You don’t think you ever found true happiness until you met Kang Haerin.
Before Haerin came into your life, it felt like you were living in a simulation. You had a normal, boring routine—you stocked up the books at the library, directed the kindergarten teachers where to lead their students, and went home.
That’s what you did because you were a fresh grad with a journalism major and no backups and also, nobody wanted to fucking hire you. They said something about mental ability, which was insulting, to say the least. Why should they let some stupid doctor define how you could prove yourself? You had batchmates with less amazing CVs than you and one of them is an author now. New York Times bestseller. Signed copies going for thousands of dollars.
And you? You’re stuck in your local public library, getting sick quite literally because of the dust (endless dust), and pretending that you still want to live. You had no parents or siblings to be of service to. All you had in this world was you, and you weren’t an ideal person to love. You can be honest with yourself.
But then Haerin walked in. The moment the door of the library clinked open, so did her entrance to your life. You knew you loved her immediately. It had to be fate, because this girl—this impossibly beautiful girl—walked up to you and asked:
“Where can I find a book about dreams?”
You stared at her dumbly, your Adam’s apple bobbing. She had curly hair and serious almond eyes that stared into your soul.
“Hello?” she said. “My name is Haerin. I need a book about dreams.”
“A-Are you looking for anything in particular?”
If Haerin was weirded out, she didn’t show it. Her face didn’t move an inch in spite of its soft lines. “No,” she replied. Always so straightforward, even… now?
“No authors? Because—um, I have a manuscript right now about a dreamer.”
“Really,” said Haerin, and you couldn’t tell if she was fascinated or sarcastic.
“He had a dream about a girl with catlike eyes. She kept appearing in his dreams until one day, she walked in as if she was real.”
Haerin stared blankly at you. You really fumbled big-time. You looked around at the dusty shelves and the dozing librarian and the dim lights. Here was a girl who had a classic beauty straight out of paintings with the composed clarity of a musical sheet. She didn’t belong here. She deserved to be somewhere she could be recognized and lauded for how beautiful she is.
And instead, she had a nosy librarian’s assistant using a cheesy pickup line on her.
Haerin started to laugh. Her serious eyes looked soft for a moment there, and all you could see in the caramel brown was you. You wanted to tell her about the silence rule but you couldn’t. You were laughing, too. Both of you could get in trouble.
“I’m sorry. That was really corny,” you admitted, scratching the back of your neck.
Haerin stifled the last of her giggles. “That’s fine. We can always start again. Watch.”
She snapped her fingers before turning on her heel. Her Mary Janes brought her back where you started, and back to the desk where you would start again. She was smiling this time as she held out her hand.
“Hi, I’m Kang Haerin,” she said. You shook hands firmly. “I dreamed about a guy who used a corny line to hit on me. But it’s fine, because he was really cute and I could tell he’s nice. Do you think I can find a story like that anywhere?”
Above you, the lamp flickered once. It never did that before. Must be a sign.
You smiled back at her. “I have just the thing.”
-
It didn’t take much dating for you to know she was the one. You knew from the second you saw her. But Haerin was shyer than she had let herself come across, and that didn’t matter anyway because you were willing to wait. You would wait forever if you needed to.
Forever lasted four months. On the first date, she wore a chic black dress with her hair now straightened in dark locks. You had coffee together. She talked about how, like you, she was also a fresh grad. She took theater, which surprised you because she didn’t look the type to show expression. One time, you made a funny joke and Haerin laughed without smiling. You apologized for your lack of humor and she had to clarify that she loved the joke.
But Haerin had many faces. One she often used was the expressionless look that made her a blank canvas.
“People are going to take me the wrong way whatever I do,” she explained over a sip of her black coffee. “So I just don’t respond at all and let them think about what I meant.”
“Do you ever show them what you actually feel?”
Haerin shrugged. “Only to the people I know could take me the wrong way but still love me anyway.”
Another face Haerin had was one that showed her wide, toothy smile. It took a lot to get it out of her, until it didn’t. It made you realize that Haerin wasn’t as hard to make happy as people thought. She said she was often told she was a strange girl; her exes never knew what she wanted and broke things off when they gave up.
But when you moved in together, she laughed when she heard you speak through a mouthful of toothpaste. She smiled when you kissed her under the moonlight at the balcony. Her eyes lit up whenever you told her you got her a new book.
“How do you always know what I want?” she asked in disbelief, flipping the hardbound on her lap. She looked even prettier without the makeup or distressed perm, when she lounged on your sofa with her natural straight hair wearing your shirt.
