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Jules of Nature
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Stranger Things
Today's Document

if i look back, i am lost
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trying on a metaphor

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we're not kids anymore.

Janaina Medeiros
Keni
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will byers stan first human second
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

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@liaeblea
hello?
me , but silently : i don’t want it if it doesn’t have justin foley included .
|| SEND ME HEADCANONS YOU HAVE ABOUT MY MUSE. I WILL CONFIRM / DENY / ELABORATE.
The way Brandon Larracuente is yelling for Brandon Flynn to look at the camera I’m dying. BRANDOOONNNN!!
ayye i’m here .
I am pressing my mouth to what I cannot save
My bare toes in the dirt I decided it is a tragedy to be stainless
In such a place I have been to heaven and still have nowhere to stay
— Julian Randall, from “LAMENTATION (Black Jesus Remix),” published in The Shallow Ends
i may no longer remember you , but you’re still here , in the feeling i get , when i feel i’m forgetting something . ╱ independent & selective clay jensen of netflix’s thirteen reasons why . BY , BLUE .
i may no longer remember you , but you’re still here , in the feeling i get , when i feel i’m forgetting something . ╱ independent & selective clay jensen of netflix’s thirteen reasons why . BY , BLUE .
Knowing someone isn’t coming back doesn’t mean you ever stop waiting.
Toby Barlow (via drapetomania)
blue culture is listening to glee music Way to loud for 11pm and screaming the lyrics .
001. - . \ hannah baker .
DEAD & GONE ! A MERE MEMORY / FRACTION OF A HISTORY. but yet , she’s still there. a figment of his imagination perhaps ; but still there. DEAD GIRL WALKING / TRUTH BEGGING TO BE TOLD.
words soft , but not foreign ———- WELCOMING & SOMEWHAT LIKE HOME. body leaned against surface , emerald shade fixated upon him. always him. ❛ maybe. you still can though. it’s not too late , clay. ❜ NEVER TOO LATE ! just wrong timing.
IT WASN’T TOO LATE . YOU HOPED THAT TO BE TRUE , maybe it would come true after awhile . but it wouldn’t . ❝ you really believe that ? ❞ eyes cast over to the girl sitting quietly across the room . ❝ what can i do , that won’t mess anything up any more than i already have . ❞
body moves into upward position as you go towards your desk , if you can’t sleep you would occupy your time in the meantime . ❝ why are you here anyways , i mean now , when i ❞ when you were trying to move on , it didn’t seem fair , that only you seemed to see her . maybe the other’s went through this too , maybe this was how the grieving process worked . ❝ at TWO IN THE MORNING . ❞ this time you didn’t look at her , instead insisted she wasn’t there , as if somehow she’d disappear .
( * &. ━ HALSEY HOPELESS FOUNTAIN KINGDOM LYRIC STARTERS
THE PROLOGUE.
‘ i am a child of a money hungry, prideful country. ’ ‘ hands so bloody. ’ ‘ tastes like honey. ’ ‘ i’m finding it hard to leave. ’
100 LETTERS.
‘ king midas put his hands on me again. ’ ‘ he said one day i’d realize why i didn’t have any friends. ’ ‘ i find myself alone at night unless i’m having sex. ’ ‘ he can make me golden if i just showed some respect. ’ ‘ i don’t let him touch me anymore. ’ ‘ i’m not something to butter up and taste when you’re bored. ’ ‘ i have spent too many nights on dirty bathroom floors. ’ ‘ please don’t go away. ’ ‘ it’s too late. ’ ‘ i can’t stop thinking that i can’t stop thinking. ’ ‘ i almost gave you everything. ’ ‘ now the whole thing’s finished. ’ ‘ i can’t stop wishing that i never gave you anything. ’ ‘ i wrote a hundred letters. ’
EYES CLOSED.
‘ i know what to say. ’ ‘ it’s all the same. ’ ‘ i know this game. ’ ‘ if i keep my eyes closed, he looks just like you. ’ ‘ he’ll never stay. ’ ‘ he’ll never stay, they never do. ’ ‘ if i keep my eyes closed, he feels just like you. ’ ‘ you’ve been replaced. ’ ‘ i’m face to face with someone new. ’ ‘ would’ve gave it all for you, cared for you. ’ ‘ tell me where i went wrong. ’ ‘ he don’t realize that i’m thinking about you. ’ ‘ he don’t realize that i’m thinking about you. it’s nothing new. ’ ‘ it’s nothing new. ’
HEAVEN IN HIDING.
