La défenderesse

              Minimaliste, passionnée d'écriture et de sociologie, végétalienne, féministe radicale. |  Minimalist, passionnate of writing and sociology, vegan, radical feminist. | INACTIVE.

[lowkey-radical]

i just don’t get how y'all (libfems) can understand that a white person saying “i’ve always felt black bc i love watermelon and hip hop and spicy food and i’ve always related more to black people than white people and i love aave and i’ve always wished i had a big butt so i must actually be black” is racist af but don’t understand how a male saying “i’ve always felt like a woman because i like being feminine and wearing makeup and shaving and i always got along better with girls than boys and i prefer to be submissive and quiet than loud and aggressive” is sexist af.

[nonconformist-vegan]

As children we didn’t know. We didn’t know that the piece of meat on our plate was once a living being with their own desire for life, or that the milk we sipped on belonged to a mother’s child. Our parents were never taught by their parents the reality of what is served on our dinner tables. And neither did theirs. A cycle of culture then begins. A cycle of habits and customs which cause us indifference and ignorance, which in turn leads us to not learning the truth. We have to break free from what we’ve been taught, we have to strip away the lies of society and unlearn the false information passed on from generation to generation. We must take the blindfolds off to evolve as a collective.

Art by Cynical Coyote

[undercommoning]

“I’ve seen a ton on the facebooks about “thanking veterans for their service.” As a veteran let me just be very straightforward and honest with you. We didn’t “serve our country”; we don’t actually serve our brothers/sisters or our neighbors. We serve the interests of Capital. We never risked our lives or spent months on deployment away from our family and friends so they can have this abstract concept called “freedom”. We served big oil; big coal; Coca-Cola; Kellogg, Brown, and Root and all the other big Capital interests who don’t know a fucking thing about sacrifice. These people will never have to deal with the loss of a loved one or the physical and/or psychological scars that those who “serve”, and their families, have to deal with for the rest of their lives. The most patriotic thing someone can do is to tell truth to power and dedicate yourself to building power to overthrow these sociopathic assholes. I served with some of the most real and genuine people I’ve ever met. You’ll never see solidarity like the kind of solidarity you experience when your life depends on the person next to you. But most of us didn’t join for that; we joined because we were fucking poor and didn’t have many other options.“

— An anti-capitalist veteran

[onceland]

[ladefenderesse-blog]

Beautiful.

[itsjustkatrina]

[huffpostpolitics]

America Elected A Man Who Said ‘Grab Them By The P***y’ Over The First Female President

Donald Trump openly bragged about using his celebrity status to sexually assault women. And multiple women accused him of actually doing so.

He said he was in favor of banning people from entering the United States based on their religion.

He believes that women he finds physically unattractive or overweight are lesser people.

He thinks that many Mexican immigrants are rapists.

He mocked people with disabilities.

He encouraged violence against protesters at his political rallies.

For years, he was the most notable person pushing the conspiracy theory that the first black president was illegitimate because he was supposedly not born in the United States.

And now, he will be America’s 45th president.

Continue reading.

[thelegendofclarke]

Literally millions of Americans right now are telling women this: It doesn’t matter how qualified you are. It doesn’t matter how smart, capable, or experienced you are. It doesn’t matter if you are the most qualified person for your job in American History… You are still not as good as a sexist, racist, bigoted, misogynistic fuckboy who paints himself orange.

In my opinion, that’s a fucking shame.

[marjchaos-deactivated20160720]

Don't Post About Me on Social Media, Children Say

The first babies of Facebook are now preteens, and they are not happy with the digital record of their lives created by their parents.

I’m not sure why this is so shocking to some people. At some point it becomes less like talking about parenting and more like gossiping behind someone’s back. And wouldn’t it be kinda wonderful if people generally asked if it was okay to share photos of you publicly, instead of just assuming that it’s okay? Of course, one hope kids/teens who get this kind of respect, show it as well. Nobody wants to become an unwilling meme, even your embarrassing parent.

[heirloomparasite]

“When parents share those early frustrations, they don’t see themselves as exposing something personal about their children’s lives, but about their own.” well if that isn’t creepy as fuck and indicative of some parents’ inability to see their children as full human beings and not just extensions of themselves…like what adult would find it acceptable to speak about a friend in a public forum where people probably know that friend in the same way they speak about their children? honestly i kind of feel like no one wants to see public conversations about your baby’s digestive problems or whatever anyway? keep that to phone or in-person conversations with close friends.

