WOMAN IS A TREE.

or do the trees look like taissa? ind. taissa turner, rescued by cj.

[ladyintree]

YOU ALWAYS WIN, ANYWAY. . . . WHY DO YOU THINK I LIKE TO PLAY?

#ladyintree —  an independent, mutuals only 𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀 from 𝐘𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐓𝐒, exploring various time periods from teen through adult canon. rescued by cj, 25+, she/her. triggering themes. read rules before following.

(౹)rules. (੨)about.  (੩)verses. (੫)prompts. other blogs: @itchose / @doomdays / @clownfields

[doomdays]

hello for the 2 months i will be preoccupied packing, moving, + settling into a new apartment but since i haven't really been around Anywhere for a while here's a little note about What's Going On Where if you care 🫂

@clownfields — primarily checking in here. these books are still my comfort zone & with the new book coming in august i don't see that changing anytime soon 🫶 if you hate clowns i don't really post clown imagery. firmly team clown killer.

@doomdays — season 4 of from is here next week so i'll probably be here a little more 🙂‍↕️ but right now i just haven't had a lot of muse characters here.

@ladyintree & @itchose — tai exists in my head always but generally only popping into these blogs atm when there's bts content. my brain can't fathom condensing these 2 blogs so they both exist still💗

[kindrewind]

cj and i just fought for our lives on streaming platform pluto tv because it kept actively changing the movie we were watching to how to lose a guy in 10 days. but each time w/ elapsed time. as if it were playing in some other dimension

it happened 3 times. and i don't think you know how exhausting it is to play tug-of-war with m.atthew m.cconaughey. had to post this here because it happened while we were streaming, wyws, etc.

[ladyintree]

how to lose a guy in 10 days? you can't. here he is again

[taiturner]

The times are so different, and a kid can look at someone like me, happily married to a woman, and say, "Hey, okay, that's a thing." It fills me with hope. It's all that growth in one generation.

@wlwsource month long pride event: favorite character / @rainbowgifs colors of pride event / @lgbtqcreators meme [1/10] lgbtq+ characters: TAISSA TURNER from Yellowjackets, portrayed by Tawny Cypress & Jasmin Savoy Brown

[scatcrccio]

SHE HATES THIS. THEY BOTH DO. BUT NO ONE MORE SO THAN NAT. She hates being stuck in this position, time and time again, having to rely on someone else's generosity. At this point, it was either Tai's or Misty's. Which one — which one —? Granted, Tai's option was the better fit and most obvious. But can she really put Tai out like that, again? Tongue smooths over the surface between her lips in thought, curling and biting down on her bottom lip while considering her options, which were limited to none.

A nod given in agreement, because she's too ashamed to even speak. Doesn't even bother to reference the emptied suggestion that she knows means absolutely nothing. If things were different with my family… no, she knows better than to touch that. What she can't quite get over is the fact that Tai acknowledges 'we're all better away from this fucking place'. Then why haven't they all left—? Sure, they've all had one reason or another. But it dawns on her in such a way that leaves her baffled. ❝ I know. The shit with your family and all… I, get it. ❞

Okay, now it was time for the beer. She wraps her fingers around the glass and takes a large swig, letting it settle upon her tongue before swallowing. ❝ Honestly, I admire the fact you're still trying to make all of that work. I hope that you do. You deserve to be happy, Tai. You deserve the nice, white picket fence type family life more so than anyone else that I know. ❞ And for once, she's not being facetious about it.

❝ To be honest I think I'm just, jealous of it all. Regardless of how tough it's been for you lately I'm still… jealous. But I also can't keep putting myself in the way of what you're trying to do. ❞ Fuck. Another large sip taken from the beer that's in front of her. ❝ I can't keep letting you pay for me. ❞ Of course, she regrets saying it as soon as it's already been said, but it's true.

