"We call our shoes ‘sneakers,’ right? But they're not really sneaking."
"Can't wait till they invent phones with keyboards."
"I don't know this guy. He came to hang out so I complimented his hair."
"How many artichokes can you eat in one sitting?"
"No, go back to my idea!"
"Maybe, they'll throw the books out. Just not follow the books anymore."
"Hey guys did everyone floss today? You gotta floss every day. Otherwise, your dentist makes you feel bad."
"I play piano but I won't call it a talent."
"I'm the funniest person in the cast and that's simply because everybody else is so painfully unfunny."
"There is literally no memory left in my phone. I took fourteen thousand blue sky photos and I need all of them."
"Send him photos of fried chicken and crab cakes."
"I have a dentist appt tomorrow. I'm not gonna brush my teeth tonight. Also not going to shower. This is going to be painful for everyone."
"You are not trash, you are lovely!"
"Don't sign contracts in your blood. It's usually not required by any reputable party."
"He's slippin' out his little tongue eating snail treats off the ground."
"I will eat anywhere in the house. I'll eat cheese crackers in bed!"
"He looks down and sees this wonderful man. He hops down there and smooches that man right on the face. Right in front of everyone."
"...it's not fair that he is more handsome than me!!!"
"Don't do the hokey pokey around witches."
"They're never gonna release the deleted scenes to you guys because they're racy and inappropriate."
"This video is going on social media!"
"I'm ashamed to admit I lied about the selfies. The phone is 98% cow pictures and I can't delete them. I need a new phone. Forgive me."
"Thank god I started sandpapering my feet when I was four."
"Is Alec appreciating at an increased rate because of an increase in demand? Or is it the same rate as before."
"Note, some alpaca do not appreciate head pats."
"If humans lived in barns, we'd be smelly, too."
"Had to delete all my cow photos to make room for selfies, so I will say 'I appreciate you, cows.'"
"Wow. It's spelled Gollum. Wow. So disappointed. Hiding my own cell phone for the next two weeks."
"You're a little kitty cat. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy kitty cat, kitty cat."
"Sometimes when I travel between dimensions, I think, man, I should really buy a sailboat."
"If I was running for President, my VP would be a well trained golden retriever."
"Who's not going to watch Hamlet in space? I mean, Space Hamlet!"
"I just think we should all acknowledge what is awesome about Harry!"
"I like eating food after dark."
"Generally, people avoid kissing their sister in a healthy life."
"If you don't like my zebra leggings, it's because you just don't understand zebra leggings."
"I think we should provide more showers for cows."
"If I'm having a bad day, I eat pizza."
"I hope Google uses the same algorithm to encrypt my email as my pocket does to tie knots with my headphones."
"I would own a farm. Not like growing crops but maybe have a few animals like cows, and maybe an alpaca or a llama. I would chop wood all day."
"Had fun tweeting with/at you guys. Phone is about to die. Gonna go get more double-A batteries."
"The jackhammer has been joined by his friend, the concrete saw. Rare that you get two music legends right outside your window like this."
"Interdimensional cat smuggling is severely punished. But you can make a killing on the black cat market."
"You should just give up on me like I did. So done with me right now I can't even."
"What am I fan of? No one's ever asked me this before! Oh man."
"I don't know why they say that. I think they're poking fun at me."
"Congrats. You deserve that sailboat."
"I don't know. I don't have any pet peeve. Yapping little dogs, I guess. Buttons that don't go up right."
"Donkeys look like rabbit horses."
"Everyone is all, 'follow your heart.' If that worked I'd be watching Shadowhunters in my spaceship."
"I don't condone it, but I understand it, and therefore, I will not pass judgment on it."
"I can eat a pound of pork rinds."
"Baby pigs or baby cows? They're both good options."
"I have deleted a single photo from my phone. I have room for one selfie. Living on the edge. If it happens, no second chances."
"She gets it at a Shadowhunter tailor where we get all our stuff. Are you serious?"
"My cell phone is not the most important thing in my life. It just feels that way."
"Kill her immediately. Problem solved."
"You're not me? Most people aren't, in my experience."
"Man I've spent a whole year talking about sailboats and I could have just jumped on this SHIP."
"Reminder not to cite 'game of thrones' as my motivation for getting into politics."
"To all the people who threaten to punch me in the face... Do I have to be concerned or is that a love thing?"
"Put this on?! Fit it on my body?!"
"I’m going to shave today. Nobody will recognize me and I’ll have to reintroduce myself to all my friends."
"Don't get me started on this question."
"Okay, quick question. What does it mean when someone says they are your 'trash?' Asking for a friend..."
"Wait, 'SexyBack' is by Justin Timberlake?"
"Everyone's smooching everyone and Alec just wants to do his job. That's why he's the best and deserves a big smooch."
