Hello. I haven’t been on here in a long while. Here are some updates:
- firstly, for those of you who won’t read this entire post, I’m probably abandoning this blog. If you want to keep up with my various art projects, check out @twiceshyincites...am on a bit of a music kick right now, but who knows what I’ll do in the future?
- am still a dyke, just a slightly more stable one now
- I use they/them and she/her pronouns. I’ve noticed that I seem to prefer they/them around people I feel comfortable expressing my gender presentation around, but I don’t think I feel okay saying to use exclusively they/them pronouns. This is okay. I don’t have to choose and I can change my mind in the future.
- I’ve got a girlfriend now. Fell in love through letters/letter-length messages. They’re an artist, among other things. In true lesbian fashion, I’ve entered into an extremely long-distance relationship that I would probably laugh at if it involved anyone but myself. But I can’t help it. I’ve never felt the way I do about this person, and I wouldn’t trade them for anyone in the world. It feels good. It feels right, finally.
- I’m learning that the idea of an overarching LGBT community is functionally useless in terms of organization-based structural change. It is important to understand that LGBT people exist all over the globe, but to reduce us all as one group is dehumanizing at best. I am not in some secret club based on my gender and sexuality, nor do I want to be. I will not show solidarity to a racist, antisemite, transphobe, etc. simply because we both like women. If we are to form any organization based on a broad spectrum of identities, it must have a specific goal. Otherwise, it is inevitable that we will be distracted by what is considered the “x experience--” the ignorance of which may be distressing but ultimately meaningless compared to the literally life-or-death matters induced by homophobia and transphobia. Someone projecting bullshit onto lesbians, especially butches, is frustrating, but I will not waste time in a useless internet argument about it when my friends are homeless and dying.
- On that same note, I don’t think it’s possible to have truly trans-inclusive spaces until we understand that women are capable of misogyny. While we should of course focus on victims of prejudice before anyone else, but ultimately all prejudice is internalized to some extent. Sexuality and gender have never determined one’s politics. Or should we pretend Roy Cohn wasn’t horrifically homophobic?
- I mention these things because I think as a young person I needed to believe otherwise. That was what Tumblr, and especially this blog, was about. Shouting I’m gay into the void. Finding a singular similarity with people because we were womenthings or gay or bi or questioning our gender or whatever. And it’s so important to find people who are like you. In a strange way, identity politics sort of saved my life. But I am no longer a scared teenager in tears over the thought that I might be something I had told myself for years I was not. I am a complex person with political beliefs, with religious beliefs, with a particular relationship to my gender that cannot be shared...with a particular relationship to me sexuality that cannot be shared. A particular relationship to myself. There are a million facets of my identity that I finally feel comfortable and confident to explore.
- I know I have some younger followers on here. If this doesn’t make sense to you, that’s okay. I literally made this blog because I wanted a safe space after coming out as bi (oops). All I wanted to do was draw a girl in rainbow. Put pride flags all over my blog. Discuss how the TV writers were clearly trying to fuck us over. Or give us the content we deserved. Or something. Settle for poorly-written content because it was all we had. And that was what I needed. It may be what you need too. But know that there may be a time when what you need is something a little different, and this will be okay too.
- None of you are unloveable. None of you are completely alone.
- X-Ray Spex still fucks
- Also I got a vibrator. And a weighted blanket. Highly recommend.
- Goodbye
