La Sirena Luna

I love to read and write. I find both of these to be therapeutic. I am obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology and try to incorporate it whenever I can in my writing. I am equally obsessed with mermaids so don't be surprised to see those popping up everywhere as well! My goal is to share the images that swirl in my head and heart that demand to be brought to life through words. I hope that I am able to do these images justice and that you enjoy this journey with me.

[lasirenaluna]

The coffee shop is filled with happy chatter from the morning rush. I smile wide when I see you approach my table.

"So babe, what's going on with you?" you ask.

I chuckle, "where do I start?"

"How about where we left off last time. Tell me about the only time you've been in love."

I'm surprised, taken aback, I shake my head. I smirk. Still stunned your face comes across my mind, I push tears back and take a deep breath.

"You sure you have time?"

A story that spans almost two decades. Our story. My one great love.

"Tell me everything, from the beginning." She says her eyes bright with anticipation.

So I tell her the tale of the first time I laid eyes on you. It's like I'm there again in that noisy cafeteria wondering who you are.

I tell her about our first kiss and almost feel the autumn breeze of that afternoon on my cheek.

She listens intently and travels through time with me.

She laughs when I laugh and cries when I cry. Every now and then she interrupts me with "but...." never quite finishing her thought.

I tell her about the time despite everything I hold true I momentarily paused pulled over to the side of the road sobbing and said "if there truly is a higher power, a God, give me this. Please let me have this."

In that moment I felt so lost, empty and desperate for a lifeline. I remember wiping off my tears, taking a deep breath and putting on a brave face. Belittling myself for being so weak.

She reaches across and holds my hand trying to soothe me. I pause and she says "I don't understand honey. You can have that. You deserve it. He's not dead."

A wave of grief washes over me almost suffocates me. I wait for it to subside.

I look at her. Her eyes so hopeful that this will be a happy ending. For a moment I too feel that hope, that warm feeling. That same feeling I felt when I heard your voice. That same feeling I felt when I saw you smile. It's almost like i can feel your arms around me when i manage to say, "He's gone."

She grips my hand tightly, her voice breaking "Oh babe..."

I see her lips continue to move but nothing she says will change the facts.

I loved you and that's all that remains.

My one great love.

[lasirenaluna]

I guess I had held onto this naive hope that it would work out for us in the end. Not now but in 30 years we would drink coffee and laugh together in the twilight of our lives.

I'd look at the wrinkles on your face and your grey thin hair but I'd still see that handsome man I loved so many years before.

I thought time would work in our favor and the universe would finally get it right.

But it didnt happen. Time was cruel to us til the end.

Sometimes I feel like I cant breathe. I shudder at the thought of your absence.

So final.

I just want to cry and sleep.

Sleep forever.

So I can dream of you and all there ever was and all there never will be.

[lasirenaluna]

"You're a chameleon" she said running her fingers through my hair.

I smirked and kissed her shoulder. "I'll be whatever you want baby."

"Where are you right now?" He said as he reached across the table to hold my hand.

"Nowhere but here babe." I smiled and glanced his away.

Do you want me to be strong and fearless? I can do that.

Or meek and weak?

I'll mold into whatever you want.

Just dont look too intently in my eyes at the secrets they hide. I'll just look away, make a joke or kiss you to make you forget what you may have seen.

"What are you thinking about? " They asked.

"Nothing just enjoying the moment sweetheart." I whispered to them.

Take my answers at face value. My walls are too tall for you to scale.

Just don't leave.

Know that I'm trying my best to show you the real me.

The me behind the mask, behind the ever changing persona, I'm trying my best before you ultimately leave.

#lasirenaluna #egoamote #lasirenita #chameleon #writer #writing #psiloveyou #amorimposible #love #hope #struggle #masks #foreveralone #poem #poetry

[lasirenaluna]

“Everyone is replaceable. In all my time observing people I’ve seen them and they all move on. The truth is I’m not really needed. You’ll find someone else.” She said as she stepped closer to the edge of the cliff.

“Wait!” He exclaimed reaching out to her. “But there’s only one of you. No one else will be like you.”

“You’ll see that after a while I won’t even be like me. After death we all become a myth. With no new memories to make come revisions of the memories you have.  After everyone who knew you forgets or dies you only become a whisper in the wind. Nothing. I have always wondered if this is why people so desperately cling to religion, to gods, to an afterlife with the hope that they are more than just mere mortals. When really, we are all like these waves. Rolling in for a brief second then back out to sea. Do you hear them? You see them crashing here? Can you tell one from the other? This is what we are…meaningless. Meaningless but beautiful.”

