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•on your second birthday• Harvest Hope, what a gentle soul you are. From the moment I found out He was knitting you together in my womb, God told me you’d be a breath of fresh air. And when you made your appearance into this world, there wasn’t a single cry, not even for the first year, and you let out your first prophetic breath— a deep inhale and exhale— and God reminded me that surely you are; a breath of fresh air. You’ve been a ball full of wonder ever since and it’s been a joy getting to know your inward parts. You have full sentences on your tongue and it surprises people every time you let them roll out. You’re careful with your words. You’re ever perceiving and learning - yet your voice is intentional and thoughtful. Even in your worship. You think about what you say and you only say what you mean. I pray you stay that way all the days of your life. The way you claim Jesus as your own, how you tell us about the open door in Heaven, and the way you mimic the trumpet sound makes my heart melt every time. Maybe not as much as the way you kiss His face in every page of your Bible like His love is tangibly leaking out of every page. It is. I’m glad you see that. Your ways are certainly pleasantness and your paths are paths of peace. You carry an anointing much like your great grandmother did - it is a treasure to see another peace-making intercessor in this world. You have a wild passion in you too. It seems as if those two things should not exist in the same person, but I find it one of the most divine paradoxes; one most necessary to steward the destiny He has for you- to forerun and to intercede. Gentleness and passion meet in you in a way that reminds me of the relentless pursuit of The Father upon our hearts and still yet, He remains a gentleman. What a beautiful reflection He must see in His bride. I watched this destiny unfold the most in the prayer room- in Virginia and overseas- when you took your jacket and shoes off at the door like you could live there and walked around laying your hands on everyone needing a touch from God. That was only the beginning. What beautiful things I’ve seen pour out of you since. You’re a responsible little soul. Always making sure everyone’s doing the right thing, a feeler of the atmosphere, and cleaner of all the messes. You basically potty trained yourself and it honestly doesn’t surprise me a bit. You teach yourself all of the things. You’re a little mama bird too - it’s a joy to see you spot a baby and sprint from a mile away only to touch them gently and kiss their heads. You’d remain a baby your whole life through if you could- you used to hate it when we called you a big girl, though you are in the clearest sense. You’re fascinated with everything your brother does and you go gaga every time you see your daddy walk into the room. You look me in the eyes for minutes at a time without saying a word - it’s like some sort of love language to you. It always has been. You’re so good at making connections. You’re a little artist too- always singing- and you nearly came out of the womb knowing how to hold a pencil the right way and hum to the sound of Heaven. Someone once told me you’d be a songbird in the house of the Lord. I see that. I also see you carrying a bountiful harvest as you dance through the sky, dropping seeds of hope everywhere you go. I find it no coincidence that when God thought of you in His heart, He saw abundant life - life that sparks others to Hope in Him too. You’re a rainbow of hope in the lives of everyone you meet, peach, especially mine. You are a flower child- through and through- the first time I took you into the forest, it’s like you caught a glimpse of Heaven. Now I know you probably did; you are keen to catch the Angels in the room. I pray your eyes are always wide open to see Him in all of His wonder - to follow Him with abandon - to dance in surrender. To pray powerful prayers like you do this day- every day- and more. That you bloom all of the days of your life, even if each step takes mama back to the moment you were only a tiny seed in the womb of a lady who couldn’t dare to dream you up. Even then, your mission was bigger than this world and your manner was sweeter than honey. You’re a treasure, sweet peach, and the past two years we’ve spent together have been glorious. Happy Birthday, baby. You are so. loved. 💞

I’m still digesting all of the places the Lord has taken me in my life - in the past few months - even in the last day. The season I’m in has been a longing in my heart for a long time — to see the things the Bible talks about— the deeper things— to feel His intimacy in a marvelous measure— to see my place of operation in a Kingdom higher than the physical eye can see. To see a community doing that together. And I’m so hungry for Him to keep peeling back my eyelids to see Him more. He has really wooed me with His measureless love and I’m still in awe of how He opens blind eyes and heals depressed hearts and makes tumors vanish and cancer flee. How He makes the unresponsive body responsive once more. How He tears down principalities and releases His redemption song over all of the Earth. How He does it all out of His love for the one. The one on the outside of the fold. The one that needs a glimpse of who He is and if He’s still the same God who parted the seas and calmed the storms. The one who needs a touch and is willing to press through the crowds just to feel the hem of His garment. The one who wants to be in the house when the Great Physician makes all the others leave the room and pronounces that the dead girl is only asleep. The one who wants to know His presence and know His power and feel His touch and taste and see that He is good. Every. One. He truly is such a good, good Father and it is His nature to show His children marvelous things. I guess I just want to tell you it is okay to put down the sentence that the world or the church has declared over your life - to live a mediocre life with a powerful Gospel in your hands - and start believing for the big things. To believe for the small things. To dream dreams and see visions. To prophesy. To pray big prayers and to press on to see the fiery eyes of Jesus in souls across the globe. To be the one that presses on through everyone else despite the odds or the on-lookers. To believe for salvation and believe for miracles. Because honestly, when you do, you’ll look to the right and to the left and see there are others as ravenously hungry as you too— that He’s raising up an army of believers that are willing to peel back the shadows of this world with the light that emanates from His throne, that will intentionally denounce religion every time and take their seats as sons and daughters. You’ll see that it’s His desire to fill the World with His love more than it is ours. You’ll see Him. Friend, ••you’ll see Him.•• So, I give you permission to partner with Him and start believing that - to start believing the thoughts He has toward you. I give you permission to walk as the disciples walked. I give you permission to ravenously hunger for His presence. And I apologize if I or the church ever made you feel like these experiences were far-fetched or unrealistic. They are not because He. IS. I know I say this all the time, but He is so, so “able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ASK, THINK, or IMAGINE according to the power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever, AMEN!” (Eph. 3:20-21) Believe that!