[ladyintree]

As Nat repeats it,  Taissa feels even worse,  because… selfishly,  she knows the help she’s given Nat the last few years has been at a distance,  not the same kind she’d tried to give her shortly after rescue.  She was fine letting Nat sleep in her dorm room every now and then if she had to,  had no issue inviting her to her place once she moved off campus,  but… this is different.  Taissa built a life with a family who got a version of Taissa that wasn’t completely true,  but it was the only version of herself Taissa was willing to offer,  so was it really that bad?  She couldn’t explain all of this to Simone.  

She wishes she’d been a better friend to Nat all this time, but — she’d done her part.  She gives her money when she can, when she needs it; she protects her, tries to keep her in a better place.  She’s also really, really bad at being a friend beyond that,  at simply being with her.  Even this is uncomfortable, and maybe that’s why — she doesn’t know how to be face to face with her fellow survivors.  Easier to send them what they need and move on with her day. A balance.

But her brows furrow as Nat talks about making it work — Taissa ignoring the fact that yes, that’s exactly what she’s doing, but it feels like a criticism that she has to defend herself for.  “It does work,”  she snaps back a bit too quickly, the perception of her ‘perfect marriage’ faltering, but… of course it is.  Of course people who knew her out there can see right through her.  She hates that.  But her shoulders relax after a moment,  actually hearing Nat now,  and giving her a small nod.  “You deserve it too, Natalie. Whatever it is you want your life to look like,”  she says, her tone just as genuine.  As if it’s as easy as Taissa’s made it out to be — find yourself the perfect life, a family, a successful career despite the odds.  It was the only way for Taissa to move.

She waves a hand in front of her,  but then her eyes look down to the beer, and she scoffs.  “You know I’m not going to give up on you,” she says, like it’s obvious — like Nat hasn’t given herself reason to believe that anyone would.  Taissa still believes she’s here because of Nat, and that’s not something she takes lightly, even if she’s not always good at sharing her gratitude.  “You’re not in the way of anything,  alright?  Stop that.  No.  We’re not doing that. I care too damn much— I’m not letting you give up.”

[taiturner]

@yellowjacketsnetwork event 09: symbolism —  TAISSA TURNER + trees

[ladyintree]

happy birthday gorgeous your present is here (it's van pointing at themself)

this would work on her. and van knows it. tai loves her ridiculously goofy butch with endless charm #herbutch

[ladyintree]

last night i had a dream jeff was decapitated. spoilers for season 4

[kindrewind]

van grimaces, giving a small wave at taissa's apology. she can say she's sorry now, now that van's in the seat beside her with time catching up to them; taissa's oldest fears inhabiting this space between them; but would she have considered how van felt before all this — during the determined success of her campaign?

"you don't have to go there." they murmur, not soft, the words tumbling rocks. passing taissa a remembering look, they are doubtful that she would have considered their feelings and yet they're learning that they have crossed her mind over the years.

by the time that taissa willingly took up the spotlight, breaking that collective promise, tai and van had become strangers to each other. strangers who knew each other more intimately than anybody else could and ever fucking should. feeling a sting during moments like these, van hasn't forgotten how taissa decided that she had to leave their relationship behind in order to achieve those successes in which van would see her photographed.

van remembers more than what feels fucking fair sometimes. the violence of the wilderness, the love between them which was their armor and their weapon. after rescue, as the years went on, those horrors diffused into haunts; and having been dropped back into a world that wasn't actually interested in supporting any of the survivors, van didn't have the sanctuary they had once built with taissa anymore, either.

as much as van tries to move beyond this apology, feeling heard in some part, it enters into a conflict with what difference it makes. their eyes widen into something frustrated and frantic. that same panic needles through their voice like a shooting pain: "we don't just get any do-overs."

how they phrase this is painfully young. they feel younger and smaller than they are. like they're back in their early twenties, at shauna's joke of a wedding, dizzy from an open bar, and drunker off the vision of taissa who is somehow their 'ex-girlfriend,' like anything about what they had could have been referred to in terms so hollowly mundane. but what's being awakened in van now, as it was back then, is the growing awareness that there can never be any going back; and that's where these apologies fester into frustration for van. this isn't entirely on taissa, who's been doing her best to acknowledge van's feelings, which since their conversation last night has brought some emotional relief, but it's the challenge of accepting that apologies can't rewrite their past. that the hurt and the wrecks have been done.