She took one last glance at him, smiled and brushed a tear from his cheek.

[lasirenaluna]

Our love in grey.

Neither here nor there.

Always between the lines.

Never at the right time.

Too complex to understand and so simple to just feel.

I love the moments that don’t need explanations.

The things said with your eyes, your smile, your hands.

  Our love in grey.

I think about it often.

How will it end?

In ashes like everything else.

Even the greatest of fires are always reduced to gray, dull, and meaningless ashes.

That’s all that I’ll have to give you in the end.

 My ashes.

I cannot give you my life but I can give you my forever.

Forever in grey.

[lasirenaluna]

Beyond Time

Had I known that was the last time I would have kissed you twice as many times and savored your lips between mine. I would’ve held your hand at every chance I got. I would’ve breathed you in and traced the ridges of your fingerprints against my own. I would’ve run my fingers through your hair as you lay your head between my breasts. I would’ve said the words you wanted to hear.

But I didn’t know.

Instead, I silently watched you walk away and look up at the star filled sky. Their brightness reflected in your dark eyes.

Had I known that was the last time I would’ve held you closer, longer, tighter.

But I didn’t know.

Now I want to say everything I was holding back but I cant…and If I cant say these words to you I wish to no longer speak at all. What is the point if you cannot hear?

What is the point of anything anymore if you are not here?

Had I known that was the last time I would’ve told you about the dream I had for you and me…it was beautiful and impossible just like us.  I’d tell you about the only time I prayed in my life…it was for you.

I’d tell you I loved you. I loved you like the sun loves the moon.

Two titans forever frolicking in our skies. Everlasting is their chase. How silly to compare us to the divine.

I loved you in ways that cannot be described, in colors that do not exist.

Now I will love you beyond time.

[lasirenaluna]

Ego mos diligo vos pro totus vicis

The sun is setting. The final rays of light are hitting the red canyon walls. I’m entranced by the colors in the sky and the thundering sound of the waterfalls in front of me. I breathe in the cool evening air and feel light.

The wind rustles the reeds below and I feel as though everything in my life has led me here. To this place, to this exact spot, to you.

“I love you.” 

My eyes say every time they look at you.

“Te amo.”

My hand says as it reaches out to hold your hand and bring you closer.

“Diligo vos.”

Says my essence, my soul, everything that is me in every language I know.

I look around at the dying light and the rising moon. 

I am home. You are “home.”

I love you.

Te amo.

Ego mos diligo vos pro totus vicis.

[lasirenaluna]

Goodbyes are never easy. As the plane takes off and the miles stretch between us tears start to roll down my cheeks.  I feel my heart reaching for you back on the ground. I'll live with half my heart until we meet again.  The other half remains with you in the desert. In the sunsets of this magical place.  In the mist and in the roaring of the waterfalls.  That is where you'll find the other half. That's where you'll find my love. 

[lasirenaluna]

I couldn’t say the words. I wanted to.

I say them to you in my dreams. I rehearse them in my head.

Every time I looked at you the words were there they just didn’t make it past my lips.

I’m sure you can see it in my eyes.

I say them to you in every way unspoken.

With the touch of my hand.

With a kiss from my lips.

With every sigh as I lay between your arms.

With every single word I write.

The words are there. Maybe one day they’ll find my voice. 

[lasirenaluna]

Unreal

Unreal. That's what she felt like. 

After months of envisioning this moment the day was finally here.  In 15 minutes she'd be outside.

After months of thinking about the sight of her and holding her in his arms there she was walking towards him amid the midday crowd.

After months apart, their lips finally found each other again.

Softer than he remembered and that scent! That scent that always and forever reminded him of her and being 16 years old. 

Unreal. That's what she felt like nestled in his arms, curly hair below his chin.

After all these years she still stood out from the rest.

After all these years she still made him smile.

After all these years she still wasn't his. 

Unreal. 

Soon the sun would set and she would be gone again.

Leaving behind only reminders of her for him to find every day.

A song. A scent. 

Curly hair dancing in the wind.

[lasirenaluna]

Bittersweet

I feel a hand caress my face as the morning light enters my window.

Soft and caring is the touch but it is not your hand.

Bittersweet.

