it was enough to make your eyes water, but not too much to make you stop. Zayne's hips stuttered at the sudden tightness of the back of your throat, and that's when he lost a bit of his control. He gripped your hair a little tighter and started thrusting into your mouth much faster and harder than you had been going, letting himself feel the delicious friction from your tongue. You grip onto his thighs, trying to maintain some stability as he thrusts, pushing his cock further and further down your throat. You let out a quiet whimper, causing you to gag a little bit around him. His breath quickens, and he sharply inhales as he suddenly yanks you off his cock, causing a string of your saliva to drip from between your lips and his cock.
He looks down at you, his pupils blown out, but his eyes softer. He grabs your jaw and uses it to make you stand once more. He turns you around and pushes your hips against the edge of the sink, forcefully yanking the hem of your skirt up. He kneads the soft flesh of your ass and hooks his finger in the gusset of your panties to push them aside.
"Zayne," you whimper, giving in to your arousal. "Please, I-I need you to-"
Smack.
The ring of his hand hitting your ass was feeding the tension between the two of you.
Zayne's hand rubbed where he just smacked. "Silence. The only thing I want to hear out of you is the moans I force out of you."
Your mind went blank.
Smack.
Another harsh thwack of his hand, followed by a soothing rub.
Were you going to let him do this?
Your body was screaming that you needed this, you knew you needed him— or was that the alcohol talking?
Before you could make another decision, you felt your panties finally being pushed aside. Zayne ran the tip of his spit-slicked cock through your folds. He stopped right at your entrance, lightly smacking it before pushing himself inside of you. The intrusion wasn't painful, but damn did it feel good. You looked in the mirror in front of you and saw Zayne's head tipped back in absolute bliss.
"Fuck." He drawled out as he gripped your hips as he bottomed out.
His hips slowly pulled back, letting you feel every inch of him drag against your walls before slamming himself back in. A loud yelp of pleasure left your mouth, and that was all the encouragement he needed to keep going. He gripped your hips tightly, using them as leverage to set a brutal pace for his thrusts.
Your moans echoed off the walls and filled both of your ears. You were only hoping they weren't loud enough for the other patrons at the bar to hear. You could feel yourself getting close; the pressure in the pit of your stomach was growing with every stroke, and you couldn't bring yourself to push the feeling away. Feeling him inside you felt too good, and you couldn't allow yourself to deny Zayne anymore.
His pace faltered for a moment; he had to be getting close, too. He pulled you back from he edge of the sink before he removed one of his hands from your hips and glided it smoothly down to your heat. His thrusts continued as he started rubbing fast circles into your clit. The combination of the ministrations of his cock and the friction on your clit was enough to send you over the edge. You let out a loud moan as your orgasm ripped through you; your walls spasming around Zayne's cock as he continued to chase after his release. His thrusts slowed, but they got harder; you felt him tense up and tighten the grip on your hip. If they hadn't already formed, you were sure that there would be finger-shaped bruises there in the morning. You heard him hiss as he pulled out of you, and felt his seed starting to leak out of you as he allowed your panties to go back into place.
You quickly pulled your skirt back down and turned around and faced him, seeing him put his cock back into his pants before zipping them up and re-buckling his belt.
You were at a loss for words.
What the hell did you just do?
You'd broken two of your rules in one night, and future you was going to be pissed with past you.
When you awoke the next morning, your body felt extremely heavy, almost as if you'd been hit by a truck, and the morning sunlight that was spilling in from the open curtains instantly kick-started the lingering headache of your hangover.
Hangover?
You blinked your eyes and finally realized where you were. You were in bed, but you don't remember coming home last night; in fact, you don't even remember leaving the bar with Zayne.
What the fuck happened?
Where was Zayne?
You stumbled out of bed and tried to drag your feet to the bathroom quickly. It felt like an eternity to get there, but once you were in there, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Your hair was disheveled, and your eyes had heavy bags under them, but that's when you noticed. Dark purple marks are scattered on your neck and chest; you couldn't help but run your hands over them. Tears welled up in your eyes as flashes from the night before appeared in your head.