understanding the draw of nostalgia better than anyone, van regularly feels the visceral pull of wanting to go back to a feeling of when the past could have gone differently. they've reconstituted the good parts of the past into their present life. from those feelings, however, arises the straining awareness that they can never actually go back. this is true of the rupture in tai and van's relationship, too, and van, living with a changed relationship to time, is moving closer toward making the discovery that they need this fact recognized: that all there is is the time they have left.

tai and van will never be able to bring their friends back. van will never forget what it feels like to shuffle lives in their hands until they've memorized a face for each suit. tai and van can't get back years together for which those lives were supposedly sacrificed. the reality is that they went in the different directions they likely always were going to. presently, van's sick, driving taissa into a life that they've built for themself entirely separate of her. they won't be able to get any years back, but it's important to van that tai recognizes they do have right now. with them both here and breathing, maybe those sacrifices weren't, in the end, for nothing. tai isn't living with the altered relationship to time that van is (which can already feel isolating), but can't she at least see, with the two of them here, that this story between them, in all of its love and its horror, isn't over yet.

it's still going, whatever it is. and like every time past that something's happened between them, van doesn't know what to call it. there's never been a name for what they have.

but van can feel it. van feels it in the way taissa toys with them, confessing to getting spooked by horror flicks (and how palpably her real, lived fears pulse beneath that confession). proud of themself, van confidently snorts. "just a little? mn. huge understatement." they tease back, just to take pleasure in the playfulness that they used to use to tether each other through the horrors. likewise, tai catches van's act of avoidance. van discerns tai's fears; tai discerns, whether or not she means to, van's use of movies as an escape into other stories, other worlds, when van's own wasn't very savory: "but, uh, to answer your question, no. so happens that horror's coming in dead last on my list of appealing genres to show you right about now, thanks." they say seriously; but leap their brows at her almost comically, ya catch my drift?

— out of the truck and into the crisp air, the fading daylight spits sparks around them. the engine ticks hot as it rests. heat runs up van's spine as tai answers their touch by dragging her hand down the rough of their sleeve. humming at her compliment, it fades out into a smirk. tired, wordless, they trail their fingers low over the skin at her hip, where any bashful look in their eye deepens into something like hunger. something like the night on the compound. something like tai's hot breath in their mouth.

"i'll leave you to it," they salute back her little wave.

while taissa's on the hunt for snacks, van fills up the tank to where it's just enough to make the last marker. in solitude, they wrestle out a bottle of pain relievers from their backpack in the trunk. eventually, it's second nature, how van registers the sound of tai's footfalls. they look up to see her displaying assorted goodies with such enthusiasm that it squeezes a heartfelt laugh out of van. "shit." squinting from where they're leaning against the truck, they work at better seeing what she found. "you win the lottery while you were in there?" realistically, they're more tired than they are hungry, and they look it — and they also look very fucking won over. biting their smiling lip, "what'd'ya get?"

van eases down when taissa pitches her offer to drive that last marker. physically, they're overcome by a wash of relief at not having to hunch over the wheel a second longer. emotionally that relief is quickly shot through by tense reluctance. neither will they let slide her jab about tearing the wheel apart, not when taissa's rapid-fire questions had more than something to do with that clutch. eyes narrowing, they shake their head and look at her through errant strands of hair. "wait, wait just a sec. you wanna switch off? meaning, what? you drive this thing — yeah, didn't forget that — and it's my turn to play twenty-fucking-questions?"

chewing at their cheek, they are starting to feel wiped. all of the hours they've already drove would be a lot on the healthiest person. hand in their coat pocket, they feel the silver bite of their keys and glare at taissa because they're actually considering this in spite of themself, "ugh."

