Broken Boy

• Lancelot Thaddeus • • 30 • 6'2" • • He/Him • • Cook •

[thoughtkick]

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.

Alfred Lord Tennyson (via thoughtkick)

[feyverse]

what the fey did I just witness

[lance-not-a-lot]

kalixus​:

     For a moment , he wasn’t sure if Lance’s expression was a good or a bad one.  Kalix simply stared back and wondered if it was better for him to leave the other alone.  But after a moment of silence , he heard his name and saw Lance moving towards him at a quick pace —— quicker than he could physically manage.  Because as soon as Lance hugged him , Kalix let out an audible  “  oof !! ”  and felt his body weight lean backward. 

     “  Woah , woah shit —  ”  He braced himself as they both fell back to the floor of the short kitchen hallway.  Kalix groaned a bit on impact and let out a sputtered laugh.  “  — a warning next time — would be great. ”

     Finding that he didn’t have the energy or the core strength to sit up , he simply wrapped an arm around Lance and returned the hug and then reached up to tousle Lance’s hair.  He looked down and gave the cook a gentle gaze since he couldn’t quite muster up a smile , looking at Lance’s eyes put a pang in his chest and it only reminded him of how dangerous it was to get so close to anyone. 

     “  Sorry ,  ”  He blinked slowly.  “  — for scaring you.  ”  Kalix was referring to the night that the storm let up , though he didn’t remember  much  he knew that it wasn’t the best last impression before going into the doctor’s care.  Swallowing his pride and ignoring the flaring pain running down the sides of his torso,  he muttered :  “  I got some sleep , so I’m fine.  ”

.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?” He replied as they fell to the floor, his words coming from both a place of concern and embarrassment. He was about to sit up, worried his weight was adding to the helmsman’s pain, but then Kalix hugged him and ran his fingers through his hair. It was that certain touch only Kalix held that filled Lance’s body with warmth. 

When he met the helmsman’s soft gaze it was nearly impossible to break away, it hadn’t even been that long, but he’d already missed those beautiful mossy hazel eyes. Still, when he looked deeper, he also sensed a pain in them. It was a pain he couldn’t trace, but desperately wanted to heal.

At Kalix’s apology, Lance  shook his head and took his face in his hands, “No, please don’t apologize to me. I never want you to feel like you have to apologize to me for your pain. I’m just relieved you’re all right.”

He sat up and realized Kalix probably had some difficulty pulling himself up on his own. “Here, let me help you,” he said and put his arms around the helmsman to hoist him up to a seated position, not wanting to push it by trying to get him to stand too fast. “I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to sleep. I may have had it out a bit with Thadd over that actually. But I am glad you got some rest and... I’m glad you’re here.”

[lance-not-a-lot]

baronoftheseas​:

~

“I see.” She felt a pang of guilt for asking after hearing what Lance had said. There were hundreds of things they could have talked about…way to go, Rav. Her own memories went back to her former lover, but they were a far cry from a modest home and she doubted he missed her. Her hands clenched at the memory but she was quick to control herself, exhaling slowly, shooting Lance an apologetic look. “Sorry, didn’t mean to bring up something that might be hurtful.” She noticed the faint glowing, and she couldn’t help her curiosity. “What’s that?”

.

Lance gave a shrug, “It’s not hurtful, just life I suppose. You have a life you think you wanted for so long and then, all of a sudden... poof,” he made a bursting motion with one hand, “One day you realize that something’s still missing and you have to make the decision to stay and let that void get bigger or leave and find whatever it is that will fill it. Can’t know which choice is the right one until you make it, right?” He held out the amulet and turned it over in his hand, “This... was a gift from him, the one I left behind. It’s enchanted to be attuned to my heart. Honestly, it’s just been the source of a lot of confusion lately, but I can’t seem to let go of it.”

[lance-not-a-lot]

pxndemonium​:

-

Beggars? Alistair, a beggar? Never. He’d come down here to take something of his own accord, not to ask anybody’s permission, least of all beg for food. The other man was getting sassy with him, and he didn’t know how to react. He’d start… by maybe eating the banana, after all. Alistair leaned down slowly to pick up the banana, his stare never once leaving Lance, who he knew was absolutely judging him right now. “Don’t need a cold compress. I’ll be fine.” He chugged the rest of his drink and set it down, beginning to peel the banana with great difficulty.

