always seemed like something out of reach
a thing meant for others , not me
someone loving me bare faced
saying "this reminded me of you "
someone seeing the vulnerable side of me i so desperately try to hide from everyone
someone holding me when i’m crushing down
when my thoughts are eating me alive
the image i’ve created of myself
when my tears are streaming down my face
leaving the eyeliner i so precisely applied staining my face
when my own thoughts seem unbearable
as my vision turns blurry
my own room spinning right in front me
i slowly feel the waves of the ocean in my eyes
turning my dark green eyes into a glowing shade of green
you say in a distorted tone
as i feel your arms wrapping around my trembling body in an attempt to ground me
to pull me back into reality
but i’m unable to free myself from this panic overtaking my whole body
my eyes turn lighter and lighter
my mascara slowly but surely washing of
what’s wrong ? talk to me
i hear the voice of the man i love in my ears
i desperately try to form a sentence
my occasional sobs quickly intensifying ,
every syllable, every letter
he just continues holding me
i see my dark red lipstick smudged on his neck
as i feel the time i have left with him starting to clock down
another fear overflows my body
trying to drown me once and forever
when even the ones who raised me could not ?
he just keeps trying to calm the unbearable noise in my brain
that the threat i was so convinced is real is not
as the inner earthquake in me finally stops
while i remove the dark red lipstick stains on his neck i whisper " nothings wrong . don’t worry "
we both know that i’m lying
his ocean blue eyes filled with concern
i can feel guilt creeping me in
the constant guilt of not being able to tell him what’s wrong with me
about my inner world i cannot give him
is the thought that repeatedly crosses my mind
the concept of love is real but not for someone so shattered and broken like you
jacobvanloon
janainaart
titsay
izzy806
origamiaround
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
