Your Mind is Your Sanctuary.

Poetry is always good for the soul. Lauren, 19, Abu Dhabi.

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‘Urban.’

I miss London, I think it has a part of my soul.

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Green-Hearted Girl

Enveloped in a Cape of lust My green fingers submerge themselves in sand hoping to find some sort of respite, Greeted only by grains upon grains of ground up rock and bones, thoughts soon begin their decent into darkness and conjure longing memories of home. Loneliness is the want of something absent and how I long for dirt between my toes And daisy chains to crown me queen of freedom and grass stains on my already grazed knees. Loneliness, for me,is the absence of the trees, and the want of bark beneath my finger tips to rip off nail polish and show me sculptured nails are unnecessary when you're in love. Happiness for me has always been forests and mountains and bluebell fields littered with lady birds and caterpillars: Home is calling for a scruffy girl with a soft heart for nature, And like the trees bow to the wind, I will always compromise.

[laurenapplebee-blog]

Long Distance Relationship

If frequency and gravity came under the same definition I'd tell you I thought about you as often as I was pulled to the Earth (constantly- basically- baby), If a sonnets fame could be measured and thereby exchanged for endless longing I only ask: can I compare thee to a summers day? Because thou art more comfortable and damn well stylish than any of the other beds in my life- Take me home and warm me, guide me to sleep with your satin sheets, and when I wake I promise with all my heart- I will be wishing that ev'ry morn' we did not have to part.

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The Human Condition

If you find yourself sat somewhere with a new face, do not kneel to facts or statistics. "So, tell me about yourself?" "My name is ... I am ... years old. I work as a ... for a living, and I earn good money."

Please laugh in their face on the nights your tolerance bar has reached critical levels- On the nights where patience prevails I pray you'll giggle a little and educate them: "Well my name is Lauren, I grew up impatient. I used to cry because there are billions of stars in the sky and billions of cells in my body and I felt insignificant. Now I smile because there are billions of stars in the sky that are matched by the billions of cells in my body. I am a universe of my own creation at the mercy of unexplained forces. That is the most beautiful thing I can think of, but I'm always searching for more in the petals of flowers, and the laughter of children. Sometimes sunrises fill me, and sometimes they aren't enough. There is a story that will last a life time still brewing inside of me, so forgive me if I haven't been in depth."

[laurenapplebee-blog]

let me take you to bed and write poetry on the soft parts of your skin, and when i'm done with the crevasses that trapped the moisturiser i'll branch out and feel the roughness of your touch. late nights are spent envisioning the breaths i would take at 16 out of the bedroom window begging no one would be able to smell the smell that clung to my lungs. so yes, i am nostalgic but don't turn yourself into a piece of memorabilia because i'm happy breathing in the smell of your disappointment when i overstep your comfort boundary into somewhere no one has liked to tread. all the times you've cringed i think i smiled at the thought of making you feel something. its too late now anyway, the year's upon us.

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Why the modern concept of happiness is unachievable

Have you ever been beautifully trapped in a moment?

Trapped inside a song that that causes you to look out of the car window and just think "Wow, I am lucky to be alive", what about trapped inside a book, a spectacular view, a movie, someone's eyes?

These moments are ephemeral and indulging and should be lusted after, instead they are seen as pointless and that they could be easily recreated or lived by another.

The reason happiness is never sustainable is because we have been brought up in a world that tells us that we are free, yet places demands upon our heads as casually as rain falling from the sky. Even with true freedom comes automated responsibilities that are ultimately dampeners on a state of happiness.

The meaning of the word "happiness" has become extremely distorted with modern technology. The constant battle man faces with his own ego escalates when faced with people who appear to have more than them, people who are doing something more than them, people who seem happier than them. 24/7 we are bombarded with pictures of smiling faces telling us that the root of all happiness is a relationship- a relationship with alcohol/another person/the gym/cars/watches/houses/things- and that if you do not have one or more of these your life is not being lived. 

It's hard to take the view that everything can make you happy, small things like views or blooming flowers, crunching leaves or the few hours peace and quiet before bed, but truly, comparing yourself- your life- to others is a complete waste of time. They are not you, you are not them, and a few pixels on a screen should not command you to feel envious.

Happiness is not money, other people or things. It is an indescribable feeling you get as an automated response to your appreciation of life around you.

Start appreciating things, smile more.

[laurenapplebee-blog]

To infinity and beyond

Where on Earth did 2015 come from?! I can't believe it has been 2015 years since Jesus was born, or (more importantly) 8 years since Scooter Braun stumbled across Justin Biebers YouTube channel (thanks google for the info about that Jesus dude). 

Seriously, time seems to have sped up. However completely illogical and impossible it may seem- time is running away and along the journey it is progressively discarding the billions of breaths, smiles, words and steps that were loaned to you at your time of birth. Aside from that cheery perspective, what a time to be alive; Kim Jong-Un, planes going missing, a Shrek christmas spin-off and a FOURTH MOVIE! Dreams, they really, really do come true.

