𓄿 My name is Jason
𓄿 I am 21 yrs old MDNI
𓄿 My pronouns are they/them
𓄿 Currently reading The Great Wolf
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୨ৎ This is a Warhammer blog, but I also like Call of Duty, Mortal Kombat, and Gothic Literature
୨ৎ Fav 30K legions are Raven Guard and Emperor's Children
୨ৎ Fav Factions are Sororitas and Slaanesh
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ཐི❤︎ཋྀ I personally do not ship the primarchs together or astartes together, or them together, but I will not rain on your parade ofc.
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I finally finished drawing him! I think blood angels are really spicy; they all bring meaningless leg rings and chains to themselves! Why can't they learn from their fathers and expose their chests! I want to see their chests! ！！！
Tws: some of them are fucking GROSS and DISGUSTING pls, you've been warned
I don't want to bother with the right order, sorry
Horus just can't shut up on public. He can yap about anything for literal hours, especially if there are many people to listen, so good luck being with him on feasts and celebrations
Magnus has a disgusting habit of reading your thoughts. Don't be mad - he does this subconsciously and if you realise that, just call him out, he will stop and apologise. But it's still nit very nice of him. He has a problem with "accidental magic" in general.
You had to hire a special serf to quickly and discreetly remove feathers from your clothes in public whenever you're around Sanguinius. When he starts molting, it becomes a real problem.
Leman Russ likes casual nudity - he doesn't really think that clothes are necessary when you two are alone, and in general fenrisian culture doesn't see nudity as something inherently bad and sinful. So yeah, you will see his bare fluffy ass quite often. The thing is - he awaits the same from you and do I need to say that his sons are not great with boundaries as well and just can open the door without warning?
Whenever he’s deep in thought or emotionally invested in a story, objects around him start to levitate or change color. You often find your tea mug floating near the ceiling, and Magnus doesn’t even realize he did it.
Guilliman's biggest problems come from him working too much.
His day is strictly scheduled by the hour, and he wakes up at the exact same time every morning, down to the very minute. Trouble begins whenever the plan changes and he needs to be woken up at a different time. That’s when you find out that Roboute is such an incredibly heavy sleeper that it would probably be easier to rouse a Necron from its slumber than to wake him.
And then, there’s the reality of what happens underneath all that armor during those long hours. One day, you carelessly decided to cheer up hard-working husband. You quietly slipped under his desk, asked him to spread his legs, unlatched the protective plate covering his under-suit, undid the rest, and...let’s just say it felt like you'd kissed Nurgle himself. As it turns out, sweat and other things tend to stagnate in those suits if the wearer sits motionless for hours on end.
Roboute is still ashamed of that incident to this day.
Vulkan SNORES. Like he's really loud, it can be really difficult to sleep next to him.
Ferrus likes to gossip in public, but physically can't whisper - his voice is too strong and deep. The worst part is he doesn't even realise that.
Fulgrim is prone to allergies, and in the spring when the abandoned fields and mines of Chemos start to bloom he begins to sneeze like every 30 seconds, his voice taking on a pathetic, nasal twang from his blocked nose. Big E really fucked up working on his immune system.
Mortarion smells like shit. Barbarus is a planet of swamps and miasma, so sometimes he doesn't realise that he's stinky. Just tell him about it and he'll manage the issue immediately.
Curze can smell like shit as well, and he isn't used to hygiene at all. He could go for weeks without washing, and he has yellow teeth and matted, greasy hair. You had to do a lot of work to get him used to it. For example, you flatly refused to hug or kiss him if he hadn't brushed his teeth or showered in at least a couple of days. To your surprise, it worked perfectly, and he started taking care of himself.
Also, he’s a casual nudist, just like Russ. He doesn't care about social norms at all. If someone sees him naked, that’s their problem, they shouldn't have been unlucky enough to have eyes today.
Lorgar constantly asks you dumb shit like "would you love me if I were a worm?"
