Earth: ★☆☆☆☆ - Amazing Food, Not Worth The Effort
I gave it one star for the food, all right? Seriously, nothing’s ever gonna taste the same again. Truly amazing stuff, best I’ll ever eat. That said, it really wasn’t worth visiting Earth. Nope. Not at all. If you want authentic human food, find some restaurant on a travel station or something, one with a human chef. Don’t visit their planet.
Seriously, stay away from Earth. It isn’t reasonable. It isn’t even safe.
No, I’m not kidding. Human architecture is entirely unsound. Not like, “the building is about to fall over” unsound. Their planet gets too many disasters for them to avoid figuring out structural engineering and some rather impressive materials science to boot. I’m talking about safety systems. Everything is so, well. Old.
Like, it’s not actually old. Humans maintain things pretty well overall. But really? Stairs? Ramps? Elevators? Install a teleporter array like a modern species. Seriously. And that’s not even the half of it. They use railings! Not decorative ones or anything, but actual, functional handrails and the like to prevent falls. Ever heard of a safety barrier? Apparently not the terrans. Glass windows, safety rails, nets in a few choice places too. I can only imagine how much the maintenance costs.
And don’t bother trying to go anywhere. You have to actually walk! Or rent a truly awful wheeled transport. No fully automated transit lines, no teleportal network, not even rentable hovercraft. Just wheels or your own body.
And that’s just the basics in their cities! Did you know they just left their biosphere where it was? I know it’s not uncommon for planets to have a carefully manicured, decorative biosphere rather than removing it entirely. But no, that’s too much of a hassle for humans. You’ve got wild animals running, flying, and crawling around their cities. Entire ecosystems of microfauna in their houses. They can’t even tame the plants! I saw things just popping up through the pavement as I walked around.
Leaving a human city is certainly not for the faint of heart. I imagine that in the near future you’ll actually be required to hire a human escort if you can’t provide proof of an exploration or survey certification. Apparently those courses cover things humans consider day to day common sense. Seriously, the real common sense is to just replace your biosphere and relegate whatever you want to keep to carefully curated naturalist parks and museums.
Common sense need not apply for humans, I guess. Because outside their cities? Actual, honest-to-goodness wilderness. Partially or completely unmanaged. Just waiting to kill you. I could understand leaving their oceans alone, I saw the planet from above and that would be an expensive endeavor for a purely air-breathing species. But they have no problems living just about anywhere that isn’t water, so why they don’t properly clean house is beyond me.
Anyway, as I was saying. Truly amazing food. Just get it somewhere slightly less authentic. Unless you feel particularly adventurous, Earth is an anachronistic deathtrap for any modern denizen of the Combine.
Who invents skip drives before antigravity? Apparently, humans do.
blakekathryn
stormborns
kianamaiart
2087
germansingergirl
