#LEMILRION. PRIVATE MIRIO TOGATA/LEMILLION OF B.NHA. HEAVILY AFFILIATED WITH MANIFEASTS. FRIENDS ONLY. LITERALLY DO NOT FOLLOW ME FIRST IF WE ARE NOT MUTUALS ELSEHWERE. ARC INFO BELOW.
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@lemilrion
#LEMILRION. PRIVATE MIRIO TOGATA/LEMILLION OF B.NHA. HEAVILY AFFILIATED WITH MANIFEASTS. FRIENDS ONLY. LITERALLY DO NOT FOLLOW ME FIRST IF WE ARE NOT MUTUALS ELSEHWERE. ARC INFO BELOW.
BLOG ROLL: @livingmight . @shgraki . @quirkcaught .
THAT FAMILIAR SWELL OF EMOTIONS, spiraling like water shooting down a drain, swirling his mind until it turns into a slurry of worry, and trepidation, and fear; sweat lining his palms and flecking along his forehead, his heartbeat quickening in his chest so much so that he can feel his jugular pulse with each heartbeat; his throat closing, making words difficult to eject from his body, if it wasn't already impossible with the way his mind races every which way. there's something sinister pulling his strings, obsidian and shapeless, taking roost over his shoulders and whispering in his ear, rearing his head from reassurances and comfort. it's all so overwhelming that he can't possibly bear it, that he would rather curl up and bury himself in that sinister feeling, learn to get used to it rather than fighting it, accept that this is life — his life — often unfair, but inevitable nonetheless.
but that voice breaks through his dark. a strong hand holds his own cowarding, clammy hand, and tamaki instinctively tightens his grip around it, grip it so hard that he has the leverage to push underfoot and emerge from that entropic, dark place, and they're present again, they can breathe again, feeling the touch of mirio's lips against his skin, that warm breath gusting with life. he believes in them. no, it extends past belief: he knows that they can do it — will do it. it feels that assurance radiating from him, lapping along his body like the warm rays of the sun. it can't disappoint him, it thinks. not when he's counting on it like this. for the first time in what seems to be eons, tamaki takes a deep breath. " okay. " it steps closer, not wanting to break from that warmth. " you and nejire... yeah. i'll try to do it. " a pause breaks his trail of thought. no trying. no what ifs. they correct themself, breathing, " i can do it. "
“ YOU CAN. i know you can. “ voice hums lowly, leaving his lips pressed against its head. and when tamaki steps closer, so does he. no matter what steps they may take, they are never alone in it. there will always be someone to meet it in the middle, without fail. in his darkest hours, there will always be a sliver of light to guide him back out. strong arms coil around it, providing safety and sanctuary from the outside world, even if just for a few moments. " you're the strongest person i know. " tenderly come the outpourings of little truths mirio believes about him. affirmations that perhaps one day, it might even be able to begin believing itself.
“ it's okay to be nervous, but i'll be with you the whole time. ” another kiss, this time to the temple. he cares not that they're lingering just outside school grounds, nor the idea that nejire may be waiting on them in gym gamma. “ and hey, i've already planned to do most of the talking, anyways! besides, they're just first years and problem children. you remember how cool we thought our third years were back in the day? ”
HE KNOWS THAT ANGUISH WELL. phantoms of the past still lurking in the mind as if it were a haunted house, reopening wounds that one may have anticipated to stay closed, and it hurts just as much as the day it was first inflicted. mirio holds himself with a commendable resolve, but shōta would be a fool to not see past the façade. the boy carries himself with a sobriety only understood by the tormented; it is an aging far beyond mirio's years; an exhaustion that sleep can't possibly shake. and so the hand which stays upon him is an extension of that empathy, a knowingness from his own hauntings, his own phantoms. if this conversation offers mirio anything, let it be the understanding that he is not alone. he's never alone.
