DJ Kyanide's Website.Com

Dogg just put something in here later

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SCOTDRAKULA - O'CLOCK

HELL AND ASS WHAT UP ticklish geniuses out there, who want to talk bout wat get them exxxxcited y'all??? Oh naw dogg not like in a sexy way, I kno yr mind was goin there but less just pivot to no sex 4 a hot moment, tho if U want to pivot back 2 sexy then mebbe we can set up a private chat room and I can slip into sumthin more comfortable and rock some Zinfandel into my glass and we can jus CHAT BOUT FANTASIES but that is LATER DOGG damn why U even bring that up player??

U know what get me excited doggs and unreliable witnesses is when you ain't even expectin anything round about lunch time and then sumbody at your job or your free clinic or wherever U is at come up and is like "yo you want this food I ain't even gonna eat it an prolly I am gonna throw it away like a chump" and it ain't like some sorry-ass cold fries or old Doritos, it like a WHOLE SLICE OF PIZZA OR HALF A HOAGIE r some such hot ish that ain't even been touched by human hands cept its creator.

That shit always baffle me doggs, like how you let this happen that you got all this delicious damn food left over??? Presumably you been eatin for a minute so how is it that you still so bad at knowin how much U can cram down your at any one time player? You just been guessin at random erry day when you buy your lunch all these years?

Guess it irresponsible to be askin such puzzlin questions especially seein as I ain't never want the flow of unaccountable leftovers 2 stop comin my way.

Point is that any time I end up with a dang ol' half hoagie I ain't though to ask for sittin on my lap it make me feel like the guy in this song: so stoked I feel like I gotta apologize to thos around me. So stoked I am somehow bein rude jus by bein stoked.

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WYATT BLAIR - SWEET OPERATOR (TALKING ON THE TELEPHONE)

YEAHHHHHH what up raunchy lil dorks I kno U was prolly sayin "fugg this noize it is high time I became Amish" but DAMN don do that yet heroes cuz DJ KYANIDE AIN'T DEAD YET!!!! an if U become Amish they ain't gonna let you read blogs no more.

Much like tru love, boners and the need 2 fart, DJ Kyanide may have left for a minute but ain't never gone forever. It feel good to be back. IT FEEL GOOD TO BE IN A BLOG Y'ALL!!! There's a song up there. Click that ish! Read these here words! We livin life an havin experiences together! SNAP THIS IS BOMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB THO

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BEATS 4 BLOG RAP: THE GAME

YOOOOO what up heroz and dangerous intellectuals, this one is STRICTLY 4 DJ KYANIDE'S MAILING LIST. U already know who you is, an if you ain't on the list then act like U basically knew, damn.

Here is sum beats 4 y'all dogg, them's play-tested so I kno they work but ain't no need to stop here. Find yous own beats, make em or jus pay your friend like 5 dolla to beatbox while U play the game.

Beat 1 - Yr basic chillin piano-featurin beat that a a thoughtful rapper might like, perhaps Common would lay a verse on it if he waz broke for example

Beat 2 - Big-ass bass noises, might soundtrack sum aliens levelin a shitty planet (not Earth tho)

Beat 3 - Goofy as all hell, kinda sound like Madlib a lil if he was drunk and then had to make a beat for his kid's school real quick

Beat 4 - Heavy guitar action in this ish, good for posin like U is a cowboy but also a baller

Beat 5 - IT'S THE 90'S Y'ALL

Alrite doggs that is all the stuff U need an more for BLOG RAP THE GAME. For all y'alls out there that ain't have a damn clue what silly talk I am spewin don worry doggs DJ KYANIDE gonnna return 2 his regularly scheduled programmin in like a day or more probably a week or more doggs, les be real here an acknowledge this thing ain't on any kinda update schedule.

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DJ KYANIDE'S TOP 5 SONGS FOR DRINKIN' BEER ALONE

1. TITUS ANDRONICUS - NO FUTURE PART 1

AWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH DREAM-THIEVES AND LIL FIENDS U ALL KNEW THIS WAS GONNA END UP ON SOME TYPHUS IWANNAROCK!!! If U didn't know then plz act like you basically knew dogg, otherwise you can jus GO OVER THERE TO THE LEFT.

Toodudes Imonsomedrugs are #1 for drinkin beer in general doggs that is factual beyond and to the exclusion of any reasonable doubt. They are vagrant troubadours from the Shit Dimension who have come 2 both liberate you mind and destroy it.

Titties Androgynous got like 10 songs prolly that could be real good contenders for the top spot but this one jus hits it out the park then bring it back to the park then hit it out agin then repeat that cycle until you is right on the edge of bein bored but never quite bored, you is actually still excited each time it go out the park. The thing bout this song is that it perfectly ENCAPZULATE a night of drinkin beer alone in bout eight damn fine minutes: first it's on that world-weary sadness tip, then it get raucous and jus a lil raw.

