All My Peaches Are Ruined

I was always an unusual girl. I N P A R A D I S U M Masterlist

[maybgrayson-deactivated20200531]

This is for the people on the fence that needs that extra push into Ethan’s lane 🥰

[lanadeldolans]

YOURE BACK?? 👀

[mintdolans]

👀👀

[erosdolan-deactivated20200509]

as you can tell: ethan’s not a morning person

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, pt. 9

Summary: Y/N learns Ethan never left town.

Warnings: ANGST, swearing, talk of depression, mentions of sex

Word Count: 1700

Hurt - Masterlist

Grayson stood at the door, staring at the note in Y/N’s hand, the very note his brother had left for her the day he checked himself into a mental institution. It had been burning a hole in Grayson’s pocket for weeks, but he never thought her to be ready to read it. Grayson had been scared for her and the babies, knowing the stress might make her bleed again or get her to the point of a miscarriage. It was enough for him to hide the note, but there was no hiding anymore.

Just one look in her teary eyes was enough to tell she still cared about Ethan. Deeply.

Her hand shook and her lips pressed together to stop them from quivering, but her eyes had been set aflame. Thing is, Grayson wasn’t sure if it was his place to say anything. After all, Ethan had kept this under wraps for a pretty good reason even though Grayson wasn’t quite on board with his reasoning. Had it been him and Clara, he’d want her by his side during therapy, to hold his hand…and yes, as ashamed as he is of the fact, Grayson would have used his illness as an excuse to mend his relationship.

But Y/N doesn’t care about any of it. She doesn’t care about his promise to keep Ethan’s secret nor about Ethan’s heroic selflessness that was meant to preserve their marriage. He would sacrifice everything to keep her happy and to perhaps have a real chance once he’s out.

She didn’t care. Y/N wanted answers and she wanted honesty. After all the lies, some honesty felt like a breath of fresh air. But her love, her worry, her unbearable hurt was so clear too. Grayson watched her suffer all these months, dissolved in the kind of despair that can take one’s mind prisoner and never give it back. But now? He had seen a light inside her flickering, until she sank down to her knees in the middle of the room, feeling her stomach cramping again.

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[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, pt. 8 (E.D.)

Summary: Y/N’s suspicion of Ethan’s whereabouts grow and she’s not satisfied with sitting around anymore.

Warnings: ANGST, swearing, talk of depression, mentions of sex

Word Count: 2100

Hurt - Series Masterlist

Y/N wanted to stand, but she couldn’t. Just seeing this woman, hearing her voice, it was enough for her to spiral out of control. She had been a trigger for all the pain, all her repressed feelings. But Bianca didn’t see that. She didn’t notice how strongly her presence had affected Y/N.

A part of her hated this woman for interfering with her marriage, another part of her felt gratitude for if she hadn’t come along, Ethan would have left her for someone else. Y/N wanted to remind herself that it’s not Bianca who has taken her husband from her, Ethan had made the choice himself. He was the bad guy. He is to blame. But she can’t help the hate that awakens within, the venom collecting inside her veins. It’s all fight or fight and it’s so disappointingly primitive but she can’t override it.

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[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, pt. 7 (E.D.)

Summary: While Ethan is working to fix himself, Y/N seems to be moving on.

Warnings: ANGST, swearing, talk of depression 

Word Count: 2200

Hurt - Series Masterlist

Ethan sat in the same chair for what’s probably the fortieth time if not more. His mind is much clearer, his heart a little heavier. It’s been six weeks since he checked himself in an institution, aware there are two more weeks of his inpatient treatment left. It’s taking him a little longer to respond to his medication, but he doesn’t really care at this point. He’s better. He feels like he’s gotten pieces of his old self back.

Depression is the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It’s the pain that’s too much to cope with, too hard to deal with and so misunderstood. People try, but they can’t escape it because it follows them around like a black shadow that’s on the inside, eating away at all they’ve once loved.

Ethan finally feels as if the shadow had lessened, like he can finally breathe. He’s not healed just yet, but it’s tremendous progress.

“What about Y/N? What if she doesn’t forgive you?” Doctor Abbot asks, purposefully pushing his buttons now. She had never coddled him, but Y/N was a touchy subject he’d usually talk about on his own and she rarely ever pushed him to open up about it. Until now.

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[haopixel]

this one makes me feel like if i was with him i would be in such a safer and peaceful place, like, the beach and him being himself omg. i LOVE that

[maybgrayson-deactivated20200531]

“You look so good like this” with Ethan? :) love you and your writing!!

Being a first time mom was rough, especially when you came home from the hospital and the nurses were no longer around to talk you through things like the first bath or take your little girl to the nursery when you needed a few hours of rest. You and Ethan were thrown into the deep end when you got home, becoming fully responsible for a life that depend solely on you guys for everything. You couldn’t believe the hospital trusted you two enough for the job.