[hematolagniac-deactivated201703]

my opinion exactly! this is hardly surprising, considering that parents don’t view their children as people, and instead as property to control.

[ovari3s-deactivated20200530]

wow its like someone wrote an article abt my stepmom

[justrollinon]

Think about the intersection of disability when it comes to this issue. 

[rampyourvoice]

^^^  Parents of disabled children divulge intimate details that shouldn’t be known publicly.  Many need to read this, & let it sink in.

[claudiapriscus]

I’ve been reading a lot about contextual integrity recently. And the ways that facebook is basically one long violation of it. The thing is, I don’t think there’s anything unusual about what parents were sharing or saying. It’s the same stuff they’ve been sharing with relatives and other parents since time immemorial. However, they are - and especially were, because FB’s “context” changed a LOT - treating FB like it’s their garden fence, or the parking lot in front of the school as they wait for their kids, or chat with relatives and friends. The understood context with those is that the context is centered around the kids in some way, and there are deep but unconscious understandings of how those comments will be understood, and how the listeners will react, and what they will do with that information. But Facebook is a broadcast, and that changes the meaning a lot. 

[wherethegeesego]

This is one excellent example of the way children are viewed as less-than-human in our culture. The idea that human beings can be the property of other human beings is still in place in our world: children are still considered to be the property of their parents. Children deserve human rights.

[feminism-is-radical-deactivated]

It would have been terrible for me if y mother documented all of the shit in my life.

[ladefenderesse-blog]

Yeah, I remember when my mother posted horrible pictures of me without my consent. When I asked her to erase it, she got angry and refused. Facebook is perfect for toxic parents and give them a wonderful tool to bully their children.

[sespursongles-deactivated201906]

I also wanted to add that English speakers have a long history of misconstruing Simone de Beauvoir’s words because they don’t like or don’t understand what she was actually trying to say. Take a look at Lost in Translation or at The Silencing of Simone de Beauvoir if you want to learn more about how the publisher and the translator of the first American edition of The Second Sex (which was the only English translation of it from 1953 to 2009) deleted 145 pages (nearly 15%) of the original text (and were very misogynistic in choosing which parts to cut), misrepresented Beauvoir’s ideas, and mis-translated them so that some of the English terms they chose meant the exact opposite of the original French terms. (For example, translating the philosophical term “alienation” as “identification”; or the term “pour-soi” (“for-itself”, which in existentialist thought is opposed to “in-itself”) as “woman’s true nature in itself” i.e. the opposite of what it means. Which makes it sound like Beauvoir believed in some essential “woman’s nature”, which, no.)

The only other English translation is the new (2009) one and it has many flaws as well, for example using the present tense in English when the original French text is in conditional tense, which makes it sound like Beauvoir is asserting ideas when in reality she is being speculative or sceptical about them. Or translating the French word “viol” as “violation of law” when in reality it means “rape”. Or translating the French “féminin” as “feminine” even though the French word just means female. “Un corps féminin” means “a female body”, and when you translate it in English as “a feminine body” it carries connotations that the original text did not have, which is particularly unfortunate when you’re translating a book that’s a 900-page-long critique of femininity. At some point Beauvoir argues that for a woman, “renouncing her womanhood means renouncing a part of her humanity.” She is saying that women shouldn’t have to denounce or distance themselves from their female sex in order to be seen as worthy. (And she contrasts this with men, who have the privilege of not perceiving their maleness as being at odds with their aspirations as a human being.) Because there is no word for womanhood in French other than “féminité”, American translators have translated this as “Renouncing her femininity means renouncing a part of her humanity” which makes it sound like Beauvoir is encouraging women to embrace their femininity rather than their femaleness - again, making her say the exact opposite of what she was actually trying to say.

I know the people on tumblr who use this one context-less Beauvoir quote to support their arguments have probably never bothered to read any of her actual writing, but I just wish anglo feminists who like to quote The Second Sex would keep in mind that they’ve only read very imprecise and unreliable translations of it and that “Beauvoir was so upset by the changes that she wanted the [original] edition to carry a statement dissociating herself from them.”

