I haven’t been super into Dan and Phil for a good three or four years now but since Dan’s coming out I’ve been reading a few posts by fans agonising over what word to call Dan, including some people claiming adamantly that they should only call him bi or queer, but never gay.
Imagine watching a 45 minute video, of which a good portion is dedicated to exploring Dan’s relationship with the word gay and how damaging it was growing up only hearing it used violently, disgustedly, essentially as a slur and how that lead to him using other words like bisexual that didn’t actually express his true identity, and thinking, “Hmmm, maybe we should call him bi or queer just to be sure.”
I know this website’s favourite discourse is queer being a slur, but idk if you’ve noticed, lesbian has been used as a slur. Gay has been used as a slur. Transgender has been used as a slur. A huge part of coming to terms with being LGBT is learning to accept that that horrible, disgusting word people have been calling you is something you actually are. A bigger part is unlearning the idea that those words are horrible and disgusting.
Dan couldn’t have made it clearer that one of the things that held him back from identifying as gay sooner was his relationship with the word, and a pivotal moment of the video was him saying the words, “I am gay.” I know a lot of you like to think “but lesbian/gay is so close minded and I like queer because it leaves you open to more possibilities. sexuality is fluid!!”
Newsflash, you’re not progressive for telling gay and lesbian people that sexuality is fluid. Maybe it is for you, but that doesn’t mean it is for everyone. Dan said he is okay with being referrered to as queer but if you watched the video and came away from it thinking you should call him bi instead of gay, you just straight up didn’t listen. And responding to a gay man who has spoken so honestly and vulnerably about his difficult relationship with the word gay and accepting it as his identity, by saying, “yeah, I’m just going to call you bi because I’m inclusive and progressive” isn’t actually inclusive or progressive at all and is actually just homophobic.
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