So You Want To Write Lesbian Sex?
Well, after some encouragement, I’ve decided to disseminate my knowledge of lesbian sex for the benefit of the roleplay community. I see a lot of inaccuracies and misconceptions going around for people who write women who have sex with women. As a lesbian, I want to see more accuracy in writing.
For the purpose of this post, I will be referring to sex between cis women as my experience is (unfortunately) limited to that. However, trans wlw, I highly encourage you to add on to this post if you feel comfortable doing so.
This post is obviously NSFW and will go into details. I’ve included headings for easier reading and accessibility. This is based on my own lived experiences and as a long time roleplayer of f/f ships.
My number one key advice (if this is all you read) is that Communication is key and that you should TALK to your partners about what they like and don’t like - and this should be included in roleplays as well. This advice is general sex knowledge, but I hope that you take it and include it in your smut writing.
With that said, I’m going to be discussing the following topics:
Kissing
Foreplay
Consent
Positions
Safe Sex Practices
Oral Sex
Strap-On Sex
Orgasms - Truths and Myths
Period Sex
Do’s and Don’t’s
Conclusion
Kissing
When it comes to writing kisses, it can seem like a rather boring and repetitive processes. “Oh, these two are smushing their mouths together! Repeatedly!” However, there is a sort of unique art form to the way kisses happen, and the meanings they carry.
Kissing is a very intimate act that can almost make or break an interaction between people. Kissing is not just a quick act, but something that can be a staple during sex and romance.
For example, first kisses. Are both people shy? Is one person confident and the other hesitant? How does the person being kissed react? All these kinds of questions should be thought of when writing in roleplay.
When it comes to the actual act of kissing, some people are ‘bad’ kissers, meaning they have a lot of excess saliva or don’t read their partner’s body language, or go too hard or not hard enough. The act with a person like that is not necessarily enjoyable as it would be with someone who is ‘good’ at kissing - meaning they read their partner’s body language, know when to go hard or softly, and really don’t just try to shove their tongue down someone’s throat and play tonsil hockey. (Now, that’s not to say that making out with full tongue isn’t enjoyable, but you have to work your way up to that.)
I would argue that you can be very nuanced in writing different kinds of kisses. Kisses can lead to very sexual interactions (if that’s what you or your muse desires). Now, personally, I find women to be a little more... aware of their kisses compared to men (speaking from personal experience, and not generalizing), and more receptive to kissing as a great act of foreplay.
Now of course, not everyone likes the act of kissing, so bear that in mind for your character too.
Kissing may seem repetitive to write about but finding new ways to describe the kinds of kisses your muses have is key. Try to describe the way they do things like, does she ‘gently nip’ at her partner’s lip or does she make it a point to bite it? My advice is to practice writing the kinds of kiss memes you see with your muse to get a feel for how they would go about it, and who they would do it with.
A personal addition to this is that on the third date with my current girlfriend, we had gone out for dinner and when I walked her to the door, she kissed me for the first time as a goodnight kiss. What started as something short turned into making out on the stoop in the middle of Canadian January cold for a long time before we parted and she sent me on my way with a quiet ‘goodnight’ before going inside. That kiss is something I credit to the success of our relationship because it left us wanting so much more already at that point, but enough to keep it outside. Kisses, as mundane as they seem, can be a turning point.
Foreplay
Foreplay is key to successful sex with women. Foreplay allows for the body to start reacting to stimuli and sensations with another person, giving you plenty of time to become aroused. Starting sex (of any kind) without some sort of foreplay not only takes longer, but may not be as successful as it would be otherwise.
Foreplay includes acts like kissing, making out, touching, caressing, slowly undressing, dirty talking/suggestive talking, and so on. People have erogenous zones that when stimulated provide arousal. There are very common ones (groin, inner thighs, chest/breasts, neck) and some less common (back of the knees, inside of the elbow, ears, sides, stomach) that depend on the individual. Touching these places can do wonders for a person, making them sigh, shiver, moan, and so on. Ask your partner, or if you’re allowed to do so, discover and explore their body to find what works.
As for how long you should keep up with foreplay, that again is dependent on the persons involved. For me, I like a lot of it, but certain acts (teasing, dirty talking, so on) can change the pace. Be sure to include it in your writing because most women won’t be Suddenly Aroused on the Spot without some form of stimulation. Even subtle teasing (like tracing up her arm, or kissing her neck) can do wonders. For real though, take your time before jumping in.
Consent
Consent, in my opinion, is a concept that is widely disregarded in roleplay smut. On going consent is an important aspect of sex that should be practiced in real life and fiction. You can make assumptions about where something is going, but you should be clarifying it with your partner to make sure that it’s okay, and that you both want the same thing. This includes for kissing, foreplay, sex of all kinds, kinks, and so on.
Consent can be sexy. You can ask things like “Can I do this?”, “Do you like this?”, “I want to do ___. Is that okay?” in the middle of making out or even in the middle of sex itself. It isn’t awkward to ask a partner if something is okay with them, especially if they really want to do it too.
