Jules of Nature
trying on a metaphor
Show & Tell
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
Product Placement
Sade Olutola
Game of Thrones Daily
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Cosimo Galluzzi
Xuebing Du
#extradirty
NASA
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
oozey mess
Keni
DEAR READER
taylor price
No title available
noise dept.
if i look back, i am lost
seen from South Korea
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seen from Philippines
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@leftonthecouch
To be honest, YOU are the first boy to break my heart, my first unrequited love.
And after you, every boy who didn’t love me right, seemed to just fall in line… this invisible line where you are the first.
The first one to say I was too loud to love, too dramatic to love, too whatever it was.
You were the first miracle to me, but we speak such different languages, right?
What good is it a miracle that I can’t reach?
Thank goodness I got another miracle
To be honest, YOU are
The first love I have longed for,
In lonely valleys
I used to ask my therapist many questions about relationships, really broad questions: what is a healthy kind of love? How do I let people love me? How do people know they’re with someone they want to marry?
These days I haven’t been asking much. These days I actually tell her about moments and conversations with you that just make me feel safe.
Sometimes I just get emotional about how much you teach me in being grateful, in accepting good things, in being taken care of.
We found each other when our clocks synced and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
You are a gift to me. You are a balm to my heart. And I hope to be the same for you, for a long time ♥️
Do you ever think about what makes someone the love of your life?
I think about that sometimes… I wonder if fate brought us together, or if those words in my diary made you come alive.
I ask myself, sometimes, if you even are real… and then I just don’t want to hear the answer… just in case, you know?
I ask myself these silly questions so that I can understand what makes you… the love of my life.
And it may seem crazy, but I’ve been watching. I’ve been watching you tearing down my walls with the lightest of touches.
And you know, the craziest part is that, I don’t even flinch… I just let you offer me dreams I didn’t even know I had.
Of course I get scared sometimes. A tiny bit of me is scared that maybe you will find some tiny loose thread and unravel me.
Another tiny bit is afraid of all the changes we will go through together. Will you catch me when I fall? Will I catch you?
I suppose that’s how you keep being the love of someone’s life. You trust and you catch them.
You are the love of my life. I don’t know how that happened. But I know I trust you like you’ll always catch me… not because of fate, but because you see me.
Trust me, to catch you… trust me to keep on seeing you.
You feel right to me
And I just know. Like I actually know, without doubt, that we be the one.
What if I’m family-less in a few years? My parents are leaving this state, but that’s one thing.
It’s my brother even a brother? Why do I feel like I’m so constantly alone? He’s chosen to leave, but I’m the one who will be alone.
And even if people tell me I’ll never be alone, I find it so hard to believe. I have to work so hard on creating and maintaining these bridges, I don’t think I’ll ever be good at keeping them.
What affirmation should I say to start feeling like I’m not dying alone and lonely?
Do you sometimes feel sad for no reason?
No reason at all
Just a song, or a bad class, or a lipstick that suddenly doesn’t match your skin tone (doesn’t it, really?)
Why does it have to be a deep rooted feeling that I can’t even (don’t even want to) point to?
Why do I have to dig in order to find the reason?
Why do I have to notice all these little changes in my behavior and recognize my self sabotage?
To, only then, start digging? Why does it have to culminate on a Monday morning?
Why can’t I just say it’s the lack of vitamin d?
Why can’t I just blame this on being single?
Why cant I just feel loved and lovable and deserving of such love?
Why do I have to feel all the feelings that they don’t? And why do I have to look like a deranged fool in their eyes for this?
Is the fault even in me? Had we had a religious upbringing that said we are all perfect in our own way, could I have felt like I belonged instead of this ugly duckling that can never feel loved?
If this is my birthday break down, it doesn’t even make sense.
He looked at her the way
she needed to be looked at,
like the whole world could crumble
and he wouldn't blink.
~Atticus
Let it end. Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it flow.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m really over you.
It isn’t often, but there are times when I wonder.. do I miss you or do I miss the feeling I had found the one?
(It’s the latter)
But does it means I’m over you? Or does it mean I have never found a way to get over myself?
I see me talking to these girls now, and I wonder… why is it so easy to open myself up for them, but never for guys.
Does it mean I’m not over you? Or does it mean my next love is in the lips of a girl?
I think back on the multiple times you kept me waiting for over an hour and I wonder…
Maybe I’m just scared of being pushed over by someone I feel like it’s the one.
I’m so tired of saying I’m fine, I’m so tired of saying it’s fine.
But if I’m not fine, I’m another problem. If I’m not fine, I can’t really help what really isn’t fine.
If it’s not fine, how could people go through worse things and be fine?
If I’m not fine, how can I smile so brightly and make jokes?
I’m just tired, but I’m fine, it’s fine.
I read somewhere, or watched someplace, a woman talking about how she learned about love with her girl friends.
I’ve learned so much the past few years. There’s still a lot - I’ve never been great at love - to learn. But I wonder if I’ll ever get around to finding a good love for myself.
I found out years ago.. my behavior usually is reactive.
But today I thought: not only that, I usually act resistant.
And you know, there’s a reason for this behavior.. I keep expecting and thinking the worst of people.
For 2023, I will expect the best of people and of me, so maybe I’ll act more like these female leads who trust people’s encouragement so quickly
3o Haikai
Desde que voltei
a escrever, acho tudo,
tudo poético
Haikai 2
Ando me sentindo
inteira, pedaço, só.
Desejo um “nós”
Haikai 1
No metrĂ´, vi refletida
a minha saudade:
“Tchau, pai, se cuida”