“You said you wanted a classic mystery, and you could never go wrong with Sherlock Holmes.” You waved it off. You turned the television off for the night. Haerin hated the drill of the multiple-of-five volume dialogue when she’s trying to get herself sleepy.
“But how did you know? It’s so perfect.”
Doesn’t she get it? “It’s easy to tell what you want, Haerin. Ridiculously easy, I don’t even have to try.”
Haerin rolled her eyes, but she got an idea. She crawled over to you and made herself comfortable on your lap. Her bare thighs were smooth against yours. You held her waist as she stared deeply into your eyes.
Not only was Haerin attentive and sweet. It was like God took her qualities and made her physical form just as beautiful. She had a tiny, blemishless face with a nose you loved to nuzzle against. Her body was small and her waist fit into your hands perfectly, like you were made to hold her.
Haerin was smirking. “Alright then,” she said. “If you always know what I want, tell me what I want now.”
Her voice was soft. You looked down at her pink mouth and back up into those dreamy eyes. Like you said, way too easy.
“Me.”
“Don’t get smart,” said Haerin, but she proved you right with a deep, literally breathtaking kiss.
When Haerin kissed, it was like she was trying to pull the soul out of your mortal form and join it with her own. She closed her eyes and shoved her tongue deep in your mouth, her hips working in circles on your lap. The tiny pair of lace panties quickly got wet, and she moaned when your tip bumped against that patch of arousal.
This face was one she only showed to you. You slipped your hands under that big shirt and felt her toned abdomen and perky breasts, feeling her up and down. Every little touch made Haerin’s breath catch. It made her grind her clit more urgently against your erection, looking for something only you can give her. Most of all, it made her face twist and contort into one of pure pleasure, eyes widening and lips parting.
Haerin couldn’t take it anymore. She slipped her panties to the side, showing how wet you made her. She’s soaked as she took you inside her. Her body tightened up and curled into your arms. Your T-shirt long gone, Haerin started to ride you like she needed it. Like you’d disappear if she didn’t get what she wanted while you were here.
“Oh, oh fuck, right there…” Haerin shivered when you started thrusting up to meet her halfway. She had coated your length from base to head with her juices. There’s an endless stream of it.
You pulled her down with you. The sofa springs bore the intensity of your strokes. You held her hand as you kissed and bit her neck, groaning into her vanilla-sweet flesh. She was so easy to take when she was always so wet for you. Her legs locked behind your back in order to keep you there.
“Don’t stop, please,” whimpered Haerin, eyes filled with stars. “I love you. Don’t leave me.”
The lamp sitting on your center table went out. You couldn’t see Haerin’s face bathed in reds and oranges anymore. But you loved her, and so you kept your promise.
-
You were finally sure after years of not having things figured out. You were unsure about what you wanted to be. You were even more unsure when the time came for you to choose a course. When you graduated in that stadium with flowers surrounding you and cheers deafening you, you didn’t know what to do with your degree. You had no idea where to go.
But Haerin made you so certain of yourself. You didn’t want to paint her as someone who was the solution to all your problems and illustrate her to be a savior she never chose to be. But it wasn’t a coincidence that she came right when you were lost and suddenly you were on track for the first time in your life.
She made you want to become something. Just looking at her caused you to think of all the beautiful things a beautiful girl like her deserved—a good boyfriend, a nice car, a relationship that nurtured her. So you worked hard to give her all of that.
She held a hand to her mouth when she saw the gorgeous car parked in the garage. She was half-sobbing, half-laughing. “This is so sweet. What did I do to deserve you? Thank you, but—”
“What?”
She burst out laughing like never before. “I don’t know how to drive…” she replied. She looked a little sullen now. You took money out of your own pocket to get her a beautiful car only for her to be unable to drive. She couldn’t even parallel park. You probably thought it was a waste.
But you placed an arm around her and kissed her on top of her head. “It’s alright, baby,” you said. “I’ll do it for you. We can go wherever you like.”
All she had to do was say the words. You took her everywhere: malls, forests, airports. Funny; you only got a driver’s license the year before. You commuted back and forth but with Haerin, you revved the car up and picked her up from the salon.
All she had to do was ask. So now, you were at a beach where the shores were nearly white and the skies seemed to fall down on your shoulders. The clouds bore the weight of it all. It was nearly winter, so there was but a faint bit of sunlight. It refracted in the bubbles Haerin blew into the wind.
She was smiling so brightly. That was the only sunshine you needed.
Later that night, she said she didn’t want to leave yet. So you started a campfire while she bought soft marshmallows from the nearby grocery. A woollen quilt kept her warm. You let the fire toast your marshmallows into a rich brown.