Even asking, “Can I kiss you?” is a great motivator for more. Trust me, that one works.
Of course, verbal consent isn’t always included, but it is a good practice to include because sometimes partners are not okay with something but might not have the confidence to say no - or perhaps ask you to do something differently.
Regardless, consent is important.
Positions
I always laugh when people want to base their nsfw threads on things they’ve seen in pornography because nine times out of ten, the position is incredibly uncomfortable or simply unrealistic for the average person who isn’t an adult film star.
When it comes to writing sexual positions for women, it isn’t necessarily as easy as cis-heteronormative sex (strap on sex is different, and I’ll get to that later). It can be difficult to find a comfortable position for two cis women to be mutually pleasing one another. When writing about it, think about the way bodies and weight works - sometimes it can be hard to have a partner on top of you and still move your arms or hands to do anything productive. Don’t leave your writing partner unable to figure out what your muse is doing; be clear about where they’re going or what they’re trying to achieve. It makes for clearer smut writing and less confusion for the reader trying to contort their own body to figure it out!
Positions used in pornography are often uncomfortable or even unsafe for people who aren’t used to them. You have to remember, your muscles will ache or you could even hurt yourself through strains, sprains, and even broken bones, so be aware of what actually works and what doesn’t - and if it doesn’t... include it in your writing for that realistic feel.
Also, get creative! Doesn’t have to be excessive but feel what works for your partner - be it between their legs or kneeling between them to get a good angle. Just be sure that it’s physically possible without injury.
Safe Sex Practices
Ah yes, now you’re thinking - no one’s going to get pregnant with two vagina-owning people! And while that may not be the case, you can still get Sexually Transmitted Infections/Diseases through saliva, blood, and mucous membranes.
Lesbians are not immune to sexually transmitted diseases/infections.
Primarily when performing oral sex, a dental dam is placed over the surface of the genitals to create a barrier between mouth and vulva/vagina. A dental dam can be bought separate or it can be made out of a latex condom by cutting off the tip and end, and rolling it out into a square piece of latex with the lube on the outside against the receiving partner.
You can also use condoms, specially made finger-condoms, or latex gloves for manual and anal penetration.
I know many in the lesbian community don’t seek out these measures but it is important as STDs/STIs can be harmful to you and your partners and some cannot be cured. Communication is key with partners, and ensuring that you get tested every so often is key to safe, consensual sex.
Oral Sex
Ah, yes, oral sex, my favourite. Oral can be a wonderful form of sexual activity if you and your partner enjoy it. I’d say most of it is pretty self-explanatory but I’ll give you some advice and tips for writing it:
First, oral is not a magical ‘cum on the spot’ tool. Women need time and finding just the right position and consistent technique to get to orgasm.
Second, your jaw will hurt, your tongue will feel weird, and saliva and vaginal fluids do build up between your mouth and their vulva.
Practice motions with your tongue and jaw. I’d liken eating pussy to eating a peach or other juicy fruit of choice. The same motion applies when you take a bite out of it (but please don’t.. bite them unless they like that).
Third, there are two main sorts of strategies to do with your tongue. You can either lay it in flat strokes against the clit, or you can use the tip of your tongue to move around or against the clit.
When it comes to the vaginal entrance, some people like having their partners penetrate them with their tongues. You won’t be able to get terribly deep (unless you’ve got a long tongue!), but even shallow penetration can be enough for some.
Don’t forget that you can tease the entirety of the vulva, the inner and outer labia as well as the area above the clit and between clit and vagina.
Every person is different, so try out different things to see what they like, but the key is being consistent once you figure out what they like, and being able to maintain that until they orgasm/tell you to stop.
When it comes to face-sitting, the important thing is being comfortable if you’re the person on the bottom! You don’t want to accidentally suffocate because of a bad angle (though if done right, can attribute to breath play if you’re into that). Be sure to communicate with your partner so that they can move their weight accordingly while still getting a good angle for you to go to town.
If you’re the person sitting on someone’s face, try to lean your weight against the wall or headboard or be more on your knees if possible.
Some people also like a combination of oral and manual stimulation as well. Try different things if it isn’t working the way you want it.
Also, some people don’t like oral, and that’s okay too!
Strap-On Sex
Strap-on sex is an incredible experience, and one that I would say everyone should try at least once.
The key components to a good strap-on experience are: the kind and size of harness, the dildo, lube, and position. A strap-on acts like an extension of yourself, like another appendage. Becoming familiar with its weight is key to using it during sex.
First, you want a harness that has a snug fit. if it is too loose, you won’t have as good of control as you would if it is tighter. There are several types of harnesses that you can buy that are compatible with different kinds of dildos. Some are thick strapped with neoprene like material and plastic snap buckles; others are leather with metal buckles; and then there are brands like RodeoHs that are underwear with built in means for attaching dildos with flared bases or wearing packers securely.