He'd taken advantage of you, and you, technically, and willingly let him.
You couldn't stand looking at your reflection, not when it made you think of what Zayne had done to you. You look over at the small digital clock—9:15. He'd left hours ago and didn't try to wake you, what a coward.
Your day at work will start in the next forty-five minutes. You wiped the tears that hadn't quite dried on your face, turning to head back into the bedroom. You needed to find clothes to hide all the marks on your skin. You open your dresser and begin pushing all your various shirts around until you find what you were looking for: your black, long-sleeved, turtleneck athletic shirt. That would certainly keep you covered. You made haste in getting dressed and collecting all your items to head to work; everything was done with low effort. You felt like a hot pile of garbage, and there was nothing that could fix it. You don't know how you ever went to work like this before. You considered calling in, but you'd already gotten this far; there was no point now.
When you arrived at work, you'd already heard whispers about Zayne only taking his appointments today and that he seemed like his mind was off in another place. You stopped in the break room to put your lunch bag and your purse away, but you found yourself spacing out. You heard the door open, and it startled you, causing you to turn and see who it was.
It was Yvonne; she took one look at you and rushed over. "You don't look too good. Are you okay?"
You take a moment to gather your thoughts. "I'll be okay. Do you mind if we switch today? I don't feel great, and I don't think I'll make it through the day if I'm running around like a chicken today."
She grabbed your shoulder and gave you a half-hug. "Sure, I don't mind."
You gave her a lazy smile and finally finished putting your things away. You walk out to the front desk and take a seat at the small desk.
God, you hoped it was a slow day.
The first hour or so wasn't too bad. There had only been two patients who had appointments, and all of the floor transfers had been simple; things were looking up, but that's when you heard a familiar voice. You turned your head and looked down the hallway. Emilie was here, and you had to talk to her. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if you spoke to her first and took control of the conversation.
"Hey, Em. Didn't know you had an appointment today."
She stopped in front of the reception desk. "Hey, girlie! Yeah, it's one of my three-month follow-ups- hey, you don't look so hot."
You shake your head. "It's nothing, but I'm glad to see you. I can get you checked in if you want to sit out here."
She crossed her arms and looked at you, almost like she was analyzing you. "I'm an hour early. You look like a sad puppy."
"No, really, Em. Everything is fine."
"Bullshit." She snipped.
"Excuse me?"
She came behind the reception desk and sat in the chair next to you. "You heard me. I can tell something is wrong. Please, tell me."
You let out a long sigh and put your head in your hands. "I don't know where to start. I'm just regretting agreeing to go out still after you cancelled."
She cocked her eyebrow. "What do you mean? Did you and Zayne not use it as bonding time?"
"He-" You pause, trying to figure out the best way to explain. "Listen, I don't know if I can talk about this. I'm super hungover and these bright ass lights are making my head pound."
A look of concern washed over Emilie's face. "Hungover? You said you didn't drink."
You let out a frustrated sigh. "You're right, I don't. Zayne and I were only going to have one drink and then go home, but he seemed to have a different idea of what we were doing."
"What. Did. He. Do?"
You gulped. She was getting scary. "H-he, he had the bartender keep giving me drinks and got me drunk, and when I thought we were leaving… he took advantage of me. I-I don't even remember coming home last night, and I almost didn't remember that we-"
"Don't say another word."
She darted from her chair, leaving it to spin as she sprinted over to Zayne's office. She threw the door open and charged straight at him. You rolled your chair to get a good look at both of them. Emilie's eyes were filled with rage as Zayne turned towards her.
"How fucking dare you, Zayne?" She shouted, pushing her finger into his chest.
You could see Zayne's bewildered face from where you sat, and saw him stand up before speaking. "What's going on?"
"What's going on?" Emilie mocked him.
"Mocking? That's childish."
"I don't care." She paused for a moment as Zayne stood up from his chair. "What the fuck is your problem? You can't follow a simple plan? You knew last night was supposed to be another chance to help you repair your relationship, and you, selfishly might I add, devised your own plan to get her drunk and take advantage of your girlfriend?"
His face contorted in anger. "That's none of your business, Emilie."
