It's been a while...
I had a thought the other day- I used to blog my feelings a lot as a teenager and this habit ceased over the years. Why was that the case? Was it because I was blogging for other people to see my thoughts? Was it because I became too busy that my thoughts and feelings became secondary? Or was it that I no longer needed to pour my feelings out in this medium because I was finally... happy?
I started to think about all of those possibilities and I feel that all of them are applicable. Tumblr about 10 years ago was a community. Everyone logged on after school, dumped some thoughts or revelations down, and people- your peers, followers, fans, haters... they commented, agreed, disagreed etc... It was a way for all of us, as angsty teenagers, to unload and also find like-minded people who also felt the way we did. It was a form of validation we retreated to when we weren't receiving it anywhere else. Then over the years, as people shifted away from Tumblr, as the popularity dwindled, so too did the sharing of thoughts. We're still the same people though, but where did these thoughts of ours go? For me, no where. All bottled up inside. I became so preoccupied with the hurdles of life that my everything I felt, everything my former self felt necessary to express, was no longer a priority.
And now I sit here reflecting on my life the past few years- am I happy? There are certainly so many obstacles I've overcome. I am immensely proud of the person I am today. I have wonderful friends, and finally my relationship with my family is in a good spot. But I feel like the point of this is... at some point in my life, I'd love to take the time to come back here. To dump all those thoughts I've been bottling up throughout the years- so that there's a place for them to go. Because right now admittedly, they've just been haunting me.
Since I last got on here I've:
Dated a narcissist for a few months
Sexually assaulted
Dated an immature boy who had trouble regulating his emotions for almost 3 years
Dealt with the death of my dad all alone
Reunited with important friends from my past
Let go of toxic friendships
Moved out of home
Left 2 toxic jobs
Dealing with my dog's cancer diagnosis, taking her to and from the oncologist and nursing her back to health
Bought a house!!
Landed my dream job & promoted to a manager position by the age of 26
All of this and I've just been silent. So one day I will come back, and each piece will have some thoughts attached to it. I will talk about it on here because it's cheaper than therapy. And maybe finally I can let it all go.
