Unsent:
Hey. Hi. How's it going? You're off on an adventure right now and I love that you're keeping me updated. You know I worry. You're traveling alone in an area where people vanish and I appreciate that you're letting me know you're alive. I'm glad you called me before you left. It was good to hear your voice.
It's been nearly three years since we were in the same room. Four since we fell in love. Six since we met. How has this much time passed? I miss you every single day. I mean that in the most literal sense. There hasn't been a single day since the last time I was with you where I don't think about you. Some days are worse than others and I feel paralyzed with loss.
That part of this situation is so strange; I'm grieving you. I can't get over the loss of what we had, who we were to each other, the way we were able to interact, your body. You're talking about getting another tattoo and some part of me legit swooned. You're hot and muscular and calloused and intimate as fuck. I think I mourn the loss of that intimacy most of all.
Underneath all of this grief, you're still here. We talk most days about mundane things like weather and work. We talk on the phone every so often, but we rarely have much to talk about. I think we both want to hear the other's voice. I sang karaoke last night even though I was terrified and it was all because you encouraged me. I knew you'd want to hear me sing so I sang. You've always believed in me.
I was truly afraid I was dying for a minute there. The night before I got my diagnosis, I had a full anxiety breakdown. The primary thought that went through my mind is that I can't handle the idea of dying without seeing you again. I fantasize about what that would be like so often. It takes all of my self control to keep myself from reaching out when the urge is overwhelming. Which is always. I got too close last night. Yo te amo, eh? I feel like a terrible person even though I've done and said nothing. I adore him and my life with him is exactly what I both want and need. I can't help it that what we had was real.