Sabbath Kael, you adventurous soul. This year has been simultaneously the fastest and most beautiful year we’ve had yet. I never thought I’d be able to say that after the first time I looked into your piercing blue eyes and rubbed that snow white head of yours. You were fresh out of the amniotic flow of worship with the Father, where you two danced to the sound of my heartbeat. He was all you knew. But then I watched you see the beauty of the physical world—what a blessing and a vanity— and I watched your eyes— still yet— be fixated on the heavenlies. That day on the swing, when you saw the fiery eyes of Jesus on the sapphire throne, with the world in His hands and His blood pouring over it, with light so beautiful, you didn’t have words— without a single drop of foreknowledge of what the Bible says His glorified body looks like— I finally found another moment more satisfying. Because you gazing into the eyes of Jesus far exceeds the soul-shaking bliss of you gazing into mine. You are a visionary, Sabman— with a Spirit as fiery and as fierce as burnished bronze—and I’ll tell you right now that no one in this world will get it. You’ll never fit into a box, you’ll always be full of zeal and exuberant, fiery in every. little. thing. you do, too beyond comparison for anyone in this world to comprehend it outside of the spirit— and that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be. Because you are not of this world. That’s abundantly clear. Because when I look at you, I see a pearl white shofar on a mountaintop with a blue flame blazing from it — I see you clothed in righteousness, raising a Signal in Zion— I see you wrecked with encounter and walking forth in power. I see you prophesying the Word of the Lord in wisdom and revelation. I see that in the future because I see that in you now. My prayer since you were a wee little jelly bean in the womb was that God would give me vision to see your manner and your mission— that I would be able to steward what He’s already put inside of you from before the foundations of the world — the destiny you had when you only existed in the heart of God. And every time He gives me a glimpse, I begin to see more of you - I get a new revelation of His heart - I begin to see the world with new eyes. Someone once told me Todd White reminded them of you. I giggled as I watched the video of him walking through violent riots touching everyone and just saying the name of Jesus and claiming His power. You do that all the time. You barge right into moments others are terrified of— you see a violent drunkard on the side of the road and a spiritual gravity pulls you toward them to pray, completely un-offended and completely unafraid. It must be lifestyle Christianity that links you two together. You say things before they happen and you have dreams that carry the thoughts of God. You tell me we need to pray for specific people moments before I get a text they are headed to the ER. You tell me things I’ve never taught you - things you’ve never physically heard. I have seen the healing hand of God extended on you and through you and you remind me every single day that we must come to Him like children — and take a little while to listen to them, too. You cast out “bad things” in the Name of Jesus, you don’t ask for kisses on your boo-boos, you ask for prayers, and you don’t hurt the bad guys, you pray for them. You are the fiercest little thing I’ve ever seen — and that requires a lot of energy from your little ole mama here, that’s for sure, but I’ll take 1,000 days of chasing your squirrelly tail down to see you chasing Him for a moment. I did say your destiny was much bigger than this world - so your mind is always running, and when you feel things, you feel them at level 100. I see why. Your compassion and love will carry your prophecies further than your vocabulary ever will, though you probably know more words than most adults at this point. You’re sharp as a tack. You remember even the smallest of things, you can show me how to get nearly every common place we go to, you know a bible verse for almost every letter of the alphabet, and you can tell me facts and ask me questions about animals and insects that I have to research in order to respond. You have a crazy connection with them too— so much so, flocks of animals swarm to you and you can pick up a fly and drive it on your toy truck for hours before it flies away. You still cuddle me so closely it feels like you are trying to crawl back into my womb and you look me in the eyes, play with my hair, and tell me how beautiful God made me. You look up to your daddy so much—you guys are just alike. What a beautiful thing it is to see a holy legacy live on. You’re a protective big brother and I love each moment I catch you caring for, kissing, and teaching your sister allofthethings. She is head over heels for her bubba and I don’t blame her one bit. I never in a MILLION years could have dreamt up your strengths, your anointing, or your love — but oh, sweet child, I’m so thankful for a God who’s dreams far exceed mine. You are a masterpiece in the Hand of God and that will be evident all the days of your life. I love you, Wasabi. 100 raccoons and a flamingo. And I am beyond grateful for the 4 years I’ve been able to see you take on the world with your fierce love. You’re a game changer, kid! 💞

About 5 months ago, I got a text containing words that had the power to slice right through any mama’s heart. My client and friend, Sierra Sky, sent me a photo of the hospital paperwork. Her unborn baby had a mass that covered 75% of his brain. His mama was texting me to ask if I would still be able to be in attendance at his birth if he was born still born or had a minimal chance of survival minutes out of the womb (of course I would,) and if my husband would do the funeral services if the baby was far enough along to burry before miscarriage or death. My heart ached and I was torn. I can’t imagine how she felt in that moment. Then I heard the Lord whisper: “That’s not My plan.” I told Sierra “Yes we could, but I don’t think we’re going to have to worry about that.” As the next few days drew on and our schedules conflicted, I prayed to God asking if He would bring us together so that we could pray. For comfort. For what was on His heart. For Healing. As Sunday morning worship started to raise, Sierra walked in and sat down right next to me. She was only one day away from the next X-ray. We spoke to God and we claimed a renewal of this baby’s physical mind- and we listened to Him- and He reminded us once again that their lot would be different than it looked. He was reminding so many prayer warriors of that as we prayed. I knew in my heart that it was coming, but it still sent goosebumps down my spine when she sent me the message that said the X-ray was cleared. There was no mass on the baby’s brain. And there in front of her eyes are two X-rays, infallible proof that our God is a healing God- Whose heart is to pour out His affections on His children. And on Monday morning, I saw, with my own eyes, the beauty of the Love of the Father drawn into the perfectly shapen skull of an infant. And I don’t share this for any other reason but to reach out to each of you in seemingly immovable situations- where you’re boxed in and the numbers are against you- where it seems as if nothing on earth could change what the world says your lot is- maybe even what you say your lot is- but here God is, seated on the throne with His heart wide open to you, completely ready to pour out His miraculous love as you speak with Him and encounter you in a way that no one on earth can deny. There is hope still. Because in the midst of the impossible, God raises up an infallible proof: the revelation of His love changes everything. 💞