.

Lance’s eyes remained trained on Alistair’s as the man spitefully picked up the banana, a smirk playing at the edges of his mouth. “Very well, drinking it off it is then.” Lance grabbed a couple of glasses and a bottle of rum from his secret stash and took a seat, watching Alistair struggle with the banana. It took all of his strength not to burst into laughter, but he restrained himself. “I appreciate you humoring me. Here.” He poured a glass of rum and placed it across the table for Alistair, “Think of it as a reward or whatever... for eating that horrible banana.”

[lance-not-a-lot]

doctor-durant​:

Thaddeus was certain their eyebrows were closer to meeting their hairline than they ought to be jus then, watching Lance with newfound surprise. “My apologies,” they replied dryly, not even feigning being actually sorry in the words. “And it’s not my job to keep tabs on why he’s not sleeping. I’m meant to keep you all in enough health to manage your posts, and I, for one, don’t think we need a helmsman passing out from exhaustion or some pitiful sickness he could simply sleep off if he negated his own insufferable stubornness. I’m not his keeper… apparently that job falls to you now.” Their tone over all was even, although they spoke quickly, each word being sent forth knowingly and with the confidence of a thrown dagger. “It’s been a long year,” they dead-panned. “You might think again before you snap at me just because you’ve gone all frayed nerves over someone other than yourself. Your problems, I can respect, but I think we both know that Kalix is grown and able to fight his own corner.”

.

This gave Lance pause for a moment. But, when he finally spoke, his words were in an even tone, came from somewhere deep in his chest, and all seemed to spill out in one breath, “If I’m his keeper, I wear that badge with pride. Everyone deserves to have someone looking out for them, even Kalix — especially Kalix. If you’ve never known what it’s like to feel the need to fight in someone else’s corner, particularly when they can’t do so for themselves, then I feel sorry for you. I’m sorry if you’ve never had someone you wanted to protect from anyone who wished them harm or even just those who clearly couldn’t care less for them. I’m sorry if you’ve never had someone you cared deeply for, that sounds like a truly miserable existence. That being said, I also refuse to believe that you don’t know what that’s like. So don’t act like you can’t sympathize with where I’m coming from, just because you don’t like me or the person I’m fighting for.”

The glow of Lance’s amulet had swelled as he spoke and was now thrumming vibrantly beneath his shirt and through his fingers that gripped it. He caught his breath and allowed it to steady, before adding, “I am sorry if I offended you, but I will never apologize or feel remorse for defending those I care about.”

[lance-not-a-lot]

athena-thadd​:

.

Lance snatched her pipe and Athena was taken aback. She watched him puff at her pipe, her brows a deep V across her forehead. “Sure, you can have some,” she said dryly. She might have offered some but they were on a desert island, not sure when was the next time they would reach port. She supposed she could always nag Kalix for some tobacco if she ran out. Athena wouldn’t be surprised if his jacket was lined with the stuff– it would explain the smell. Her face softened when Lance mentioned stress. “Your first voyage with the crew has been rather stressful. Between the storm, the stranded mer… finding out you have a sister.” It was a lot even for her and she had months of odd goings on under her belt. 

Athena took back her pipe and cleaned out the burnt leaves. “Oh please, their heads are hardly even the size of a coin. Their bites don’t hurt.” She spoke from experience being the sort of child who liked a challenge. Catching the quick footed things was a feat itself, being able to hold onto one long enough to prove your catch was another badge of honor. Athena quirked a brow, looking at her brother with a soft smile. “Well… planets and stars are different,” she reminded him. “That might be the reason why.” She looked back up at the sky. “But it is useful. Even if you don’t know what planet you’re looking at, just with your eyes alone you can tell what it is. A home not unlike our own and yet so far away.”

