Clockwork of the Heart

la meva ànima : my soul I'm just a teenage girl going through that hectic moment in life, the big transition, which is going to last until my 30s. These are my thoughts, accept them, rebuke them, hit me with reality. :) Cause I do need a wake up call.

[olearypoetry]

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[law-of-attraction-central]

So do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide. - Meredith Grey

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Beautiful Quote #NewPost [8]

[lamevaanima]

This little light of mine

I found it. The light. The sweet beautiful light. He loves me. I love him. I was waiting for him. Idiot. Wanting. Hurt. I should've just waited. Found me. Saved me. My light. My love. Forever shining.

[lamevaanima]

The middle of the night

It's quiet. And dark. My mind is beseiged with deep thoughts. Light Dark I'm floating in a deep dark sea. Am I happy? Then I think, "Perhaps not." The sky. It's deep blue haze captures. The great white orb, my heart. Alone. Minor Insignificant "Perhaps...." -lamevaanima

[lamevaanima]

I don't know what I'm doing anymore

I tell one person one thing. And then do the other with another. Why am I doing this? It wasn't just an excuse, I'm really not like that. And yet I am with him...

But then does it make a difference that I know the difference is that this one doesn't care for me in that way? I mean, I hope. But, hope is only a figment of my imagination in this scenario.

Why am I doing this to myself? Is it wrong of me? Am I doing everything wrong?

I know it's not right. Is it?

I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could read people's minds. I wish I knew what to think. I wish I just knew everything that I should be doing.

[lamevaanima]

I'm falling too fast to catch myself.

So, a few nights ago I was out hanging with my three coworkers, one of them being that one friend of mine. It's this specific group we have where whenever we all work together we all go over to one of their houses. This one specific night, we all decided to build and fort and all squeeze in together. It just so happened that the fort was just big enough to fit us squishy like. So I ended up spooning with one of the two boys. The other girl was between me and the other boy.

So, it's my first time legitly cuddling. And he was so warm. And nice. and gentlemanly about it. We fell asleep that way. It was really nice. And comfy. And whenever I would move to get comfy he would unconciously move to make us more snuggly. And it was just really nice. and cute.. Only problem is, he's taken. But a lot of people say that cuddling doesn't mean anything. Except in this case, it gave my heart a jump start to a kindergarten crush on this man who is TAKEN. I'm sure he didn't think anything of it. heartbreak But, that just means he's a faithful boyfriend. So it's good.

But anyway, so now I'm rapidly thinking about him A LOT. And as I think about him more I am falling for him faster and quicker.. and I'm quite sure it's not good. He's taken. And all that can happen is me getting majorly hurt.. or possibly messing up our nice friendship. WHY?! Damn. I'm so screwed.

I can only hope for so much I guess? I'll just keep going with the flow and see what happens. I can't help it if I like him right? I'll just have to accept it so I can get over it.

Gosh, I'm such an idiot. Setting myself up for major heartbreak! WHY?! I wonder if this is all hormonal stuff and I'm about to get my period? Who knows. >< Sometimes I hate being female.

[lamevaanima]

My conclusions.

So, I have decided that I most definitely do not like the drummer. I just like having someone to mess with. And he's single so it's safe. But I decided I don't like him like that because... he's not exactly what I'm looking for in a guy. Not only that, he's freaken young.. -___-;; And for one, he'd as easily go and flirt with another girl he was interested in just as easily. Which is kinda juvenile..

Let me tell you... Me and romance novels= fictional love that can never possibly come true. Hopeless romantic I am.. Sucks to be me! -____-;; But hopefully he'll show up eventually. God has a plan right? Or maybe I'm still just living in the clouds. But I like my clouds..

Well, whoever he is, I expect him to be confident, sure of himself, and to chase me. Not me having to chase. What the freak? That's like.. sissy. I don't want to have to freaken chase after you. I'm gone then. Sorry. Lol..

Yeah.. That is my thoughts.

[lamevaanima]

Spontaneous Adventures

Hey, I haven't posted on this blog in quite a while. But, I have had so much fun the past three weeks. :3 I got close to a bunch of people quite quickly. And now we're like our own little family.

I've come to type down my emotions. I guess it's about time I confronted them so I can leave them. It's okay for people to not feel the same way. First off, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about my friend. He's awesome, sweet, and I can see that he is definitely a good boyfriend. Only problem is, I'm not quite sure I would date him. And no doubt I am attracted to him. AND I like him. But I don't know if I'm in like with him. I haven't quite figured it out. And that is most definitely a truth. But he has a girlfriend. All the good ones are taken. Always. Lol. And that is how I feel about him. I don't exactly know but I know that there is something there. But for now, I shall ride with it. :P

Secondly.. his band member, the drummer. He's quite hillarious. :3 And I enjoy his company. And I think I could possibly like him.. but then I'm thinking that I more enjoy just plain messing with him. More than attracted to him. I'm attracted to human presence actually.. very fatal disease. Lol. UNLESS, I know that the other person is taken, and looking for more from myself. Now that is just scandalous.. -___-;; Stay true man. But yeah.. These are my thoughts.

I'm not going to start anything with anyone while I'm still not even sure about my feelings for other people. That's just asking for disaster.. So as for now.. I guess I'll just remain a vlut.. and flirt. chill. Have fun.

I hope I'm not going to regret any of this. >.<

[lamevaanima]

Why are you doing this to me?

You lost me when you only wanted to text at night. When you didn't want to make time for me. When all you wanted to do was text "cuddling." It doesn't even exist! So how the heck and what the heck?

And most importantly you lost me when you chose her.

You tell me things like you like me, want to take my first kiss, all that crazy stuff.. Then stop communicating for two days straight. And on the third day you're in a relationship?!

Now you expect me to have some form of feelings for you? Give you a chance? Personally I never see it coming. You freaken LIED to me. How can you say stuff like that and then next thing you know you're dating another girl. Yeah, okay. Whatever.

Just glad I got to see that part of you first.

And now you're back here telling me you think I'm sexy, cute.. etc?! You have a GIRLFRIEND! Stay true to her! Gosh dangit! I'm not a home wrecker and you don't have a chance with me!!

You ruined that.

Just let it go! We'll be friends and that is the only thing we'll ever be.

That is all I have to say about it.

[lamevaanima]

I'm scared to put it down in words

If I do, it means it's true. And truth be told, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. If I admit to myself that I have feelings for him... will it make it worse? Will I feel for him stronger? Could I stop my emotions?

What if it all ends in disaster?

For now, I will simply wait.

[lamevaanima]

If I were to cry out, would anyone hear me? Would anyone take me seriously?