Corporate Giant GI announced to pair with Cutie Rehab.
Verona, WI (AP)- A previously well known internet organizer and influencer rumored to be associated with GurlsInc announced a corporate collaboration today that may be concerning to investors in the multi-million dollar conglomerate. Samantha Spikes held a small press conference after visiting the newly expanded GurlsInc facilities in Verona to make the announcement.
In the atrium of the four story complex, Miss Spikes began with, "I was asked by the GurlsInc senior leadership to make the announcement about an epic and huge partnership that they are soon to be a part of. I was asked because I, myself, found this new partner, largely by accident. Being intrigued, I dug deeper, and became very impressed. I eventually suggested that there was overlap in the corporate missions and identities, and that cooperation between them could be effective and even lucrative. So without further backstory, Id like to announce a multi-level cooperative partnership between GurlsInc and Cutie Rehabilitation LLC!!!"
Questions we're waved away and she continued. "Cutie Rehab, or C.R. for short, does absolutely amazing work. They are champions of femininity and cuteness, and have absolutely no rivals or peers in what they do. Their results are astounding, and clearly their work makes the world a much, much better place. You can see this on their Tumblr, @cutie-rehabilitation . But, sadly, the continuing downturn of the economy has brought them some challenges. So, Im pleased to say that GurlsInc will be subleasing space to C.R., at each of our 269 chapter locations, wherever its viable, across the country. Furthermore, GurlsInc will be providing funds to assist an expansion in the amount, initially, of $23 million dollars."
This was stunnung news to the press. GurlsInc is known as the growing resource for all tg and cd gurls, but also for it's sometimes predatory business practices. Nearly all internet venues for cd/tg content were taken over by GurlsInc. From help blogs to adult literature and films, 90+% of them now operate under the GurlsInc banner. But fans and proponents of the growing conglomerate point out the services they in turn provide, including counseling, transition, even wardrobe assistance, at little or no cost, as well as a global dedicated network. Cutie Rehabilitation, on the other hand, is famous for their sweet business practices, and looking pretty at the conclusion of any deal. The only unknown is the actual, proprietary process they use to turn out the high number of frilly princesses and girly girls previously accused of being uncute tomboys. There have been questions about the source of their funding that have gone largely unanswered. Rumors about forced femininity training, attendee lockdowns, and less-than-consenting trainees have never been substantiated. But, C.R. has never had a single issue with any regulatory agency, and even has an A-1+ rating from the BBB.
After ending her announcement, Miss Spikes took some questions. Being asked if this was a merger or takeover, she replied "No. Both entities will remain completely separate. The money is a super low-interest loan, and is not buying C.R., or even influence over them. We just want to see what we veiw as a sister company to grow and succeed. We have much to share and look forward to future accomplishments together!!"
Sarah Jenkins from the NYT boldly asked if GurlsInc would be seizing the C.R. Cuteness Formula™, or possibly recruiting C.R. graduates for use in their adult entertainment divisions. Reddening, but with a laugh, Miss Spikes replied "Ms. Jenkins, I know you've repeatedly reported untrue and negative accounts of GurlsInc and their practices. But to answer you anyway, no, on both accounts. In keeping with the ideals of Miss Nikki, the founder of GurlsInc, we are reaching out to, and helping C.R. solely to assist in the spread of beauty and femininity, and of course, cuteness. In fact, we only expect a minimal uptick in membership and financials due to our partnership. But, in keeping with the cutification and beautification theme, Ms. Jenkins, any chance that I could get you to attend C.R.???" The crowd gasped and laughed, and the NYT reporter in her boyish slacks, and button-up blouse flushed and quickly sat down. Miss Spikes thanked everyone for coming and invited them all to tour the facilities and join the employees for a special luncheon, where press kits would be available.
Analysts argue about the implications of the partnership, and the use of a large part of the GurlsInc cash reserves, but the market received the news well, and after a huge initial drop, rallyed back, with GurlsInc( NYSE: GRLI ) stock finishing up thirty four and a half points at the closing bell.
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