This time last month, I was in the Middle East with my little tribe, in an act of obedience I still couldn’t make 100% sense of. Everywhere I turned, there was something Heavenly spinning off and very few times did I have any sort of verbiage for what was going on… but it all made so much sense. I believe in the days since, He’s purified my language, shown me these experiences in Scripture, and taught me some of the deeper things on His heart. The road has far-extended the time I spent overseas, but Lord, what a beautiful journey it has been.

A few weeks prior to the trip, I was in Fredericksburg VA, burning for the nations and desiring His Name to be lifted as a signal over the Middle East. God had already overcome a financial miracle for us, made it blatantly obvious to us that He desired us to go, and placed us in a divine moment we will never forget.

As I sat in my rocking chair that night, pondering what the Lord had on His heart for the trip, I felt a deep burden overcome me— one that felt very similar to the way God has pushed me into the place of intercession over something His heart groans for, but this time more deep and intense than anything I’d ever felt. The only way I could explain it to Josh was that it felt like my kids were going to die… and I couldn’t make sense of it.. the full description of this burden wasn’t released to me yet… but I could tell it was the Lord. Needless to say, mama spent a lot of hours in the prayer closet praying for the burden. I could tell all of the details weren’t there, so I knew there was some type of mystery to what He was saying to me, but nonetheless, I chose “yes,” no matter what we faced when we got there, because I could already felt the Lord’s Movement all over it.

The night before we left, I encountered God in one of the most real ways I ever had up until that point. The church staff gathered to pray for us and I could feel the faith of the room being released as they prayed. One prophecy stood out to me over them all. A man laid his hand on me and told me the Lord saw my tears- that the burdens I carry are not a curse, but a blessing - that through a spirit of travail, God wants to show me the places of His heart very few go to - and he asked if he could release it in full measure. I agreed, and I don’t even know what happened afterwards other than the burden came back with the accompaniment of a deep sense of peace, I began to weep, and angelic ministry surrounded me. It was surely a divine moment, I had met with the Lord so sweetly, but there was still so much mystery.

I had no idea what the full picture looked like until night 8, when the prayer room exploded with a spirit of travail. If you don’t know anything about our trip, the Lord opened up 7 doors— 7 different locations— of indigenous believers surrounding Syria that desired teams of Christians to come and host worship and prayer for 50 hours - day and night - simultaneously - for a move of God in the region. Something similar to this happened on another occasion several years back and literal governmental changes, church plants, and salvation happened as a result. As each door opened up this time, the praying community at the church we attended saw the fulfillment of their personal and specific prayers to God, and we started to experience the fire and the call associated with it.

We had 5 specific prayer points to press into during the 50 hours, with the intention that we would all come into agreement together and ultimately, that Jesus would have His inheritance in Ancient Assyria. As we began to pray for these points, we started to experience God moving our prayer into a specific direction. Everyone kept coming back to Syria - to the greatest humanitarian injustice the world has ever seen, of course - but to very articulate and definitive degrees. God began to teach us how to pray. He was leading us to Scriptures about bloodstains being cleansed and canopies of glory. He told us about wrath and mercy. Some had visions of missiles dropping in Syria and angels and doves ascending and descending on each side protecting people from the effects of them. Some of us, including myself, felt a familiar burden placed on us again. I re-entered that place I’d felt so many times before our trip. Something about children dying. And as soon as it was placed on me again, a lady got on the mic and said “I believe there are people in this room that are carrying a burden, a spirit of travail, and you don’t know what it’s for, but God is saying it’s for this moment right now. Press in. ” And I heard, out of God’s groaning, “My children are dying in Syria— pray for them.” And I weeped until my hair was soaked with tears and my face was lying in a puddle on the floor. And I wasn’t the only one — even my 1 year old daughter laid hands on those experiencing deep travail, as an intercessor to the intercessors. The burden began to make sense to us all. I’d take weeks of unknowingly carrying it in the secret place - only able to pray about it in the Spirit - to be there when His mystery is revealed. Because in that crowded room, God showed me a place of His heart I’d never known before, and He did it so I could offer up true intercession for a people I’d never laid my eyes on. Because when I thought of them, I saw my babies— His babies. And they were dying. You see, It was on His heart to send angels and doves, and He had pre-positioned believers in 7 locations surrounding Syria like a ring of Fire, so that we could partner with Him in what He already wanted to do. So that we could stand in the gap. And as the spirit of travail began to settle, we could feel faith start rising in the room. The spontaneous songs being sang were shifting from groanings to victory and my 3-year-old-son, who was seemingly distracted, laid down his stuff, walked over to me, and said, so tenderly, “Mama, stop crying…” I said, “why, baby?” He said “they’re not dying anymore. Jesus got them.” And from the mouth of a babe, I saw intercession do the greatest work: pair with God’s heart, follow His leading, and raise incense before a Father Who makes governmental decisions surrounded by them.

Little did we know, (we were on complete media blackout,) that in the very moments our prayers started to blaze for Syria, missiles were being dropped in that country. And God was revealing to us His heart without any sort of outside influence other than His voice alone. Now, I don’t know what to think of everything politically, what was right or what was wrong, this or that, and from an honest place in my heart, I really don’t know if I desire to. I just know the voice of God prevails our agendas. That God’s mystery isn’t something to be afraid of. That He will use every willing vessel - children and elders alike. That Spiritual worship and the Word of God are the avenues by which we see Jesus and His heart rightly, and prayer is how we partner with Him in the greater work. That His yoke is easy and His burden is light. That He is powerful, that He is merciful, and that His love prevails every time. That it’s on His heart to win the nations - and it’s on ours to walk in that fulfillment.

