La Petite Perle

[vexheart]

[vexheart]

[lapetiteperle]

Sacrifices

I want to get up early = I have to sacrifice night scrolling.

I want to get snatched body = I have to sacrifice snacks, momentary and impulsive desires, and eat proper 2-3 meals per day. And eat because it's fuel and not some kind of "the key of solving my problem".

I want to have higher grades = I have to sacrifice my procrastination for studying over cramming everything few days before the exam. Sacrificing my laziness and go to every lectures, does not matter am I feeling it or not.

Choose your hard.

[lapetiteperle]

I just realized that the problem of my weight is that I don’t have a culture (or lost it) of how to eat properly. I do have a bad habit of eating while walking, snacking constantly, eating too fast without tasting, eating not by the dinner table. Also, I realized despite being “guru” in nutrition I have been treating my stomach like a trash bag: by eating low quality cooked fried food from supermarket then feeling nauseous, finishing all the food because (a) I already bought it, (b) I don’t want to carry it around so why not my stomach?

I am sick of it.

Mostly because today I made a pic of in front of art objects, I wanted to make it “aesthetic” but doesn’t matter how much time I changed my pose I couldn’t hide the fact that I just got chubby and the fat from my upper arm doesn’t go away just because I switched my pose. And oh God the face fat that can’t be hided with any makeup.

For God sake I need to take care of my body.

[lapetiteperle]

Day 7 - 14th of September

At bed: 1.30am (not bad, at least better than before)

Wake up time: alarm for 9am, but woke up at 12am

First thing in the morning: Tumblr draft and relaxed music with no lyrics

Breakfast: none

Lunch: 4pm

Dinner: 10pm

At bed: almost 1am

Another laundry day. But mostly laying on bed like a potato.

Today I thought about time. Like time I spent in the train, commuting anywhere (even gym). Sometimes wasted time that cant be returned. Only today I have got to know that time = money. You cant buy time.

If you pay cheaper rent, but you waste time on commuting, well... then you have hidden costs, that can be more than rent. Nevertheless, I realised that I want to spend my youth on something more meaningful than spending in commuting.

Earlier week I told myself that I am gonna declutter my room. But I have not started yet. I felt not so good these days tbh.

Okay, anyways. Need to go to sleep.

[lapetiteperle]

Day 6 - 13rd of September

At bed: 3-4am (bad idea).

Wake up time: 11am.

Breakfast: none.

First thing in the morning: scrolling Instagram (bad idea btw).

Just realised the reason why I decided to create this blog in the first place.

So, honestly for me the terminal "petite - ideal Me version" is about the the young woman:

She eats to nurture her body

Her body represents the discipline

She does not have "tomorrow", only today

She is brave and confident in herself and about dreams

She dreams big

She is ambitious

She respects her time as well as others, she is always on time and better early, than late

She is a quick decision maker

She does not regret about past since it can not be lived, she lives in the present

She definitely is the slimmest version of her body

She eats and drinks on timely manner, only in designed spaces for that, never eats in a rush, she follows the Miss Manners etiquette

I remember I was my lowest weight when I was thinking about school stuff, and being top student, then I would come home and watch my favourite Korean doramas or doing some artsy stuff.

Honestly, I feel so fucking sad about my current way I look right now. Like my body doesn't represent how I see myself internally. Like it represents the lack of control and not putting my health as a priority. Clothes do not matter. Whats under clothes thats matter.

Hear me out, I am not talking about ED. I am talking about true slim version of me. That version that eats because it's hunger and nothing else. That version who knows when to stop. Because honestly I hate the feeling that when I run I feel the inner thighs rubbing each other. I hate the feeling when my chubby stomach being squeezed by trousers.

Most importantly, I hate taking pics and always thinking about specific angles. Jeez today I wanted to eliminate the second chin from a pic, does it tell something??

I hate to see that my body has fat that should not be on a young body. I feel like I am having so much emotional baggage, so I carry the stupid fat. I hate the neck hump, like wtf. I looked on recent pic and I was so angry. I usually try to wear something that covers it or just spread my hair. Wtf I am doing instead of solving the fucking root of the problem. The fucking neck hump.

Also, I did a pic for my documents and realised how much stress fucked up my face contour. Like I need gua sha.

Mostly I hate myself because years back I blamed "adults" that has a power over me, what to do, what to eat and etc. etc. But now, while having so much freedom of choice and I am doing so much fucking stupid choices. I am in a fucking loop and I want to close it. I am done.

I am done with over eating at night.

I am done with being not confident and aiming for less.

