Today, I woke up early for my internship, I felt good and happy. Especially because I wake up to a beautiful face every morning.
The day went by smoothly, just a normal day going by, everything went well, I had some laughs..
Then I got home. My dad and my brother were both laughing and joking around, whilst finishing dinner. So I smiled and said "hi".
No answer.. serious faces.. no eye contact..
At first I just shrugged and thought to myself "this is nothing new.. I'm used to this behaviour"..
I changed into more comfortable clothes, went downstairs to make some coffee and then my dad talks to me..
I looked at him strangely, confused, thinking he was gonna make a lame joke (as he often does).
I don't answer him and continue making my coffee. I'm looking at a package I received today. I was excited about it all day, I couldn't wait to open it. (I ordered a purple PS4 controller, my favorite color). The moment that thought was on my mind, my dad started talking again.
"You're returning that package".
I immediately asked him why and he tells me that he read where the package came from. I told him how I think it's not okay for him to check my packages, especially since I can buy what I want. It's not his money after all.
He threatens that he's gonna take the PS4 away from me and orders me to get out the house more often, as if I don't leave the house every day for work/school/internships. He doesn't think about the stuff I do daily and only believes what he thinks I'm doing on a daily basis, which is sitting in my room, playing games all day whilst talking to my girlfriend. Yes I spend a majority of my free time, talking to my girlfriend, but who wouldn't? Can he really blame me for that?
I tell him it's not fair and that it's bs that he treats me this way. I slowly start tearing up, all the stress and frustration wanting to leave my body. I try to keep it in every time, but I don't always succeed. I don't want to show him he can get to me.
I feel like a prisoner in my own house.
I'm tired of being treated this way and I'm tired of feeling useless in this family. I say family, but it doesn't feel like one. I have no healthy relationships with any of my family members. I had one with my mom, but she's not here anymore.
I only have one person left in my life who I can fully trust and who understands me and my pov's. I'm thankful for her and everything that she does for me. Together we will start a new family, a happy, respectful and loving one at that.