REHAB

*inhale_hold_exhale | LA | #WOKE

[fuckyeahgreatplays]

Hope is only good for prisoners and bums playing the lotto.

Men of Steel (via fuckyeahgreatplays)

[letslovehate]

Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail

Let’s see, my very first crush was in kindergarten. I liked this boy’s brother Giovanni. Every day Giovanni would come in to class to help us as we finished out the day. I remember he was a lot older then me at the time I was in kindergarten to his like in 3rd or 5th grade. I cant remember. Yeah I liked older guys apparently. Then there was Angel he wasn’t first love though he was a crush. Ok let’s see the guys who has to come to mind is oh I know his name was Anthony. He made my heart flutter. I remember I met him in 7th grade. Of course I had liked boys before but he was different he was the first guy that actually looked at me not past me. I remember during PE class we would walk around the track and talk the whole period. Rainy days were the best because we would always sit together and talk. He was the first boy I told about my secret and he actually related. We told each other everything. I remember we held his hand when we would walk around and once at lunch. I like him but the flame burned out we lost interest and he ended up dating my best friend. That’s sounds shitty but honestly it wasn’t because I just wanted him to be happy it was the purest love I ever felt. 

[letslovehate]

Day 05 – Your definition of love

love is simple and apparent in my world. When I think of love I think of a thermometer at one end of the scale there is that simple love like for your favorite shirt. It’s those time when you say something of, “man I love this shirt”, Then the higher the temperature reaches the stronger the love. At the top of said thermometer there may be a spouse or perhaps even ones passion it really all depends on the person. I have never really been in love so as far as I am concerned I an no expert on the topic.

[letslovehate]

still facts 

[letslovehate]

hmmmm

I thought you like to know tumblr that i am throughly confused and its exciting 

if today was the last day of my life it would be quite boring 

[letslovehate]

thoughts on sex

sex well speaking from an outside perspective since I never experienced it before.

OK from a technical standpoint its one of the more simple acts performed but humans. its a few thrust back and forth and a release. In actuality most orgasm are giant sneezes. but in all honesty its the most intimate act two people can share together.

I believe sex is the most vulnerable state a person can be when with someone else.

I feel sex is not something to be taken lightly I feel its used to causally sometimes. 

an orgasm is probably the greatest sensation the bodies makes so if I am with another person I want them to feel that sensation. I want to know that I was part of what caused them to feel such pleasure and I would hope they would want me too feel that as well

[letslovehate]

A MAN'S HAND

there is this hand its young it soft it’s firm and strong. Smooth and silky it calls me I want to touch it but I think this man will be afraid of me. I don’t know him but I want to.  I can tell he is a smart man because the way he holds his pen; Their soft and tender on the outside but rough and staggering on the inside. I want these hands to hold me close to be with me always. I want these hand I feel these hand all over. These hand a silent they speak only with movement and they speak with touch. The hands of a thinker’, a Builder, carrier, lover, fighter,  student; these are the hand of hope and comfort you find in trust, these hand are trust. I don’t trust them but I want to. I want them to be mine but these are so far away. His hand tap and press the keys of his computer they grip his pen and dance along his paper notebook covered in dirt and chewing gum. These hands are gross. They smell but I want them to be mine. These hands are big. They belong to him. I wonder what he uses his hands for. I can imagine he uses them to write, and wash. I imagine he has pleasured his self with these hands, often, I assume. I wonder how many people have felt this man’s touch how many children were held with these hands. How many stranger have brushed these hands. How many women and lovers have enjoyed these hands and how many people never will feel these hands. How many souls are lost to his hands and the hands he loses as well. 

[letslovehate]

This Week

all week i have been in this constant struggle with mind and body. i can feel my boy breaking down from sickness i need sleep and lots of it. it has been a world war with my body and its winning.

slowly everyday I can feel my self weaker and weaker the call of my pillow and bed spread hunts me. It say to sleep and rest forever. but I cant I have work to do. I ignore my self. I drink coffee all day to avoid drowsiness and i eat millions of cough drops but to day at 2 o'clock that failed I was too sick for class.

the battle was lost I am sick I am tired and I’m going to sleep if it kills me.

[letslovehate]

I honestly

am a decent person too trusting and ready to forgive. I have this stirring passion inside me ready to burst out the seems. 

BIGGEST FLAW: a romantics downfall is I still believe in the pit of my soul that in the end everything works it self out; so if it not worked out; then it no the end 

[letslovehate]

CDMX, June 2019. . (at Mexico City, Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzO2isPJoi3/?igshid=u28xw5689mho

[letslovehate]

This is the “Soul of a Nation” is an art exhibit highlighting the black power movement in the art form 1963-1983. Needless to say I love it. . . Being black is dope! As I’ve gotten older I’ve leaned into my blackness more on purpose. There was a time in my life were I didn’t understand the importance of my blackness in the scope of my identity. I was in a space that didn’t celebrate the the black experience. In college I kept my guards up a lot. I would often shy away from expressing myself specifically with my culture. . . I grew up in a house with a strong black mom and granny. They taught me and my siblings our history. They reminded me that we built this country for people that view us as animals. She taught us the reality of racism and it was never a secret how the world would view us. . . However my mother also taught us that we were the descendent of kings/queens, people will always underestimate us and that white people feared us. And they should. My people are not just survivors but we are fucking icon. EVERYTHING we touch turns to gold. They know this. . . Don’t believe me. Just watch... (at The Broad) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxLYmtEprgg/?igshid=1p941fs2bxaj