Getting a large burp out of Bella or having her fall asleep on Ethan’s chest were easily the most rewarding moments of your life, but at two weeks old those moments were rivaled with the most exhausting and sometimes frustrating times.

The baby didn’t sleep at all the night before, refusing to lay in her bassinet and crying her little head off if your boob wasn’t within stretching distance. Ethan helped a bit but he had to be up early to do some work with Grayson- what exactly, you didn’t know, too tired to even care or ask.

It was about noon when he got back home to find you still propt up on the king sized covers, not even brothering to move the day down to the living room like usual. Your hair was in a knotty bun, you were sure the bags under your eyes would never leave and your clothes went unchanged for about the third day now. But Ethan didn’t see that, he never saw that.

Shrugging off his jacket he approached the bed with soft eyes, admiring the way your shirt had been lazily pushed down so Bella could latch on to your nipple. Bella’s eyes were wide open, curiously staring up at her momma like she just knew you were the one who put her there on earth. You were so so tired, but your eyes mimicked your daughters; you watched and cooed and played with the wispy locks on her head as she ate, wondering how you ever got so lucky. She was the exact replica of Ethan’s baby pictures, it made your heart sink in the best way.

Ethan’s presense wasn’t fully acknowledged until his voice broke through the silent room, “you look so good like this. Feeding my baby, taking such good care of her.”

Your gaze dropped from Bella’s to find Ethan now laying on the bed, his arm propped up at the elbow to hold his head, giving him the best view in the house. You rolled your eyes, “I look like a mom.”

Ethan chucked, “probably because you are, momma.”

“Not in the good way Ethan- I look like a cracked out, haven’t slept for forty-eight, has ten kids, mom.”

Now it was Ethan’s turn to roll his eyes, shuffling himself up to sit against the head of the bed. He peered over your chest, looking to see if Bella was done. Bella unlatched almost magically at the sight of her dad and you sighed in relief when he grabbed her from you, giving your chafed boob a much needed break.

“S’not true, is it Bella?” Ethan cooed, “she looks like a very hot mother of one.. and if the doctors allowed it, I’d make your momma a momma times two right now.”

You gasped and smacked his arm, “don’t say stuff like that to her!” Shaking your head you tried to suppress a laugh as Ethan looked unfazed, “plus you’re not getting another one out of me for at least three years. I’m not gonna be like Grayson’s wife.”

Ethan snorted, he didn’t believe it for one second, “yeah, whatever. Get some rest, I’ve got her.”

A/N : thank you!! Y’all remember baby Bella? Well she’s back with this one!!

[dolanslust]

[stargazingdolan]

Without Out You(E.D)

Requested: Nope. 

Song: I can’t Fall in Love without you by Zara Larsson 

Warnings: None

“(Y/N), I can’t do this right now. Gray and I have to go. We can’t keep beating around the bush like this is going somewhere.” The words spilled from his lips so seamlessly as though he’d spoken them and thought them so many times before but as each word soaked into your heart you felt a new cut. 

Your vision blurred with tears as your body seemed to chill from the inside out. “Of course we are going somewhere Ethan. I’m not trying to stop you from going! I just…I want…” The words broke, cracked and fell apart in your throat as you saw the look on his face. 

The way his brows knitted together. The way his lips pursed as though he was fighting to not say more to you. Years together allowed you to know his tells. The way he began to pace, the way his hand rand through his hair showed just how annoyed he was just having this conversation. 

You shook your head. You wouldn’t beg him, you would grovel for him. He was your first love sure but you weren’t going to be that girl. “Fine Dolan. Go do your thing.” You turned away sharply to move towards the pictures of you both around your apartment. The carnivals, the football games, the dates or group dates with Grayson. As you took down each picture you missed the shock and hurt that briefly crossed Ethan’s face. 

He couldn’t believe you weren’t at least going to fight for him. Was there someone else? No there couldn’t be. He turned to walk out the door his mind running a mile a minute. Was he doing the right thing? His mind said yes, however his heart was breaking with each and every step. He knew you were holding in your sobs, he’d seen the way your eyes had misted but he couldn’t back down. 

He didn’t know how busy or how long he’d be away and he needed you to be safe from what was out there. It was safer out of the spotlight. 

You heard the door close and suddenly all the strength you had vanished as you gripped your favorite picture and finally allowed the sobs to consume you. This was your first date with Ethan at 16, you both had gone out to eat and to the movies. This picture was taken as you looked at your phone and Ethan at you with all the wonder and adoration his hazel eyes could hold. 

“You little shit…” You muttered laughing just a little. “You did what you promised you’d never do…” You placed a hand to your still flat stomach and sighed. 