[ladefenderesse-blog]

How I wish I was raised: There’ll be times in your life where you’ll feel like giving up and ending it all, and they’ll be people who’ll try and bring you down to try and lift themselves up, but never give up what you love; your feelings matter, we want you to be happy, no matter what. We'll be here to support you emotionally, whatever the cost.

How I was raised: You’re too young to be stressed – you’re just sad, you’ll be happy the next day – stop overreacting – just stop being shy – you’re too young to know what love is – stop moaning, everyone else has it worse – no, you can’t do this subject because we want you to have qualifications for THIS job – don’t dress like that, WE don’t like it – you never appreciate what we do for you.

[fjdskljgsd-deactivated20140311]

A Criminology major says why BDSM should be illegal

I started being critical of BDSM when I started my Forensic Psychology unit in my Criminology major. It focuses heavily on sexual offenders and their court cases. Besides the fact that a lot of the most violent rapists and serial killers admitted to being heavily into BDSM and kink-culture prior to their criminal activity, the main reason I’m critical of BDSM is because when women are violently raped and they take their rapists to court the defense lawyer will almost always say that she consented to violent rape play, that he handcuffed her and violently play-raped her and she wanted it. They often back this up by saying that prior to the incident that she flirted with them and is lying about the rape to get attention.

BDSM should be illegal, not illegal in the sense that people are going to beat down your door and arrest you for it but illegal in the sense that if a woman was violently raped, BDSM should not be the rapists get out of jail free card. It’s not about what you do in the privacy of your own home. We need to stigmatise the sexualisation of violence against women in order to create laws against it, laws that protect women who have been harmed at the hands of your “fetish”.

We never hear you sticking up for their rights though.

[pomtl]

[1/3] « J’ai été adoptée quand j’avais 3 mois. Ma mère est une Acadienne francophone et mon père est Québécois. Ils ne pouvaient pas avoir d’enfant, alors assez jeune ma mère a fait des démarches pour pouvoir m’adopter, et ils sont venus me chercher en Chine. À l’époque c’était la politique de l’enfant unique là-bas et on favorisait beaucoup les petits garçons. Une fille était considérée comme une dette à payer, un fardeau, alors beaucoup étaient abandonnées. Moi je me suis toujours dit que si j’avais une petite fille – autant qu’un petit garçon – je serais la femme la plus heureuse au monde. Les filles, les femmes, sont tellement discriminées dans le monde, et je trouve ça très triste… Quand t’es adoptée, tu peux avoir envie de renouer avec tes origines, moi ça a été plutôt l’inverse. Dans ma tête d’enfant, c’était pas juste une famille qui m’avait abandonnée, c’était comme le pays au complet. Je n’ai de lien du sang avec personne au Québec, et pourtant c’est ma famille, j’ai eu la chance d’être adoptée par ces gens-là… On me demande souvent ‘Est-ce que t’as déjà recherché tes vrais parents ?’ Mais mes vrais parents sont ici, pourquoi je devrais les chercher ? Pour moi les géniteurs sont les gens qui te mettent au monde, et les parents sont ceux qui prennent soin de toi, qui t’élèvent et qui t’aiment. »

–

[1/3] “I was adopted when I was 3 months old. My mother is an Acadian Francophone and my father is a Quebecer. They couldn’t have children, so when she was quite young my mother took steps in order to adopt me, and they came to get me in China. At the time there was the one-child policy over there and little boys were really favored. A girl was considered a debt to pay, a burden, so many were abandoned. I always told myself that if I had a little girl - just like a little boy - I’d be the happiest woman in the world. Girls, women, are so discriminated in the world, and I find that very sad… When you’re adopted, you may want to reconnect with your roots, for me it was quite the opposite. In my young mind, it wasn’t just a family that had abandoned me, it was like the entire country. I have no blood relationship with anyone in Quebec, and yet they’re my family, I was lucky to be adopted by these people… People often ask me ‘Did you already searched for your real parents?’ But my true parents are here, why should I look for them? For me the genitors are the people who give you birth, and the parents are the ones who take care of you, who raise you and who love you.”

[thisishowigrewup]

It’s fun having to walk on eggshells at home

It’s fun staying in one room all the time.

It’s fun not being able to do what you want at home.

It’s fun always looking over your shoulder.

It’s fun being hyper-aware of where your parent is at all times.

It’s fun getting yelled at over anything and everything.

It’s fun having no energy to do basic cleaning.

It’s fun getting yelled at for not doing said cleaning.