"None of my business?" She retorted in disbelief. "This became my business when you asked for my help winning her back. I was trying to be a good friend for both of you, and you do this. I don't even know how she isn't pissed at you right now, or if she is, she certainly isn't showing it."
"You are not going to berate me in my own office. I already told you this is none of your business, now get out of my office. I will reschedule you with Doc-"
The noise of something clattering to the floor caught your attention. You stood up and slowly walked towards Zayne's office to see what it was.
Zayne's glasses.
You look at both of them. Emilie was on top of Zayne, and her hand was in a fist, and Zayne was holding his nose in pain. Emilie punched him. Your mouth hung open in disbelief.
"You are so fucking pathetic."
Punch.
"What happened to the Zayne I used to know?"
Punch.
"The man in front of me isn't the same Zayne I know."
You were frozen; you couldn't believe what you were seeing. Emilie kept hitting him, and he did nothing to stop her; it was almost like he knew he deserved it.
You see Greyson and Yvonne rush by you and into Zayne's office, watching them both struggle to pull Emilie off Zayne. It took several attempts and a couple more punches to finally pull her off and try to rush her out the door.
"You disgust me!" She yelled before spitting on him, just to add one more insult to injury.
You hear Emilie's voice bounce off the walls as Greyson and Yvonne make haste in carrying her away to the exit. You could only stand there in awe; you'd never seen Zayne just take anything like that before. Zayne got off the floor and collected his glasses before he could accidentally step on them, and walked over to you from his office, holding his now bleeding nose. You wanted to feel sympathy for him, but all you could muster was pure anger. Anger that hadn't started bubbling up until now.
He reached out and grabbed your shoulder. "Petal, can you-"
You push his hand off you. "Don't fucking touch me."
You walk away before he can try to speak to you again; there will be time for talking later. You make your way from the cardiac unit to the director's office; you need to be away from this place, from him. You reached the office after several minutes and elevator rides. You didn't bother knocking before you entered, surprising the man sitting behind the large desk.
"Can I help you?" He asked bewilderingly.
You cleared your throat, trying to compose yourself for a moment. "Yes. I need to be put on leave. I have personal matters that need to be dealt with."
A confused look etched across his face. "You're Dr. Li's fiancée, if I'm not mistaken?"
You scoff. "We'll see about that, but for now, yes."
His confusion turned into worry. "For now, what does- you know what, I don't need to know. Take your leave, how long do you need?"
You release a breath you didn't know you were holding. "Thank you. Two weeks, hopefully that will be enough to sort everything out, or at least be long enough to know what I need to do."
You'd already turned around and started walking back towards the door. You were leaving now, Yvonne could handle the rest of the day without you, and even if she couldn't, she'd have to.
There was a fire under you that had just begun burning, and you were determined, determined to figure out if being with Zayne was worth all the time and heartache, or better yet, if you could still love him despite him breaking your boundaries for his own gain.
You arrive at the main entrance of the hospital and come to a stop in front of the automatic door. You hadn't even thought of a plan for where to go or what to do, and yet you were confident that you would figure it out. You walk outside and look up at the cloudy sky; it had to be getting ready to rain, the clouds were extra dark, and the wind seemed to be picking up. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw someone, just the someone who'd understand your situation: Emilie. Your feet start moving before your thought is fully formed in your head.
"Emilie!" You shout, making her turn around. "Don't leave yet!"
"Why are you down here? Shouldn't you be checking in patients?"
You stop in front of her, catching your breath for a moment. "No, I put myself on leave. I need time to process, well, everything."
She places her hand on your shoulder and looks at you with sincerity. "I think that may be an understatement, but why'd you stop me?"
"Well," you pause, looking for the right words. "I can't stay in the house with Zayne. I need space to think things over, and was hoping, well, that I could stay with you?"
An almost smile appears on her face. "Absolutely. No questions asked."
"I understand if I can't- wait, really?"
She nodded. "Yeah! We can have girls' night every night, and maybe you can shine some light on what actually led up to this, because even though I stood up for you, I'm still confused as to how it got that bad this quickly."
