Dr. Julia Langford, PhD @ladylazarusphd - Tumblr Blog

fuck plasmids. i get my special powers from eating the Fontaine Futuristics (c) industrial strength fertilizer tablets when no ones looking

ladylazarusphd

the haters will say it’s toxic and kills u. jokes on them. my internal ecosystem has never been healthier. I eat a slice of bread and it’s digested within seconds with the speed and ferocity and horrifically loud noises of a mechanical woodchipper. I could digest a tungsten brick (hypothesis)

ladylazarusphd

Hypothesis incorrect

#hate going to the doctor . head surgeon very judgemental #just purge the lead from my body without looking at me funny please. i dont want ur input on my diet #also he kept me awake the whole time and talked abt how bad my intestines are the whole time?#like it’s MY fault aerosol fertilizer is corrosive??#like look the lead was on me I did eat that intentionally but I’m just breathing out here n this mf refuses to let it go #‘your jawline is busted and your airways are damaged. pay me three thousand dollars’#and I do it :/#the tungsten tasted like shit btw will not be trying again #bioshock

drumlincountry

If your life is horrible and you need a new source of meaning and direction.... Do NOT find religion. Learn to identify plants.

nemfrog

Anton Seder. Die Pflanze in Kunst und Gewerbe /The Plant in Art and Industry. vol.2. ca. 1887-89. The apotheosis of the root vegetable.

Internet Archive

creature-adjacent

Carnivorous plants doin this is so funny to me

They don't wanna eat their pollinators :(

questionablepastries

flipocrite

age-old advice, don’t fuck where you eat

mrtlinez

Terrariums

Available as stickers, prints, etc. on Redbubble

#arcadia inspo

withdreamsofhereafter

Hexagonal growth in a black olive tree

monstera exhibit flooded. clap if we care

Things are a bit cleaner? Unclear how much progress I’ve made. Someone ate my datura samples and wrecked the lab but hopefully they died near enough that the seeds survived decomposition

Jesus it looks disgusting out here. Am I the only one cleaning this place. If you’re going to have a laugh at my expense at least keep the place clean until I defrost

Stop tricking me into entering cryostasis chambers. It is rude and disrespectful

m0nster-nonks

Sketching Juli Langford being the sassy plant lady she is.

ladylazarusphd

I hate mites. We should have done screenings of EVERY specimen brought down here like I suggested but nooo “if it thrives above it will thrive below” they said. “btw we’re paying you to make stuff thrive below because it won’t on its own” they also say. I hate it here

ladylazarusphd

mealybugs devoured my chamomile and sage and mites killed the corn. Im so desperate for fresh food

#I cannot survive on spam do u know how bad it smells in an enclosed laboratory #I literally cook it under the fume hood and it STILL SMELLSSSSSS #solum maris solum terrae

I hate mites. We should have done screenings of EVERY specimen brought down here like I suggested but nooo “if it thrives above it will thrive below” they said. “btw we’re paying you to make stuff thrive below because it won’t on its own” they also say. I hate it here

#I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN CHARGE OF SPECIMEN IMPORTTTTTT #I need to smash some flasks to vent but the supply chain has entirely collapsed so. journaling it is

STOP PUTTING PEAS IN MY HYDROPONIC CORN.

#someone left a note saying they were ‘peeing in the corn’ which chemical tests debunked #was stumped until these things sprouted #I suppose you all think you’re very funny

Borage bloomed. Happy 1960. Again

they do not make enough plant themed shot glasses for me to be throwing them at the wall so wantonly and yet I do

#I am literally Sisyphus.

been dreaming about grapes. very mediocre plant to be taking up so much brain time. disappointing.

#julie’s notes

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Dr. Julia Langford, PhD