𝖑𝖊𝖝𝖔𝖗𝖈𝖎𝖘𝖙 @lexorcist - Tumblr Blog

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention… A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”

— Rachel Naomi Remen - via purplebuddhaproject (via perfect)

important-animal-images

#cats #animals

pam3pr

{᪥}

moonandserpent

Cygnus swan necklace by Moon and Serpent

ter-ror

Acid Bath When The Kite String Pops CD glitter gif set !!

#acid bath #metal #sludge #gif #music

#me #self #photography #fantasy

#me #nature #self #fantasy #photography

This blog has served as one of my spaces I can vent without knowledge from those who know me.

Right now is a very difficult time in my life and I am riding waves of anger/rage and deep deep sadness for the "childhood" I had.

I've been no-contact with my mother since April,and I've recently had repressed memories resurface. They've come up at the most unexpected times.

I'm so angry she has the audacity to play completely clueless after all the pain she inflicted on myself, my father, and my siblings. In retrospect we were ALL abused by her. Throughout those years we were on eggshells, tip-toed around and insomnia to avoid even being perceived by her.

Who puts makeup on a 5 year old? Who holds a child's mouth closed while pinching their nose while forcing their head back? (Too long). Who wails and asks their 7 year old where the family will go or what will they do now that they're evicted?

- 7:religious scare tactics/hellfire, forced baptism

-8: shamed and told I'd be displayed n@k3d open casket if I ever tried to self delete again. In front of my siblings as humiliation

-9: started regularly verbally bullying

-10/11: untreated stress UTI's months without antibiotics until they went away. Permanent kidney and bladder damage. Also from avoiding leaving my room

-fat shamed, shamed for self h

-12: abandoned myself and my siblings. First affair.

-13:forced out of my dad's house because she missed her punching bag. Separated me from my brother and father to be alone in a room 7 months. Introducing abu$ive stepfather/affair partner

-14: s@/ shamed for it

-15: threw out my wardrobe and replaced with awful clothing /she/ preferred

-16: moved my brother and I to an apt. Left us for extended periods of time to stay/live with her bf. We were both minors

-17/18: constant shame. So so much. Made me do the whole college thing by myself. Threatening not to support me financially unless I signed up to be a nurse (even though she was no part of my student aid etc)

There's so much more but I'll stop at 18 for now. Once I was too old to be a "doll" and developed a personality of my own she has tolerated me at best. Maybe even hated me for becoming a "freak". The grief and this anger has been putting me through a mental hell. I feel so foolish for not giving up on her earlier. I may even hate her and she essentially killed my dad. This is unforgivable.

#me #personal #tw #greif

lucybellwood

hi sorry s'cuse me but were NONE OF YOU GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT BLACK BOOKS OF HOURS???

LOOK AT THIS MAGNIFICENT GOTH-ASS SHIT

EGADDDDDDD

THE IRON-COPPER SOLUTION USED TO DYE THE PAGES WAS SO CORROSIVE THAT THERE ARE VERY FEW SURVIVING EXAMPLES

THESE BOOKS WERE LITERALLY TOO METAL TO LIVE

i can't

#art #medieval

rosieandthemoon

book of stars (c. 1500’s)

#moon #art

Today marks 20 years.

When I was in church, the children in my Sunday School classes had "accepted" Jesus and received their baptisms with enthusiasm. Within the walls of this institution, my seed of shame was planted. I did not experience the love or kindness that their supposed prophet had displayed in their tales. Although I was not quite able to articulate my thoughts or feelings at 8 years old, in retrospect, I felt uneasy about the person I would become if I followed through with such a commitment. Every Sunday and Wednesday, I anticipated being hounded and pressured by the church staff and community.

During a Fourth of July celebration, I was to be baptized in a different way than my siblings. I swear on everything, I was baptized in a horse trough filled with water from a garden hose, while i sat on a red brick. The terror and shame I felt as I opened my eyes inside the water and looked up at this man were overwhelming. I was overcome with a feeling of betrayal—betraying myself and my native ancestors. I feared the commitment and the future that lay ahead. I felt that these people and God would imprison me forever in surveillance and judgment.

The years that followed were terrible. I genuinely feel that seeing my best friend of now 25 years was the only thing that held me together. The life of freedom became a memory, and it changed everything for me. One of the best things that happened was no longer being welcomed there. The last 17 years of my life after being free have brought me so much healing from my religious trauma.

#me #text #religious trauma #religion #personal #journal