On a less important note, 2014 brought a lot of progression both in the LGBT community and feminist movement (although the word feminism has been greatly misconstrued revealing in turn a nasty sub-group of penis bearers who believe that "she needs a good shag" is an appropriate response to a serious issue). Also, thanks to the rise of social media a whole bunch of new age "bloggers" (I don't know what they are, but they sound pretentious) photographers, and writers have rose to the limelight- Beau Taplin, R. M. Drake, Brandon from HONY and Nirrimi Joy Firebrace to name a few, I mean they were around before, I was aware of them before, thousands of other people were aware of them before- but 2014 was the year of social media and seemed to lead to more good-hearted people being pushed into the limelight. If you're wondering who Nirrimi Joy Firebrace is, good, because she wasn't really in the limetlight in 2014, but she's there- silently blogging about her and her daughter with a selection of idyllic words that make you wish you could pull her out of the screen and hug her, accompanying the beautiful words are jaw-droppingly beautiful photos that capture that thing you feel is always missing inside of you (http://www.theroadishome.com just in case you fancy a browse).

Now we come to the age of hover boards and breakthroughs in science that will change the way we live (imagine a cat on a hoverboard being filmed on a newage camera that is also on a hoverboard, scratch that: floating cameras). I for one am very excited for the information and pictures that will be brought to us in the coming years after the successful Rosetta Mission. I believe the debate will heat up this year over feminism and racism, especially with the current events in America unfolding. America is really shot to pieces at the moment, between the distrust people and state, the great decision to become self-sufficient by the worst means possible and the looming possibility of a republican takeover. I'd hate to see all of the good work Obama has done become unthreaded by a group of White Christian men who have openly criticised gay marriage and several steps Obama has taken in a bid to provide for the American people (ObamaCare, say whaaat). With the falling oil prices projecting a very fine line in 2015 between a mediocre global economy (sub america) and a completely crumbling one, this should hopefully put pressure on more countries to search for healthy forms of energy (long shot, very long shot, but as an idealist, a girl's gotta dream). How brilliant would it be if instead of fuelling billions by spending millions and millions on oil extraction (and killing the only planet we currently have until we go to Mars and start raping and pillaging a new planet) if we spend millions and millions on investing money into more wind farms, hydroelectric stations, and paying a few hundred men to dust off the millions of solar panels- that could have already been placed on thousands of square miles of uninhabitable desert if the governments in power actually cared about "global warming" for more than the money they get paid if companies pollute. What a great idea that was; "Hey, your company is breaking the very strict rules we put in place about pollution! You're damaging your citizens! You're damaging the atmosphere! You should pay us so we can do absolutely nothing about it!". I hope, hope, hope that the coming generation, the good ones- not the "CELFIE" ones- the coming generation who are fully aware and currently seem so hellbent on change, I hope that they do make a change. Maybe it's too much to ask for in 2015, but at the very least I'm expecting two new walkers crisps flavours, three new tic-tac flavours (although I'd be happy with strawberry fields for as long as I shall live- who doesn't love a Beatles reference that is so good you can literally eat), progressive break downs in relations between Russia and the US, either North Korea breaking relations with China due to it's current reformist attitude or North Korea just dropping off of the planet, leaving behind the poor, poor people who have only known pain and Kim Jong-Un's terrible fashion sense, I also hope this Julian Assange malarkey finishes. Let the dude go.

fin.

[laurenapplebee-blog]

"What are you thinking?"

Stumbling over possible responses until I conjure up the perfect one that obtains precisely one word: "nothing". Where does the ability derive from, to lie to faces that plague your dreams at night? The perfect response? The perfect response is honesty, is it not? Or when you're sat on top of someone and your mind is drifting in and out of debates with itself about the permanence of life, perhaps an idyllic response would be "your eyes". Your eyes in all their wonder, your eyes between my thighs (okay, so maybe not precisely adequate for a first response). What if the question was asked because they're also thinking revolutionary thoughts of world domination, or what country would be a strategic goldmine to set off your virus whilst playing "Plague". Or what if the question was asked because they're thinking about your smile? The goofy one that rises with the sun and sets with bad news. Or your eyes, god, what if you're sat thinking about when Half Life 3 will be released and she's sat thinking about the depths of your blue eyes and how they ripple when you focus too much, or glass over when you're deep in thought. These reasons alone perpetuate the need for the response "nothing". So, no, I wasn't sat thinking about your eyes, your smile, the silly curl in your hair or the way your arms sometimes feel like home. I was thinking about nothing, a great, vast, nothingness that overcame me whilst lost in you.

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Bitter

Silent lover of lights and hips that sway as if they are writing sonnets to Aphrodite,

I see your eyes flicker to lips and hips but never hands or smiles.

Timid movements by fingers crawling down the bar top intending to accidentally brush more skin and set it on fire.

Squinting in order to open the gateway to your soul enough for perceptions of innocence.