[ladyintree]

she’s not really sure what to do with that — if van doesn’t want her to go there because they don’t want to hear it, or because they don’t want to revisit it at all…  it still feels important to say,  but she’s trying to respect their boundaries,  trying to understand where she fits into it all.

so taissa presses her lips together, sinks a little more into her seat, and gives a small nod.  she couldn’t count the times she’d thought of van over the years,  but she can say that it was never easy,  thinking of them… the guilt that washed over her when she did, the curiosity and sorrow that followed.  all she could do was hope that van was okay,  at least.  better, maybe.

because, yes, they were strangers by the time taissa started her rise to power — but not in every sense.  taissa is still the person known best by van;  all the parts of herself she’d tried to hide since the wilderness,  all the parts she’d wanted to bury.  but they’re still a part of her — and van still knows her, even if they don’t know her as she’s been.  it’s hard to consider van a stranger considering all that,  but van’s words,  ‘we don’t know each other anymore,’  still ring true.  they don’t, and that’s what this is all about— she needs to know who van was in taissa’s absence. 

in taissa’s lifelong journey of success,  in trying to perfect herself,  that’s something she’s always understood — we don’t just get any do-overs — and yet,  she tries anyway.  it’s what she did when they got back — told herself she could just start back from where she left off,  as if those 19 months in oblivion never happened,  like she could reclaim that time and forget everything that happened to her there.

van included. 

and now, here they are, they can’t go back, but they can’t re-do, either.  this is something new, as much as it is something nostalgic,  something taissa’s long for for years now,  despite trying to push it away.  

taissa turns her head to them,  gives them a small nod.  “another chance then, maybe,”  she says quietly,  hopeful.  

but taissa tries to relax into this banter,  regaining some comfortability and some confidence within it,  how easy it is to fall into place with van.  “okay, hey,”   she says with a playful scoff,  shooting a teasingly stern look at her.  “so,  we’re not watching any horror movies together,”  she warns, like she can’t bear it if van can tease her sitting next to her — but wouldn’t that be exactly why they could, and should?

maybe a horror movie is a little more digestible to taissa when sitting next to van and all their warmth.  maybe that’s exactly what the wilderness was — manageable because of their love, something to cling to, something to keep taissa warm.

her eyes narrow for a moment before she’s nodding her head in surrender.  “so—“  she says,  raising a brow.  “what’s at the top of that list, then, palmer?”  she taunts,  wondering how much has changed in van’s taste… and, of course, how much she actually remembers of it herself.

— taissa gives them a small, playful shimmy in place of actually answering the question,  or addressing how much money she’d dropped at a gas station, of all places,  but winning them over was certainly the goal.  “mm— pretty sure i cracked the riddle.  some sprinkled donuts for you,”  she says proudly,  then holds up the other snacks,  raising a brow,  as if looking for another win in van’s eyes that they do still like them.

her eyes narrow in at them as she waits for their acceptance.  “yes,  i drive this thing,”  she repeats,  nudging her hip against the truck,  as if to check it’s quality.  “pretty sure i can handle it,”  she says,  flashing a grin back at van now.  “the questions, too,”  she says, a bit more confidently than she actually is, because van surely has plenty of questions taissa doesn’t want to answer.  but she really does want to make this work, whatever it is, and she can’t get there if she avoids it all entirely.

van isn’t exactly giving in just yet, but taissa takes it as a win anyway.  “come on.  no one likes driving that much,”  she insists,  a subtle assurance that this isn’t tai’s attempt to coddle them just because they’re sick — she likely should’ve been helping them drive to new york in the first place when tai had asked them to bring her to the compound,  but it was a bit harder to banter then.  “besides, look at all these snacks you’ve gotta eat,”  she adds,  holding them up with another playful grin,  shoulders shimmying again. 

[ghstlnes]

“A sports injury, then?” Samira sets the tablet down on the metal tray, picking a pair of gloves from the open box and slipping them on with a polite smile. (Call her Slow-Mo now, Michael.) Without examining the laceration, she can already tell it is deep — The girl will need stitches, at the very least. There's always threats of muscle damage, swollen bones, infections — But one step at a time. Overwhelming both herself and the patient with possibilities that might not come into play is the last thing she wants to do.