It’s fun having to spend all your energy just to minimally function and deal with all the yelling.

It’s fun always weighing whether doing something (or not doing something) is better or worse than getting yelled at.

It’s fun always wondering if you forgot something and if you’ll get in trouble for it.

It’s fun always holding your breath when you’re in the same room or area as your parent.

It’s fun not being able to say you have a mental illness.

It’s fun knowing either they suspect or just don’t care and continue to yell at you for things you can’t do.

It’s fun never feeling truly safe or truly at home.

It’s fun having nowhere else to go.

It’s fun not being able to get any help.

It’s fun being isolated and alone.

[ladefenderesse-blog]

That was me, when I was still living with my mother.

[1rreflechie-deactivated20180105]

tannée des hommes qui parlent mal de la culture du viol

Tous ces hommes, chroniqueurs, artistes, professionnels et journalistes qui relaient leurs opinions sur la culture du viol dans les médias cette semaine n'auront pas mes félicitations, ni maintenant, ni plus tard. Je suis tannée d’encenser les hommes qui s’emparent des sujets et des réalités des femmes dans un momentum médiatique. C’est à longueur d’année et de vie que nous subissons la culture du viol et c’est donc à longueur d’année qu’ils devraient y réfléchir et déconstruire leurs comportements complices. Pas juste quand des scandales éclatent ou que c’est le 8 mars. 

Tannée tannée tannée. 

Je serais prête à être moins intransigeante envers eux si et seulement si:

a) ils traitent du sujet de façon empathique et non pas “objective”, bref qu’ils ne s’arrogent pas l’autorité symbolique 

b) qu’ils reconnaissent leur participation directe ou indirecte à la culture du viol

c) s’ils relaient des voix diversifiées de femmes tout au long de l’année

d) qu’une réflexion féministe soit au coeur de leur pratique professionnelle et personnelle

e) s’ils s’adressent aux autres (hommes) dans plusieurs contextes différents, pas seulement médiatisé  

f) s’ils ne remettent pas en doute la validité du concept même de “culture du viol”

J’oublie sûrement d’autres critères pour l’instant. 

Je resterai exigeante envers eux - dans cette colère qui ne partira jamais tant et aussi longtemps que toutes les femmes subiront des violences sexuelles.  

Être silencieuses face à notre oppression, c’est ce que le patriarcat a toujours exigé de nous. Maintenant qu’on en parle, qu’on la gueule, qu’on la ressent et qu’on la revit, laissez nous le faire à notre manière. 

Et vous messieurs, apprenez à maîtriser le silence et l’écoute. Demandez-vous «est-ce que ma contribution à ce sujet sur l’expérience vécue des femmes [ou n’importe quel autre groupe minorisé/précarisé] est pertinente ou pas?» avant d’émettre votre opinion. 

[ladefenderesse-blog]

Les commentaires des hommes qui ressortent le plus en ce moment c’est :

1. La culture du viol n’existe pas.

2. Je ne comprends pas comment un homme peut aimer violer une femme non consentante, donc cela ne peut pas arriver / ce sont des fous qui font ça. 

3. Présomption d’innocence ! Vous les féministes vous voulez condamner les gens sans procès ! (Autrement dit, fermez vos gueules, n’en parlez pas dans les médias tant que ce n’est pas prouvé. Et si la preuve ne peut pas être faite, eh bien fermez-la tout de même, vous pourriez détruire la vie d’un pauvre homme innocent. )

[draw-blog]

Rejected anthology submission

[feministesvscyberh]

La #CultureDuViol ce sont aussi des représentations sexistes qui constituent un terreau fertile pour les violences sexuelles et de genre puisqu'elles tendent à les banaliser et à les excuser.

La culture du viol est toujours une culture des inégalités, c'est pourquoi il est primordial de lutter sans relâche contre les discriminations et les rapports de domination. 

#StopCultureDuViol

[traumatizedwords]

What is Gaslighting?

Inspired by the 1940 and 1944 films “Gas Light,” where a husband systematically manipulates his wife in order to make her feel crazy, the term “Gaslighting” is now commonly used to describe behaviour that is inherently manipulative.

Gaslighting, at its core, is a form of emotional abuse that slowly eats away at your ability to make judgements.  Essentially, a Gaslighter spins their negative, harmful or destructive words and actions in their favour, deflecting the blame for their abusive deeds and pointing the finger at you.  