‘ can you hear my heartbeat fucking kickin? ’ ‘ you best believe that i got something up my sleeve. ’ ‘ no time for wishful thinking. ’ ‘ you thought that you were the boss tonight, but i can put up a good fight. ’ ‘ i can put up a good fight. ’ ‘ i flip the script like i can take a beating. ’ ‘ i can put on a show. ’ ‘ don’t you see what you’re finding? ’ ‘ this is heaven in hiding. ’ ‘ i don’t have no time for conversation. ’ ‘ this ain’t what you usually do. ’ ‘ a girl like me is new for you. ’ ‘ i can tell you mean it ‘cause you’re shaking. ’
ALONE.
‘ he tried to phone me, but i never have the time. ’ ‘ he said that i never listen, but i don’t even try. ’ ‘ i never listen. ’ ‘ i don’t even try. ’ ‘ i got a new place, but i’m gone every night. ’ ‘ she asked if i recognized her and i told her i might. ’ ‘ everywhere i go, i got a million different people tryna kick it, but i’m still alone in my mind. ’ ‘ i’m still alone in my mind. ’ ‘ i know you’re dying to meet me. ’ ‘ baby, as soon as you meet me, you’ll wish that you never did. ’ ‘ you’ll wish that you never did. ’ ‘ i got into some trouble with that drink in my veins. ’ ‘ i got a problem with parties ‘cause it’s loud in my brain. ’ ‘ i can never say sorry ‘cause i won’t take the blame. ’ ‘ i know i always go missing. ’ ‘ if you ask why i’m distant, i’m running away. ’ ‘ i know you wanna slip under my armor. ’
NOW OR NEVER.
‘ i don’t wanna fight right now. ’ ‘ know you always right. ’ ‘ know i need you ‘round with me. ’ ‘ nobody waiting ‘round with me. ’ ‘ been through the ups and downs with me. ’ ‘ got a whole lot of love. ’ ‘ got a whole lot of love, but you don’t wanna spread it ‘round with me. ’ ‘ never pick up, never call me. ’ ‘ you know we’re running out of time. ’ ‘ never pick up when you want me. ‘ i gotta draw a line. ’ ‘ baby, we done enough talking. ’ ‘ need to know that you’re mine. ’ ‘ baby gon’ love me now, now or never. ’ ‘ i want you to hold me down, down forever. ’ ‘ you know i wanna keep you around. ’ ‘ i’m turning off the light right now. ’ ‘ i’m calling it a night now. ’ ‘ wishing you were around with me. ’ ‘ we’ve been through it all. ’ ‘ tryna talk to a wall, but you could never tear it down for me. ’ ‘ don’t take up no more time. ’ ‘ i need you to make your mind up. ’ ‘ don’t take no more time up. ’ ‘ baby, you gotta decide something. ’
SORRY.
‘ i’ve missed your calls for months it seems. ’ ‘ don’t realize how mean i can be. ’ ‘ i can sometimes treat the people that i love like jewelry. ’ ‘ i can change my mind each day. ’ ‘ i didn’t mean to try you on. ’ ‘ i can sometimes treat the people that i love like jewelry cause i can change my mind each day. i didn’t mean to try you on. ’ ‘ i still know your birthday and your mother’s favorite song. ’ ‘ i’m sorry to my unknown lover. ’ ‘ sorry that i can’t believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me. ’ ‘ sorry i can be so blind. ’ ‘ didn’t mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind. ’ ‘ i run away when things are good. ’ ‘ never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could. ’ ‘ so it seems i broke your heart. ’ ‘ my ignorance has struck again. ’ ‘ i failed to see it from the start. ’ ‘ i tore you open till the end. ’ ‘ so it seems i broke your heart, my ignorance has struck again. ’ ‘ i failed to see it from the start and tore you open till the end. ’ ‘ someone will love you. ’ ‘ someone will love you, but someone isn’t me. ’
LIE.