Especially considering the girl is impatient, already. Samira doesn't know if it comes from the waiting, or the girl herself. Under a lot of pressure, maybe — I can't really afford to sit out a game. Samira can understand that.

She sits, probing at the girl's leg — Careful not to touch the cut just yet. “Was this a field injury, or did it happen in the locker room?” She keeps her voice gentle, cheerful — Making sure to keep any accusations out of her tone. She doesn't know this girl, but she needs to know if the cut got in contact with grass and dirt. Infections are quite common in wounds like this, and if missed, the girl will be stuck with a longer healing period. Touching at the edges of the cut, she adds enough pressure to be felt. “Is there any numbness around the area? Bones hurting? — Can you move your toes for me, Miss Turner?”

[ladyintree]

She rolls her eyes at the word ‘injury’ — even though that’s what this is,  but it’s a word that makes Taissa’s mind spiral to places she’s trying to avoid,  like being benched for any period of time.  She’s worked too hard to be this good,  despite everything,  and she can’t have a big set back her first year back in the game, but she’s not sure anyone else would understand that — she’s not even sure she could put it into words if she wanted.

She’s already proven herself enough to be starting her freshman year,  she’s already gotten the attention of her coaches and the older players.  They won’t leave her behind,  some part of Taissa knows that — but she’s convinced herself that one wrong move will ruin everything she worked so hard for, and she refuses to let that happen.

Taissa hardly reacts to the probing;  she’s accustomed to the pain,  a ‘little’ cut like this nothing to her,  even if logically,  she understands it’s not likely she can play until it starts to heal.  She tries not to dwell on that now.

“Field.  During practice.”  At least she has that going for her — she didn’t embarrass herself during a fucking game.  “Teammate tripped in front of me and I got caught on her cleat,”  she starts to explain a little more,  at least trying to let her job,  even though Taissa’s antsy to get out of here,  to not really answer any questions at all.  

“No. No.”  She pushes out a sigh and wiggles her toes, despite feeling ridiculous, despite knowing it’s necessary.  “Just tell me I’m not going to be out long.”

[ladyintree]

she was so turned on when van yelled at her. amen

[ladyintree]

"i'm doing everything right, it's everything around me that's all fucked up."

[64mpg]

i hate when things aren’t my business #whatisgoingon #dontleavemehanging #tellmesomethingplease

[ladyintree]

crazy for my personal samira/taissa agenda

[ladyintree]

Ohio is For Lovers

keep (your jeep) rolling on and on and on and on

[ladyintree]

spending all day trying to decipher if the book jasmin's holding in the bts video is an intentional character hint or simply a book she's reading on set but i just don't think anything is included in these specific videos (on them / in their hands) that isn't some kind of intentional hint. even though the book was released in 2002 and wouldn't necessarily be available to tai herself.

but "calls for women to embrace love as a heroic, life-affirming journey, not just an emotion, but a practice of care, commitment, and growth" is so. well.

[kindrewind]

van's mouth quirks into a frown. "i just thought you might wanna know." they feel ridiculous for saying this, either because taissa's got to already know that they've never let anyone else in on what's only theirs, or from the strange, enduring intimacy that runs like a voltage between them at the very acknowledgement.

in addition to keeping taissa's secrets safe — van's had their own life to live. they wouldn't have wanted to constantly be drowning in the worst of their past by talking about it either. mostly, they tried to drown it out, but even when life was at its most tumultuous after rescue, it was still theirs.

on this trip, however long or, most likely, short with view to the circumstances back east, taissa's about to see an important segment of van's life for herself.

the past, the wilderness, has always been there, hovering in the periphery of their lives. these days van can feel that in a way that's long been unique to them; but that nearness feels different now than it did the night of the wolf attack. van also knows that taissa's felt the past in her own way. van isn't sure what to expect when they'll eventually return east, but they know that there isn't any other choice but to go back. lottie needs their support. taissa has personal matters to sort through. this intervening time in ohio could be a reprieve.