“Now all glory to God, Who is able to accomplish exceedingly, abundantly more than we might ask, think, or even imagine according to His mighty power at work within us— to Him be the glory in the Church throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

While staying in Virginia, God gave me a dream of prophetic worship flowing through the streets of the Middle East. Visual power was released at the sound of our song and ancient pillars and walls began to crumble and fall. When I opened my eyes, I heard God’s tender voice, as sweet as I’ve ever heard it, say “Sing my song in the Middle East.”

When we first set foot on the Cobblestone port to invade Muslim air with the sound of Heaven, I felt the same rhythm that woke me from my sleep that night. God was ready and waiting to ride in on the praises of His people and the sound of His dancing still gives me goose-bumps to this day. Our team lifted their voice to the God of Heaven and He bent down to listen. As the first notes were expressed, crowds began to encircle us. There must have been at least a thousand to turn their heads to the Lord’s song as we sang them over the sea. Some had no idea what we were saying, some did, some assumed, but so. many. encountered. As we continued to sing, the Lord pointed me toward two men sitting on a bench a little ways away and as I sat down to speak with them, I looked out and saw the prophecy of the Lord coming to fulfillment. Pillars of religion were falling and walls of hatred were coming to the ground. Muslims hijabs were falling off as they were dancing to the song of Heaven and every heart we spoke to was wide open for the Hope that we profess. Even the children, unprompted, were using the tracts we were distracting them with to share the Gospel with the unreached children us adults were legally bound from sharing with. They were loving on and sharing with people who never would have looked our way. Power was filling the place and He was to blame. I asked these two men their story and as they shared, the Lord showed me His desire for them to know the nearness of God. They asked for mine and I’ll never forget the trigger point for them— one thought I had the strongest intuition he’d ever known and asked where I found it. I told them about the first time I heard the voice of The Lord and the crazy spiral of joy and healing my life has been ever since. With his hand over his heart, one gasped and said “You hear Jesus?” His eyes were full of wonder and his heart was full of awe and I said “yes, many times. And everyone over there singing and dancing have too.” He said “you can tell that joy comes from the heart.” I replied “the deepest place” and He said, so tenderly, “I want to hear God.”

And there it was, a moment of raw, genuine, openness everywhere I looked— no pillars of religion or walls of the flesh left standing, not a tinge of resistance from the Muslim community surrounding around us, nothing but bleeding hearts wanting to hear the voice of healing.

I shared the simple Gospel with those two men from start to finish, and their eyes never left mine. After we were done speaking, I wrapped my arms around them in joy, introduced them to my family, and took some time to pray with them. I prayed that the Lord would speak to them — be it by dreams and visions, or a quiet whisper in the cool of the day — just a confirmation that there is a God that bends down to listen when we cry out to Him. Because the nearness of Jesus will far outrun the rules of religion and the deception of their prophets. Because Jesus speaks word than allah and when He does, there is no shaking it. The feeling as we parted ways was almost electric. I could tell that supernatural energy was sustaining all of the different encounters that each person on our team had and it wasn’t because of anything special we strategized and came up with on our own. I had one prophetic dream in the middle of the night and a group of believers I didn’t even know flocked to it because it was on the heart of God— And an entire port of Muslims got to experience the nearness of Christ because of it.

As I laid down to sleep that night and prayed for each encounter, especially the testimony of the two men I was able to speak with, the Lord gave me a vision of one of them walking into a coffee shop, with his hand over his heart and tears in his eyes, telling others about the Voice he heard — with the same wonder in his eyes and burning in his heart he had that day on the bench. Oh, how He does exceedingly, abundantly more than we could ask, think, or even imagine, according to the power at work within us. My prayer is that we never try to box Him in.

You see, when we partner with God in what’s already on His heart, when we are open to move everything around to line us up with the Word He’s giving us — even if it •seems• as small as singing at the edge of the sea, when we open our eyes to the mission of Heaven, He meets us there. Because it is only out of the place of encounter — not rules or duties or principles or debates or good ideas— that others will experience God for themselves. When the Lord woke me up that night, He was preparing me for the song He was already wanting to release over that port in the Middle East. He was preparing a group of people to experience the heart of the Father when He rode in on the praises of His people. And I don’t care where you go, there’s only one voice that will wake you up— from your sleep or in the middle of the day on a port overseas— and it’s the voice of Jesus. And there’s one song that flows from His throne and I’ll sing it all the days of my life: “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and Is and Is to come.” Amen.

2/13/14 Womans cancer healed in Jesus Name - left breast - the Fathers affections poured out from His heart to hers - cancer couldn’t stand in the way. Psalm 114 - cancer what are you that you could stand in the affections of the Father?

2/14/18 prayer bowls - rising up to heaven like incense - where the angels carry them to God. The colors represent each of our prayers. Blue - daddy. Pink- sabbath. Purple- mommy. Green-harvest. Yellow-Zoie. 2/15/18- Harvest danced to the motions, sang to Jesus, and sat down for the whole kids set- joyful and intrigued 2/16/18- Sabbath told me today “can you push me in the swing so I can see Jesus again?” I said “have you seen Jesus before?” He said “yeah- He was shining bright with a ball in His hands like the one in the kitchen.” So we went into the kitchen of the church and there was a globe! I sat down with him and told him to paint what he saw– I said “you need yellow for the bright light?” He said “yeah, and blue for His chair and red for the fire in His eyes.” So He painted - and I made a globe and then he took red and put it all over the globe and I said “is that His eyes?” He said “no that’s the blood.” — I took him to swing again and asked him to look and tell me what he saw. He just kept chanting “JESUS IS GOD!” Favorable enough. I’ll meet with him every day — rain or shine — alone on the swing — if he personally chooses to meet with Jesus there.