But then it end with a taste of hope, mayB even celebration??? U been drinkin beer alone all night, but that's ok dogg, Titus Andronicus gonna send U off unafraid into the morning.

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DJ KYANIDE'S TOP 10 SONGS FOR DRINKIN BEER ALONE

2. THE POGUES - KITTY

ABLOOOHOOOHOOOHOOOOO dogg bloohooohooo naw I ain't cryin whatever give you that wacky-ass idea player I jus spilled beer all over my face an now it is comin out my eyes in a way that look similar to tears look U can lick them if U want IT AIN'T CRYIN DAMN.

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DJ KYANIDE'S TOP 5 SONGS FOR DRINKIN BEER ALONE

3. ROLLING STONES - SWEET VIRGINIA

YEAHHHH what is up elegant vigilantes, CAN U FEEL YOURSELF NOW?? Alrite that didn come out soundin exactly rite U can feel yourself whenever you want but don't go feelin yourself in public or nothin in fact les jus move on please.

Once U hit the midway point of a nite drinkin beer alone you is ready to shake off that feelin of being pleasantly bummed and mebbe crank the volume up jus a lil bit more than is strictlee needed for easy hearing. You got 2 be careful tho you is ridin a vibe an a vibe is an easy thing to lose. Can't tip off the edge into the land of ROWDEE.

It is a tightrope act dogg no doubt but there is one band that was basically ordained by God hisself or at least a very drunk angel for times like these an that is the Rolling Stones. You ain't gonna tear shit up but you is mos def gonna tap your foot an nod yor head, lean back over the chair, holler some lyrics an make no bones about it. That is zero bones dogg. 

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DJ KYANIDE'S TOP 5 SONGS FOR DRINKIN' BEER ALONE

4. TOM WAITS - COLD COLD GROUND

WHOOOO what up crafty young vandals?? I know what y'all is thinking dogg it is so apparent like your dang skull is a clear vessel and I can see right the hell inside straight thru 2 your brain cavities, you's mucho alarmed by the sudden appearance of Tom Waits so early in the list. "Dogg" you are saying "I could have handled this later on after a couple more beers but not now player, not now never now"

DAMN stop comin on so heavy, no one understand better than me that some Waits can easily go awry but shelve your bafflement dogg this ain't no hunchbacked pianoman routine or musty hobo jam. This is first and foremost a madd decent mid-tempo burner with an ill accordion sneakin all around it. This song ain't gonna bust up into the front of your brain and grab up all yous attention, which is prime when U is throwin back a few cans, but it ain't no backgroun music either. If'n you want to lissen close U is gonna get rewarded 4 your effort dogg. 

Mostly tho this song just nail the mood to ride when U's drinkin' beer alone. It ain't exactly sad but it definitely is real scuffed up, and nobody forgot to have fun when they were makin it.

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DJ KYANIDE'S TOP 5 SONGS FOR DRINKIN BEER ALONE

5. WAR ON DRUGS - SUFFERING

YOOOOO what up enigmatic barbers and sexxxy people who ain't even tryin that hard about it, it is SO OBVIOUS but I guess it bear repeatin that there are many ways to drink beer. Sometimes when you's drinkin beer you are basically out to have a simple time amongst friends. Other times you is out to shred the party and get so rat-assed that U forget your dang ol momma even gave you a name.

Some of the other times tho U is drinkin beer alone, not becauz you got no other choice but because U's doin it like that on purpose. 2 be straight with you doggs drinkin beer alone can be bomb as hell. These can be some of the best times but you gotta walk a fine line, gotta nail the vibe early on an then let that ish ride.

Hit it with a lil melancholy, yeah dogg mos def but jus a pinch or a dash at mos, mix that up with sum nostalgia and evocative memories, oh shit we cruisin but don forget 2 bring the wry humor an oh what is this creepin in yeaaaaaah heroes it is a lil touch of gratitude an a world-weary smile!!!!!

Alright dogg now we got the recipe sorted les get started ASAP. War on Drugs gonna set the tone right, they are professionals and they act like it. Plus this song is round bout 6 minute long so you got plenty of time to drink, U should be one or maybe three cans deep by the end of it.

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LANDLADY - THE GLOBE

What up thigh masters and lazy intellectuals, you ready 2 play a mos dangerous game? I ain't play this game usually cuz it never work out for the best, it always jus surprise or confusion or straight up disgust that end up fugglin up your enjoyment of some otherwise decent ass music.