" listen to me, mirio. " a sigh escapes his lips, sharing in the student's exhaustion. his hand withdraws, shifting to nest within his pockets. " eri counts on you more than you realize. you've done nothing but provided her a sanctuary that she previously never experienced. " his voice, low and rumbling, has its edges softened as he speaks to him. he stands just beside him, facing the opposite direction, though maintaining his eye contact. " there's nothing selfish about wanting a part of you back. nothing selfish about needing the help. i just want you to know that it wasn't your quirk that saved eri, back then. it was you. "
ITS REMARKABLE, HOW MUCH OLDER HE'S FELT IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS. losing his quirk, he assumed, would bring about a new pair of eyes with which to see the world. a restart on an old game. a fresh start as something new. and yet, he's never felt older. after seeing the things he has — experiencing the things he has, the halls of ua couldn't help but feel so sacred to him. as almost as if he didn't quite fit here anymore. it's silly and doesn't make sense, of course. he knows his place beside nejire and tamaki. he knows he still belongs in the big three. but knowing something and believing something are two vastly different things to conquer. and he's tired. tired in a way he hasn't been able to shake since his return from the hospital. he'd hoped it would fade with time, but now he's learned to master concealing it behind his smile.
“ i know she does. ” gently said. a huff of air escapes his lips. arms fold loosely across a broad chest. he does well to keep himself together. but there are moments where he can truly be seen; behind closed doors, with hushed voices. and certainly never around any of his classmates. they need him to be strong just as much as he needs them to be strong. soft eyes turn towards the window, soaking in the beginnings of the night. maybe that's what he's in now. not quite dawn, but dusk. it's the light of others he can allow himself to reflect now. “ everyone tells me that… and i know a hero isn't just composed of his quirk. it comes from the heart… but — i guess i just don't feel quite like myself without it. ”
THE DERIDER'S LIP PULLS BACK. they can't help but to scoff at mirio's words, upbeat as they are; therein lies someone, they think, that's barely taking them seriously. it's been the same since he was initially on probation; it's like she's a basket case that they all have to coddle to quell their egos. " hand-to-hand combat? seems completely unnecessary. in what situation would i be without my meta ability, outside of death? " it retorts, only somewhat sarcastic. training outside of their quirk isn't something he's particularly accustomed to, outside of the basics. his ability, redestro said, was powerful enough without. " it's more logical to condition what i already have, right? "
“ NOT NECESSARILY! ” cape swooshes behind him, and it feels good to be wearing it again. it's felt good, he's realized, to have his quirk back — but not that alone, but to be acting as a hero again. to be able to help and save, not excluding the person before them. despite having been rescued from re-destro's very clutches, he knows the real resucing is just beginning. the hardest part of being saved is what comes after the battle. ( eri taught him that well. that, and it was a brutal truth he learned for himself. ) “ there are plenty of scenarios in which your quirk can be nullified or rendered useless. having hand-to-hand training will give you an upper hand in any battle you face. now, go on! try to hit me. i want to see how you throw a punch. ”
“A Meeting with the Sun” - Art from My Hero Ultra Impact
walking beside him is a confidence he's all too familiar with, confidence that he might have found a bit hard to keep up with were he anyone else. but he's far from anyone else, especially when he'd known someone just like mirio since childhood. two peas in a pod, to say the least -- the kind of familiar warmth that made you feel like anything was possible. "sounds good to me -- you free after school today?"