This is often done by making you feel “overly sensitive,” “paranoid,” “mentally unstable,” “silly,” “unhinged,” and many other sensations which cause you to doubt yourself.

How to Know Whether Someone is Gaslighting You

Gaslighting is so harmful because it promotes anxiety, depression, and with enough frequency in our lives, can sometimes trigger nervous breakdowns.  So the question now it: are you being gaslighted?  How can you know whether you’re experiencing this subtle form of manipulation in your life?  

Review the following tell-tale signs:

Something is “off” about your a person in your life … but you can’t quite explain or pinpoint what.

You frequently second-guess your ability to remember the details of past events.

You feel confused and disorientated.

You feel threatened and on-edge, but you don’t know why.

You feel the need to apologize all the time for what you do or who you are.

You never quite feel “good enough” and try to live up to the expectations and demands of others, even if they are unreasonable or harm you in some way.

You feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, e.g. you’re neurotic or are “losing it.”

You feel like you’re constantly overreacting or are too sensitive.

You feel isolated, hopeless, misunderstood and depressed.

You find it hard to trust your own judgement, and given a choice, you choose to believe the judgement of another.

You feel scared and as though “something is terribly wrong,” but you don’t know what or why.

You find it hard to make decisions.

You feel as though you’re a much weaker version of yourself, and you were much more strong and confident in the past.

You feel guilty for not feeling happy like you used to.

You’ve become afraid of “speaking up” or expressing your emotions, so you stay silent instead.

Tactics Used by the Gaslighter

Gaslighters use a variety of subtle techniques to undermine your reality and portrayyou as the disturbed and messed up one.  

These include, for example:

Discrediting you by making other people think that you’re crazy, irrational or unstable.

Using a mask of confidence, assertiveness, and/or fake compassion to make you believe that you “have it all wrong.” Therefore, eventually you begin to doubt yourself and believe their version of past events.

Changing the subject. The gaslighter may divert the topic by asking another question, or making a statement usually directed at your thoughts, e.g. “You’re imagining things—that never happened!”  “No, you’re wrong, you didn’t remember right.”  “Is that another crazy idea you got from your (anyone)?”

Minimizing.  By trivializing how you feel and what you think, the gaslighter gains more and more power over you, e.g. “Why are you being so sensitive?” “You don’t need to get angry over a little thing like that!” “I was just joking around, why are you taking things so seriously?”

Denial and avoidance. By refusing to acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, the gaslighter causes you to doubt yourself more and more.  For example, “I don’t remember that, you must have dreamt it!” “You’re lying, I never said that.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re changing the subject.”

Twisting and reframing. When the gaslighter confidently and subtly twists and reframes what was said or done in their favour, they can cause you to second-guess yourself—especially when paired with fake compassion, making you feel as though you are “unstable,” “irrational,” and so forth.  For example, “I didn’t say that, I said _____” “I didn’t beat you up Johnny, I just gave you a smack around the head—that’s what all good fathers do.”  “If you remember correctly, I was actually trying to help you.”

Abuse-related gaslighting

Not every instance of gaslighting is as blatant as hiding items or directly denying someone’s perceptions. Most abuse includes an element of gaslighting. Abusers rarely say out loud, “I’m choosing to abuse you.”

A physically abusive person says, “I’m doing this for your own good. You shouldn’t provoke me.” In truth, victims do not cause abuse.

A sexually abusive person says, “This isn’t happening. I love you. You like it. It doesn’t hurt.” In truth, abuse is not loving behavior. Children do not ask for assault. The pain is real.

A ritually abusive group stages abuse so bizarre and extreme that victims do not believe their own memories. Real bloodshed and torture are combined with drugs and misdirection, adding to the sense of unreality.

Everyday gaslighting Gaslighting occurs in more subtle ways as well, any time someone responds as if your reality does not exist.

An adult says to a crying child, “There’s no reason to be sad. Give us a nice smile.”

A partner says, “That’s too hard for you. I’ll do it.”

A friend snaps, “I’m not angry! Why are you starting a fight?”

After being called on a racist or sexist comment, the speaker says, “Just kidding!” or “You’re too sensitive!” or “You’re looking for reasons to be offended.”