“Are fae powerful?” She honestly didn’t know. Faries weren’t really a folktale she grew up with– and even the stories of spirits she grew up with she was skeptical of now. Despite being magic herself Athena believed in science, in equations and empiricism. Faires didn’t quite fit into that. At least not that she had seen. Looking up at her brother she smiled, before standing herself and placing everything back in her bag. “Alright, lets go.” Without another word she started walking for the woods. “I haven’t found anything too impressive to be honest. Lots of trees.”

.

Lance scoffed, “I suppose those are all things that perhaps should be the source of my worries, but honestly I’m not too fussed by any of them.” Despite his homesickness when he first joined the crew, he had quickly grown comfortable with being back out at sea and with the company of the crew. In fact, this crew was the first group of friends he’d had in what felt like forever, so it wasn’t difficult to adjust to the Serpent as his home. As for Athena, though they had already had their ups and downs, he was over all glad to have found his sister and overall didn’t see that as cause for any stress. The mer was hardly a passing thought for him. And the storm... the only thing that rattled him from that was Kalix’s current condition and Athena clearly hadn’t caught onto that yet, not that Lance thought there was any reason why she should.

“But how do you know those other stars aren’t planets?” he said looking back up at the stars, “Like you said, they’re so far away. It’s a vast universe, it seems rules like ‘no planets twinkle’ are bound to be broken. Then again, you know more about the stars than I do. Just seems odd to me, that’s all.”

‘Are fae powerful?’ What kind of question was that? She may know a lot about the stars and all things known, but when it came to the unknown — myths and mysteries — she clearly had much to learn. “Of course fae are powerful! I mean, it depends on the kind of fae you’re dealing with. For instance, browneys are more kind and helpful than particularly powerful. But others can be terribly tricky if they feel you’ve disrespected them, like piskies. They can cause you to get lost or even steal you away, never to be seen again.” He grinned at her and his eyes glinted a playful warning, “But, no matter,” he said walking toward the tree line, “there’s probably nothing, only trees right?”

[lance-not-a-lot]

pxndemonium​:

-

“Raiding… yeah, whatever.” Alistair sipped at the drink in his hand again before shaking his head. He knew he’d come down here looking for something specific, but he had absolutely no idea what it was anymore. Blame the alcohol. “It’s your kitchen, on our ship, and-” Before he could react to Lance’s apparent concern about his head, the banana came flying at him, bouncing off of his arm as he watched it fall to the floor without even making an attempt to catch it. “Do I look like a man who wants to eat a banana, Lance?”

.

“Frankly, Alistair, you don’t look like a man who wants anything that’s good for you. But, you know what they say... beggars can’t be choosers.” He leaned against the counter and folded his arms across his chest, “I would say the same can be said for insufferable grumps, so I would count yourself lucky and eat the damn banana if I were you.” He smirked at the carpenter, “Now,” he began, coming back to his unanswered question with a tone of genuine concern muddled with playful teasing, “How’s your head? Would you like me to grab you a cold compress or would you rather just drink it off?”

[lance-not-a-lot]

howlingargent​:

~

Lance was…an interesting case. Someone to avoid but if Jaina went out of her way to avoid one member of the crew, it would surely be noticed. And it might cause a wave of questions that she wished to avoid. So, playing nice it was, even though every time she saw him it brought back memories of that night. She was lucky that he seemed unable to recognize her. “Don’t mind if I do.” She flashed him a smile, ever the friendly face. “Shall we drink to anything specific? Maybe…surviving one hell of a storm?”

.

Behind her apparently sweet smile, Lance detected a hint of something that felt sinister. Why was she so familiar? Then she suggested drinking to surviving the storm and, for some reason, his mind flashed to the first night he and Emrys met. He narrowed his eyes at her, not without his usual warm smile on his face. He poured her a drink and slid it over to her, “How about a toast to simply... surviving.” He said, keeping a close eye on her to see how she would react to that comment. His perceptiveness was something he prided himself on and so far it was clear she was hiding something. What that had to do with him, if anything, was still unclear, but he was beginning to form a hunch that he wasn’t sure he wanted confirmed.