2/10/18 Shabbat, Kym, creation out of sharing communal love ❤️ 2/11/18 God has plans that He dreamed up for you in eternity past - you are the answer to how good God is - and He’s willing to bank His reputation on it, lunch with the Bradshaw’s, family night

FVA remembrance moments:

2/2/18 roaring like a lion 2/3/18 Nazarite vow — honor this uncommon sacrifice — these kids would be consecrated at a young age, generational faithfulness, turning the hearts of the parents back to the children and the children their parents— growing up in a culture of honor. Harvest was marked — in my arms as I went to the altar — they prayed fire over us and harvest instantly got hot — when they called for us to sign the paper for prayer, harvest ran up like she knew what she was doing — hasn’t been the Same since. 2/4/18 Josh’s confession 2/5/18 Song prophecies - prophetic whirlwind prophecies- masses slain in the spirit prophecies Psalm 85 for 10th street Psalm 84— my heart— “ 1How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! 2My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.

3Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. 4Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise!

5Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.”

& psalm 89 “ 1I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever; with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness ••to all generations.•• ((this awakening)) 2For I said, “Steadfast love will be built up forever; in the heavens you will establish your faithfulness.” 2/6/18 We are at a tipping point— David Fritch, 800 inquiries about MSOA

2/7/18 Healing class w/ Sebastian: my sickness, Lambert’s sinuses, Marnie’s hearing, Caitlin’s eyes—partial— contending for her eyes, Hannah’s neck, and Becca’s allergy

2/8/18 Rita Lynn — the sabbath rests connection to the harvest — the miscarried harvest, but don’t let that stop us— because when the harvest comes, it will be quick and it will be abundant — the plowman and the harvester

Seven loaves ministry— first night—merl, Kendra, Jackie, April, & Summer

2/9/18 Psalm 102 Marking day in the prayer room — promise of violent rushing wind — gifts manifestations and shift in the atmosphere of the culture arounds us — a pouring out in the next two weeks

“18Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord: 19that he looked down from his holy height; from heaven the Lord looked at the earth, 20to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die, 21that they may declare in Zion the name of the Lord, and in Jerusalem his praise, 22when peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship the Lord.

25Of old you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. 26They will perish, but you will remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away, 27but you are the same, and your years have no end. 28The children of your servants shall dwell secure; their offspring shall be established before you.”

1/29/18 // the road // Its hard on these little ones - especially the ones who miss home so quick — the ones who have roots in different places — the ones who love so big. Nap times are different and the fur babies are across the country and familiar is out the window for them, but there’s something special about it if we’d just take the time to tap into it. The goal is to nurture a generation into full devotion to the Lord— and here we are — seeking how to rise some of them up. Here. There. Wherever. With sleep. Without sleep. When it’s hard. When it hurts. There is a special thing to learn in selling the puppy Sabbath fell in love with because sometimes we have to do hard things for Jesus. We get to follow Him wherever He leads, but sometimes where we go has no room for what’s behind. Sometimes we have to leave our families back home. Even if for a time, it does seem like forever to them. Sometimes we push our limits so that the limitless God can tap into our moments. And really, all the while, one of the greatest lessons (even on their little hearts) in these moments is what home is — where home is — and how to tap into our eternal inheritance while we’re here on earth — because it makes the rest of it worth while. And I’ll take the draw of compassion for the woman at the altar and the unceasing worship that flows through these children any day over the comforts of the familiar, for us or for them. ❤️

1/30/18

The culture here is amazing and the Lord is literally piercing every bit of my heart with His Word. Yesterday was hard. I was completely worn out and out house wasn’t even prepared for us so we couldn’t go home yet. The kids were blown (more than I’ve ever seen before) and I felt so bad for them. All the while, I knew I was supposed to be in the classroom and it’s hard to do that with kids whose literal existence are shaken. We trucked on but I laid in bed last night and told josh I could listen better and take better care of our kids from home. I think that scared him, but I only meant that I don’t get why God has us here if I and the kids could be doing this more comfortably at home. Me too. I opened the word and God pulled these words out:

“ 4Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; his name is the Lord; exult before him!

11The Lord gives the word; the women who announce the news are a great host: 12“The kings of the armies—they flee, they flee!” The women at home divide the spoil— 13though you men lie among the sheepfolds— the wings of a dove covered with silver, its pinions with shimmering gold.”

My heart burned inside of me– I didn’t quite know why yet, but I just knew the Lord was teaching me.

I woke up refreshed - so did the kids - it was a little more difficult than normal, but incredible compared to yesterday. I got to sit in class today and josh swapped with me. I think we’ll both do that.

Anyhow, I went into the prayer furnace just seeking His face. A girl I’ve never met came up to me and prophesied that God is teaching me in this time that I am a mother, but more than a mother. I am a sidekick to my husband but I’m not just my husbands sidekick. I needed that. The call to marriage and motherhood is a vast one, but He is simultaneously doing something large scale here - I really believe that. She said: God wants to do big things in your heart and through your heart. Immediately, the worship team (without hearing her say that) started to sing “God is doing something bigger, it’s holy, holy, holy.”

It reminded me of Kurt’s prayer that I learn to be a lion and him a lamb. It reminded me also of Kara speaking of God birthing something in me. The Holy Spirit rose that was prophesied over me in DC. The dream Heather a Fritch had. The scriptures from last night. All these prophetic words coming to fruition. It has caused a great humbling in my life — there isn’t an answer to the “why me?” Except for grace. In class, they taught on the Levitical priesthood (what God has been showing me in the scriptures since ATD) and during prayer, they prayed that God would rise up a generation of Leviticus priests who serve in houses of prayer all over this nation and the world. I believe it was a Word for me.