“What if we get lost doing this?” Haerin asked. She looked at the stars in the sky, the sand around her. “Doing…” She gestured vaguely with her hands. “All of this. These wild adventures without a map or even a GPS.”
“We won’t,” you replied. You sounded so sure of yourself. It didn’t once occur to you that you could live a life without Kang Haerin. She belonged in your passenger seat, your lap, the deep brooks of your heart.
She bit off a piece of marshmallow from her stick. “We still have to be careful though. We won’t know every street forever.”
Right. Because one day, when you two got older and hopefully wiser, these roads would change. You wouldn’t know everybody in the neighborhood as soon as the newer, younger ones filed in. Everything would be nothing like you knew it was.
You hated to say it, but in spite of the darkness that dressed Haerin’s words, she was right. It wouldn’t be like this forever.
“Okay,” you said finally, thinking for a moment. “If I lost you, what would you do to lead me back?”
Haerin sat back into the sand. So many thoughts ran into her head at all hours of the day, and if you didn’t love her to death, you wouldn’t know. She often looked too mature, too composed to ever be bothered by anything. The Kang Haerin everybody knew was resilient. And when she was too resilient, she could risk being malleable to people. They could lie to themselves by saying they could mold her into whoever they wanted her to be.
But that wasn’t Haerin. So she turned up her chin and said, “I’d open a light.”
“What kind of light?”
“I dunno, anything.” She shrugged. “A fire, lamplight, or campfire. It doesn’t matter. If I shine it, I know you’ll get me out of the dark.”
The flames danced in golden flickers in her eyes. Haerin stared at it until her marshmallow burned and joined the ashes at the bottom of the log pile. You gave her your share.
“How about you?” Haerin asked. She scooted closer until the contact of your bodies seemed to spark hotter than the campfire itself. “How would I know if you’re lost?”
“Don’t worry about that. Leave the saving to me.”
-
Haerin didn’t like fighting with you. It made her cry real tears that could fill a pool if either of you were rich enough to afford one. She didn’t like all the yelling. She didn’t like how small it made her feel and not in the good way you managed to make it out to be when you’re in the chambers of your bedroom.
You tried not to yell at her. Whenever your voice got too intense, you turned away from her so she couldn’t see that you were angry. It helped you too because you couldn’t bear to see her sad. It felt like you were one with her emotions and tore you into pieces as it did to her.
“I just don’t know why you’re doing this,” she said. “You said you loved me. Why don’t you fucking show it?”
Unbelievable. You curled your hands through your hair and stopped yourself from pulling it out of the scalp.
“What else do you want me to do? I give you everything, Haerin. My car, my clothes, my time.”
The calendar pages ripped faster than the seams on your jacket. It’s been months since you graduated and she’s nearly twenty years old. You’re happy with each other. You’re the best company both of you could ever ask for. No one can understand you quite like Haerin does.
But oftentimes, that isn’t enough.
It’s what she’s trying to get across. Haerin’s dress tatters were crushed in her fists. She’s crying her heart out because she didn’t like being reminded of that. Ever. Youth was so comfortable it tricked you into believing it was something eternal.
You finally had the courage to turn around and look her in the eyes. To look her in those big, beautiful eyes and force yourself to recognize the truth. There were real problems in the world that trips and outings and sex couldn’t solve.
“Time, baby,” you said softly, in a broken voice you couldn’t claim as your own. It had been a while since you sounded so unsure. “Do you know how little time we have left?”
Neither of you should be blinded by the quick bliss you had now. You shouldn’t be fools. The lamp’s starting to look weird again. You needed to wake up—
Wake up.
-
Wake up.
The air that hits you is cold. You open your eyes groggily and quickly find out why. A blue hospital gown doesn’t really help warm your legs. The blanket is thin and cheap. The only warmth you can find is from the dull sting of pain from the needles shoved in the veins of your arms.
What an odd dream that was. You lift yourself up on the bed the best you can. Your body still feels tired. Part of you wants to go back to sleep again, but you stop yourself. If you close your eyes, you’re not sure if you’re going to wake up again.
You trail your fingers on the thick bandage taped to your skull. Around you, colorful balloons dance in the steady AC wind. You squint. One reads, in cursive: Happy 20th!
Before you is a wide television screen. Right now, it presents a photo of a girl with catlike eyes and hair curled for what looks to be a music show event. She’s smiling, but the headline gives her no reason to. It tells you of the lawsuit that follows her and her band at their heels, how it won’t leave them alone.
The red and blue colors of her stock image are blinding. You ask the doctor to turn off the light.
You can feel somebody joining you on the bed, the way the sheets slightly shift, your body sensing the movement of the mattress to then feeling the soft skin pressed up against yours.