I am done with slouching my shoulders.

I am done with being fucking postponer.

I am done with not throwing trash immediately and created a mess for my future self.

I am done with multitasking because apparently my brain is not so different from science.

I am done with being shy and being afraid to express myself.

I am done with trying to find the one, because apparently I want to him to find me.

I am done with men who are in relationships flirting with me.

I am done with feeling not enough and not perfect, because perfection is impossible in our world.

You know what I noticed about girlfriends, wives of very noticeable men? All of them on their low BMI, slimmest version.

About art.

I definitely miss that part. I want to paint again, like as a serious hobby. I used to dream about being a painter.

I really want to express myself through art. I am done with eating my emotions.

Most importantly, I know that I can do better. Like did I really try to become slim version of myself?

Have I really tried my best to be disciplined version of myself?

Do I really try my best?

Win of the day: after shopping I wanted to buy cheap pastry in supermarket and eat in a rush while walking but rather I bought a sushi and ate at the table. Then I just walked to next destination without any rush.

[lapetiteperle]

Day 3 - 10th of September

I went to sleep at 6am. Fuck.

But I wiped the floor in my room. Then scrolled phone. Could not sleep. And woke up and 12pm. Quickly checked the email. Was in a rush for an event. Grabbed two bananas.

On the way to event just drank an energy drink and then Huel protein smoothie, and honestly I just cant drink "healthy" food just because of 30g protein on label.

An energy drink instead of just having a proper sleep? Fuck yeah.

Like why we lie to ourselves? Energy drink like a debt from the body.

I was so in a rush, and walked so quickly but then I stopped, I took a deep breath, and I looked around: the trees, people and cars. I realised that I am already late, so whats the point?

Like whats the point of being in a rush, trying to be FOMO and thinking about success all the time, if I am like a drop in the ocean on this planet Earth in this great Galaxy. I exist, but I will die one day. As sad it could be, but it is what it is.

I went to this career related event and I realised that how sad it is to live in the world where your value associated with a company you work. Like why working in specific big XXX company makes you amazing? Sad thing that sometimes I also become the follower of this mindset.

Also, the art of listening very valuable. Being interested in other person and ask questions not for the sake of questions, but because you really interested. And if no questions, then just be in silence or just politely leave the conversation.

Every person like a Galaxy, every person has a history, every person like a drink that you should taste slowly.

[lapetiteperle]

Day 2 - 9th of September

So yesterday I ate muffin and another pastry. And kindle pingue. Damn why would I? But I am not surprised since the day before I went to bed at 3am and woke up at midday.

So I have not had any proper dinner and at midnight and I ate some Turkish simit (yummy!) and grapes with some tea. Truth be told grapes are too sweet. But better than any chocolate etc.

Then I went sleep at 3am. Again. Well, despite the fact that I was feeling sleepy at 10pm already, I just decided to open my laptop and do some FOMO stuff for my future career. While simultaneously listening for a stand-up comedy show. At fugging 2am. I am a diva of multitasking!

I feel like I am doing myself a "favour". Like I am stealing healthy hours of sleep for what? I am not productive next day anyways. Who am I lying to? For some reason I immediately thought of a movie Substance, the moments when younger version "stole" years from older version.

Honestly at night I was thinking about wiping my floors in my room. I have to clean it asap. But decision making department in my brain just took day off and I felt asleep.

And damn these decluttering idea. Thanks God I almost finished my laundry. It’s a good quote that the less you have the less think you should be stressed out. Honestly the more clothes I have the more laundry I do.

I woke up at 9am. And it’s been few minutes and I got stressed out and panicked. Why? Because I opened my email box. Not gonna lie, the author of Miracle Morning was right, the morning is the only time that belongs to you and it’s better to start with a routine and set up everything, create a schedule not based on emails. Because what happened: I planned to go to be on event at 11am, but because of administrative stuff (that actually hasn’t resolved yet) from letters I have got, then I got nervous and it took me a while to be calm again.

I was panicking and nervous because when I was a child and thought about adulthood, I was expecting the freedom of choice and flexibility, I didn’t expect it to be so boring and nervous wrecking. Like it’s a paper stuff. Where do all the fun? I am an adult and I can do anything. Why would I have to spend my time replying to emails, paper work and bureaucracy???

Plus money. Once you have got money, everyone and everything wants to take it. Like literally everything needs money. Want to have fun and meet someone? Money.

I was thinking how would life be if not consuming anything. Not buying anything. Like at all. Not buying anything. Only bare minimum. No more clothes and unnecessary stuff. Only producing. Not watching movies. Only making videos. Not eating sweets. But rather paint to feel "sweet" afterwards.

