@lame-as-heck - Tumblr Blog

I can’t handle it anymore. I just keep waiting for something really bad to happen to push me over the edge. I try so hard to think of my family in times like this but even now it’s not making me want to stay. I want to go so bad. I never wanted to live this long. I wish I knew what it was like to be normal.

riben-deactivated20230922

Fucking. Wow im gonna die

edwordsmyth

Heather Havrilesky

I don’t feel real.

I think I’m going to die soon.

I want to disappear, or go to sleep and never wake up. But the thought of making the few people who know me (my family but mostly my dog) sad, is the only thing stopping me. So I’ve begun serious isolation. I’ve detached myself from all friends. They don’t even care though.. I wonder why so many people think depression and anxiety is selfish. I mean it’s not like I’m going to say “I hate myself so much I can no longer bear being perceived so I’m deciding to live in isolation until i no longer have any obligations and no one will miss me so then i can die guilt free” I just really don’t get how you can see someone struggling and call them selfish… I guess if your mind doesn’t scream at you all day you wouldn’t understand. Lucky you.

my brain tells me that if I experience positive feelings I’m faking my depression/negative feelings so when I feel something positive I also feel shame and it’s a terrible cycle I’m stuck in. In my own head.

It tells me I don’t deserve anything good because I’m struggling to keep up with necessities. But it gets to the point where I don’t even allow myself to eat. So I know it can’t be normal.

aaaangel444

sweatermuppet

being in yr 20s is abt experiencing the worst thing you can imagine & then having to go to the grocery store

The darkest most evil aspect of my depression is that it rips out the hearts of everyone I love, stomps on them and then blames me for it. And there is nothing I can do or say to fix it. It won’t even let me speak. It doesn’t even let me think. It just screams all day. It’s like a fucking monster destroying me from the inside out. I’m barely hanging on to reality.

Nothing hurts more than being called selfish because your life is spiraling and you’re so depressed and suicidal that you can’t be there for your friends. Never in my life have I felt this hopeless and it’s been met with people telling me it’s my fault, I need to do more or try harder, and I’m selfish. I think I’m broken past the point of return. It just gets worse every day I stay alive.