You let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I guess since you weren't living it, it does seem a little confusing. Why don't we go out for lunch, and I explain, at least my side of things."
She gives you a thumbs up. "Sounds like a plan to me. You choose where we go, I'm not too picky."
She takes her hand off your shoulder and begins following you. You lead her through the halls of the hospital to get to your car in the parking garage. You enter the parking garage, and out of habit, you look around for Zayne's car. You expected to see it parked in its usual spot, but it wasn't; maybe he had gone home to deal with his injuries. You shake your head and make your way over to your car, getting in quickly and starting it as you wait for Emilie to get in.
The ride was silent, but that was okay; you knew you'd have a lot to say once you got to the restaurant. You'd chosen to go to one of the small cafes near the hospital, figuring it was easier and that a cup of coffee would be nice to sip on while you poured your heart out to Emilie about the past six months with Zayne.
After you parked and went inside, you found a table and grabbed the small tablet that was sitting on the table, looking through the menu to decide what to order.
"So, what do you want to hear first?" You asked as you scrolled through the options on the tablet.
Emilie tapped her finger on her lips in thought. "Hmm, I'd say start where you noticed things were getting dicey?"
"That's a bit complicated." You take a deep breath and slowly exhale. "But, I'd say it was about six or seven months ago. Zayne came home late and said Greyson had taken him out for a drink and that he'd done a lot of thinking."
"Thinking? Isn't that most of what he does all day?" She asked with a joking tone.
You quickly pick out a sandwich and a small coffee before handing the tablet to Emilie. "Normally, I'd say yes, but this was different. He said he thought about two people, me and-"
She took it from you and interrupted you. "Me?"
You suck your bottom lip in and bite the skin on it as you nod. "Yeah, you. He said he'd finally come to terms with the fact that he'd fallen in love with me and that he was no longer in love with you, and he hadn't been for a while."
"That dumb ass."
A loud but short laugh came out of your mouth. "Yeah. I don't want to upset you, but up until recently, I loathed you. The voices in my head said he still loved you, and that he would never love me as much as he loved you. You guys were childhood friends after all, and I was just some random girl that happened to work at the same hospital as him, that he was forced into a relationship with because our parents decided exchanging phone numbers wasn't enough."
Her eyes scanned over the tablet in front of her. "Oh, no, that doesn't upset me. I knew there had to be a reason why you always looked so upset and dejected every time I happened to show up; I'd definitely feel the same way."
"Okay, good, I don't feel as bad then. Anyway, I was tired of feeling that way, because I admit that some of our issues are on me, one hundred percent. So, I decided to give our relationship another try, and it was going great until it wasn't. That date we went on, dinner was great, but when we got home, things got heated, and the voices in my head messed everything up. They said he was thinking of you while we were having sex, and I started crying. He was attentive and listened to me, but then he got so angry, and rightfully so."
Emilie finished ordering and sent both of your orders through. "I'm assuming that's how you ended up staying in the hospital?"
You slowly nodded. "Yup. I was hiding in plain sight, but I knew disappearing wouldn't matter because someone would find me and tell him. Didn't think it would have been you who found me, though. We discussed almost everything that same night, and things were looking up." You take a brief pause. "I should have known he was still up to something, though. He pushed my transfer to the cardiac unit without asking me first, and then when I got home, Zayne seemed off again and tried to have sex with me, again. He had been drinking, so I said no, but it was after he'd already, well- ya know."
"Spare me the details. It seems to me like Zayne may be having his own issues."
You give her a confused look as your meals and coffees arrive at the table. "Why do you say that?"
She takes a drink of her coffee and sets the cup down. "You said Zayne was drinking. This is the most I've ever heard of him touching alcohol, so I wonder if he's trying to cope with it and if he may not be being very truthful about his own feelings. Not in the way of him not loving you, but that you matter way more to him than he's ever let on, and he doesn't know how to express it. Before he came back into my life a couple of years ago, I hadn't seen him since he was twelve, and he ran away because he accidentally hurt me. So it makes me think he's using the drinking and possibly sex to deal with his feelings because he knows he can't disappear anymore."