Second, the kind of dildo that you use is important. There are different types and kinds that you can look up and see for yourself. Primarily, I would recommend a silicone dildo as silicone is one of the safest materials for sex toys. it cleans and sterilizes easily - just don’t use silicone lube with a silicone toy! Once you have a type in mind, you need to look at size and kind. Do you want a realistic phallus that resembles a penis? Do you want a colourful phallus? Is it a straight forward toy or does it have a bend? How long? and how thick is the girth? These questions can be answered based on what you like and what your partner likes. A good beginner’s toy is something between 4-6″ in length and 1.26″ to 1.75″ in diameter on average. That way it isn’t too big for the receiving partner to take, but also can be easier to handle as the person wearing it.
Third, lube! Lube is necessary for strap-on sex. I don’t care how aroused or wet your partner is, having lube prevents anything for hurting or tearing throughout the session. A good, WATER BASED lube will last you a long time. Be sure to use plenty on both your partner’s genitals and on the dildo itself in a good, even layer. Don’t be afraid to add more if necessary.
Lastly, positions. Tried and true beginner’s positions are usually missionary and ‘girl’ on top/cowgirl. Allowing the receiver to be on top of their partner allows them to control the movement and penetration; however, missionary allows the wearer good access and an adequate angle for penetration.
Other positions can get a little more physically demanding on both partners, but if it works, it works. You will have muscle aches in places you never thought possible, and be careful not to strain/sprain anything.
For me, my favourite position is this (forgive the cheesy hetero drawing), except on the bed, and it depends on the partner if she wants to lift her hips or not. It gives me, a taller person, a better angle with a shorter partner, and it makes it easy to thrust with little to no restraint.
Be sure to communicate what works and what speed/angle your partner desires!
Orgasms - Truths and Myths
Orgasms are written about as the be all to end all in sex. However, they are not necessarily always going to happen as easily as media would have you believe. Some people can’t orgasm, or simply enjoy pleasure without them. These concepts are important to normalize.
Orgasms take time for people with vaginas. This can vary, but a lot of consistent stimulation (be it clitoral, penetrative, oral, and so on) is necessary to build on arousal. The sensation of an orgasm is that of tension across the lower abdomen/vulva and the release of that tension, typically accompanied by vaginal fluid to some degree or more. The release of muscle, blood pressure, fluid, and so on comes in waves with orgasm release.
TRUTH: Women can in fact ejaculate or ‘squirt.’ While not necessarily a common occurrence, some women are able to produce a lot of fluid upon orgasm depending on the kind of sex they are having (usually sex that finds the g-spot.) This is debated constantly, but most argue that fluid is not urine but a combo of “secretions from the paraurethral glands that chemically resemble prostate secretions in men.”
MYTH: Women can’t have multiple orgasms. Wrong. Not all women can, but some can and will have multiple orgasms that are product of continuing through the first orgasm into second, third, and so on. It takes a lot of effort on both parts to achieve, but it is possible. Again, depends on the person.
TRUTH: Sometimes, you won’t orgasm. It depends a lot mentally as well as physically. If your mind isn’t there, you may not be able to focus or feel relaxed enough to let go, and that’s okay.
Including different orgasms or no orgasms at all in roleplays can be a refreshing and realistic take on characters.
Period Sex
My favourite taboo subject!
Of course, period sex is not for everyone, for the person on their period or their partner. However, I would like to say that it is not an unrealistic expectation, especially in an established relationship.
Orgasms can help lessen or alleviate menstrual cramps. The muscles in the uterus contract during menstruation, and during sex, they contract and at orgasm, release, therefore lessening the pain.
Of course, there is the ‘mess’ to think about, but towels can be placed on the bed, and showers can be had before and after the fact - if the individual in question is comfortable with tampons, they can leave a tampon inserted and other forms of sex besides penetration can be used.
Again, it happens and can make someone feel better when they are on their period. It’s up to the individuals, but don’t discount it. Consider, would your muse be okay with it? Would you?
Do’s and Don’t’s
This is a quick do and don’t list for lesbian sex that I would advise.
Do:
always communicate with your partner and ask for consent
talk about your kinks!
Encourage partners during sex
practice safe sex!
Awkward things will happen - don’t be afraid to laugh about it.
Use lube!!!!!!
Don’t:
Keep your nails longer than the tips of your fingers - that can be painful against the vaginal walls or clit. Longer artificial nails can be removed and glued back on after sex.
Force anything
Go in dry
Forget to Ask First
Strain yourself or your partner for an unattainable position
Conceal any STD/STIs from partners - that’s non consensual and sometimes, illegal (re: failure to disclose HIV/AIDS status in some places is illegal!)
Be too rough - be sure to check what your partner’s pain tolerance is for rougher sex. Sometimes too much is too much.
Conclusion
I hope that this post, however informal and experienced-based it is, has provided you with some real lesbian insight for reference. I was encouraged by mutuals and friends to go ahead with it, and I hope that my language is easy to understand and explained some concepts that you might not have been familiar with or known about at all.
If you have any questions or want to add on to this post, please feel free to IM me, or reblog this post!
Thank you!