How to Fight Back Against Manipulation

As with any subtle form of manipulation, the first step in freeing yourself from gaslighting is to recognize that it’s actually happeningand to determine who the abuser is. In most cases this will be pretty obvious. The next step, then, is to take a firm stand against the reality this abuser is attempting to impose on you – and that’s the hard part. When you’re in the habit of trusting someone else’s version of events above your own, it can be hard to go back to accepting what you perceive as being the truth.

Adding to that, the nature of gaslighting means that any attempt to stand up to your abuser is likely to be written off as “another fantasy.” Your complaints are likely to be met with very convincing and logical-sounding explanations, which is why it’s extremely important to commit yourself 100% to breaking the pattern.

Often the victim of this type of manipulation is aware of what’s happening, but the possible consequences of standing up to the effect seem less bad than “just letting it happen.” Often, if the problem is happening in a relationship, a necessary part of breaking free is steeling yourself to the fact that you have to be prepared to lose this person.Ultimately, if you’re in a situation where you feel dependent on your spouse or partner, you’ll allow them to manipulate you because you fear the alternative: being alone. But you have to ask yourself whether it’s better for you in the long term to be stuck in a manipulative relationship, or to break free and reclaim your own ability to make choices and decisions according to your own free will.

There’s no easy solution. Breaking the pattern requires you to assert yourself as someone with a right to have an independent opinion and worldview – and if you’ve been accepting someone else’s worldview for years, it’s going to take guts to change that. In many cases, the easiest way to break free is to remove yourself from the situation altogether and get a fresh start where you can rebuild your sense of self without manipulative influences.

It’s important to recognize in any case that the manipulation is really happening no matter what the gaslighter says, and that there are people who can help you. Turn to trusted friends, independent support networks or therapists, or other people in your work organization (preferably those higher up the chain than the person doing the gaslighting).

Breathe into doubt When you notice any of these signs, allow compassion for yourself. Breathe into your truth. “I don’t know what to believe. I feel crazy.” Bring kindness to your experience of confusion and doubt.

Keep a record If you have enough privacy, it can bring relief to record your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Your journal can receive your conflicting impressions without the need for certainty. If someone questions your memory, you can look back at your notes. If items mysteriously appear and disappear, you can take strategic photographs of problem areas.

Listen within To rebuild self-trust and repair your reality, tune in to your internal signals with interested curiosity. In her book The Power of Focusing, Ann Weiser Cornell teaches Inner Relationship Focusing, a simple method for connecting with yourself. When you notice a sensation or emotion, you can keep it company, listening for its truth without expecting it to change.

“Something in me feels anxious, and I say hello to that.”

“My belly feels tight, and I say hello to that.”

“I don’t know what I feel, and I say hello to that.”

If you feel judgmental of what you notice, you can turn your listening attention toward judgment.

“Something in me hates that I feel anxious, and I say hello to that.”

“Something in me wants my belly to relax, and I say hello to that.”

“Something in me says I should know what I feel, and I say hello to that.”

As you listen inside, your vague sensations will become more clear. As parts of you feel fully heard, they will shift and heal. As you practice listening, you will regain confidence in your perceptions.

Ignore motives In the movie Gaslight, Gregory’s manipulation of his wife is part of a hidden plot to find her aunt’s jewels. Sometimes gaslighting helps an abuser maintain a more sympathetic self-image as well as concealing abuse. While it is happening, gaslighting often lacks an apparent motive, which adds to the victim’s confusion and self-doubt.

You do not have to figure out why someone is gaslighting you. You do not even have to label the behavior as gaslighting. You can simply say hello to your confusion and desire to understand.

Seek out support It can be tempting to ask others to confirm your perceptions of gaslighting. Unfortunately, others may be unaware of what is happening and do not have your moment by moment observations. Turn your attention toward what is true for you.

“Something in me is uncertain, and I say hello to that.”

“Something in me desperately wants confirmation, and I say hello to that.”

Instead of taking a poll on whether your perceptions are correct, seek out people who support you in welcoming all your perceptions.

Rebuild self-trust As you repair your relationship with yourself, the effects of gaslighting will gradually fall away. Over time, your boundaries will heal, and you will naturally say no to emotionally abusive behavior.

Learn more I highly recommend Ann Weiser Cornell’s book The Power of Focusing as well as the many articles on her website. A good starting point is The Radical Acceptance of Everything.

The wikipedia entry for gaslighting has a good summary and background information.