"Are you calling him emotionally constipated?" You ask before taking a bite of your sandwich.
"That's definitely one way to put it. I think your whole situation with the arranged marriage and your own issues is what's hurting your relationship. I know Zayne fucked up, and I'm not justifying what he did to you, but I really think if you both get the help you need, you guys can work this out and be happy again."
You take a sip of your iced coffee before replying.“Help? What, like couples therapy?”
She lets out a long sigh and crosses her arms, leaning back in her chair. “Well, yes, but also individual therapy, maybe? I’m only saying that if you both understand where you’re both coming from, loving each other without heartache is possible. It’s just something to think about, you don’t need to rush into it if you feel like you can’t continue to be with Zayne.”
Can’t continue to be with him?
You feel tears reforming in your eyes and swallow back the lump forming in your throat. The thought of not coming back to him only made your heart ache more. “I don’t think leaving him is what I want.”
She gives you a sad smile. “Then you don’t have to. I agree, you guys at least need space from each other, really think over everything, and what you’re feeling. After that, you can decide what’s going to be best for you and your relationship.”
You wipe your eyes to clear your tears. “I want you to be honest. What do you think is best? I’m only curious because at this point, I’m not sure if we are really that great for each other.”
Emilie took a bite of her sandwich before answering. “I already told you. You guys are great together. I never explained it, but you let Zayne be himself, more relaxed, you don’t expect anything from him that he wouldn’t already do. When things seemed like they were going great, it seemed like Zayne was helping you be more confident, like you knew how to live in your skin, unapologetically. That’s why I’m saying if you both, well, pull your heads out of your asses and communicate like regular couples do, everything will fall back into place and you guys can move forward.”
You cross your arms and lean back in your chair. “I see. I guess I’ll consider that once I’ve thought everything through.”
She looks at you with a puzzled look. “How long did you want to stay, by the way? I’m not sure I have any clothes for you to wear.”
“I’m honestly not sure. Although I can stop at home and grab clothes.”
She gives you an even more confused look. “What are you gonna do if Zayne is there?”
You shrug. “Ignore him? I mean, I guess it’s the only thing I can do.”
She lets out a long, exasperated sigh. “You know you’re not going to ignore him. The second you see his face, you’re going to exp- actually, now that I think about it, why aren’t you pissed at him?”
“I am,” You state as you lean onto the table, your hands propping your chin up. “I think I haven’t processed everything that has happened between the two of us in the last twenty-four hours enough for it to come out from the depths of my feelings.”
“Should I bring the popcorn and watch you rip him a new one?” She asked excitedly.
You laugh at the idea, but shake your head. “No, but I’ll tell you all about it if that does happen.”
She sighs before continuing to eat the rest of her food, leaving you with your thoughts.
You knew going back home to grab anything was risky. Not because you were scared of Zayne or because you were scared he’d try something again; it was the idea of him being alone and doing something to himself, and finding him that way is what scared you. Part of you knew he would never do anything like that, but the other says he might if he thought he’d brought you too much anguish.
After you’d finally finished your food and coffee, you headed straight home. It was easier to rip off the proverbial band-aid and deal with whatever Zayne had to say than sit and stew on the unknown until it boiled over and you couldn't keep your feelings inside anymore.
You pulled into the driveway, and you felt a small weight lifted off your shoulders. Zayne was there, or at least his car was. You looked over to Emilie, and all she could do was give you a soft smile and a thumbs-up. You took a deep breath and got out of the car, leaving it running because you knew it would take no more than five minutes to grab your clothes.
You begin walking to the door and hear a crack of thunder, and the dark clouds in the sky start letting the rain that they’d been threatening to spill finally come down in a drizzle. You reach the door, quickly put in the code, and quickly make your way to the bedroom, not taking in your surroundings to know where Zayne is.
Once you make it to the bedroom, you quietly shut the door behind you and find a backpack you thought would be big enough to store everything you needed. You started by opening your dresser and grabbing as many shirts, pants, and pajamas as you thought you’d need for however long you’d decide to stay with Emilie before heading into the bathroom and grabbing your toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush. You got everything packed into the bag as neatly as you could before stopping for a moment.
