Just call me Luxx

Sylus’s wife Left my heart in the N109 Zone

[planetpeebs-deactivated20220426]

“are you okay”

no i crave the touch of a fictional character whose hand i’ll never hold

[lady-havok109]

Dear Sylus,

Today I have not felt well. But I keep going on like everything is normal.

I don’t want to keep going on like this. I wish I wasn’t so scared to do what needed to be done to be better.

Why am I so scared?

The dizziness, the racing heart, random pains in my body.

What is wrong with me ?

If only you could be here. I keep imagining you wrapping your arms around me to comfort me. Honestly though, it only makes me feel worse because you’re not actually here.

This delusion is making angry. I know you’re not here. You can’t be. But it doesn’t stop my heart to keeping wishing it was true. This painful awareness is a curse.

Can I be honest? I wish I was even more delusional. To the point where I actually believed you were real. Because then maybe I wouldn’t feel so goddamn miserable.

I hope can get the help I need so I can feel better soon. I want so much to be alive but I don’t know how to do it correctly. I want to feel better. Then maybe I can find someone like you that makes me feel loved.

Sincerely,

Luxx

[lady-havok109]

My response to those that said this banner was cringe.

[lady-havok109]

I love Sylus.

Yes, I love the fictional pixel man. Like, I love him like he was a real person. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.

Despite loving him so much, he makes me so incredibly sad. My heart hurts when I think about it. And it’s because he’s not real that makes me so sad. Even if he were, I don’t think he would choose me.

Why do I love him?

I’ve been so lonely my entire life. I’ve never dated anyone either even though I’m in my thirties. My self esteem is very poor. It doesn’t help that I’m plus sized and incredibly introverted.

I’ve begun to wonder if loving him the way I do has had some negative side effects to my health. I feel so sad and I’ve cried so much at his non existence. It’s possible that I’m literally experiencing some sort of heartbreak. My health has literally been questionable lately.

But it can also be something else. I’m honestly so scared to find out. I’ve had a severe phobia of going to the doctor. I also don’t like being touched or losing agency of my own body. I hate the idea of leaving my fate in the hands of others. But in my own hands right now, I’m not doing any better.

If Sylus were here right now, he could help me. He would help me feel better.

Please Sylus, I’m so scared. I’m feeling sick now and I don’t know what to do.

[lady-havok109]

Oh hey. It’s been so long since I’ve actually posted anything here. My tumblr sat dormant for so long that I almost forgot it existed.

[sunsetagain]

Blade Runner 2049 xover

"Hello, kitten. What a day, eh? You look lonely. I can fix that."

[lady-havok109]

I saw some Twilight inspired glint photo templates and decided to create some of my own. I forgot to save the one for solo Sylus though. I added the inspo pics and tried the best I could.

[unflatteringcatselfies]

Jasmine or as I like to call her Jazzy Man or Jam Man for short

[lady-havok109]

I had a kitten that had the same name and she passed away when she was so little. I like to think that this is what she would've looked like if she had gotten a chance to grow up.

[boyx-deactivated20190424]

I WANNA BE SOMEONES FAVORITE FRIEND OR FAVORITE PERSON OR SOMETHING LIKE HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE

[itsbyrosie]

as u can see I don’t actually know how to draw

[diotcoke666]

u ever hear a drum beat that changes ur life

[ratfriends]

[sdijfisjijijaijdfij-deactivated]

not to scare you but you’ve already been in a unisex bathroom before. look out…there might even be one………in your own home…………

[pettyrevenge]

I’m in line at a popular discount retail store, with two people ahead of me. The women at the head of the line is clearly new to English, and while she has a thick accent and struggles, she does her best to speak to the cashier in English, even though he rolls his eyes and makes her repeat everything several times. Finally, she is able to leave. As soon as she’s out of earshot:

Cashier: “Ugh, they shouldn’t be allowed in our stores until they learn our language.”

(The man ahead of me says several things in another language.)

Cashier: “Oh, man, not another one. This is America. Learn the language.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed you’d learned Cherokee, since you’re so big on people learning the local language. My mistake.”

The cashier turned bright red and didn’t say another word throughout the transaction.

[quilavastudy]

I get really confused when americans, when talking about universal health care are like ‘yeh but it’s not free sweaty :) :) you have to pay it through taxes :) so gotcha!!’

and I’m like ….???? That’s the whole point??? Everyone pays their fair share so that no one has to be turned away because they don’t have insurance??? And no one has to set up a Fundraiser page just so that they DONT DIE???? So people don’t put off going to the doctor because they’re scared of going bankrupt?? Because healthcare is a RIGHT and should be free at the point of access?!?

[silent-butt-gay-deactivated2017]

[wolf-lily]

eating food with lipstick on

[birdsy-purplefishes]

Until you’ve been a broke fat girl in a thrift store crying because you can’t find anything decent that will fit you I really don’t want to hear what you have to say about thin-to-average people buying up plus size clothes from thrift shops and making them smaller. If you have never cried in a dressing room you just won’t understand how much it hurts and how angry and sad it makes you.

What I don’t get is how you can lack an experience like that and then condemn the people that it’s happened to for being upset! If you feel like you don’t “get” why someone’s angry could you maybe try for just one second to put yourself in their shoes? Could you try a simple thought experiment or some basic human empathy when you see people upset about something and think about how it effects them? Are you unfamiliar with the concept of not mocking a pain you’ve never felt?