“Guess it’s just you and me sweet pea.” You’d never even had a chance to tell Ethan but now you supposed it didn’t matter. 

                                             TwoYears Later

You sat at the computer screen tapping away as Grace Bailey (L/n) slept in her playpen happily. It hadn’t been easy going through your pregnancy without Ethan but you’d kept up with your life, even managed to make a youtube channel based entirely off of gaming, everyday life and being a single mom. 

Your eyes slid over to Grace and you smiled a little. She had Ethan’s eyes but your hair and her own little smile. Somehow she always seemed to remind you of Ethan which only made your heart break more. You’d tried dating, but you always found yourself comparing the person to Ethan. Did they stay up all night gaming the way Ethan did? Did they fold their clothes the exact way? Did they bite their lip and gaze into the distance when something was on their mind? 

You shook your head and sighed. It didn’t matter, what did matter was that you had been invited to VidSummit and Grace was coming along. You’d already packed your bags but you had this last video to finish editing before you could actually get your Princess up for the drive. 

————————————————————————————————

What a drive it turned out to be. Grace kept busy with her cartoons the ride but it seemed the closer you got to the hotel the more nervous you became. What if he was there? What if he..

“Mommy!” Grace called out one of the two words she’d began to say so far. Your heart warmed and you found yourself turning into the parking lot. “Yes Sweetie?” You called only for her to begin her gibberish. You laughed a little, this was one of those moments you wished he was here to see what you two created. To bask in the beautiful child that Grace was growing into. 

Once you’d gotten yourself and Grace situated you went to the dinning area where you sat down with Grace and her bib. She hated it of course but the last thing you wanted was for her to get her food all over her clothes. It was as you were handing her the sippy cup that they approached. 

“(Y/n)?” His voice was soft. He seemed hesitant, almost afraid. You could feel your heart beating erratically in your chest as your gaze slowly slid from Grace to Ethan and Grayson. For just a second your breath hitched. He was as handsome as always, dressed in a pair of distressed jeans, a black tight t-shirt and a silver chain. 

“Gray-son..Ethan..” You mumbled before turning back to Grace who was now watching the boys curiously. The boys turned to each other and began mumbling before Grayson gave Ethan another shove. Stubborn as always. You took a deep breath and motioned to the seats beside you. 

I can’t fall in love without you. 

Please don’t fall in love without me. 

“How have you been?” Ethan asked just trying to find conversation. Grayson began making little faces at Grace making her laugh loudly. 

“I’ve been good. Grace and I have been just fine.” You say not quite looking at him. Should you tell him? Could you? How you wished he’d have been there for the times where she was sick and crying. Or maybe how you wished he’d been there for her birth when you thought for sure you’d have lost her. 

I can’t fall in love without you. I can’t fall in love without you.

Please don’t fall in love without me. 

“That’s uh…good..So uh what’s her name?” It was obvious he wanted to grill you but something was holding him back. Fear you assumed. The way his eyes rolled over her hopefully, wishfully. 

“Grace Bailey (l/n).” You offered a little smile in her direction as she looked at you, those little eyes twinkling. You’d never really realized just how much she reminded you of him at times when she smiled. You watched as she clapped her hands, her sippy cup forgotten. 

Ethan cleared his throat, “I’m sorry.”  He’d mumbled the words but you’d heard them as though he shouted them. Your heart gave a clench, the old wounds he’d left behind aching just a little. 

“She’s…beautiful.” His tone said it all. 

“She’s ours..” You tell him turning to look at him. “Yours and Mine. More mine than yours.” You tell him as his mouth drops open. The shock rocked him but Grayson was the one who stood up quickly. “You…Why didn’t..”

“She couldn’t Gray…I’d blocked her on everything.” Ethan rasped, he looked like he was going to be sick. 

“That’s not an excuse bro. She could have reached out to me!” Grayson was obviously upset on Ethan’s behalf. 

You think I give a fuck, give a fuck bout who you fuck. 

But I hope you can’t get it up. Because I can’t fall in love without you.

“I couldn’t Grayson. You have no idea what I was going through, dealing with after Ethan left. The day you two left was the day I found out. I was…” A flash of the memory struck you making you grip the table. 

“(Y/N)” Ethan reached for you but you flinched away though you longed to lean into his body even if only once more. “I don’t have to explain myself…maybe…maybe this was a mistake…” You whispered as you got up from your seat and quickly grabbed Grace, her sippy cup once again forgotten. 

Ethan stood but you held the toddler to your chest walking briskly through the dinning hall. He noticed the Sippy cup and Grayson picked it up. “Only one way to test if she’s really yours..” 

Ethan rolled his eyes, “It’s obvious she is Grayson. Did you see her eyes? What about her ears huh? Or that little turtle face she does when saw (Y/n) get upset? Grayson that’s …she’s…” He couldn’t believe he had a child. He’d missed so much. 