that's enough for van for right now, who's trying to focus on the moment. the next one isn't always promised. today, they are feeling okay, if not starting to tire from the drive and as the day deepens.

eyes flashing wide, they startle when taissa makes the reach of her fame into a question. with a shake of their head, they scoff. "do i think?" at least taissa makes some acknowledgement of the spotlight she's put herself under, mentions how the others lectured her for it, which isn't an uncomplicated thought to van, who's learned to claim their own visibility. taissa conjures to van's imagination natalie in all of her wonderfully brash fortitude and a pissed-off, scandalized shauna. something sad takes over their face.

they tilt up their chin, keep focused on the road, composing themself.

"so what you actually meant to ask was if i knew." their laugh's rocky. "don't waste time asking what you already know."

the distance between new jersey and ohio was not wide enough to stop that news from traveling (which, well, nobody should know better than taissa herself). van had, with relative success, spent years avoiding whatever was getting regurgitated about the yellowjackets in the media. turning away from taissa's name, from a photograph of her as she is now, with her beautiful wife and son, was harder — striking at a hurt and a longing they didn't need to remember they continued to hold at their core.

this conversation gets shelved for now. on some level, it seems that they both recognize that this isn't exactly the time or the place for it. but van has questions that might surface in the comfortable privacy of their apartment. they could ask about this supposed 'reporter' taissa hired, and how almost everybody else seemed to have had prior knowledge of her. van's stomach flips. she could have been a disguised customer, or maybe, like they've just broached, taissa trusted van enough to protect what's always been between them. do they want to know the answer?

exiting the highway, taissa's 'case' for annoying movies livens van's smirk. "okay," they're audibly holding back a laugh. "bullseye. for sure. that trope's virtually unwatchable, but the rom-com genre has standouts." that opinion is vividly clear in the namesake of van's video store. "horror," they catch themself on their usual rambles, deciding to redirect this renewed playful energy into teasing tai instead, "you make a good argument, babe, but i need more convincing you don't just get spooked."

they've both had enough horror for one lifetime, but even van isn't opposed to the odd scary movie or two. plus, you can't just lump together an entire genre of film. (horror, however, is more so their trainee jerri's department, from whom van's learned more about themself through the mechanics of horror than they'd care to know.)

it isn't lost on van that taissa is selecting movies that were a part of their past together. not the past, but the past before that past, the one full of hope that van has reassembled into their video store. sometimes it feels like the memories from that lifetime belong to a different person entirely, or like they never actually happened at all. but here she is, taissa turner, proof that it all did happen. that it is happening still. their brow falters at the thought, and like second nature, they want to reach for her.

they can feel the wear of the day as they pull into the gas station, so close to home now. groaning as they step out of the truck, they press a palm to their neck and lightly stretch. "jesus, we're seriously rackin' up the miles." and it's an old truck. "truck might be feeling it worse than i am." they companionably pat its door but the humor doesn't help as much as they almost think it might. it at least works to give taissa some insight into how they're feeling without having to say it outright.

looking up from a frown, they blink at taissa, who might be a figment of their imagination under the mellowing sunlight. they allow themself the pleasure of trailing their fingers down her arm, and decide it's their turn now:

"so, uh, we gonna talk about the outfit...?" they squint playfully, and then half-grin. "i like it."

chuckling low in their throat at her suggestion, "kay, gorgeous, pressure's on. but if i'm supplying a hint, frosted beats powdered." they raise their brows at her, not quite saying that it'd probably be a good idea if they took it easy by the truck, "i'll hang back, get us all fueled up."

[ladyintree]

taissa gives van a small, slow nod, and then focuses her eyes ahead again,  wondering how much of van saying that is in defense of something that taissa told them, or implied, long ago.  she trusted van even when she had no reason to — when van had every reason to hold everything they could against her,  but she never doubted them.  van’s not the kind of person to betray her that way — even if taissa betrayed them, first.