Lion tosses and turns constantly in his sleep. He also has a habit of hugging you so tightly that he nearly chokes you, or he might roll over and pin you with his entire weight - to the point where you’re already imagining how everyone in the Imperium will talk about the incredibly stupid death of the Lady of Caliban.
Perturabo has a habit of sneezing very fucking loudly and without warning. No, really he can sneeze right in the middle of a sentence with such force that you have short tinnitus after that, and then just keep on talking as if nothing happened.
Angron is a total pig at the table. He eats with the same grace as a pack of Tyranids devouring a corpse, as if he hadn’t been fed for a month. You have your work cut out for you trying to teach him how to behave properly.
Rogal Dorn sometimes interrupts you. He doesn't do it because he isn't interested in what you have to say; on the contrary, he loves his wife and adores chatting with her. It’s just that he struggles to sense the rhythm of a conversation and doesn't quite know when it's his turn to speak, so he constantly cuts in because he’s eager to add his own thoughts.
Jaghatai can’t sit still. He’s always fidgeting with something in his hands or checking his gear. Sometimes, while talking to you, he’ll start examining the patterns on your clothes, and it looks like he’s not hearing a word you’re saying, but that’s not true. He hears every single thing you say.
Alpharius and Omegon constantly forget that they haven’t told you something.
"You told her we had a meeting two hours earlier today, right?"
"I thought YOU were the one who reminded her!"
This happens all the time.
Corvus is constantly scaring the hell out of you. You’ll get used to it eventually, but the way he just appears out of nowhere is unnerving and still makes you jump every single time.
Oh, and you’re constantly surrounded by a flock of birds, so sometimes having bird shit on your clothes is just part of the aesthetic, you might as well get used to it.
BONUS!!
Malcador is constantly complaining and grumbling about EVERYTHING: the weather, the servants, the Emperor, his aching knees, and even you. Sex with him is a nightmare, any sudden movement can ruin his mood. One time, you accidentally dislocated his collarbone.
"Stop...squeezing me, I want to last a bit more"
"Fym you want me to become more loose? Call Neoth, he'll help us, you old fucker?"
Emperor also couldn't care less about social norms he’ll pinch your ass, smack it, or french kiss you in public, all while throwing in some crude, filthy joke. Sometimes you think he'd fuck you right there after one bottle of amasec.
My taglist!! Wanna see ur name here? Let me know!! I would absolutely love that.
I love how when you first peek into Warhammer and catch a glimpse of Roboute Guilliman (who will likely be the first Primarch you see) you think ok well this is some boring staid stiff-upper lip male fantasy. I bet he's never cried in his life and grouses about ~honor~ all the time. He's just some ultra-masc roman empire (pejorative) jerkbait. Get the fuck outta here, cardboard ass character.
And then you get into it and yeah he is staid and uptight as hell, but he's also a nerd none of the Primarchs particularly like? People in the books are like "shut up, Roboute, don't you have some homework to do somewhere" and he goes "Actually yes thank you for reminding me".
He'll try to be funny but then it doesn't land.
When Ferrus Manus, one of the only guys MORE staid and stoic than him, finds out from Fulgrim that Guilliman admires him greatly, he responds "It is not reciprocated"
They think he's a lame annoying doopfuck. I don't think he has a single friend amongst his brothers beyond Sanguinius and that's because Sanguinius is your default friend. He comes included when you're born as a Primarch.
With the Lion, he's agonizing over how perfectly organized his legion is, it makes him insecure. It's like watching the straight A+ honor roll student find out his classmate got an A++ and then laying his head down on his desk in class to hide the fact he's trying not to cry.