Is this the right thing to be doing?
You shake your head to try to clear your mind and zip the bag closed before putting it on your back and walking out of the bedroom. You thought you were in the clear; you hadn't seen or heard Zayne the entire time you were in the bedroom. You knew he was in the house somewhere, but you weren’t going to search for him. If he wanted to talk, he could find you.
You’d almost made it back to the door when hurried footsteps approached you, and a firm hand grabbed your wrist, pulling you back from the door. He was trying to stop you from leaving.
You try to force his hand away from you, but he grips your wrist tighter. “Let go of me, Zayne.”
“No,” he pulls you in closer. “You’re not leaving until we talk about what’s going on.”
You felt something in you snap; all of the anger you'd been holding on to was about to spill over.
You push him back and force him to let go of your wrist. “What’s going on? You mean talk about how you, the man I’m supposed to trust, broke my one boundary and took advantage of and manipulated me?”
His face contorted in fear. “It’s not like that, petal.”
You look at him in disgust. “Not like what? You don’t like the honesty?”
You see tears starting to run down his face. “I mean, I wasn't- I didn’t mean to take advantage of you. I just thought you needed a little push to get back to how we were.”
You scoff in disbelief. “A little push? Zayne, a little push is not getting me drunk and fucking me in a bar bathroom!” You take a deep breath, and you can feel yourself getting worked up. “I trusted you. You said you’d take care of me and not let me lose control.”
His eyes were washed over in despair as he looked at you. “Can you find it in yourself to forgive me?”
“Forgive you?” You scoff, forcing yourself to look away from him. “I can barely bring myself to look at you right now! You ruined what we were fixing, Zayne!” You shouted, feeling your own tears creeping into your eyes.
His head hangs in defeat. “I know I did, and I regret it. If I could take everything back… I would. Just please… don't leave me again, you’re all I have.”
“I’m not leaving you.” You look at him, taking in his disheveled state. “I… just need to be alone, for now. I need to think about what I need, our future.”
He softly sniffles and tries to wipe away the tears that are still coming down his cheeks. “Whatever you decide, please, know that I love you, and I never wanted to hurt you like this.”
You feel a stream of tears slowly starting to roll down your face. “See, that’s the worst part of it all. I still love you. Even after everything you've done.”
His eyes softened, and more tears ran down his face.“You do?”
“Yes,” you choke out, a small sob escaping. “That is what makes this whole thing so shitty. I still love you, and I want to make us work. I just need time, alone, to think about if coming back to you is worth it, so please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
He steps close to you once more, looking down and into your eyes. “Just one thing before you go.”
“What?”
“Will you kiss me, just one last time? That’s all I ask.” He tries to take your hand, but you pull it away before he can grab it.
“No. I’m not going to kiss you. You fucked up, big time. You don’t deserve anything from me right now.” You step towards the door and open it. “When I decide if I’m coming back, I’ll let you know. For now, though, this is goodbye, Zayne.”
You take one more look back at Zayne as you walk out the door, seeing him sink to his knees and start sobbing, his whole body shaking as he choked out his tears. The sight made your heart ache. Your head was telling you to turn around and comfort him, but you knew you couldn’t do that. That would give him what he wants, and he deserves to deal with the pain of his consequence.
You shut the door behind you and see that the rain has picked up and become a downpour. You hang your head in disappointment, realizing you're going to have to run through it to get back to your car. You take a moment to mentally prepare yourself and make a run for your car, only to become absolutely soaked as you get in.
Emilie turns to look at you and hesitantly places her hand on your shoulder. “You couldn't ignore him, could you?”
You give her a deadpan look and place your backpack of clothes in the backseat.“What do you think?”
She holds her hands up in defense. “I didn't want to assume. Going by how red your eyes and puffy your eyes are, I’m saying you couldn't. Did he do anything to you?”
You shake your head as you start backing out of the driveway. “We just talked; nothing else happened.”
She cocked her eyebrow at you, not believing you. “Nothing?”