“i knew,” she says, mostly under her breath,  shooting van a look that says i trust you.

and please, trust me, too.

just barely, she sinks into her seat again,  van repeating those words enough to make taissa feel ashamed.  as a teenager,  the thought of nat or shauna judging her always pissed her off,  made her that much more determined to never give them reason to — but now,  in the aftermath of everything they’d all been through,  after the bonds they’ve all formed,  she hates to know that van was looking down on her.  she also knows she’d deserve it,  given what her own rise to spotlight put them all in the crossfire,  even if she wanted to believe it wouldn’t affect anyone else.

taissa frowns, looking back at them finally as van corrects the question.  it’s not what she meant to ask, no, but she supposes that she deserved that callout, too.  

she wanted to know if van resented her for being put in the spotlight, but she hadn’t considered what it would do to van to see not just taissa, but her family, too — full of all its pretend glory,  celebrated with all the platforms taissa stood on going back to them. 

“i didn’t think about what it would be like for…”  she pauses, taking a breath.  “—you to see all that.”  she nods her head, taking the beating, eyes glancing over van again.  “i’m sorry.”  and that answers the question she did have — she was selfish.  maybe she doesn’t actually have to ask van that question to know it’s what they think.

she starts to smirk, a little lighter now, as van agrees — a victory in itself, really. but her head falls back on the headrest and she groans.  “oh, sure…”  she says with a small grin, implying she doesn’t think there are many.   that may not be true; taissa just hasn’t exactly been a rom-com person in… a long time,  though she’d be lying to herself if she claimed she didn’t learn plenty from them.  how to portray a happily married woman, perhaps.

she’s so caught up in ‘babe’ that the accusation doesn’t even prompt tai’s usual, angered defense — because now there’s a bright grin on her face, and for a moment, she’s able to pretend everything is fine.  everything is good.  and there was a time when she refused to let van see the parts of her that scared even taissa,  but then,  van came to understand her maybe even better than taissa understood herself — and for that,  she can accept their accusation,  doesn’t feel the usual need to hide it.

“—it’s stupid,”  she says,  eyes narrowing in on them as a mostly playful warning.  but her eyes linger for a moment before she’s taking a deep breath and giving an accepting nod.  “so, yeah.  okay.  i might get a little spooked.  better to just avoid it all, right?”  which is spoken a lot lighter than tai feels — avoidance had always been an easier route for her.  “what, don’t tell me you’re dying to give me a thousand horror recs—?”  she asks, a more playful grin returning.

taissa nearly makes another comment about the truck, but she decides to go easy on it — especially as she notes the hint in van’s words,  so desperate to really ask about how they’re actually feeling,  but she’d promised van that she would back off a little,  not hover as much as she desperately wants to.  which isn’t easy for taissa to do.  still, she makes a mental note to get them some good snacks in place of more questions van definitely doesn’t want.

her eyes look to van’s hand, then trail up to their eyes, a soft grin on taissa’s lips in anticipation for whatever this is — even the smallest crumb welcome.   and when it comes in a compliment,  taissa’s smile grows wide, proud.  she’d overthought the outfit and is pleased that van seems content.  “looking good yourself, palmer,” she taunts,  her own hand reaching to briefly drag over van’s arm before she’s turning with a small wave that tells van that she’s got it under control.

and she hurries through the gas station,  grabbing some frosted donuts — with sprinkles — a few waters, and some other various snacks she remembers van enjoying,  even if tai wouldn’t necessarily eat them herself.  

heading back to the car,  she holds her findings up proudly and grins back at van — she won’t say it,  but she’s concerned,  noticing the way van seems to need a break… and also recognizing that they likely won’t say it.  “want me to drive the rest of the way?  give you a break from trying to tear that steering wheel apart?”  she asks with a playful smirk, hoping that a joke might take away from the fact that she’s trying to take care of them,  afraid van will be quick to shut her down otherwise.