I still can’t get over it. This journey is marked out in His miracles and bathed in His Spirit unlike anything I’ve ever known.

The spirit of wisdom and revelation is here and my prayer is that our hearts would receive it all the more. He is so good. Everyday, but today. And Satan knew he would be. And I’ve never been more glad in my life for sticking out the hard things so that God can do the big things. Hupo meno- “if this is You Lord, let me come.”

// tomorrow // this is the second time I’ve left what I’ve known to go to a place I’ve never been — a place where no one knows my name. this time both temporary and long term. there’s something freeing about that. it’s the first time I’ve done it with my husband or with my kids, but looking into their faces remind me of what the last act of obedience (like this) had for me at the finish line and I presume this will be blessed all the more. Idk what I’d do without that fiery leader of mine - or that fierce spirit in my lion cub - or that receiving spirit with the wind beneath her wings - oh, what they teach me of Jesus. Yesterday, my husband and I were sitting in the kitchen floor with our hearts wide open — shuffling through all the words God has told us in days past because it looked nearly impossible to leave Friday morning at 6AM. I’ll say it’s the first time I’ve been fearful of taking this step. There are a lot of mountains to climb and a lot of waters to wade through and it’s probably the most unknown thing God has told me to do yet. I mean that in the most literal sense. But there really is something about it. His ways are higher than our ways. This morning, I had a to-do list longer than the day is long and needed about 5 literal miracles (I don’t exaggerate in the least bit,) to happen before tomorrow. They did. And I need a lot more, but He’s teaching me about faith in a way I’ve never known before. About the man who trusts the Lord though the waters rage — that tomorrow really can worry about itself — and my kids’ tomorrow’s can worry about themselves — because God is caring for His children today. A woman I don’t know had a dream about us in the throne room. It’s been a kind of sweet reminder to me as the physical safety net I have around me slips away and my control is somewhere off in the deep. She said these weeks leading up to training would train us all the more — our garments, (positions, burdens, idols,) lifting off us as we bow before the father. I see that to be true. There’s a refining fire here. I’m excited. I’m kind of anxious. My heart has skipped nearly every other beat since this time last week. But I guess all that doesn’t matter — I just want to follow Jesus. And I don’t want it to look easy or our act of obedience to look superior to the next, but I want the journey to be authentic, raw growth, no matter what that looks like... no matter what it takes. And I guess that starts here - out of our control and completely in His hands. Because one of the most exhilarating things in the spiritual realm is obedience. His glory alone is our reward — and that’s what I’m choosing to cling to as the hours slip away. When morning comes, we’re off.

I believe God wants to rise up a generation of Levites - who will take up the ark (walk in the Spirit) wherever He so leads. In such a way that when the surrounding world encounters The power of the Lord and the worth of Jesus, they will sacrifice so much to the Lord that their offerings can’t even be numbered. When this happens, God will be honored in the midst of the courts and there will be NOTHING working there except the Word of the Lord. He wants to rise up an army who is consecrated - with no regard to division or denomination - who really believe their song will reach Heaven. All because HE is good and HIS steadfast love endures forever. And when this army arises in fullness and in power, I truly believe the Spirit will have fallen so hard, not even the very “leaders” of the movement will be left standing.

#imin #wreckedbygrace #Jesusmovement

“And all the elders of Israel came, and the Levites took up the ark. And they brought up the ark, the tent of meeting, and all the holy vessels that were in the tent; the Levitical priests brought them up. And King Solomon and all the congregation of Israel, who had assembled before him, were before the ark, sacrificing so many sheep and oxen that they could not be counted or numbered. Then the priests brought the ark of the covenant of the Lord to its place, in the inner sanctuary of the house, in the Most Holy Place, underneath the wings of the cherubim.

There was nothing in the ark except the two tablets that Moses put there at Horeb, where the Lord made a covenant with the people of Israel, when they came out of Egypt. And when the priests came out of the Holy Place (for all the priests who were present had consecrated themselves, without regard to their divisions, and all the Levitical singers, Asaph, Heman, and Jeduthun, their sons and kinsmen, arrayed in fine linen, with cymbals, harps, and lyres, stood east of the altar with 120 priests who were trumpeters; and it was the duty of the trumpeters and singers to make themselves heard in unison in praise and thanksgiving to the Lord), and when the song was raised, with trumpets and cymbals and other musical instruments, in praise to the Lord,

‘For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever,’

the house, the house of the Lord, was filled with a cloud, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house of God.” (Excerpts from 2 Chronicles 5)