He's a dork. It's kind of great. To have this guy who looks like a male power fantasy, but he's the least fuckable man in the galaxy. If you tried to seduce him, he'd go "The color of your hair reminds me of a wheat field on a warm summer day. I need to configurate grain transport logistics. I have to go"
It's actually quite endearing, as far as fascist bureaucrats go
Okay so on the subject of Rogue Trader- in the game you can befriend and even romance two xenos (one is even a drukhari, and he's unironically the healthiest romance in the game it's hysterical)
And I GOTTA know what the Primarchs would think of their kid rocking home with a xenos best friend/romantic partner
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Fulgrim
No. Just no. Does his child even know how severe the repercussions would be if the Emperor caught wind of a xeno in their ranks?! Fulgrim is already running on fumes trying to do damage control. At first he bargains, then he argues and lastly he makes a compromise. Loaths that he can’t get rid of the xeno without damaging his relationship with his child and soothes himself with the hope that sooner or later it would fall out of grace with his kid and he would have his way.
Lion El‘ Jonson
Oh hell nah!! Not under his roof! Somebody hold him back or he will kill the xeno on the spot and be done with it as he should! Lion won’t tolerate anything that isn’t human besides his child be it romantic or platonic. There will be arguments, there will be the silent treatment and in the end he will give the xeno one single chance to leave, keeping the secret buried deep within him. It’s not a happy end but at least there is no corpse that needs to be hidden.
Perturabo
Begrudgingly tolerates their presence for a while since he suspects his child just wants to get information. Sure they could’ve chosen a different way but if it leads them to discover what they need then let them be. His eye twitches when he realizes that his child is serious with the relationship. He just can’t believe it! Tells them it will be their problem if the do foolish things and get caught but secretly tracks their every movement to make sure his kid is safe.
Rogal Dorn
A big no for him and his child would have to explain themselves where and how they managed to befriend a xeno and why they thought it would be a good idea. At this point an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Rogal doesn’t want to have anything to do with the xeno, doesn’t accept any bargains and his child doesn’t back up till he makes an ultimatum that either the xeno goes willingly or he will make it with his own hands.
Konrad Curze
Konrad sees all the ways the relationship might end in disaster or death and has half the mind to just speed up the matter, either through his sons or even himself. Tells his kid exactly what is going to happen if they continue that relationship but otherwise he will be passive, waiting for the xeno to mess up and give him a reason to make a new trophy out of them. Maybe it will also be a good lesson to his child of bringing fiends into his home.
Sanguinius
Tries to be accepting even if goes against his instincts. Who is he to talk with his massive wings and having grown up on a planet with mutants. A xeno is in a way hardly different. His sons don’t agree but thankfully it’s not for them to decide. However what is for Sanguinius to decide is how long the xeno gets to spend time with his child. Just because he doesn’t kill them in sight doesn’t mean he trusts them entirely to keep his child safe and alive.
Roboute Guilliman
Surprisingly diplomatic. Guilliman could get rid of them, that wouldn’t be a big problem in the vast galaxy. The problem would be with his relationship with his kid afterwards and he realizes that depending on what xeno it is, he could learn from them and potentially gain new insights that his father won’t give him. Talking about diplomatic relations is a far stretch but an ally, no matter in what shape, is still an ally. Maybe with a few security measures he can make it work.
Corvus Corax
Takes some time for him to notice since his kid is probably as stealthy as him and Corvus honestly doesn’t know what to do with the fact that his child befriended a xeno behind his back. It raises a lot of problems considering who he is and who sired him. Has a serious conversation with his child why what they did was foolish at best and that it simply won’t end in a good way. That being said he allows the xeno to leave peacefully while it has the chance.
Vulkan
Very torn between wanting his kids happiness and tolerating something that stands on the opposite side of him. Vulkan is no stranger to xenos, especially the ones that terrorized his planet, naturally he’s worried as soon as the news hit him but seeing his child beam when they are near it stop his hand. Willing to be civil as long as the xeno doesn’t harm his kid but he will make it abundantly clear that if something happens, he won’t hesitate to eradicate the xeno.
