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Hold on to me.

[teacup13-deactivated20200319]

Aries: It’s not that I’m holding onto the past, it’s that the past is holding onto me.

Taurus: You never had to be mine for me to be yours.

Cancer: I own the heart, but you own the beats.

Gemini: The world changed in your arms. It’s been smaller and larger, and exactly the shape of you.

Leo: I love you like I didn’t know I had been holding my breath for days.

Scorpio: I’ve blamed spring for the water in my lungs, laughter for harmonious roses, yet I still wake to your name.

Sagittarius: Tell me how things will be in the morning when I no longer have to miss you.

Virgo: We borrow time from one another and call it love.

Libra: We bent at the knees instead of swaying trees to nest the wings of our hibernating lips, yet a single smile never turned on midnight.

Capricorn: I just want to know that I did more than simply exist in this world.

Aquarius: When it’s just me and this silence, I often wonder if you wish you could be with me right now.

Pisces: We live so many lives, but I only want the ones with you.

[letyourvoiceoutloud]

“There’s a certain way in which people say words and phrases twice that makes my heart feel heavy. The desperation and the way it tugs at your sleeve when they say “please, please stay,” rather than just stay.”

—Please, please don’t forget me.

[letyourvoiceoutloud]

“There’s a certain way in which people say words and phrases twice that makes my heart feel heavy. The desperation and the way it tugs at your sleeve when they say “please, please stay,” rather than just stay.”

—Please, please don’t forget me.

[inkskinned]

she looks over and my hands are shaking. taps her pen to my notebook. “i like your handwriting.”

her hair’s always cute. i told her when we first met. blurted it out like a bullfrog. spilled over myself with it. she’s always cute. i’m trying to forget it. 

“i’m writing in all-caps lately,” i say, like she can’t see that. “i like the s…straight lines, i guess.” look up. this isn’t a room i can make the how unusual joke in. 

she smiles without looking up. trails one finger over the paper. soft. “can i see your palm?”

i don’t ask for what. i give it over without thinking, and then start thinking too-much. what if i’m cold or clammy to the touch. what if i’m kind of sweaty. i feel kind of sweaty. what if she thinks my hands are square and it’s kind of weird because i’ve noticed that every day since i was nineteen.

her fingers are warm. “i do palmistry,” she waggles her eyebrows. “lemme see.” trails lightly over lines, a thin investigating. i spend the whole time fighting down a shivering. bite my lip while she hums in the back of her throat.

“what’s the diagnosis, doc?” i want her to keep holding my hand until they figure out how to stop clocks. i want her to weigh the category of me and find me somehow , somehow, magically - enough.

she curls up the corner of her mouth. just a little. oh my god, that smirk. “i think,” she says, “you’ll be lucky in love.”

[icebergintheattic-deactivated20]

I love you ,

I’m in love with you

&

I’m out of love without you

but regardless of the in or out,

I still love you

deeply, unconditionally, immensely

that my feet would walk

on every existing terrain, territory,

they would climb every mountain, hills /

my hands would paddle across the

river, sea, waterways

my body would sing your name,

my entirety would float

to wherever your breaths reside—

-

Dolly

25.02.2018

Who am I when love is what I am?

[tunameltd0wn]

(untitled)

whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder was right

but

distance will also make you think about her every time rain paints your window

it will make you pretend that your pillow is her warm body nestled into your curves

it will make her face glow in your mind every time a song mentions a kiss

(whether or not it’s a happy song)

it will make your friends grow inwardly tired of hearing the same story over and over because you haven’t been able to make new memories with her yet

it will make you learn how to tell the passage of time without a watch because youre always counting down months, days, hours, and minutes

it will make you more careful with your money because you need it all to see her and you want to take her out for so many dates to make up for the past few months

it will teach you your best selfie angles and your favourite filters because you send pictures to her every other day

it will show you how hard it is to understand tone and sarcasm over text - especially when you already struggle with that in real life

it will make you hold your own hand at night so you can imagine you’re falling asleep holding *her* hand

it will get you to spend hours curating the perfect long distance playlist for her, only to feel too embarrassed to actually share it