To the one who named me mama- I can hardly choke down the idea that we've looked each other in the eyes 3 whole years and we still do it like we started yesterday. You've taught me a lot in your time here on earth, but one I will never forget is how you love. If there was one word I would use to describe you, it would be "fierce." In every avenue. In every emotion. In every action. And I'm pretty sure that's why everyone who knows you knows that your love stands out. You have the heart of a lion and your joy is ferocious. You are passionate and zealous like your daddy. Sometimes that gives you feelings larger than your own body can stand, but then again, you were made for that. I pray your passion and zeal are directed toward Jesus and that I, somehow, could be a lighthouse that points you Home. I know that whenever you choose Jesus as your Lord, there will be no turning back. You are strong-willed and determined and you are unshakable in your decisions. You have a special way of connecting uniquely to each individual and you teach me so much about what is really important in this life. You love without favor and challenge me to do the same. You have a forgiving and compassionate heart that often keeps mine in check. You can't stand to see someone in tears and you hate taking the last piece of anything just because it means someone else won't have it. You pray. And sometimes you're straight to the point and others you go on and on, but every time you do it, you mean it. You find a cross in about every tangible thing and I pray that you always have eyes that see like that: that see Christ in everything. You sing to Jesus like no one is listening and you dance every. single. time. there is any sort of beat. You have a memory I've never seen in any other human and every time you recite a passage of scripture, my heart leaps. You're as sharp as a tack and from the day you first opened your mouth, your vocabulary has been extraordinary. I pray you use your words well- that you always build others up- with words seasoned with salt and with grace. You love to be outside and you just don't understand why anyone else wouldn't want to. You thrive in the sun and it comes as no surprise to me. It isn't hard for you to be thankful in every circumstance. I love that about you. You still cuddle me to sleep like you did the night you entered this world, you still look at me like I'm the only lady in this world, and most of all, every time I look into your precious baby blue eyes, I hear God shout from the Heavens "I LOVE YOU." Sabbath Kael, I didn't know I wanted to be a mama. I didn't know that three years down the road, I'd be a stranger to myself. I didn't know that I could love someone so much that sacrifice just made sense. I didn't know I could love Jesus this much more than I ever did before. But I thank God He put you in my womb, in my life, at the perfect time-- that I would see Christ manifest His love so purely to me in you. And I pray that same testimony echoes out of the depths of your soul to this dying world until the day God calls you home. 3 years ago, I sat in a hospital room, with a heavier presence of the Spirit than I'd ever known before, and I went through the most refining and beautiful transition into motherhood- a day I will never forget- and I birthed you. Without fear. Without second-guesses. Without another thought in this world but: "and somehow, Jesus gave up His Son." Thank you for carrying that message in your presence ever since. Because of it, I will never forget the sacrifice paid at Calvary and all of the love He has lavished on us since. I pray we always point you back there. You are a treasure, squid kid, and I know that any other lot in this world could be as glorious, but I'm so thankful for mine; for you. Happy 3rd Birthday.

Give us Victory

There's a heartbeat in our souls, Can you hear it in your spirit? There's a burning in our bones, Like a fire trapped inside us. Overcome by victory, We don't know what to do. But we stand here unashamed, That You're making all things new. Sweep over us, Turn hearts to flesh from stone. Come into us, Revive these old dry bones Have Your way with us. We stand in Victory. Wash all of us, Make us clean. There is power in Your Breath, Spirit callin', demons fallin', There is thunder in our steps, When we're bowin', You're surroundin', Lord, You give us Victory, We are every single proof, And we stand here unashamed, Claiming every step You move. Sweep over us, Turn hearts to flesh from stone. Come into us, Revive these old dry bones Have Your way with us. We stand in Victory. Wash all of us, Make us clean. There is power in Your Breath, Spirit callin', demons fallin', There is thunder in our steps, When we're bowin', You're surroundin', Lord, You give us Victory, We are every single proof, And we stand here unashamed, Claiming every step You move. Sweep over us, Turn hearts to flesh from stone. Come into us, Revive these old dry bones Have Your way with us. We stand in Victory. Wash all of us, Make us clean. There's a heartbeat in our souls, Can you hear it in your spirit? There's a burning in our bones, Like a fire trapped inside us.

I feel the Lord’s bleeding heart in this comment so much that it makes me literally ache at the thought of my own sin. Here, in this vision, He’s preparing an army to run through Jerusalem- a man before them who marks the heads of those groaning over all the abominations committed in the land- and to the rest, a command to strike everyone without it. It seems gruesome to the flesh, but the overarching tone of this letter is more than just wrath and fury (although it is that, too,) this one statement changes the face of it all: “and begin at My sanctuary.” This letter has a tone of a God whose bride has forgotten Him. A jealous God who watches His beloved whore after idols and refuse to acknowledge His existence. Her sin is so great, even the land He gave to them is defiled- everything in her path submersed wreckage- and her heart isn’t only careless, but she doesn’t even realize how deep her sin is. Because she still walks into the sanctuary like a white-washed tomb and picks up her phone before she greets anyone at church. Because she misses the fellowship of His people because there’s a football game on tv. Because she’s silently making cues at her co-worker with her lover at home. Because she leads Sunday School to save face- without a care in the world for the souls of the students. Because she passes by the hurting. Because she’s just too busy to stop. Because she goes to the bar thinking she’s strong enough, but she runs out like the rest of them. Because she masks hospitality with Pinterest and she’s got too much dirty in her own life to live out the Gospel with others. Because she reads the Bible in the morning, (or maybe she doesn’t,) and forgets the message by mid-day. Because it’s a step she’s always practiced, but not a step she’s always loved. She prays so others will hear, or maybe she doesn’t pray at all. Maybe she lets other lovers in for the feeling of security. Or maybe- she can’t relate to any of this, but she’s just numb. Maybe because there’s a little bit of it all, or she doesn’t know where to begin, but ultimately, she knows there’s something in between her and God. And she knows it’s gonna cut like a knife to carve it out of her heart… but she must. Not only because she knows God will execute His judgments otherwise, (because He surely will,) but because she hates that He’s got to start at His sanctuary… she hates that He’s got to start with her. And she loves Him too much to let her fire be given to another. So she gets up, dusts off her feet, and turns the other way. She prays for a rekindling. She leans on Jesus– because He. Is. A. Finisher. ✨

A Message to The Mama Who's Spent

I was watching a video in my local MOPS group the other night and the speaker briefly mentioned how Mark 6:31 stunned her to a halt. “God gets motherhood,” she thought. What an odd verse to claim for motherhood. But it stuck with me. So I came home that night and I felt the Spirit lead me right back to that passage. I opened up the Scriptures and I kept reading. This passage is some type of gold I feel has been locked up and hid away in a chest of tradition, covered in familiarity, and rarely dusted off to examine it’s true beauty.