Ferrus Manus
It’s an attack on first sight and if his child doesn’t intervene it will probably end in a dead body. This is hardly about strength and resilience and more about the fact that his child found it appropriate to bring home an enemy. Ferrus doesn’t accept them and even his child might get in trouble with him so they better get the xeno away and out of their home if they want them to live. No amount of begging or arguments will change his mind on that matter.
Leman Russ
Had to stop a mob of his sons that tried to kill the xeno on sight and he doesn’t blame them at all since he would most likely have done the same with more success. Disapproves of the whole relationship. He’s the emperor’s executioner and his kid has a relationship with an enemy? Not on his watch. Even if his child somehow manages to convince him to let it live, he will never stop to try to get rid of it, throwing it into a drop-pod and dumping them on a planet.
Jaghatai Khan
Aware of his kids relations and while he disapproves the xeno has at least one chance to prove itself to him, either in a duel or through extensive actions. Thinks his kid is not aware of the dangers that a relationship with a xeno poses but at least he doesn’t have to worry about the others finding out and labeling his child as a traitor. If his child really insists on keeping it then fine but he will hold them responsible for what the xeno does on his ship.
Magnus
Excited but cautious. Of course he wants to know everything about the species and collect as many records as he can, maybe even meet more of them but that doesn’t mean he stops being vigilant and observes every interaction. It’s more of a symbiotic relationship. Magnus gets all the information and it makes him look the other way while his child sneaks the xeno on his ship. As long as there is no harm to his child, he can tolerate it even if he knows the risk.
Mortarion
Just don’t do it. Mortarion is not found of psykers or xenos and bringing one home will guarantee that it ends in bloodshed. Sees it partially as his own failure since he clearly didn’t instill it into his child enough that they should avoid those things. Disappointed and if not the fact that his child would cut ties with him if he killed them he would’ve done so long ago. Tries to scare it away though with his mere presence and if it know what is best for them, it will go.
Angron
Pretends he doesn’t see it even if he gets reports of them sneaking in an xeno. Angron figured out that the xeno is no threat to his child’s well being and lets them be, even telling his kid to be more subtle. His first instincts had been to kill but a part of him knows that he can hardly give his kid the world and it’s no wonder that they went to search for love elsewhere. Just don’t let the xeno get into his way or in the way of his sons, since he can’t guarantee protection.
Horus Lupercal
How about no? Seriously he’s ready to give his child anything just so that they drop the xeno. Besides the fact that it’s forbidden, it also sits wrong with him that this thing is close to his child. Horus sends the Mournival after them as bodyguards that scrutinize the xeno as soon as it breathes the wrong way at his child. Knows that it’s only a temporary game that he can play and sooner or later the fact that he tolerates a xeno on his ship will be the end of him.
Lorgar Aurelian
He won’t allow it! It stands against everything his father stands for and is pure blasphemy. Tries to discourage it at first with words but when it doesn’t work he starts to work more subtle. Suddenly ‘accidents’ start to occur that threaten the life of his kids partner or friend that make it clear that the xeno is not welcome. Nowhere is safe and voices reach Lorgar ears that tell him to disown his own child. He doesn’t do it but the thought has passed through his mind.
Alpharius/Omegon
Nothing stays hidden in their home and they know exactly what his child is doing. Honestly it’s hard to tell if they approve or not. On one hand they seem to tolerate the xeno but on the other hand there is a constant surveillance going on, collecting information on the species for future use. That doesn’t mean they are safe though and it wouldn’t be surprising if the friend or partner of their kid would suddenly disappear one day without a trace.
Listen, to me Malcador is mainly two things: grumpy wine aunt of this entire dysfunctional family and someone who is extremely tired of Neoth's bullshit to the point second one causes first.
Yes, Malcador has entire worlds growing and shipping him wine and also he had emptied so many wine bottles, Dorn built entire new wings of Imperial Palace using those as insulation 😂
I mean... You cannot die from liver failure if you are immortal right?
I’ve got possessed during lectures so here you go!