[lance-not-a-lot]

baronoftheseas​:

~

That got a slight smile out of her, but she was more focused on Lance at the moment, so it faded as quickly as it appeared. Rav never liked complicated, she preferred simplicity. But she wasn’t naive–she knew life was never simple. “Don’t have to explain.” It seemed to really be bothering Lance, it wasn’t her place to pry. “In that case, talking about it won’t help. Talking about something else though…” Something that had nothing to do with the storm or the circumstances that put them here. “Where would you be if you weren’t a part of the crew?” She asked suddenly, it seemed a strange jump, but maybe the change would help. Or at least, she hoped it would.

.

At her question Lance glanced down at his amulet, glowing with the faintest enchanted green light that he only recently recognized as a response to Kalix’s presence. He thought about how, not too long ago, this same amulet glowed bright for another, in a home that would be the answer to her question, “I would probably still be in the West Indies, with my...” It felt like forever since Lance had spoken of Emrys, it was strange to verbalize these things again, given the current circumstances. “I had a modest home there with a lover. It honestly hasn’t even been that long since I left and I did find myself missing it an awful lot when I first joined, but now...” Now he had something else his heart associated with home, “...I have a hard time imagining myself back there.”

[lance-not-a-lot]

howlingargent​:

“Once we get off this godforsaken island, I swear-” Jaina scoffed, kicking up some sand as she walked the waterline, boots in one hand, bottle in the other. “I’m hitting up the shadiest tavern I can find and you won’t be able to pry me away.” Storms, mermen, what would life throw at them next? Taking a drink, she held the bottle out to her companion. “Drinking alone is bad luck, don’t you know?”

.

There was something in the way Jaina talked about shady taverns that made the hairs on the back of Lance’s neck stand on end. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but, ever since the first moment he met her, something was off. Even more odd was that she seemed like someone he would normally take quite well to, so he didn’t understand why his gut churned when he was around her. He laughed uneasily, “Bad luck... yeah.” Drinking alone with her felt like it may be more unlucky than drinking by himself. Still, he offered her a seat, but not without some hesitance, “Won’t you join me, then?”

[lance-not-a-lot]

pxndemonium​:

“What? No, I-”

Alistair had been caught red-handed, rummaging inside a cupboard when he heard someone address him. Standing up so quickly that his head bounced off the top of said cupboard, he blinked, hardly registering the impact thanks to the influence of the drink in his hand. “Ransacking is too harsh a word, don’t you think? I’m…” His sentence trailed off as his gaze was drawn to the fresh food that Lance had just set down - presumably his food haul of the night - and he stared at it for a moment before remembering where he was. “Doesn’t matter what I’m doing. What’s it to you?”

.

“I’m sorry, would ‘raiding’ be a better way to put it? Or is that still too harsh?” He chuckled a bit. Though it had been a rough week, seeing Alistair bumble drunkenly about the kitchen, asking obvious questions was undeniably entertaining. “Well... seeing as it is my kitchen, don’t you think I deserve some insight as to what it is you’re doing here? I suppose I can assume.” He smirked, “How’s that head of yours?” He said as he tossed a banana in Alistair’s direction, not entirely confident he’d be able to catch it in his state. 

[lance-not-a-lot]

kalixus​:

𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑 :  @lance-not-a-lot​​

     He got up , but not without difficulty.  Kalix’s body ached and he couldn’t tell if it was because he had been so sedimentary for so long or if it was truly because of how ill he was.  But the small area put him to feel restless , amongst all other factors that prompted him to start walking towards the one safe haven he could count on : the kitchen.  He wore someone’s loose shirt upon request of the doctor , for  “ warmth and an ounce of decency ”.

     Slower than usual , Kalix used the wall to keep his balance —— still dizzy and short of breath as he headed down hallways and stairs until he finally ducked his head under the door frame and looked over at the cook with a weary gaze. 

     “  Hey —  ”  Kalix stood at the door frame simply because he didn’t know what to do.  He caused Lance a lot of panic and worry , but a simple thank you just didn’t feel like it would do much justice.  “  — uh , — ”  Not knowing what to say , he looked down at his feet. 

.

Kalix’s coat had lived in the kitchen since Lance had taken it off him after the storm. On occasion, Lance would use it to keep himself warm, finding comfort in the way its weight eased the tension in his shoulders and its scent soothed the ache in his chest. This was one such occasion as he sat restlessly in the kitchen, wearing the coat that was just slightly too big for his frame, facing the wall, picking at splinters in the wooden table in front of him.