Human nature grips you by the collar of your floral shirt and leads you to the devil's door

Days upon days upon days will pass until you will hunger no more.

No more want of food, no more want of touch, instead you'll blindly follow the instincts you relied on so much.

Heart hardened, spirit raw.

Never thinking.

Always searching for more.

[only-the-unimaginative-blog]

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Some of the photo's I took whilst in the city this year, Abu Dhabi during the summer isn't too bad, the sunsets here are the best I have ever seen

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First Love Blues

All this has actually derived from a tumblr post which says "Some names will always taste bitter" first of all I scrolled past absentmindedly and the second time I stumbled across it the connection to you (adressing it to you- absent of gender, age etc as not to add fuel to the fire) was instantaneous. It's strange how some people stick with you, perhaps being in the middle of the desert has made me too reminiscent. Every night I seem to reignite some lost flame in a dream and it's starting to affect my day to day life, I'm too nostalgic or full of curiosity for paths I never chose to walk down, ones that are now overgrown with weeds and patrolled by vicious animals that leak over into my reality and nip at my heels. 

  In all honesty, I rarely think about you anymore and one million apologies will never repair what your awkward 8am goodbye hug shattered.

    Your name will always taste bitter to me.

The rain will always be beautiful to me, but sometimes I remember us and all the droplets feel like tiny ice shards enterning my skin, only to melt moments later. I will grow old with a part of my mind dedicated to bitterness and longing, anger at you and yet some silly trace of love.

  Your name will always taste bitter to me.

The years will pass gradually, and thoughts of you will flutter in and out less frequently, it's amazing how much one day can change, how a young heart can harden and the last shreds of naivety can be ripped from you.

  Your name will always taste bitter to me.

You are ignorant and dependant of me and I am still hesitant to want to believe that five years meant nothing, and that the life we once planned is gone.

    Your name will always taste bitter to me because at one point the sweetness was overbearing.

No name will taste the same as the first that caused your tongue to tingle.

[laurenapplebee-blog]

to the girl who quoted C.S.Lewis

All my thoughts whilst in her presence always lead me to feel like I am accomplishing what my mother would tell me; 'Don't let the world make you hard',

The way the poetry she quotes to me rolls off of her tongue is a masterpiece in itself

Inimitable by any other writings we read whilst cooped up on her bed in her 6 foot by 6 foot walk up, waiting for the arrival of the sun.

  Love is an existentialist finding a meaning to human life

5'7 olive skin and long wavy hair is mine.

[laurenapplebee-blog]

Early Morning Kitchen Dancing

Morning mind desperately seeking caffeine fix

Silver kettle being blocked by some greedy prick with two cups ready to fill them up

Adding two sugars, just how I like, with a cigarette in the corner of his mouth- ready to light

And he turns, with headache induced half squinted eyes

I realise this tall lanky prick is mine

The delicious caffeine filled cup was filled for me

Still pangs of hunger come and go as we switch between cupboards and dance between counters avoiding stepping on morning toes

  Quick kiss as doors open then close

Smartly dressed, driving down morning roads

The dance prolongs throughout the day

Swerving in and out of busy lanes-

Elevators, escalators, rows of chairs

But my favourite type of dance involves headache induced half squinted morning eyed stares.

[laurenapplebee-blog]

nostalgia//"maybe there was a time for us but we missed it"

Cherry blossoms formed early this spring and greeted us on the London street,

Hands grasped tightly to nostalgia, butterflies at age thirteen.

You could have walked me home and not paused to look at the trees

And maybe then I wouldn't be haunted by the way your face lit up at such beauty.

You paused, you paused and admired. And the look you gave at the falling leaves made me curse my fate,

Made me wish for roots to bury and for pale pink flowers to hang from me,

Since then the seed has been planted

And my pink lips long for home

I'm trying to form some kind of roots inside myself

waiting for you to take note.

  Maybe the next time I see you, you'll pause and remember that tree

And wonder why you stood looking up, when you should have been looking at me.

[only-the-unimaginative-blog]

I want to live alone and dance to loud music in my underwear and cook myself nice dinners by candlelight and read awesome poetry and bake cookies

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I stand in the doorway with a smile.  You sit with your tea, in a dim lit room.  Words decorate your mind,  They surround you with beauty.  Your hair falls into your eyes,  Your hand reaches up, and with a deep sigh, pushes the hair away, safely behind your ear. Your pen has been bitten too many times and is fragmented,  Your lamp is flickering from overuse.  The filament can no longer work your long hours,  And it decides to quit; it bursts and your face illuminates with a flash, Then darkness. To save you from movement I fumble for the switch on the wall, The light, too bright for tired eyes, switches on too quick, My eyelids flutter open to an empty chair and an empty cup of days ago, Beaten and broken with papers strewn across a desk. For a moment I had forgotten that you had even left..

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A guide to momentary happiness is easy, we both know that it is impossible to sustain.

On days like these where the tears run freely;

Get me in the car and drive to the sea, the waves beneath my toes will wake me up and I’ll be yours again.