Dancing Barefoot In The Rain

Actual "pretentious teen writing poetry in a coffee shop" aesthetic.

[lacking-effort]

12/3/16

[lacking-effort]

A cynical heart Within a passionate soul; Heartless lullaby

m.m. (31/365 in the 365 day series)

[lacking-effort]

Put my dreams on hold For so long that they hung up: Existential loss.

m.m. (111/365 in the 365 day series)

[lacking-effort]

I have not witnessed The death of the midnight sky But here we begin.

m.m. (138/365 in the 365 day series)

[lacking-effort]

The hardest goodbye Is the one I’ve seen coming For all of this time.

m.m. (162/365 in the 365 day series)

[lacking-effort]

I watched as the sky faded from blue to gray. Has the time come to admit that I was never enough to fill my own soul? I am no one without you, Swimming with no direction across the open sea. Find me an epic that doesn’t end in tragedy. I pray to every god of every religion That you’ll just come back to me. I’d leave every earthly possession of mine - Every unholy thought; I’d crawl, and beg, and plead. I know all too well that I am unworthy of such a chance You’ve always shined much brighter, Burned much longer than I. I feel my heart collapse; You were always my foundation. We were never made to last.

If this is redemption, I wish I had never gotten a chance to try (part 3)

[lacking-effort]

The Earth’s alive below my feet; Fluid, firm, and true - It gives a lasting sense of home, And hides away its pride. The setting sun peeked through my blinds; Soft, and bright, and warm - It left a streak of golden light Shining on the walls. I am for sure my father’s child; His wisdom, wit, and charm - They run through my torpid veins, And set my soul on fire. I am certainly my mother’s child; Her love, her touch, her smile - They soak right through my aching bones, And paint my heart with light. I cannot act like I belong Amidst this beauty and awe; I’ve long outgrown my youthful dreams, And silence fills my halls.

If this is redemption, I wish I had never gotten a chance to try (part 2)

[lacking-effort]

I once heard that the earth is more beautiful When left untouched by human hands. Could it be that our grotesque hearts Would tarnish the beauty of this world If they were given the chance?

If this is redemption, I wish I had never gotten a chance to try (part 1)

[lacking-effort]

You can't save a soul that's already died a thousand deaths. You can't find a heart within the ghost that's been wandering a thousand years. Yet you can hear the sound of surrender; You can feel the pain of resignation. You can remember promising that you'd never leave him behind. But promises have been broken before, And your heart was left broken and cold Under the bridge that used to connect your two souls When his body fell away, it felt like it was your own.

Things you can & things you can't.

[lacking-effort]

There are always words that escape my soul, climbing and tearing their way out of my throat. I thought we would both be question marks, uncertain of our own discontent. Bleeding out our own creations from corners of our minds that we thought we had buried. Words land on top of words that were never meant to be heard- Never meant to be met by silent and judging souls as each syllable slipped off of our tongues. We're left begging for absolution, but our pleas fall only on deafened ears. Unfurling our fingers, our fists transform into open palms held up in an admission of surrender.

m.m. (Unspoken apologies)

[lacking-effort]

