My Experience with Being Non Binary: The Start of my Transition
2020 was a horrible year. I'm sure we can agree on that. For me, I became more reserved, suicidal and sad. However, one good thing that came out of it was I discovered the wonderful world of LGBTQ+
I realised that I'm not straight. At the time, I thought I was bisexual (I'll explain later). I came out to my parents- at first they thought I was too young to know, but after some long talks they understood. I love them, I'm lucky to have them.
Then September came, I changed schools. This was new but it was ultimitely for the better, as I met a new person (Our relationship is complicated rn I won't go into it). They taught me ALOT and I mean ALOT about LGBTQ+. Then, one day, one ordinary day, we were sitting at the local park when they told me; they didn't think they were cis. For a second, I was confused. I thought they meant they weren't straight, which I already knew, so I sat in silence until they said they thought they were Non Binary. Finally, my dumb brain understood. Like a flip of a switch, I went from confused to supportive. I encouraged them to come out to their parents who were accepting (YAY)!
After that, a bit of time passed. I watched more LGBTQ+ content on youtube. It's kinda hard to explain how I realised I was Non Binary- I just kinda... knew...
First I asked a couple of friends on discord, although they were supportive, they (understandably!) thought I was a bit young to know. Eventually, unable to contain this to myself, I came to the person I mentioned before (just in case I have to talk about them again, I'll call them JJ) and mentioned I might be Non Binary. They were supportive (no surprises there).
Side Note: I am TERRIBLE at keeping secrets. That is, of course, unless I need to.
Now. I live my parents (Obviously since I've mentioned I'm young several times already). It's kinda hard to avoid two people who care about you loads and live in the same house as you.
Eventually, I realised I had no choice.
One night, I asked my mum to come up to my room and I told her I had something to tell her.
I was too scared to say it out loud.
Instead, I wrote it down.
Of course, my mum, being the absolute STAR that she is, accepted me. Honestly I could say I'm an alien from the planet Mars and she'd still accept me. I love her.
Oh and my dad accepted me too! For some reason I find it easier to talk about this stuff with my mum-
After I came out, I was... confused...
I kept second guessing, kept being convinced by the voices in my head I was faking it.
Even though I should've felt free, I felt... trapped...
Trapped in my own mind...
But what got me through it? What helped me keep my sanity?
It was RAID SHADOW LEGENDS
I watched so many compilations of Non Binary tik toks on youtube.
It distracted my brain- made me focus on others
the feeling that I was faking it lifted a bit
it loosened its grip on my throat
---------------------------------------------------
I never realised what euphoria felt like before.
A couple of days ago, my mum was talking in passing conversation and used my pronouns.
That moment she said my pronouns without a second thought.
It was like nothing to her, natural.
Next week, I'm starting my journey to transitioning. I'm cutting my hair short; I've had it long all my life. This is a big change, but I'm ready.
TL;DR Respect pronouns, you don't know how happy it makes people feel.
Being trans isn't about having the same dysphoria. Being trans isn't about being scared. Being trans is all different experiences. Being trans is being yourself.