I just want to eat literally everything but I'm so constipated and cramping constantly my god I can't wait to afford an abortion

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Sweet Seals For You, Always

Product Placement

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Keni

Kaledo Art
NASA

pixel skylines

roma★
trying on a metaphor
will byers stan first human second
DEAR READER
Game of Thrones Daily

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dirt enthusiast

titsay

if i look back, i am lost

ellievsbear

izzy's playlists!
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@lame-cat
I just want to eat literally everything but I'm so constipated and cramping constantly my god I can't wait to afford an abortion
Iridescent Angel and Fairy Wings Backpacks
Krukru Studio on Etsy
Las leyes de la física son inquebrantables.
This is legitimately the funniest thing ive ever seen
I’m screaming
SDHSKSJHSJS I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING
Gustav Klimt, Death and Life, 1915
Wild animals reacting to a mirror
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
oh my god these are great
fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
oblivion is an abysmal game and everyone should play it
Farewell!
new prints for this year’s bronycon! i’ll have these, along with much more including pillows and a new artbook, at table 217 in the dealer’s hall. please do come round and say hallo!
see you tomorrow!
DINOSAURS OVER THE YEARS
This is a series of posters I made to show how our perception of Dinosaurs and other animals of the mesozoic changed over the years. These and few more are featured in a Youtube video you can watch HERE
this art is available for prints, t-shirts and other goods HERE
http://mariolanzas.tumblr.com/
Bring me back my 1900s stego
Wow! Someone on Facebook was nice enough to give me permission to share this! I had NO IDEA plush Lofty and Baby Lofty were packaged like this! Again, WOW!!!
it would be both an honour and a pleasure to be able to own a baby lofty that looks like that
early TCG illustrations by Keiji Kinebuchi were the coolest
do you ever think about how the series of events that lead to Dumbledore’s death in HBP was literally set into motion by Oliver Wood’s passion for Quidditch
okay but literally I can’t stop thinking about this -
it is of course possible that Draco would have gotten the Death Eaters into the school some other way if the Vanishing Cabinet hadn’t created the perfect opportunity, but it wasn’t looking likely.
so like, it’s reasonable enough to assume that Dumbledore’s death (at the hands of Snape specifically, obviously I know he was going to die soon enough from the curse, but the timing does make a difference so I’m still focused on this) occurred because of the Death Eaters getting into the school. the reason the Death Eaters were able to get into the school was because of the Vanishing Cabinet in the Room of Requirement, which Draco repaired.
the Vanishing Cabinet ended up in the Room of Requirement over the summer of 1996, presumably (reasoning for this is in the next paragraph), and Draco discovered it there sometime in his 6th year. but the only reason he had even known what it was, and what it could do, was because he had spoken with….
Graham Montague, a Slytherin who was in 7th year in 1995-1996 (when Harry & co were in 5th year). Montague was shoved into the Vanishing Cabinet in that year by Fred and George Weasley, because he was a part of the Inquisitorial Squad and was presumably about to take points from the Weasley twins for doing something disruptive. and we know that Montague got stuck in a limbo between the two connected cabinets, due to one of them being broken - he could hear things being discussed in Borgin & Burkes, which is how he was able to let Malfoy know that the other “end of the tunnel”, or basically the other cabinet, was in Borgin & Burkes (which, Draco would already have seen as a 12-year-old, in the summer before his 2nd year, when he visited the shop with his father - fun fact, Harry hid in that exact cabinet while Lucius Malfoy was transacting with Borgin).
Montague would never have had this experience at all if the cabinet hadn’t been broken in the first place. but in fact, we know exactly how, when, why, and by whom the cabinet was broken.
it was in the fall of 1992, when Nearly Headless Nick observed that Harry had gotten in trouble with Filch, and prompted Peeves to drop that very same cabinet from a large height in order to cause a distraction for Filch, allowing Harry to get out of trouble.
why was Harry in trouble in the first place? because he was “tracking mud” in the corridors.
why was he tracking mud in the corridors? because Oliver Wood had had him out on the Quidditch pitch all day even though it had been literally storming outside. so Harry came into the castle drenched and splattered with mud.
Dumbledore literally died because of how obsessed Oliver Wood was with winning the Quidditch Cup.
thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
sorry, one more thing - people keep reblogging this with tags that imply they think that this is like a “headcanon” or just “plausible” and while I get why you would think that, I need you to really understand how canonical this is because it’s Very canonical which is Ridiculous
to clarify:
the bits about the Vanishing Cabinet being the only real way he had to get the Death Eaters in, having heard about it from Montague and how that made him realize he could use them as a passage, etc - that was all clearly laid out in HBP, chapter 27 (The Lightning-Struck Tower).
Montague being shoved into the cabinet takes place in OOTP, chapter 28 (Snape’s Worst Memory).
Draco seeing the cabinet and Harry being in the cabinet is all in CoS, chapter 4 (At Flourish and Blotts).
and the entire situation with the Quidditch practice and the mud and Harry getting in trouble and Nick getting Peeves to drop the cabinet is in CoS, chapter 8 (The Deathday Party).
it’s the lined-up-dominoes meme, and it’s ridiculous. and it’s all on the page.
It’s better than that.
Voldemort died because Harry was the master of the Elder Wand that Voldemort was trying to use.
Why was Harry the master? Because he overpowered its previous master, Draco, and won its allegiance.
Why was Draco master of the Elder Wand? Because he disarmed Dumbledore in the precise sequence being discussed, which relied on the vanishing cabinet.
Harry defeated Voldemort because of Oliver Wood’s passion for quidditch.
Technically, Draco lead to Dumbledores death twice. Both by getting the death eaters into the castle but also because if it weren’t for him stealing Neville’s rememberall, Harry wouldnt have ended up on the team at all, and consequentially, getting mud through the corridors
I like how JKR seeded plot points early to the extent that a cabinet had a backstory and cameos 5 years before it mattered and then she tells us that Voldemort’s big dumb snake was a Korean lady the whole time based on no evidence and expects us to believe she didn’t just make it up as she went along