I. Stop having "guilty pleasures." Embrace what you love. You're not too cool to enjoy pop music, or rom-coms, or all of these things you might be embarrassed about. Loving things isn't anything to be embarrassed about. II. Holding grudges is pointless, exhausting, and poisonous for your heart, mind, and soul. Just talk it out. It'll be better for everyone involved. If it can't be resolved, just let it go. You don't need that kind of poison in your life. III. Enthusiasm is such a beautiful thing. Be enthused about things more. So much in the universe is worthy of being dorked out over. Apathy isn't cool. Enthusiasm and awe make the world worthwhile. IV. A love for learning is a love of life. That required reading for English? Enjoy it. It teaches you to appreciate literature. Teaches you to appreciate the way language can be strung together to make a kind of art. Science? Insight into the inner workings of the universe. History? Learning why things are the way they are. Why people have come to think the way they do. Math? Well, I'm sure that's useful for something, too. V. Show your love more. Tell people how much you appreciate them. Friends and family that care about you are so endlessly important. You wouldn't be anywhere without them. Don't take them for granted. Be the best person you can be, if only to express your gratitude for them. VI. Inner peace isn't something to be achieved in a day, or a year, or even a decade. It's a lifelong journey, and a grueling one at that. Keep persevering. Just because you're not where you ultimately want to be doesn't mean you'll never get there. Be proud of all the steps you've made. How far you've come. VII. There are people out there who honest to god enjoy the same things you do. Stick it out for those people. Seek out those people. Dork out with them about your mutual love for art, or literature, or music, or film. They truly are the best kind of company. VIII. Appreciate art. Appreciate language. All these things are translations of inner thoughts and emotions. Appreciate these things and remind yourself that you're not alone. That through these things, you can transcend your mind. That people - artists - tame their wild ideas and release them into the world as these beautiful forms of art. IX. Beauty really is in the little things. That soft golden light that hits your bed as the sun is setting. The sound that the leaves make when they blow in a nice spring wind. The sunset. The sunrise. When your friends remember little quirks about you that have come up in passing. X. Live! Immerse yourself in every waking moment. Soak it all in. Live in the time that you are in. Feel your feet hit the Earth. Feel yourself as you live. Awareness is all too important. Don't lose yourself to the mundanity of routine. Take in your surroundings. Feel yourself living. XI. Try new things. Life is too short to live in comfort. Don't lose yourself to contentment. Strive for more. Do something you've always wanted to do. Try exotic foods. Put yourself in new environments. Talk to new people. You never know what you might end up enjoying. XII. Wanting to do things that you enjoy before things you have an obligation to do doesn't mean your priorities are out of whack. Of course, do things you have a responsibility to do, but don't forget to make time for yourself. To do things you want to do. To do things that make you happy. After all, what's the point of your life if it's not to make yourself happy? XIII. Live and let live. Embrace this philosophy. You'll be a lot happier if you're not worried about what other people are doing with their lives. That doesn't mean not to encourage people to live their lives with love. Just don't push onto other people what you want out of life. Lots of different people find lots of different things important. That's okay. XIV. It's okay to want to be alone with your thoughts sometimes. Your friends aren't going to hate you forever if you say no to plans one time. Sometimes you just can't do it. It's okay. Sit at home with no pants on and recharge. There will always be another time to have some fun. XV. Keeping everything bottled up does nothing but weigh you down. Sure, keep some things to yourself. Just don't let all these heavy emotions and hurt and uncertainty marinate in your soul until you burst. Tell it to your dog. Your moleskin. The wind. A good friend. Just don't keep it inside until it destroys you. Because it will, if you let it. XVI. Steer your life in the direction you choose, and have a good time doing it. Who cares if you don't really know where you're going? Neither does anyone else. Just be happy while you're steering blindly. It's all about the journey. Have some fun while it lasts.

Sixteen Things I Learned at Sixteen

[lacking-effort]

I want to create more. I want to release all of these thoughts and emotions that run wild inside of me. I want to leak verses and burst color. I want to tame the ideas inside of my mind, if only for a little while, if only to express them.

Excerpt from my journal entry (28 Jan 2016)

[lacking-effort]

Will it be you, or the river, that carries my soul When my body grows old?

[lacking-effort]

I. You wake up a ghost of your former self. You don’t recognize the way your arms move, or the way your feet hit the ground as you run. II. You’re running towards him, calling out his name. It can’t be too late, you’ve barely even begun. You’re carrying the body of yourself that you don’t recognize into the jaws of enemy camp. III. He recognizes you by your eyes, your voice. Everything in his vision is fuzzy, but you’re in focus. Only you. Always you. IV. You watch helpless as he falls, and you can’t tell if it’s really him that hit the ground, because it might as well have been you, the way your heart feels like it’s stopped beating. You can’t tell if it hurts like hell, or if you’re numb. V. You follow him into the sea, into forever, like you always said you would. You were nothing without him, anyways.

[lacking-effort]

I gave you pieces of me to hold on to, and you ran so fast in the opposite direction, but you never fucking let go. And if I wasn't already broken by the time you had found me the first time, I was, no doubt, in pieces by the time you were done.

[lacking-effort]

I avoided stepping on creaky floorboards and knocked before entering any doorway, and that's no way to live in what's supposed to be your own home, is it?

Excerpt from a letter I'll never send

[lacking-effort]

As a child, the world had always whispered to me, its beauty leaking through the cracks underneath the doors, sneaking its way into my consciousness, and subtly wrapping itself around my young heart.