Hey, there is something I have to tell you, something very important to me. And that is :
I know it’s quiet complicated and seem completely like non-sense but let me explain myself before you runaway, scrolling through your dashboard. Cause if there’s anything I’ve learn is that that word don’t mean the same thing for everybody. So I wanted to tell you what that mean to me.
First, I’ll say that my mood is always neutral, at any time or moment of my day, I’ll feel nothing, not happiness nor sadness. Emptiness. That’s the better word to describe it. It’s like a big hole, full of void in my chest which absorbs any feeling I’m suppose to have.
But indeed I do feel sometimes, good and less good feelings. When I’m with you or other peoples I love, I can feel love and happiness your faces and laughs bring to me. When I’m alone at night in the dark, I do feel sad and terrify by the future or mostly by this emptiness.
Sounds completely mad, eh ? Yeah, I maybe am after all, but I’m trying to take care of myself and heal. I mean, being depressive make me appreciate simple things you know, like receive a text from my friends, like reading a good love story with a happy ever after, like listen to music that makes me dance like a total idiot, so many little things that makes me feel like living !
But the other big deal with being depressive is that you can have a depression. It happen without warning, you just found yourself in the darkness, lost somewhere anywhere you’ll never know where, but still standing in your living room. Your mood will fall down, you’ll miss that sweet emptiness and feel grief and sorrow all day long, even eating your favorite meal or listening to your favorite song wouldn’t change anything. You just, you know, become the ghost of yourself, living through days waiting for better tomorrows, until the day it’ll finally stop. One of the best days of your life, your living again ! But the depression can last one day, one week or one year.
One of my biggest strength and flaw is that I think way too much, and I think that’s a total big problem when your depressive cause you’ll be thinkin’ about everything and turn it upside down in your head and torture yourself for no reason and nothing good can come from that. Like, you don’t really need to think about that day when you were 8 and did that stupid thing, but you’ll do, and that’ll only help you feeling bad.
You may wonder why I said all that. That’s because it’s true, that’s who I am, and I am tired of lying everyday, to you and to myself, I need you to know the truth cause you mean to me, I need me to say the truth so I can accept it. And I need you not to do like that don’t mean anything case yes that mean everything to me, and I need your support. Please, don’t let me in these darkness alone again.
izzy806
germansingergirl
discoholicmusic
prguitarman
kianamaiart
annaxmalina