But we gon make an expection and play this game jus this one time and the game is this: WHAT DO U THINK THIS SINGER LOOKS LIKE HEROES????

Errryone use your imaginato and play that there game. If you seen him already then you can't participate sorry, that ain't playin the game that is jus havin a memory.

OK time up dogg what did you think??? Did you think of a short guy who is baldin maybe prematurely, mebbe on the wiry side, is way excitable and workin that manic grin action mos of the time, and you ain't sure if he about to recommend you read a philosophy book or try 2 sell you some party drugs at any given moment? I KNO YOU THOUGHT THAT DOGG, THE QUESTION IS, WHAT DID I THINK??????

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WICKED KIND - SPORT

YO what up non-losers, let's not pretend that we don all miss Harry Potter and his magical-ass misadventures but lez also not pretend that Harry Potter's world didn't suck major ass CUZ IT MOS DEF DID DOGGS.

Y'all are like "shut it player, Wingardium Leviosa and Choco-Magico Frogs" but open your mind and think about it for one second DAMN. First off Harry Potter's world was dangerous as shit and nobody ever seemed to even know the rules of it or at least bother to tell pore ol Harry such that homeboy had no choice but to bungle aroun half killin hisself more than twice a trimester. Also Harry Potter ain't had no internet or modern conveniences like maybe a space heater in his drafty-ass castle far as I could tell.

Mos of all tho it seem like music in Harry Potter world never really showed up to play an when it did it was busted as all hell. Like basically all Harry ever got to hear was some Wierd Sisters shite and a ghost play a magical saw.

FUGG THAT DOGG you can give me all the spells U want but if I can't get some loud-ass guitar in my ears I ain't sure it worth it. Music is magic and it is the only magic for me.

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KYARY PAMYU PAMYU - FAMILY PARTY

Doggs do U want to hear an inevitable thing? Hahaha don't even matter if you do or not cuz this thing is inevitable I just said that and y'alls will have to deal no bones about it. Anyway heroes the inevitability is that one way or another we is gonna get some kinda device that allows us to customize our visual perception of reality. That jus how it is! Ain't my fault if you hate that shit or maybe like it, we gettin iPods for our eyes pretty much. iEyes.

The point is, CAN I GET MY CUSTOM VISUAL REALITY TO LOOK JUS LIKE THIS VIDEO PLEASE???? I kno that shit would get real tired in about five minute but damn that would be a hot five minute. Apple scientists for real get to work on this, you got one customer already and there's prolly some out there just guessing. See Apple you got your next hott product already, you didn't even need no dang ol Steve Job to invent the iEyes doggs the magic was inside you the whole time.

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TITUS ANDRONICUS - STRANDED (ON MY OWN)

WOOOP WOOOOOP NEW TITUS ANDRONICUS ALERT WOOOOP WOOOOP NEW TITTIES ANDROGYNOUS ALERT WOOP WOOOOP WOOOOP DAMN that new Titus alarm is madd annoyin I don even know why I installed it!!!

I got 2 be honest w/U sexy villains and smelly orphans, Titus Andronicus was pretty important in my life for a hot minute and now I will rep them to the death pretty much no matter what they do. If some dude put a gun to my head and was like "stop reppin Titus Andronicus" I would tell him sir you may as well jus pull that trigger cuz that ain't even a thing I have control over anymore. Them boys could record themselves fartin into a sandwich and I would still rep that shit.

Fortunately this ain't no fart sounds in a sandwich this is basically the opposite of that, it is hott sounds in your ears. Hope U too got a band you will rep to the death. Don't have to be Titus but it ought to be somebody.

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HOP ALONG - TIBETAN POP STARS

DAMMMMMNNNNN DOGGS AND OTHER ASSORTED BEASTS THAT VOICE THO!!!! That voice is my kryptonite doggs.

That voice make a Superman go weak-kneed and stop he super-antics cuz he is jus FEELIN IT toooo much to punch out this dang ol super bad guy. What super bad guy you ask dogg? I dunno prolly Gorilla Grodd, he is always punchin that homie it seem, n-e-way it's not important that ain't even the point. Superman all flyin close to the sun like a gol durn myth then that voice hit him through his super hearing and he fall, fall all the way back to earth leavin a heat trail like a sad meteor. What is up with him the people ask, is he a crappy super hero???? NO CROWD HE JUST TOUCHED IN HIS SUPER-SOUL, LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE FOR FIVE SECONDS DAMN.

This hott ish is from 2012 doggs, 2012!!! I ain't exactly sure how many year ago that is but it is more than one year!! Shit why ain't this on the radio five times a day or at least once errry day??