Ethan reached for the cup while Grayson shook his head, “Don’t be stupid Ethan.” 

He couldn’t help it, he’d known he was missing something this whole time. He could sleep with whoever but he never seemed to fall in love. It should have been obvious but now he knew. He couldn’t fall in love without you.

Ethan Grant gave chase his mind buzzing with all the things he’d missed. All the times he could have had you by his side. All the times he could have told you that he couldn’t love anyone else but you, but was it too late? Would he be too late? 

Please don’t fall in love without me. 

—————————————————————————————————-

Not sure there will be a second part to this. I’m considering it. It feels rushed, so I may go back and do some editing. 

[cutesydolan-deactivated20210825]

Love/Paranoia - 16 [E.D]

CHAPTER SIXTEEN OF THE SERIES

Words: 4k

Warnings: mentions of blood, mental diseases, panic attacks. so if you feel uncomfortable with any of these, please, don’t read it.

A/N: Wooooooooo! It’s been a hot minute. Wrote this as quick as possible to feed you with something. Now, next chapters are gonna go wild so… Have a nice reading. Love you xx

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[cosmodolan-deactivated20200106]

Midnight Drives ↯ E.D.

Summary: A special late night drive.

Warnings: very explicit smut 

A/N: this was my second ever fic, so don’t expect something good

Word Count: 3.9k

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[ethanhes]

[lanadeldolans]

Can somebody make me an Ethan collage?? It’s getting cold out here and ya girl tryna get a blanket made!😂

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, pt.6 (E.D.)

Summary: Ethan finds out about Y/N.

Warnings: ANGST, swearing, talk of depression and blood and miscarriage

Word Count: 2300

Hurt - Series Masterlist

There are moments in life when time stands still. When great fear and anxiety arise, our brain and body tends to shut down to protect ourselves from the trauma.

For Y/N, it felt like every time she opened her eyes she found herself someplace new.

First, it was on the porch, tucked into Grayson’s arms as he carried her away. She couldn’t hear much aside from the pain that spread through her stomach or the ringing in her ears. She felt his chest vibrating as he spoke but nothing resonated with her. She clung to his scent, the woodsy, grass-like smell he and Ethan would have after being outside all day for it had comforted her.

Second, she was in the back of the car, her vision blurry and her mind hazy.

Third, she was in the hospital. She couldn’t say or do much, but she knew what she needed.

“Henstridge. Doctor Henstridge.” Once the nurse nodded, she allowed herself to close her eyes. It was just enough to keep her strength, to rest up and focus on her surroundings. But she didn’t really want to. She didn’t want to hear them say she’s lost the babies.

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[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt, pt.5 (E.D.)

Summary: Three weeks later, Ethan and Y/N are in very different mindsets and while Grayson and Ethan had a heart to heart and promises were made, Grayson breaks a few

Warnings: ANGST, swearing, talk of depression, the end might be triggering and it contains depictions of blood

Word Count: 3000

Hurt - Series Masterlist

Ethan sat across from his therapist, glancing at her once or twice uncomfortably. His fingers grasped the leather chair with more force than necessary, his nails clawing at it unforgivably in a need of release - pent up anger and sadness mostly directed toward himself, it all needed a vent to come out.

“I called Grayson.” He sighed, looking down at his bouncing knees. He didn’t even realize he was doing it before, making a conscious decision to stop with the annoying habit.

“You came.” Ethan sprang to his feet, greeting his brother like an old friend. It’s been a while since they’ve hugged, let alone been civil to each other for any matter aside from work. Two months to be exact.

“Of course I did. Is she okay?” Grayson tapped his brother’s shoulder, relieved he had been on his mind long enough to make the list of people he’d call. While he had been extremely angry and disapproving of Ethan’s actions, Grayson still adored his brother more than anything. He just hoped he’d get back to some form of sanity where he could get to him.

“She’s, uh, in there. They won’t let me see her. Which is for the best, really.” Ethan folded his arms over his chest, something to hide his shaky hands from Grayson. Being open and vulnerable about his state of mind has never been easy for Ethan. He had a tendency to bottle things up and explode like a ticking time bomb. But now that he’s seen the damage, he had to come clean.

“She’s also pregnant, I think. I’m not sure, I heard something.” He added, noticing Grayson’s dumbfounded look. Grayson looked like he needed a seat himself, struggling to decide whether or not to be happy about being an uncle or devastated the baby would be born in a broken marriage.

“I broke things off with Bianca. Think I might need an assistant again. And someone to cover for me at work because I…I’m going to check myself into a mental institution. Tonight. Now.” Ethan knew he was throwing too much new information at his brother, but he needed to bring him up to speed before he took the plunge. He had to know his Y/N would be taken care of properly in his name.

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