leahsbugs

19 aot, jjk, bsd got, hotd, atosk

[leahsbugs]

reiner braun x f!reader

finally saying goodbye

“what?” you’re still in disbelief, heart pounding loud in your heart, throat, and ears. “you’re lying.” you repeat, shaking your head firmly.

“reiner can’t be the armored titan.” but you see it in front of you. where bertholdt once was now sat a deformed colossal titan, below him on the ground was reiner. your reiner.

the one who kissed your forehead when you were still in the 104th, the one who covered your weak spots like second nature, the one who handled you so gently, and most importantly, the one who held you while you cried about the loss of your family in shiganshina.

turns out, he was the reason your family was crushed to death. the reason you woke up with nightmares of your older brothers head being pulled off his neck like a cap would a pen. a scream dies in your throat.

“reiner!” you scream down, too focused on the betrayal in your heart to care about orders, too heart broken to engage odm gear.

you know he hears you because the titan looks up at you, despite eren’s attack titan directly behind him. even though they aren’t his eyes, you can still understand the message he tries to convey through them.

i’m sorry, i love you, this is my burden, forgive me

tears now flow from your eyes, dampening the collar of your undershirt. “y/n!” armin yelling your name, shaking your shoulders pulls you out of your thoughts.

your eyes meet his impossibly blue eyes, like that sea he talks about. “snap out of it, please. i know you two have something going on, but he’s taking eren!”

your brain now catches up to your eyes, reiner and eren locked in a hand to hand titan combat. you can’t look, eyes darting away from the scene. how do you pick between one of your dearest friend and someone who understands you completely.

you thought you had heard the last of reiner braun, perhaps you were the only person who still thought of him fondly. a knock on the door to your quarters pulls you out of the trance you have locked yourself in. your legs feel heavy as you swing them off the bed, back of your hands wiping at dried tear trails.

“yeah?” your voice is shaky despite trying oh so hard to control it.

the door opens a bit, then more, hinges creaking in protest. you’ve been delaying oiling it for weeks now. reiner promised he’d do it before….

“we found this after a sweep through his bunk,” hange starts, adjusting their glasses subtly as they hold out a sheet of paper, reiners ugly handwriting fills the page. except it’s not ugly to you anymore. “he only left one thing behind, this, for you. forgive us for reading through it, we had to ensure there were no secret messages. we thought for awhile you might be his accomplice.”

your hands shake as you grab the letter from them, dipping your head in appreciation. “may i ask as to who ‘we’ is?”

hange clears their throat. “commander erwin, captain levi, and myself.”

you nod, sighing. “thank you, i- i’d like to read this in private.” hange nods, gently closing the door behind them.

with shaky hands, you open the letter. your heart drops to your stomach.

to my dearest y/n,

though my time spent with you was shorter than i would have liked, or intended, you have been the best part of this mission. do not ask what the mission is, for i can’t tell you even though i want to.

i didn’t want to hurt you, in fact, i debated cancelling it. but if i canceled, it would cost your life as well as mine. i would not care for my life, but yours i cannot give up.

you are, and will continue to be, the brightest light in my dark mind. jean drew a picture for me, it’s one of you, smiling all pretty like you do.

i want you to leave the scouts, however possible. it isn’t safe. i know they will read this, i don’t care. i just care that you get it.

i regret not telling you in person; but i love you, y/n. i love your pretty eyes and the way your nose crinkles when eren says something insane. i’m sorry, darling.

- reiner,

yours until i draw my last breath

tears fall onto the page and smudge his writing, you immediately put it down to make sure you can read it over again legibly. a terrible sob escapes your throat as tears blind your eyes.

sasha steps into the room, mikasa following her. mikasa doesn’t smile at you, mostly because she’s worried about you being in kahoots with reiner. sasha’s face crinkles in concern.

“y/n, what’s wrong?” she asks, kneeling.

you shake your head. “nothing, i’ve just said goodbye.”

first post, kinda nervy 😭