“l-o-v-e” will caress every thought and pierce you with its sharp pink edges, but you’ll wrap it up with blankets of “you’re so beautiful” and “I miss you” and “I had a dream about you” because you want her to hear those four letters before she reads them

you will notice everything wonderful about your home that never before crossed your mind, because you will imagine how wonderful and tiny she would look in front of the mountains

you will realize how much easier it is to just TALK about your day instead of typing it all out when your eyelids are being held down by the weight of exhaustion

you will worry that you’ve forgotten the sound of her voice until the next time you skype her, when you’ll realize that it’s impossible to forget your favourite music

you will see her face everywhere - in the sun that blinds you while you drive, in the forest that speaks to you as you tell children about how magical bees are, in the flames that laugh when you burn your third marshmallow, in the moon that lights your way when you forgot your flashlight, in the Perseids that you stayed up too late to watch, in the night sky that’s so clear, you can taste the milky way

it will be worth it when she meets you at the arrival gate with a smile that could melt the canadian tundra

it will be worth it with every kiss you share to make up for 344 days apart

it will be worth it when the pillow you imagined as her becomes the pillow you share with her

it will be worth it when her voice is pure and clear, no longer filtered through an internet connection

it will be worth it when you can listen to the playlist you never sent her while candles light up your room and you can both smell the rain hitting the pavement outside

it will be worth it when the moon light her lips between kisses

hold in there

[letyourvoiceoutloud]

I finally looked through our old messages just because. What I found there wasn’t us appreciating each other and singing love songs to each other. What I found was us fighting. Sometimes I wonder if I could’ve changed what you did with this relationship, but now that I’m getting back on my feet, I’m starting to take things as it is. From the start, we saw two different realities and there was no changing you. I needed to stop making excuses for your actions just to keep this image of the person I’m in love with alive in my head. Did you ever do that for me? Because all I remember is you making me out to be a much uglier person than I am while I made you a beautiful lie.

[thingsmustpass]

i hate what you did to me the cold air sends chills down my spine and reminds me how i felt when you told me told me that you don’t know about us told me about a guy and a night that you ignored me told me how you couldn’t stand the thought of hurting me but here i am on the tile floor clutching the pieces of a heart that have been broken many times before this all i wanted was to help you but you have me thinking i’m in the wrong because why would you cheat if it wasn’t in spite of something i did? i told you i forgave you and i told you we still have a chance but are the pieces i hold too broken to be put back together by you? i want to do something to hurt you too but i know i would never

(via thingsmustpass)

[angellicsins]

This thing. Whatever it is for me. I don’t want to call it heartbreak because I don’t want to believe I was stupid enough to let you get that much of me. I don’t want to believe that after you cheated and after you did me so bad, that I had the will to let you get that much of me. It reminds me of getting blood taken. You give and give so much, all that is allowed, and after you do, it leaves you nauseas and you knew that it would have a few side effects but you had no idea that it could throw you to the ground after you thought you were stable enough to stand on your own. That’s what happened. That is what is happening. I feel stable one minute. I felt stable enough to go through and delete every picture I had of you which took away the visible memories. I felt stable enough to hide away our pictures that were on my wall so I didn’t have to see them every time I needed to sleep but couldn’t. I don’t think you loved me. I don’t want to think that, but if you were to love me as you say you did, no matter how incredibly wasted you were, I never would’ve had to hear her name. You don’t hurt the people you love in the ways that you hurt me. I wish I could say I don’t miss you. I wish I could trash talk you like ex’s are supposed to do, but no every time I hear a negative thing about you I’m always the first to defend you and I fucking hate that. I wish I could take it all back. Every kiss, every hug, every god damn thing but I can’t. It is there. And it’s on replay for me 24/7 and you can think whatever about me being so bitter about this and whatever. but my night terrors come rarely now and when they come it’s like the dreams I had of us all happy and fucking dandy are my worst nightmares. and that’s what fucks me up the most.

The letter I’ll never write you (via angellicsins)

[just-your-casual-blog]

She was the kind of girlfriend God gives you young, so you’ll know loss the rest of your life.

I’m gay af  (via just-your-casual-blog)

[letyourvoiceoutloud]

How do you tell someone that you miss the way they were a year ago when they believe they changed for the better?

I don’t know how to fucking tell you what my “I miss you”s really mean

[letyourvoiceoutloud]

I never thought that someone could value my smile so much.

Before you, I only knew love by heart break.

[letyourvoiceoutloud]

I still sit and wonder if you actually thought you were saving me by leaving.

Its been a year now, and this’ll be the last one about you.

[the-psycho-cutie-deactivated201]

You’ve become so damaged that when someone tries to give you what you deserve, you have no fucking idea how to respond.

(via urbanoutfucks)

[somepiecesofmyheartandsoul-deac]

Do you want to know what I fear the most? Do you really want to know? I, absolutely fear that one day, you will wake up only to realize that the act of loving me becomes a burden on your shoulder.

Lukas W. // Fear of being a burden (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

[amortizing]

Never let the person that hurt you make you miss out on someone that wants to love you.

Sonya Parker (via amortizing)

[sheispernicious]

I will forever wonder whether the aching in my stomach & the burning in my heart was love or a warning

but I’ll never know (via sheispernicious)