“ TOTALLY. ” there's been an uptick of time mirio has availiable. sir's death. the loss of his quirk. his brief ‘time off’ from school to recover – to help eri settle in. despite so much good, he tries not to think on it too hard. his grin is bright, posture straight, eyes looking forward and hopeful above all. “ i need to get back in the groove of fighting without my quirk, anyways. but don't go easy on me! you need this practice just as much as i do! ”
sand sticks to his hair and makes his scalp itch, but there is no attempt at sitting up. his eyes are focused on the bright blue sky above, and he is only vaguely listening to mirio speak. there is a feeling of emptiness in his chest that he can't quite fill, where he feels like the power he was given should remain. one hand lifts and rests against his sternum, as if pressing against it will ease the void he feels. after a lifetime, he forces himself to sit up. he shakes the sand from his hair and looks to mirio. ❝ i guess that i got used to being a hero with a quirk. ❞ logically, izuku knows he was a hero before that, and he is still one after it. but it feels too much like failure, like he's back to where he was before he first stepped onto this beach with all might. ❝ i don't. . . i don't care about being quirkless. that's how i was born, you know? i care about what's going to happen later. or. . . the future, i guess. ❞
and while izuku focuses on the sky, mirio's gaze turns to the ocean. before them, a seemingly-endless body of waves and depths known not even to their civilization yet. imagination races with possibilities; of creatures and life down below, just waiting to be discovered. he attempts to relay the same thought process to the position they find themselves in now. endless, but waiting to be grasped should they only reach out. ( easier said than done, he knows. ) “ i understand that. i did, too. i thought there was no lemillion without my quirk, though i guess i was raised that way. ” the elder lays back on his elbows, breathing in the salty breeze as he does. “ i know what you mean. i care about that too. we have options, you know. like, support hero type stuff with gadgets and all that. … but i know it can be hard to jump back into something after you feel like you've already lost a big part of yourself. ”
BALANCED AGAINST THE WALL, arms folded loosely over his chest — slightly-knit brows relax at the sight of eri snug against mirio's neck, slumbering with such an ease that it's hard to believe that she's the same girl he met, those months ago. these moments of respite that mirio offers her feel sacred to observe, as if he has the indulgence of listening to whispers just above their level of hearing; the violence that beget them both, pockets of misery silently shared between spirits, so much so that they break through its hide and find comfort. it's good, that he's spending so much time with her. it's good to know intimately what one fights for.
" you wear her out, " he says, letting gravity take his head with a slight lull back, pressed upon the wall he leans against. the inquiry ushers a quiet breath to be taken through his nostrils, expelled disquietly through slightly-pressed lips. " i can't promise anything, " aizawa starts, moving from his perch to approach mirio, placing a hand upon his shoulder, " but you see the progress she's been making with her quirk. " eyes shift towards the winding corridors around him, ultimately finding their way back to the young pupil. " it's plausible. and she's proving each day. "
" GOOD THING. " it's quickly concluded, as hands are washed in the sink. she deserves to play hard — to then sleep hard, undisturbed by the nightmares of her past; nightmares, though they may not haunt eri any longer, creep into his sleep. a beak-shaped maw swallowing him whole, shaking him from sleep and only the image of his counterpart can lull him back to sleep. he'll take them, he decided eventually. he'll take the nightmares from her and be her hero, even in slumber. it seemed like the only thing he could do, anymore.
" I KNOW, and i don't want you or her feel like you have to promise anything. " mirio glances towards the hand on his shoulder, then towards the teacher. he sees what she sees in him. despite the appearance that clings to his shoulders like a road-worn cloak, he sees protection; he sees a safe place to hide — to be something genuine without judgement. " i do see her progress, and i'm so proud of her. " he bites down on his lip, displaying a rare sign of anxiety. " it feels selfish to want my quirk back, especially when it's caused her so much harm in the past. "
ITS TEETH DIG INTO ITS LIP, gnawing anxiously upon puckered flesh in subconscious desire to soothe himself. it's trying not to feel as intimidated as it is, really, but the mere idea of standing up in front of an ever-observant class is as daunting as it gets, and that's not even accounting for the presentation itself. they feel exposed, seen in ways too intimately than desired, like a prey-animal without the cover of tall grass. hunted. always hunted. their downcast gaze only snaps to attention at mirio's interjection, firm enough for them to gain their footing amid the spiral, slippery as those slopes can be. the traction is enough for them to notice the rabbit-quick beating of their heart, the pounding of blood coursing along his temples, agitated enough that they beat like drums in his head. " maybe... " they trail off, loosening the grip on their hands which, they just noticed, had gotten firm enough to feel the bone beneath. they exhale, all taut muscle and tight-breathed. " it's just an eight minute presentation. and i've timed myself when i practiced, but — that was when i was all alone, and no one was watching me. what if i get tripped up? or too nervous that i forget what i'm saying? "
" TAMAKI. " his smile falters just slightly — to show his sincerity. tamaki knows his tactics to encourage well, and he knows getting through to it might require some extra special, secret abilities; the ones reserved for him alone, that he dare not share with others. soft eyes notice the tight grip on their hands, so he reaches, aiming to cut through clouds and darkness. stong hands unravel the tight fists tamaki has his in, and replace that violence with benevolence — with warmth and assurance. " i know it's scary. " thumb brushes over the back of its hand. he is here, and his grip on the other will be as tight as it needs, for as long as it needs, on whatever slippery slope he finds himself on. and if needed, he'll ride down the slopes with them, if nothing else but to keep tamaki from being alone -- and perhaps, to offer a safe place to land. " if you get tripped up, look at your cue cards! and if you get nervous, take a breath and start again ... which i know is easier said than done. look at me or nejire if you need extra encouragement. " a kiss is tenderly placed to its forehead. " eight minutes may seem like a long time, but once you get up there, it's going to go by faster than you realize. "
BNHA S06E12 → Lemillion
" I'M NOT A CHILD; i know what i'm doing. " and yet he finds himself under the wing of someone younger than he. she's trying to guise the tension lifting its shoulders and locking its jaw, but between unlearning the way of life she built herself upon and being so close to this excruciatingly naïve neophyte, geten is doing his damndest not to lose what little patience she has left. its arms fold loosely over its chest. " i don't know why they sent me here to begin with. they must think i'm stupid. " / @lemilrion.