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Teasing Horus all day long by giving him bedroom eyes, suggestive looks, teasing him with silken clothes that leave little to the imagination before disappearing for a few days to a distant planet for a trip that HE approved with his own hand weeks ago and letting him simmer in his own lust.
Running your hands through Sanguinius’s wings till he’s melting under you touch, leaning into them like a content cat while they become more and more tender, reaching more sensitive spots that make him arch his back, clutch the sheets and bite into the pillow under his head.
Leading on Alpharius and Omegon for the whole day, giving them hints and sending them on a wild sheep chase through the whole ship before they find a small box with a single picture of you in new lingerie and a message that they found one of twenty hiding spots.
Presenting incomplete research papers on natural aphrodisiacs to Mortarion asking him to help you out since the only thing that was missing was the practical expertise on their potency and effectiveness and whose better to aid you than a man who’s so resilient?
Standing before him, holding a sword, wearing nothing but a string and asking Angron for a duel to get his blood pumping, not with hatred but with a profound desire to give you what you’re asking for and make you feel the sting of his own ‘weapon’ all night long.
Raking your nails against Rogal’s back, just shy of painful and getting an embarrassingly satisfying groan out of him before the impenetrable man turns around to you shocked with a part of him not knowing he could make such a sounds and a part waiting for you to do it again.
Working on a project with Perturabo, fondling the cogs with your fingers, pushing them into place in the fragile machine, arching your back when you lean forward to pick something up while he’s watching with hardly hidden interest, waiting for the moments your fingers will be touching his body.
Telling Magnus that back on ancient Terra people used to eat certain fruits to enhance their own taste and you just happened to be eating one of those fruits for quite some time after your last coupling but only he could be the judge if it works so why not take a bite in his own private study?
Catching the obsidian eyes of Konrad by sitting on his table, playing with one of his knives, brushing it against your body, while his feather cloak pools around you, revealing blood red ropes that run along your skin and hold you in place, ready to be taken by the Night Haunter.
Entangling your hand in Roboute’s hair, pulling it back roughly and making him look up to you, away from the paperwork and troubles, telling him that you would be in charge tonight and take care of him so he should make a new theoretical and practical about his new role in the bedroom.
Making Jaghatai chase you around playfully while playing hide and seek, leaving behind a trail of pieces of garments for him to collect like trophies, making him all the more eager to come to the finish line and claim his main price right in the grass of his home planet.
Putting Leman in his place, pulling on the leash that became a staple in your bedroom while pushing him back into the furs on the floor with your foot on his chest, daring him to interrupt your ministration and bark back at you while he grins up at you like someone who cracked the jackpot.
Asking Lion if he’s good at keeping secrets, then leaning forward and whispering into his ear, confessing all the positions, places and ways you’re imagine him taking you in, all the clothes or lack there off you imagine him wearing while he does you on the forest floor of Caliban.
Managing to notice Corvus in the shadows in a room full of people and putting on a show just for him with your lips and tongue on a lollipop while holding eye contact with him and giving him a wink before exiting the room expecting him to follow you for a good time in a dark corner.
Flirting with Vulkan more and more daring the longer the day goes on and when he thinks it would lead to nothing but playful banter, you appear before him while he’s alone, draped only in jewelry he had made for you like a silent claim and he only needs to reach out to mold you with his hands.
Letting Fulgrim model for you, slowly making him loose his clothes while going from praising him to outright telling him how you would ravish him as soon as you’re done, getting him worked up and in turn getting a show yourself when he drops the last cloth and steps down from the pedestal.
Sitting on the anvil in Ferrus forge, touching his cool arms and asking him all about his projects, listening to him talk and giving subtle hints about what you want before asking him outright to pound you like his newest project on the anvil when he misses all of them.
Lightening candles all around your room, putting on the colors of passion and making it look like one of Lorgar’s altars, making him swallow down hard when you take one of the candles and let wax drip down on your chest, waiting for him to come and worship you like it’s his last day on earth.
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