At his back, he heard the slow approach of stilted footsteps that stopped at the doorway. He sighed and was about to send the person away when he heard a familiar voice. 'Hey,' spoken in that hoarse, unmistakable cadence which met his ears like the sweetest melody. He turned around to see Kalix standing there and froze for a moment, processing. “Kalix...” he uttered, breathlessly. 

A dreamlike haze hung around him briefly, but his brain eventually caught up to him and he realized the helmsman really was standing before him. “Kalix!” He exclaimed from deep in lungs, relief thick in his voice. His body moved before he had a chance to think, darting to meet Kalix in the doorway and pull him into a tight embrace. For the first time since the storm, Lance felt light again.

[lance-not-a-lot]

athena-thadd​:

.

Athena furrowed her brows, annoyed that her brother was just brushing her off. “Well if you’re just going to sit there and pout.” She sat down beside him and pulled a cloth bag out from her pocket, pulling from it a pipe, matches, and ground tobacco in a jar. Wordlessly she packed the small pipe then lit it, taking a long drag before looking back at her brother. “Is there a reason you’re so…” she paused to think of a word. “Misanthropic? Or are you just prone to melancholy like this?” She wouldn’t know. Lance had struck her as charismatic and open, the sort of person who flourished in crowded bars. But she had been wrong about him before.

Watching the fire she continued to puff at her pipe, enjoying the light breeze that blew through. She chuckled when Lance mentioned them getting lost. “It is night Lance and I navigate by the stars.” She looked up at the clear night, gesturing with her pipe. “Ursa major… and there is Polaris. Our ship is on the island’s western side.” She chuckled again, “Lost. And low light? You think I wouldn’t grab a lantern before we go?” She smiled, “I’m not leading you to the woods to leave you for the… lizards. Seeing as that’s the only wildlife I’ve run into so far.” Athena glanced back up at the sky. “You can see Mars tonight, just to the lower left of the moon.”

Despite seeing the night sky thousands of times Athena was always enamored by it. It was untouchable and unattainable, above mankind yet man used the night sky for thousands of years. Long before her and likely long after she was gone. She was so charmed by the stars she almost didn’t hear Lance’s comment. “Fairies? Really now, Lance.” She puffed some smoke a bit too close to his face. “Mermaids are one thing but you think, of all the places in the world, fairies would be on this deserted island?”

.

She couldn’t know how the scent of tobacco only worsened his state of mind as she asked him what was wrong. That smell, so closely tied in his mind to the man he was worried about, brought another wave of ennui crashing down around him. “Well, for starters, that’s certainly not helping matters.” Still, he snagged the pipe from her hands and mindlessly puffed at it himself. The act of smoking did help bring a certain calm over him. “No, I’m not usually like this and I don’t like feeling like this. I’m just...” He exhaled, pulling the smoke back up into his nose, then blowing it out of his mouth again, “... just a little stressed.” 

He passed the pipe back to her and looked up as she talked about the stars and planets. It was a beautiful night and she was a skilled navigator. Anyway, it wasn’t as if he would be getting any sleep. He chuckled slightly at her joke about leaving him to the lizards, “Those lizards can be brutal.” He squinted up at where she pointed at the Mars, “I just realized... Mars doesn’t twinkle like the stars do. Isn’t that odd?” There was a magic in the mystery of the stars, their vastness fluctuating between inspiring and overwhelming, an absolute embodiment of the sublime.

Athena’s cynicism of the fae amused him. He had always held a firm belief in fairies and stuff of folklore if for no other reason than to respect forces with the potential to do great harm or good. "Come now, Athena, surely you don’t think creatures as powerful as fairies could be limited by location. Seems a dangerous game to underestimate them like that.” He huffed and shifted to his knees, “No matter,” he hoisted himself to his feet and looked down at his sister, “are we doing this or not?”

[lance-not-a-lot]

baronoftheseas​:

~

Rav’s gaze followed the patterns that Lance drew in the sand, an uncomfortable silence hanging between the two of them. Once he picked up the book, she debated going back to her journal and leave the conversation where it was. But it didn’t seem right, and when he looked back at her, she turned away. “I’m not very good at this sort of thing.” She admitted with a wry chuckle. “If you don’t mind me asking, what else is there? You said…that it wasn’t just that.”