" I DON'T DOUBT YOUR POWER. i read your file. cool stuff! " despite the attitude he's met with, mirio's smile remains confident and bright. he peers at her from behind a yellow visor. " they want to see how strong you are without your quirk, so hand-to-hand stuff. " that, and who better to let loose with than someone who can't actually get hit? — seems needed, given geten's current temperament. " think of this as a training exercise. "
" IT'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF. " palms fall flat on the beach, soaking in the much-needed break away from the city and the school and hero training — or a lack thereof for the two of them. eyes open to behold the waves. " well, let me rephrase. it's okay to be scared, but it's more fear of the unknown than powerlessness, right? " mirio looks towards the younger classmate, smile sure and true. " having a quirk wasn't what made you and me heroes. we did that on our own. " / @thisanger > izuku.
Art by Trevoshere
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" YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT! " mirio strides beside the younger, arms out with enthusiasm. and for all of his brightness, there's sincerity in his tone. ( as if he believes, for that moment, that no one is more capable than riku. ) " if you wanna get some extra practice in before the exam, i'd be happy to do some training with you. " / @roadawn
the big three!
THEY WRING THEIR HAND anxiously, stroking the back of their palm in slow, fickle movements, in the vain hope that doing so would dull their sharp edges and calm the nerves bursting from the pit of its stomach. mirio always has a faith in him that he could never bottle and take as his own, as much as he wishes he could; the prospect of standing in front of so many curious, judging faces — eyes boring into the front of his skull — having to remember what to say and how to say it, not too loud or soft, and to look pleasant rather than focused, and this, and that... it's too much. too much. " 'one public speech' — that's easy for you to say, " he dribbles, dipping his head downward to avert his gaze from mirio's smile, lest he crumble even more from the weight of his confidence. " you're great at talking to others. " his expression sours into increasing pessimism. " how can i focus when i have so many eyes looking at me? maybe if they all turn their heads away... "
" HMMMM. " he knows this downward spiral of theirs. though the thoughts aren't his own, they're almost loud enough to be interpreted as such. he knows the rapid racing of tamaki's mind — and how even the loudest voice might not cut through the doubt. ( if only it could see what he does: the light that eats the sun, his motivation, his biggest hero. ) but that belief is harder to express than it seems. " hey. " his voice rings through, stern but caring — if only to be a hand extending to tamaki in the depths of his mind; a single light in the darkness. " don't look at the others. i'll be in the crowd. why don't you look at me? i'll be looking at you, sure, but i do that all the time! i'll be there for you. and look, i can sit in the middle of the crowd so it looks like you're talking to everyone! "
HE COMES IN QUIETLY. the child draped over his shoulder sleeps soundly, and he doesn't mind the sticky candy apple stuck to his shirt. it's strange — the feeling of fulfillment holding her offers; a feeling his cape never could provide alone. mirio carefully tucks her into bed before shutting the door and, at last, addresses the sticky situation of his shirt.
" she only fell asleep five or so minutes before we left. " the apple is peeled off by the stick and discarded into the trash. then soft, bright and hopeful eyes land upon the teacher. " hey, can i ask you something? — do you really think she could restore my quirk? " / @erazur