My next routine:

Wake up, eat high protein breakfast, wear clothes, and go to metro, and only then (!) open my email in the train. And for God's sake no more midnight snacks and eating sandwiches in a train for dinner. That’s it.

[lapetiteperle]

Movie review - Materialists

So yesterday I watched Materialist. Overall, I would say its not a comedy 100 per cent, rather a drama sad movie with a reality of a modern dating world.

So.

They made Dakota play a sugar baby. Again. But this time with a normal, gentle, adequate man with a secure attachment style (finally!). And what does she do? She says he does not love her and left him once saw the ring. She runs back to her ass broke ex-boyfriend whom she left because he was broke (she even confirms it to him afterwards). She went back to him knowing he is still in the same life chapter. She truly believes in his words that he is gonna work three catering shifts.

Ok, girl. But you also want to gave up the CEO position? Giiiirl, be real. Who is gonna pay the rent for both of you? Considering your new standards of living whom Pedro showed you? Let's be real, you wont survive a day in his shared apartment.

Regarding the Chris Evans's character. Honestly, it's hard to believe that he is from low working class. Great teeth, trimmed bear, good haircut, plus guy is definitely works out and eats good quality food.

Same for Dakota's grooming. Not gonna lie, she looks stunning: well-groomed, gracious, and elegant. But she makes 80k and lives in a nice apartment alone. And still has some money left for her haircuts, nice clothes, and all the beauty procedures?

Actually the most sexy thing that man said was in this movie when Pedro said:

"I have resources for both of us."

Damn. I don’t care if he was less taller and did the surgery, but this made him 10/10.

Also about surgery. The way he said: body like an apartment, always have to take care of it and invest.

Actually it’s kinda sad when he said about his height glow up and how everything changed both in personal and professional life.

And what would happened if her ex didn’t bump into her? Like would she still care about him and think about him? Would he think about her and miss her?

Like cmon.

Plus she said she hated that money related arguments trigger her because remind of her parents. But now she basically stepped into the hole for the second time. What a stupid decision!

The character I hated the most its the man who is 39 who wanted to be with someone who watched old movies, but not in 30's? So he wants a woman in 20's but not 29 because it's already 30? How about you fuck off with your double standards? Oh wait he actually wanted a young woman who is 21 and who would watch old movies with him and would listen how great man he is.

Honestly this movie is both funny and sad. It shows us how shallow we can be as humans, but also how non-logical and silly we can be. How we can love someone but not in a healthy way. Because I believe Dakota's character has some attachment style issues for real.

[lapetiteperle]

Day 1 - September 8, 2025 - Ideal Me

Petite Way

Alright, whats my ideal day and ideal "petite" version of me?

I do not have time to write very long stuff, but theoretically the day 1 started yesterday but whatever.

I need to make a routine day and night. Yesterday I went to sleep at 3am. Again. I need to stop it. I wake up sluggish, and at midday, with a feeling that day already passed. Dumb scrolling instagram without even thinking.

My room has so many unnecessary cheap stuff. First, I thought hmm maybe I need to just clean my room but realised it does not matter at this point because apparently I am just moving one thing from table to shelf and now its a matter of how many things can be inside my room. Well, seems like I am gonna re-read Mari Kondo's book again. And I need to do it this week, because then I will not have time.

Also September just started and I feel like it's already gone.

I really want to re-organize my room and make it cozy, I should definitely add some accessories like lights and candles. Girly girl room.

Also, omg I have had so many bags of dirty laundry, and I have been doing it since yesterday. Hope to finish today. Holy shut, I am gonna waste so much money on laundry.

And plastic bottles, ugh. Next time I will keep only one bag.

And I definitely need to move furniture in my room. Also, I need to keep searching for an apartment for next year.

I need to toss everything I do not use. Or sell.

I wanted to toss my backpack but then realised that I want to buy another one instead? What a waste. Definitely a fast-fashion.

Also, I realised that I want to make one day for preparing my clothes (ironing) and my make-up and everything for next week. Man, I just want to be disciplined and have my own routine already.

Also, I definitely need to meal prep cuz with my dietary preferences no one is gonna take care of it haha. Also, coconut milk? Never gonna buy.

Nutrition, thanks God I ate my dinner at 9pm, not at midnight. Step by step I am gonna move to 6-7pm dinner.

Okay so goals for this week:

Do ALL laundry

Iron clothes for next week

Plastic bottles

Meal prep chicken

Mari Kondo in my room: toss or sell stuff