.

“No, Rav, you’re great.” He reassured her, put the book off to the side, and leaned forward again. “Everything that’s happening... the reasons why I’m so out of it... it’s all very complicated. I can’t say I even fully understand it myself and I can’t seem to find a suitable distraction. He’s...” How could he tell her that Kalix was all he could think about without giving the wrong impression or, more accurately, the right one? “I just know I need to take my mind off it and I don’t know how.”

[lance-not-a-lot]

Closed starter for: @pxndemonium​

Lance was just getting back from foraging various fruits and vegetables on the island and was thinking of recipes for the night when he heard a clattering in the kitchen. He rolled his eyes. It seemed, nearly every time he came to do his job, someone new was rummaging around his space. It was always something with this crew. He stood in the doorway grinning to himself as he watched the carpenter, bottle of rum in hand, searching desperately for something to eat. When the show started to get old, he finally moved into the room. “You do realize there’s plenty to snack on out on the island, right? You don’t constantly have to ransack my kitchen.” He said, indicating the bounty he just gathered from the said island and set it down by the stove. “That being said, is there anything I can help you with, Alistair?”

[lance-not-a-lot]

athena-thadd​:

Athena hadn’t seen her brother since they found Arroyo. While Lance had made it clear he didn’t need a chaperone it still made her uneasy. Just a few weeks ago she didn’t even know she had a brother now here she was worrying about him. Apparently, he’d been cooped up in the ship this whole time which sounded maddening to Athena. All this island to explore, a nice beach to walk across and enjoy the sun, and Lance was keeping himself to the kitchen just as he had during the storm. Maybe he got sunburned easily? Athena had read that England didn’t get much sun… 

So Athena went looking for him that night rushing up and down the halls and checking the rooms only to find no Lance. Walking up to the deck she huffed. Now she was starting to wonder if he was avoiding her. Now outside she saw the flicker of a campfire on the beach, a tall silhouette with curly hair warming themselves near the flame. Athena perked up and made her way to the beach. Approaching her brother Lance turned and saw her, then basically told her to go away. Athena stood, a few paces behind her brother, debating if she should just leave him be…

“Sounds company is exactly what you need,” she said finally sitting down next to him by the fire. “Have you really been cooped up on the ship this whole time? I know feeding the crew is important Lance, but you need to let yourself get some fresh air. You know that,” it wasn’t as if he wasn’t a seaworthy man having spent time in the navy. She leaned back on her hands, looking up at the stars. “At least you’re out here now on a nice night.” The moon was full. “We have enough light we could go exploring. I haven’t come across anything dangerous on the island.”

.

“Really, Athena, I’m fine.” Normally he’d welcome company, but right now the only company he really wanted was on the ship, suffering. But Athena wouldn’t understand this, so he let her join him anyway. “I know. I want to enjoy the island. I’ve missed land, but I can hardly bring myself to leave...” This was why he didn’t want company, all he could think about was Kalix, how worried he was for him, and how much he wanted to be by his side. While the situation was upsetting to him, it wasn’t something he wanted a distraction from, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.

Still, when Athena mentioned exploring, he remembered how much he missed the woods back home, how he had longed to see trees again as soon as he’d left. But the sky was still fairly dark, despite the brightness of the moon, likely more so under tree cover and Lance gave his sister a funny look, “Exploring? You really think there’s enough light for that? You’re mad.” He scoffed and focused back on the fire, mindlessly tossing bits of sand at it once more.

However, a part of him was curious about the island especially what the jungle was like under a full moon. Athena was right, he’d hardly set foot on land since getting here, let alone venture into the jungle at all since the first day when they found Arroyo, it could be fun. His eyes flitted back toward the jungle that seemed to call to him and he was reminded of the fae stories his mother and Elaine used to tell him back in England. “If we get lost or taken by fairies, it’s your fault.” He said to Athena, turning back to stare at the fire, not quite agreeing to go with her, but also not quite protesting either.