We’ve probably read it a thousand times over. Maybe we’ve never read it at all, but we know Jesus did a number with some fish and some bread and He fed a ton of people. Kind of like a rabbit out of a hat. But tonight, it’s not about bread and it’s not about fish, and it’s not about magic, mama, it’s about you.

Let’s dig.

“The apostles returned to Jesus and told Him all that they had done and taught.” (V.30)

They’d been at it all day- rejected, sent out into new territory, they’d cared for the sick and had compassion on the mourning. They were like you, mama. Maybe they wanted to hear that they did it right. Maybe they just wanted a little recognition. Maybe they were just thankful they survived. Because teaching is hard and loving is harder. Maybe they just needed a second to talk to Jesus.

“And He said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.’ For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat,” (v.31)

And He looked at these apostles and He says come away with me- abide with me- in a place all our own- and rest. And that probably seems like a foreign concept. To them. To you. They had been so caught up in the demands of all of the humans around them, they didn’t have any time for self care… they didn’t even have time to eat. But Jesus says to them: abide with Me and rest. And you’d think that since He said that, they’d pull up to shore at a desolate place and hang up a hammock for the night, and sing kumbaya until they fell asleep, but listen:

“And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves. Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them.” (v.32-33)

This probably seems less foreign to you. The second you see a glimmer of rest, the demands of those tiny humans are at the hem of your pant leg begging for just one. more. minute. But why did God take them here just to be met by more demands?

“When He went ashore He saw a great crowd, and He had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And He began to teach them many things.” (V.34)

And this is where I feel like our like-mindedness to the apostles can start shift for a moment •if we let it• and our hearts can become more like the heart of Jesus. Because, mama, even in the midst of all of the demands of this life, those same chubby fingers at the hem of your pants hold the very keys to your heart. These innocent sheep who need their shepherd, these babies who need our tender guidance, try for just a •little more…• and this is where we can either blow our tops… or start to choose a pattern of compassion like Jesus. This is where we can start to give up on motherhood or give in to it.

“And when it grew late, His disciples came to Him and said, 'This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. Send them away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.’” (V.36)

It’s late. You’re tired. It’s nap time. It’s bedtime. You just need one second. It sort of feels deserved. But…

“But He answered them, 'You give them something to eat.’” (V.37)

Given them just a little more.

“And they said to Him, 'Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?’”

What if we don’t have enough left, God?

“And He said to them, 'How many loaves do you have? Go and see.’” (V.38)

What DO you have left?

“And when they had found out, they said, 'Five, and two fish.’”

A desire to glorify You. A desire for these babies to love You. My sleepy body.

“Then He commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties. And taking the five loaves and the two fish, He looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And He divided the two fish among them all.”

Take all you have left and sit down with Me. Lay down with them. Snuggle them. Feed them once more. For just a moment. Meet with Me there. In the midst of all these demands, I hear your cry. Give them all you have left and I’ll give you all of Me. If you break this bread in thanksgiving; if you choose to be all here, in this very moment, and •give a little more• you will find that the very same thing that they need to fill them, is exactly what you need to fill you. And that doesn’t always involve sleep, and that doesn’t always involve coffee, but you will {always} find real rest there.

“And they all ate and were satisfied.” (V.42)

And you will be satisfied.

“And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish.” (V.43)

And you, mama, will be the one going home with your baskets full.

Because you are •always• on the brink of a miracle that seems like it’s •never• going to happen.

Just receive it.

You're not Pro-Life, You're Anti-abortion

I’m repulsed. And this isn’t the only time I have been. This has been a building holy indignation in my soul since about two years ago - something I’ve studied and ached over and prayed for. Something I refuse to be silent about.

I’m repulsed because I really don’t think most anti-abortion protesters in our churches are actually pro-life. I’m repulsed because I don’t think some “Christians” even know what they’re standing for anymore. I think the culture has influenced the church at large and pharisetical mindsets have become justified by many of our believers. I think people think they’re Christians because they’re republicans. I think people are selective in what lives actually matter outside of the womb. And •I’m not the only one drawing these lines.•

There are so many Christians making fools of themselves because they only know what America has taught them. They don’t know what love looks like because the global church forsook it a long time ago for political views and personal opinions. They’ve made a big deal out of some things and completely forsook others, but let me make it very clear:

Biblically, •a l l life is a BIG DEAL.•

And for a second, I feel like every Christian who read that said a resounding “of course.” But does your life speak that?

Where were you when the Syrian refugees were fleeing for their lives? Were you overran by the fear that ISIS would infiltrate and bruised by the plan of the Enemy to make your foolishness look like wisdom? Did you sign petitions and make Facebook statuses about our safety and forget that there were innocent women and children pleading for life? Did you even take a chance on “loving your enemies?”

How do you receive the alien that comes to to a land more promising than their own, to feed a family he couldn’t otherwise feed?

Do you justify the death of a man of color because they "seem more harmful?"

How do you treat the teenage pregnant mother? How do you receive her children?

How hard are you trying to educate young men and women about the fundamentals of sex and biblical love?

Do you blame the victim of sexual assault until you force her right into suicide?

Where were you when war broke loose? Were you standing behind it? Were you protesting it as loud and as proud as you are at the doors of Planned Parenthood? Or did you declare to be terrorists of your own in a war on terrorism?

Have you taken more time out of your day to build your fences and hold your guns than to lay them down and seek peace •at all costs?•

Were you justifying the lives taken from the LGBT community in Orlando simply because you couldn’t see past their sin?

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT OUR GOD IS BIGGER THAN SIN AND BIGGER THAN HATE AND BIGGER THAN PERSECUTION AND THE ONLY WAY WE CAN PENETRATE THE DARKNESS IS TO LOVE LIKE JESUS DID?

All life.

Always.

No exceptions.

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