Instead all we got is Ke$ha's new track "Butts on Fire" or whatever and some shit that sound like dance folk. Note to DJs everywhere please replace all dance folk with this track immediately. You can keep "Butts on Fire" in the rotation tho cuz on second thought I want to hear that. Thanks in advance all DJs.

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NUNHEX - BROKEN IN

YEAHHHHH what up doggs and fairytale-lovers!!!! Word of caution heroes don't listen to no age-haters what be like "yo gettin old is straight-up toilet time, my hips hurt and income taxes." They is many joys 2 gettin old and one of the big ones is not carin about sayin you was or is afraid of stuff.

Les get on the confession train real quick - when I was young I was basically afraid of metal. OK get yo ass back off the confession train, confession train has pulled into confession station. I weren't scared of like Metallica, them dudes jus seemed like grumpy line cooks, but legit nasty metal was bout as intimidatin as talkin to a girl for my young ass.

Not that I never would have admitted that until I was old tho. And that is my point doggs; when I was yunger I prolly would have been like "oh naw players metal ain't shit to me, it is wack and dumb" because as a young dude you can't say you is scared of somethin so instead you got to play like it suck real bad and is stupid. Hahahaha how dumb is it to walk around like that? It is the dumbest way to be without straight up actually bein real live human haircut troll Donald Trump.

N-E-way doggs mayB i ain't shouldn't generalize 2 be like that is all young peeps but it was certainly me. I had madd numbers of bad ideas as a yute, doggs. All the hott bad ideas, this guy rite here had them in his hed. I been steady losin them as I get older tho, and that is a blessin. If I have to lose some hair and hearin along the way, that is a trade-off I will take mos gladly.

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I IM EYE MY - STREETCAT BONFIRE

Yo what up sexxy ticklers, y'all want to hear a kinda wild story? All rite full disclozur doggs it don't start out too wild but it build up trust me so jus stick with it. I was buyin some shit on Amazon today, which in general I feel is pretty wack but when U got to get like a 2.2 pound bag of dried hibiscus flowers what is your options tho, and Amazon was like "oh here is some other shit U may want based on wat U just bought," and it was ALL WIZARD COSTUMES AND GANDALF BEARDS. Like, five straight variations on wizard costumes and Gandalf beards.

DAMN what up AMAZON?? I wasn't buyin nothing remotely close to no wizard ish far as I could tell. Only thing I can get is that Amazon knew I was vibin on this track and jus rolled the dice on some recommendations. "We kno you's listenin to some Funky Druid music, now complete your look with a real nice Gandalf beard. Get you attire impeccable for Funky Druid Fest 2014."

But how do they know doggs? Does Jeff Bezos got drones to listen in on people's music taste now? A drone all hovering near my bedroom window, straining its microphones to hear the sounds comin out my shitty laptop speakers, startin to feel pretty awkward bout all this in its lil robot brain?

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THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART - SIMPLE AND SURE

JANGLE JANGLE JANGLE JANGLE JANGLE IT'S THE 80'S Y'ALL!!!!! Yo we skippin high schooooooool today no way we is goin to classes when our teachers and borin ol' Principal Fedler jus don't understand what it like 2 be young tho!!!!! I can't tell if a boy or girl is singin this song but it don't matter none, Boy George is a role model!!!!!

Hahahaha naw I don't know why I'm actin all like a dick about this song, it is mad decent and I'm feelin it, maybe you should be too. I guess it just sometimes U want to reflexively distance yourself from things that sound nice and competent and clean? But that is what make the song good, doggs!!! I dunno, it is some bullshit. But that is my problem, not the Hart Pains of Pureness. They is too busy borrowin they dad's car to go LIVE LIFE FOR ONE DAY cuz there's no way he would ever find out anyway.

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LANDLADY - DYING DAY

Yo players and yuppies, I'll be honest w/U, I ain't too sure how I feel about ideas. Woah damn wait that ain't rite I am way down with ideas in general dogg,  they is bomb and I'm having them all the time. Jus yesterday I had an idea for a new kind of candy bar that straight up has BASIL in it.

Wat can you even make of that dogg? Naw 2 be more precise and not go off saying some insane shit, what I mean is that I aint too sure bout ideas in music. Usually when someone is tellin me "yo lisssen this track, it got ideas in it" that is jus some code words for "it don't got no beats or cool chorus, the singer don't make no funn jokes in the lyrics and you prolly ain't gonna remember much bout what it sounded like when it's over."

Landlady tho appear to be in the bizness of making me change my damn mind. There is no other way of sayin it, Landlady had some ideas when they sat down 2 write this track and they put a ass-load of them in a madd short time. Then they stepped back an were like "oh but don forget to write some sick hooks too, that is mayB the mos important idea of all." Well done Landladies, y'alls bizness is good.