tw : body gore / self portrait by eros beneath read more
this is me sharing a little bit about myself . with the help of my friend eros ( who is an amazing person with an incredible talent ) i was able to share something personal about myself with them to help portray the severity of a compulsive disorder i have been struggling with for most of my life . i wanted someone to help portray through art what this feels like and looks like on the inside .
dermatillomania / excoriation disorder ( aka csp ( chronic skin picking ) , is a chronic / compulsive condition that affects 2% of the population . i have been in positions a handful of times where i might be asked about some of my lesions , or if i speak up about my condition people will comment back how they may also do what i do and so easily dismiss what this disorder is . this is not a common condition nor a simple one that affects a large population ( only 2% ) .Â
this disorder is a psychological condition ( or mental disorder ) that consumes my every waking moment . at times , i have no idea i am picking at my skin because i am simply programmed to just do it . whether i am aware or not this condition persists all day , from when i wake up to when i go to bed . every . day . sure , at times the compulsion may go away for a period , but it will eventually return . whilst i feel positive at times whilst i’m picking , there is often always negativity that follows . i have anxiety when i don’t pick and when i do . there is embarrassment and shame all the time . whether my skin is perfect or flawed it doesn’t matter . and when i stress the severity of picking , i mean it . for those who think ‘ oh i pick at my skin too ‘ a person with my condition will pick till the point of pain and blood . and whilst my fingers / nails will be my primary method , other utensils are often used ( fingernail clippers , scissors , tweezers , teeth , pin & thumb tacs , etc ) anything that can help attempt to fix the area .
i am not sharing this for pity / attention or sympathy . i’m sharing this , because this is me . because this disorder is not common , and if you see a person with lesions ( sometimes makeup doesn’t hide it & people who struggle like i do will attempt to hide these abrasions ) do not draw attention to them . especially not in public or in front of other people & do not , please do not , say that you also pick at your skin too or make it sound common or equivalent to our struggle .Â
but do ask how we’re doing or if we’re okay . ask us if something is bothering us or if we need help . we might not want to talk about it , we might not want help , but we’ll be thankful you’re not addressing too much attention to the physical damage we’re ashamed of ( but rather the emotional or mental that might have lead to it ) .
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