o captain! my captain! @leiaorgauna - Tumblr Blog

being a people pleaser your whole life is the equivalent of fighting the voice in your head that's always going "maybe i SHOULD dim myself so other people are more comfortable" "maybe i SHOULD overcompensate for other people's insecurities" "maybe i DO deserve being treated like this" "i know they treated me like shit..... but what if they were going through something (repeat for 80 more times until a harsh lesson is learned)" "maybe i DON'T have a right to be annoyed by this thing that any reasonable person would be annoyed by" "maybe i SHOULD stretch myself thin" and it keeps going and there's no tangible end in sight

#text #it's hellish

twilightly-blog

But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man. Only that moon.

#pratical magic #movies

metamorphesque

— James Baldwin, They Can’t Turn Back

#quotes

andrew-garfielld

AYO EDEBIRI in the past 7 days:

First Golden Globe Award (January 07, 2024) First Critics Choice Award (January 14, 2024) First Emmy Award (January 15, 2024)

#ayo edebiri

stuckinapril

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

#text

sorry i got sad. the moon is new on tuesday and i'd like to blame the sky. sometimes nights begin to feel like dread and taste like overthinking. of how being so in control of my life feels so stifling. clutching too tightly to plans and expectations no one asked me to meet.

as if love and life are something so finite. a thing i became undeserving of at some point. or perhaps someone i loved told me that once and i believed them. that led me to cut pieces of myself off so they would fit better into the poetry of it all. so it could cleanly fit in the stanzas. that if love was a thing i was bleeding i could never be denied it.

yet when late nights taste heavy and the party's voices have distorted. and home no longer feels like a place i've been but somewhere to search for. to yearn for. and the emptiness of it is a hole, a hollowness where i know every nook and cranny.

how swallowing my words is sharp. how love and like are words too bold for me to confess. when longing for tenderness means i am all too aware of where it lacks.

i don't know how to make myself whole and i'm so tired of asking. to patchwork myself into something less complex than i am. new moons are supposed to be about letting things go but i cling to every piece of myself that you might like.

- i want to be the drunkest at the party k.m.

#poetry #my writing #i am clearly having a breakdown if in the year of our lord #2023 i am writing poetry here because there's so no where else for it go

mariamlovesyou

bisan's live video on her 2nd acc is piercing my heart

she started off expressing (in arabic) how sick she is of the constant sharing, photographing, capturing, having to speak english and how she wants to speak in her native tongue instead.

she explained that the leaflets that were dropped again are ordering evacuation to rafah so they are forced into the sinai, and how impossible it is for over 2 million people to go to an area that's only 151 square km, so many have no choice but to stay in khan younis. they are trapped and have no international passports. rafah is the southernmost point of palestine after khan younis and she said - this part in english - "after rafah there is no more palestine. if we are forced into rafah there is no more palestine."

someone asked her if she has eaten and whether they have any food, her response was no, not at all; one loaf of bread has to be divided between everyone in her tent.

the video kept freezing because of how bad the internet service is in gaza right now so i lost bits and pieces, but at some point an older woman joined the live, a journalist outside of the country. it's unclear whether they knew each other previously, but a lot of warmth was exchanged. the woman got tears out of bisan when she told her "dont listen to people who tell you to be strong, i don't want you to be strong, i want you to be you. if you are sad i want to know, if you are happy i want to know." she explained that she tried entering rafah but the occupation refuses to let any foreign journalists in anymore.

after the woman left, bisan talked about her life before october. she said her life was beautiful and fruitful and any source of strife was solely on israeli hands; namely her inability to travel or pursue placements for her education outside of palestine. other than that she had nothing to complain about. if im able to watch the video after it ends, i will add any pieces i missed

#text #current events

football

MINARI 2020, dir. Lee Isaac Chung

#minari #movies #queue

belphegorlance

Matilda by Harry Styles is for children who don’t have a good relationship with their mother(or father) and constantly feel like they need to be doing more. They can never express themsleves in front of their parents because they will be rebuked for it. They're constantly getting yelled at for no reason, always stressed, choke back their sobs and feel that they are a disappointment at all times.

#about me #queue