[letslovehate]

Brunch with the best. . . If you haven’t been here I highly recommend coming. The atmosphere is amazing and food is even better. #treatyoself . . One of the things my self love journey has taught me is that you always need friends One needs friends that you can rely on and they can rely on you. heaving a great set of girlfriend and a great group of friends to motivate you, push you, and challenge you to be your best self is a freaking game changer. I had brunch with two lovely ladies today. It was so nice to just catch up, talk about life and enjoy this beautiful town we live in. Happy Sunday y’all! . #foodporn #dtla #exchangela #yummy #LA (at The Exchange Restaurant) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw0h7ZnJnyz/?igshid=16oe6hzmcus2d

[letslovehate]

I spent so much time hiding and for what. . . So about two weeks ago I took a trip out to Lancaster with my siblings so we can enjoy the poppies. I can definitely say they did not disappoint. It was freaking majestic and everywhere you looked it was beautiful. I decided to dress nice and went with the intent to make a photo shoot of it. On this recent quest to embrace myself I’ve been taking more care in all aspects of my life. I’m doing things for me and because it feels right . . I’m Im embracing myself. I’m celebrating my body and learning to love every fucking inch of myself. This body has got me all over the fucking world. From the streets of Paris to the beaches in Thailand she always been there for me without question. It’s time I show her so damn gratitude. I’m definitely gonna take better care of you. But Im also gonna forgive myself for the pain I’ve huddled her way. . . Don’t beat yourself up because your are not where you want to be instead enjoy exactly where you are. It took me to long to realize it but I’m fucking dope. And dammit I look cute. #californiapoppies #poppy #selfcare #selflove #flowers #blackgirlmagic #magical #dopeness #california #photography #photoshoot (at Antelope Valley California Poppy Reserve) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv-9acGgcOi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=195exuu9pc8q1

[letslovehate]

This was at a gas station. #norcal . . I struggled a lot with understanding my own self worth and self love. I think a lot about how I honestly feel about myself. And tbh it’s not always positive. I struggle a lot to be comfortable in my own skin. I love my life, I love my friends. I love my family. But I don’t believe I deserve all this love. . . Recently I have been confronted with the reality that’s I don’t treat myself with care. I’ve spent a long time trying to hide who I am because I feel like an imposter in my own life. As though the places and people I’m interact with are only tolerating me. Even as I write this I know it’s silly. . . This weekend I went up north and it was really nice to just be away. It gave me a lot of time to think and reflect. I found myself very at ease. I was laughing with people and having fun as I’d normally do. But this time I made a promise to myself to not overthink everything after. . . I’m having what my theropods would say is a break though. Like maybe all the terrible things I told my self in my head is all bullshit. Like real talk i think I’m actually pretty dope. (at California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvktToWAOJ7/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7styr0qpwmfl

[letslovehate]

Let me tell you about my best friend. . . The late Esther Grigsby was literally the best person I’ve ever met. I’m convinced she is the greatest human to walk this earth. She passed away at the end of summer 2018. And to say that I was heartbroken would an under statement. I miss her every day. I wanted to make this video sooner and I wanted to share it with people sooner but, we’ll ya know it was pretty hard to make as you can imagine. . . The Christmas that just passed was the first Christmas with out my granny and the second with out my mom. My whole family gathered at my auntie and uncles place to get through the night together. We laughed. We cried. We ate. We celebrated. Dare I say it was one of the best Christmas’s We’ve ever had; the only thing missing was my mom and granny. . . A few year ago I did a project for my visual reporting class on ageing. Naturally I went to an expert. I interviewed my grandma about her life; she told me stories about her youth and life before she was my grandmother. I hope this video capture her spirit, her warmth and love. . . The greatest thing my grandmother taught me was that people can change. My granny lived through depression, cancer 2x, extreme hate, being widowed, losing a child, poverty, all with faith and smiling. She was compassionate, empathetic, and warm. Everyone loved her! She denounced the idea that old people could grow/adapt to the times. She voted for the first black president, supported gay rights and immigration rights. She believed that things could get better because she watch it happen. . . So to cap off the our 2018 Christmas night we gathered around to watch this video. Not to learn about her but to witness her greatness all over again, even if it’s only for a few minutes. And we will get though this hard time because that my family. We change. We grow/adapt to our times. https://www.instagram.com/p/BvcFfK1g-bK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=h9hhwrtp5tnh

[letslovehate]

Tbt. 📷:me . . . . #music #wakaflocka #concert #tbt #throwback #photo #photography #hiphop #csuf #photos https://www.instagram.com/p/BvA9ze7g1F4/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=znoa7oj40yo4

[cwote]

[letslovehate]

AMAZING. Mushrooms Toast. @republiquela. . . . . . (at Republique) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs4N412HN92/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1j7zhadmxott6