I am a gay teen. My dad has expressed he would be cool if I were a lesbian. However I’m still kinda scared to come out to him because he is pretty sexist and fetishizes lesbians. He’s stated that he’s not ok with gay men because it’s “disgusting” but lesbians are fine because it’s “pretty and appealing”
Trigger warning: Homophobia
I know exactly how you feel. This is exactly the same problem I faced with my own dad. My dad is very liberal and when I was 16, I ended up coming out to him because he seemed to be pro lgbt. He was so accepting of my sexuality, that at first I was completely overjoyed. However, over the years I realised that he wasn't actually okay with it at all. He was just fetishizing it. I have had many arguments with him about it (the last one being two days ago). For example, he would say things like "make sure you remain a feminine lesbian. I don't think I could cope with a butch daughter." and "Lesbians making out are so sexy" and "at least you're a gay girl, not a gay guy. Can you imagine if your brother was gay?" and "whatever you do don't cut your hair or wear suits" and "you better date a feminine girl. I don't want some butch chick coming to family dinners". The comments were awful and I would cry about it all the time, because I enjoyed wearing androgynous outfits and dating butch girls. the homophobic comments made me think that he actually wasn't as okay with it as I'd originally thought. But even though my dad says these things, I felt a tremendous relief coming out to him and I wouldn't undo that if I had the chance. Does the stuff he says upset me? Absolutely. Do I let it get to me? No, definitely not. fuck what he thinks. I'm going to stay true to myself and ignore his blatant homophobia. All lesbians are valid and we don't exist for the entertainment of male homophobes with a fetish.
I would still recommend coming out to your dad, but if he says anything homophobic or fetishizes you in anyway, please dont let it get to you. You will feel a sense of relief for coming out to him, but don't feel like you have to fit into his "ideal image" of what a lesbian should or shouldn't be. If he doesn't accept you for who you are, that's his problem and his alone. However, don't feel like you have to come out. You should only do so if you want to and not because you feel like you should. You should do it in your own terms and only if you feel comfortable in doing so. if you do decide to go ahead with coming out, know that I am here for you if you need someone to talk to and I wish you the best of luck. Xx