You sigh in frustration. “I’m serious, nothing else happened. He tried to stop me from leaving, and we talked about what happened and how I was feeling. We both cried, and I left him to deal with his sorrows.”
Emilie was quiet for a moment. “You won’t give me any more than that, huh?”
“No.” The word came out more harshly than you wanted it to.
“Fine, fine. By the way, do you know where you’re going? You’ve been driving in the wrong direction for the last five minutes.” She chuckled nervously.
You roll your eyes and look at her as you get to a stop sign. “No, I don’t know where I’m going. I’ve never been to your house before.”
She takes her phone out of her pocket and quickly types in her address, pulling up the directions to her house. “Here, that should help. My bad, I forgot you’d need directions.”
You glance at her phone before making a left turn. “It’s alright, I forgot too. I could have made you drive, but only if you were comfortable with driving my car.”
“Pshh, no. If I drive your car, we’re going zero to ninety as fast as your car can handle. There’s a reason I walk everywhere I can, and it’s not for my health. It’s for everyone else’s safety.” She said with a laugh.
You give her a small chuckle before returning your full attention to the road. You just needed to focus on getting both of you to Emilie’s place before you could even begin to think about everything from the previous night and how your future would be.
Minutes tick by, and you make it to the outskirts of downtown before the GPS tells you that you’ve arrived at your destination. Emilie told you where to park and led you inside her apartment building, giving the doorman a small wave before getting on the elevator and pressing the button for her floor. The ride wasn’t long, but you still leaned against the back wall of the elevator, finally letting yourself take a deep breath, but at the same time, your body felt like it was being weighed down by a ton of bricks. You barely hear the ding of the elevator as it arrives at its designated floor, allowing you to follow Emilie to her apartment.
You struggled to keep up with her as she strode her way down the hall and to one of the last doors on the right. It looked like she typed in her code and opened the door, but she waited for you to catch up with her before walking inside.
“I know it’s a lot smaller than what you’re used to.” She took a brief pause as she ran into her kitchen to open the fridge. “But it should be enough to help you get the peace of mind to figure out what you need to do.”
You shut the door behind you and look over to her. “Right… do you mind if I take a shower?”
“Go for it. The bathroom is connected to my bedroom. I’ll be out here if you need anything.”
You give her a small nod before heading in the direction of the bathroom with your backpack. You place it down on the small counter and unzip the main compartment before quickly going over to start the water for the shower and allow it to warm up. Your scrub top and undershirt were the first things to come off, but you stopped just before taking off your pants. The small glimpse of your body in the mirror was still jarring. You turn and force yourself to look in the mirror, gripping the sides of the counter for support.
Everything you had bottled up was staring right back at you.
The dark purple marks that littered your neck and chest, the bruises on your hips in the shape of Zayne’s fingers, the dark circles that had formed under your eyes. Seeing yourself like that made you feel dirty and utterly disgusted. Disgust with yourself for bottling up your feelings and letting everything slip away from what should have been the rebirth of healing your relationship. Disgust with Zayne for everything he’d done to you in the last month, from forcing your transfer to what he’d done to you the night before.
Your senses came back to you, but only slightly. Only enough to remind you that you had turned the shower on and the water was now warm enough that it was fogging up the mirror. You let go of the counter and stepped back before turning to open the shower door and stepping in.
The water quickly cascades down your body as you stand there almost lifelessly. The temperature of the water had already begun turning your skin bright red, and you could help but think it was making the filth you felt on your skin go down the drain.
You weren’t sure how long you’d been standing there, but you couldn’t help but sink to the floor, letting your back slide down the cool tiles. Your knees were pulled into your chest, your mind beginning to race with so many questions.
How did it end up like this?
Why did Zayne come up with a plan as cruel as this?
Do you want to go back to Zayne?
Do you want to start over?
What would starting over even mean at this point?
Where would you go?
Would you leave Akso Hospital or transfer back to your original unit?
You didn’t have answers to any of those questions, and you weren’t sure when you would have the answers. All you knew was that you needed to think long and hard before you could give Zayne another chance. Enough time to allow both of you not to make more damning and heartbreaking choices.
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