I rejoice at the sights and sounds of this familiar place but a pull in my chest makes me remember the days and nights that came before.

Laughter and smiles enhanced with a  hint of the forbidden. 

Like a dream it all seemed surreal. Too good to be true, too good to last.

Like a dream it is now over and I am awake again in familiar arms trying to hold on to those last fleeting moments. 

[lasirenaluna]

Every morning I awake with a craving.

A craving for your lips.

For the touch of your hands.

For the warmth of your body next to mine.

A longing so deep nothing quenches my thirst for you. 

[lasirenaluna]

Pasatiempo

Sweet words whispered in my ear. 

I let you talk for hours. 

You make me smile. 

As long as we’re on the phone I’ll listen to you.

I laugh. I let my heart flutter.

I may even blush. 

When it comes time to say good bye I also say good bye to all your words.

I don’t hold on to them because they’re not true. 

This isn’t real.

You only call me when you’re bored. 

You only say those things after a few drinks.

Un pasatiempo y nada más.

So I listen to you for hours suspended in a fantasy. 

[lasirenaluna]

I dream of the desert on gloomy rainy days.

I dream of mountains when I stare at the city skyline.

I dream of exploring an ancient volcano as I walk these crowded streets.

I dream of a forest of towering aspen full of color as the leaves wither and fall.

I dream of silence and fresh air away from this urban cacophony.

Most of all I dream of you walking beside me through it all.

[lasirenaluna]

Te quiero.

Despite the distance.

No te quiero.

Despite the years.

Te quiero.

Despite the differences.

No te quiero.

Despite the silence.

Te quiero.

[lasirenaluna]

He didn’t understand her silence and couldn’t read her eyes but knew there was so much more she wasn’t saying. He could feel it in the air and see it in the way she held the napkin in her hands. Folding and unfolding it in a rhythmic pattern that seemed to mirror the thoughts going through her head. How much to say? How much to hold back?

Folding and unfolding.

She smiled at him and looked away. Dark tresses of hair bound together forming thick ringlets bounced as she lowered her face and looked down at the napkin.

Her hair was something he thought about often. There was something sexy about her unruly curls, they refused to be tamed no matter what she tried to do to them. It reminded him of her spirit, she wasn’t easily swayed.

The silence made him uncomfortable and he tried to fill the space with superficial themes. The weather, her upcoming flight home, the size of property plots in the city.

Occasionally she would stop fidgeting with the napkin and look him in the eyes. He’d wait for a question but one never came. Instead, she would smile, glance at her phone or pick up the napkin again.

Folding and unfolding.

She would laugh but her eyes wouldn’t match her affect, they wouldn’t even smile. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had been responsible for this contradiction.

Maybe it was better this way. Better not to wonder, better not to ask.

Soon she’d slip out of his life again. Hundreds of miles apart he wouldn’t be tempted to touch that unruly kinky hair, or have to question her silence or look at the wretched napkin folding and unfolding in her hands.  

Soon she would be gone.

Out of sight, out of mind they say and yet the thought did nothing to comfort him.

[lasirenaluna]

The photo sits on the corner of the shelf. A thin layer of dust covers it but I recognize it instantly. I run my finger down one side exposing your face. Evidence of a time long gone, when we didn’t know about pain or regrets. A memory of something that could’ve been but never was. It always brings a melancholy smile to my face.

Not long ago I came across a recent photo of you and stared at it for while….it wasn’t you…at least not the person I remember. That man, the man I saw in the photo he is but a shade.

You once told me someone had compared you to a used car salesman…I couldn’t see it then, refused to see it then…I let the wind drown out your words and the desert scenery mollify my mind.

Months before when the nights were cold and long you assured me this wasn’t a game, to trust, that you wouldn’t hurt me…

I wonder, what was I to you? A hobby? An afterthought?

I wonder, what did you sell to me?

A fantasy. An illusion. A mirage. It wasn’t too hard.

I fell in love with my idea of you. I saw the best in you and ignored the rest. I chose to love that man.

I mourned the loss of that man as I watched you drive away and disappear into the night after an unforgettable day.

I still grieve for him now and then because what has emerged since then is not my love but a shade. Inconsiderate and manipulative, simply unrecognizable.

How do I reconcile the love of my life with this shade?

It is winter again, snow covers the ground, the cold wind buffets my face and dries my tears.

The flame of the lighter catches the corner and slowly begins to curl and engulf our image.

I love this photo, I always have, just like I thought I would always love you.