Hi tumblr, I want you to meet me. I want to tell you why your fat acceptance movement is complete bs
See that photo on the left? I was 160kg. Thatâs 352.7lbs for my American lovers out there.
I did not know I was 160kg. I didnât go near a scale. I had gorgeous blonde hair extensions and jeans with chains and a leather jacket. I thought I was heaps fly. I could not see the girl in that picture⊠until I was tagged in that picture on Facebook.
I cannot tell you how long I cried for. Hours? Yes. Days? Probably. Weeks? Itâs likely.
I went to a doctor to see just how much I had been putting my body through. I was 21 at the time. He told me that he would be very surprised if I made it to 30, as my back and my organs were already struggling, coupled with the fact that I have some blood issues anyway⊠I was just putting a lot of stress on myself physically.
So I learned how to eat. I learned the value of protein, the implications of sugar and the fun of a cheat day. I started watching my portion sizes and keeping my water intake up. I went on short walks - nothing too strenuous. Really, I didnât put a whole lot of effort in at all. But the weight started falling off.
I remember the day I sat down comfortably at the Imax theatre in Sydney. I wasnât sitting right at the edge so I didnât get stuck. I was completely in the seat and it was incredible.
I dropped 50kg in 6 months without even trying.
My weight has fluctuated randomly since then, and I havenât quite hit my goal yet, but I have never gotten near 160kg again. I used to work out by putting the weight I had lost in a back pack, but eventually it got too much and I was really hurting myself. Do you even understand that? I couldnât even carry my own weight once I didnât have to.
I spend a lot of time preparing food and working out, because nothing terrifies me more than going back to that.
Tumblr, Iâm going to tell you what 160kg was like.
Some mornings, I woke up and my back had seized - I couldnât go to work because I couldnât walk. If it wasnât my back, it was the unbelievable chest pains. I had so much trouble finding clothing in a size 24. And Iâm going to be honest - sex was REALLY difficult. I was engaged to a wonderful man at the time, and I didnât have the confidence or ability to take charge in the way I wanted to and he wanted me to. Plus, not to be crude, but certain positions were completely out because my fat got in the way. Itâs something I STILL get unbelievably self conscious about - even though my situation has changed dramatically.
Sometimes, if I sat on a chair, I was afraid it would break. I spent a lot of time absolutely constipated because of my poor diet, and the flight up to my unit was the hardest thing in the world. I made frequent excuses for myself - including the age old âBut I EAT REALLY WELL AND EXERCISEâ yeah, if doritos were a vegetable and The Sims were a full body work out, I had those bases covered.
Everything hurt for no reason sometimes, and I was light headed and just plain sick so often it started to feel normal. My joints felt like those of an 80 year old woman. I was desperately, unbelievably unhappy and suicidal.
I want to share another thing with you before I get to my overall point.
That was the first picture I EVER took of my full body after dropping that 50kg. It was one of the scariest things Iâve ever done.
When you look at women like Tess Munster, and you tell me that sheâs the epitome of a happy, healthy, and confident woman, I think youâre an ignorant asshole. I canât believe that people choose to normalise that kind of lifestyle, and accept the fact that she will probably send herself to an early grave, because at least sheâs happy. Sheâs making a movement out of being too lazy and apathetic to make a beneficial change, and itâs sickening.
Some girl came up to me once and criticised my weight loss, because I inspired her by being an overweight girl on stage. What do I even say to that? âSorry Iâm not killing myself slowly to make you feel better about yourself.â
When you tell me that thin people have privilege, and that people should love you because youâre morbidly obese, it takes everything inside me not to hunt you down and slap you silly. Youâre an idiot. No one is obligated to find your laziness and lack of concern for yourself or your health hot. No one should ever have to respect someone who canât respect themselves. Being thin is not a privilege - for some of us, achieving it is damn hard work.
Iâm still overweight, and I know better than to demand someone find me attractive, or to get angry at someone for making fun of me with their friends. I also know better than to let it derail me or destroy me - rather, it fuels me.
Your fat acceptance is stupid. Youâre telling women to accept a body that is killing them. Youâre telling women itâs ok that youâre a massive drain on the medical system, as long as you think you feel good.
Screw your movement. Iâd take actual, legitimate health over having my fat become a societal norm. Iâd rather be relentlessly mocked for my weight than praised for it.
dailybridgerton
blakekathryn
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