Open your eyes, its your girlfriend, its not hard to recognise her even in the darkness, the smile you can see on her face signals that the movie night with her friends was a success, so close your eyes and try to fall asleep once again.
“Can't sleep?” She whispers.
A small chuckle escapes you, “yeah”
“Good, i need to ask you something”
“Cant this wait for tommorow nabi? It’s so late” You ask, your hands instinctively wrap around her body to embrace her.
She shakes her hands while she turns her face to look at you, even at pitch black you can see the glint in her eyes. “i will already forget it by tommorow and then be sad for the whole day”
Remembering the last time your girlfriend was in a bad mood for the whole day (she tried to play valorant to ease her mind but ended up so tilted that by night, you had to sleep on the couch because she was punching the pillow, cursing quietly about every stupid mistake her team made), you take a deep sigh and open your eyes once again. “Okay, what's on your mind?”
“Do you think aliens exist?”
Blink once, twice, its 3 AM, you wanted to sleep after an exhausting day at work and the only keeping you of a sane sleep schedule is your girlfriend's curiosity resembling a 10 year old.
“…good night” you turn around, closing your eyes to continue your sleep but Yuna is already pulling you back to face her.
“Noooo, dont sleep yet” she whine
“This absolutely can wait for tommorow, where does this come from?” You ask her
“We watched the Super mario galaxy movie, and it got me thinking about life in space” she explains, “i wonder how do they look like"
“I doubt aliens actually exist” you comment, you can sense how Yuna’s expression turns sad, having her curiosity dismissed so effortlessly.
You take a deep sigh, you remember how shit the couch is to sleep on.
“BUT, assuming they do in fact exist, i have a feeling they would like classic aliens, you know… green, skinny, talking a weird language, what about you?”
“I personally think they look like the Lumas from the mario movie” you can hear the quiet excitement back in her voice.
“How do they look like?”
“They are like star shaped, with vibrant colors and oh! They are super soft, i bet hugging them will feel so good” she exclaims
“Sounds cute” you respond, still quite tired
“The are, and their mother rosalina? She’s so cool” and the she continues to talk, wondering if they will come to earth on the comet observatory, and will they enjoy the culture of earth? What about the dishes? The locations?
Her voice becomes background noise as all of your focus shifts onto her smile, the way her cheeks puff out while she talks, and the way her eyes seem to sparkle every time she makes eye contact with you, at this point you cant help but lean in and leave a kiss on her soft lips.
She pauses, her cheeks full of blush, stars begin to form im her eyes, and her expression? Surprised to the point you cant help but laugh as your hand find hers, interlacing your fingers while the other hands moves her body so she now lays on top of you.
A smile forms on her face once again, “did you just kiss me?”
“Yep, and i will if you are going to ruin my sleep schedule with your yapping” you respond, responding to her smile with one of your own
“Is that a challange?”
“I dont know, is it?”
And she starts giggling, smiling at you the same way she did when you first fell in love with her all those years ago
“So as i was saying…”
And you kiss her again, and again, another one to her forehead this time, then the nose, and then each cheek.
Because whats a couple hours of sleep compared to the yapping of the love of your life?
I prefer sub Winter. Although I wrote a dom Winter for "Two for one", I don't consider her such. Her manners are way too cute and she has a hard time looking serious.
I don't even have many lewd thoughts about her but if I have them it's usually about overstimulating her and making her squirt all over the bed until it's drenched.
while i have ur attention, i wanna let yall know about a pretty sick platform called Fanprose!
I won’t be leaving tumblr completely, but I’ll be a little more active over there in terms of the random bullshit that I spew! I have a few fics on there that are “Fanprose exclusive” (I’m too lazy to bring them over) so come check it out :]
Just checking in on you boss making sure you’re okay and living well
Oh hello :wave:, im okay, im good...i exist, i live well
mostly i am more active on fanprose than here, trying to get Sieun 004 atm or crying because the shrine took away my pocas
i am trying to write (keyword trying) but its a constant struggle to find momentum and write, i have a series and a oneshot i plan to release before 2026 is over (hopefull)
Now the question i have for you: are you the mecha i am thinking about?
have a sieun as a thank you for the ask, and feel free to check me on fanprose
Very cool site, really enjoyed using it for the past week or so, it has a lot of amazing features like photocards that you can trade with other people (or be like me and gamble them), writing challenges and my favourite feature:
Inline comments (you don't understand how much i wanted it)
If you are signed there, feel free to follow me there, and if you are not there, well...feel free to join the platform, it's pretty much a love letter to kpop writers
Your friendly neighborhood Smut/Fluff Writer and reader
Check out my tumblr = LeafoStuff