‘ breakfast is cold. ’ ‘ breakfast is cold, as cold as our bed. ’ ‘ i’m watching you choke down the words that you said. ’ ‘ i give you the messiest head. ’ ‘ you give me the messiest head. ’ ‘ you’re turning red. ’ ‘ i’m tryna give the impression that i get the message you wish i was dead. ’ ‘ i won’t let us finish yet. ’ ‘ please don’t take this as a threat. ’ ‘ all i’m saying is if you don’t love me no more then lie. ’ ‘ i won’t let us finish yet. please don’t take this as a threat. ’ ‘ you notice that we’re in love, that’s something we cannot change. ’ ‘ treat her right and she won’t complain. ’ ‘ there’s no need to lie no more. ’ ‘ what you gonna die for when everything you’re told is lies? ’
WALLS COULD TALK.
‘ i’m about four minutes from a heart attack. ’ ‘ i think you make me a maniac. ’ ‘ here we go, fist fight in a limousine. ’ ‘ we both hope there’s something. ’ ‘ we both keep fronting. ’ ‘ damn, if these walls could talk. ’ ‘ shit is crazy, right? ’ ‘ that ain’t your baby no more. ’ ‘ i’m about halfway through a cabernet. ’ ‘ there i go, wasting a saturday sitting at home. ’ ‘ told my new roommate not to let you in. ’ ‘ you’re so damn good with a bobby pin. ’ ‘ told my new roommate not to let you in, but you’re so damn good with a bobby pin. ’ ‘ you gonna play me like a violin. ’
BAD AT LOVE.
‘ he tastes like jack when i’m kissing him. ’ ‘ i never really liked his friends. ’ ‘ he’s gone. ’ ‘ he’s calling me a bitch again. ’ ‘ he wants me in the kitchen with a dinner plate. ’ ‘ i believe that we’re meant to be. ’ ‘ jealousy gets the best of me. ’ ‘ i believe that we’re meant to be, but jealousy gets the best of me. ’ ‘ look, i don’t mean to frustrate, but i always make the same mistakes. ’ ‘ i’m bad at love. ’ ‘ i’m bad at love, but you can’t blame me for trying. ’ ‘ you know i’d be lying saying you were the one that could finally fix me. ’ ‘ looking at my history i’m bad at love. ’ ‘ i thought that she could really be the one this time. ’ ‘ i never had the chance to make her mine. ’ ‘ she fell in love with little thin white lines. ’ ‘ never told no one, but we look so cute. ’ ‘ both got way better things to do. ’ ‘ i always think about her when i’m riding through. ’ ‘ i believe that i’m in too deep. ’ ‘ i know that you’re afraid i’m gonna walk away. ’ ‘ each time the feeling fades. ’
DON’T PLAY.
‘ looking as fine as a damn monet. ’ ‘ everybody’s thirsty. drinks on me. ’ ‘ tryna take back what you say to me. ’ ‘ i don’t give a damn what you say to me. ’ ‘ there ain’t no time for games with me. ’ ‘ i’m moving on. ’ ‘ i’m getting paid. ’ ‘ i’m moving on, i’m getting paid. ’ ‘ i’m on my own. ’ ‘ i had some space to deal with it. ’ ‘ it’s getting late. ’ ‘ go and grab someone and find a place to deal with it. ’ ‘ don’t even try. ’ ‘ can’t fuck up my vibe. ’ ‘ motherfucker, don’t play with me. ’ ‘ i am not the type to be out past dawn. ’ ‘ i am not the type to admit i’m on. ’ ‘ women, don’t play no games. ’
STRANGERS.
‘ she doesn’t kiss me on the mouth anymore. ’ ‘ she doesn’t kiss me on the mouth anymore ‘cause it’s more intimate than she thinks we should get. ’ ‘ she doesn’t look me in the eyes anymore. ’ ‘ too scared of what she’ll see. ’ ‘ when i wake up all alone and i’m thinking of your skin, i remember what you told me. ’ ‘ we’re not lovers. ’ ‘ we’re just strangers. ’ ‘ we’re not lovers, we’re just strangers. ’ ‘ we’re not lovers, we’re just strangers with the same damn hunger. ’ ‘ we’re just strangers with the same damn hunger to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all. ’ ‘ she doesn’t call me on the phone anymore. ’ ‘ she’s never listening, she says it’s innocent. ’ ‘ she doesn’t let me have control anymore. ’ ‘ i must’ve crossed a line. ’ ‘ i must’ve lost my mind. ’ ‘ i miss the mornings with yo laying in bed. ’ ‘ i miss the memories replaying in my head. ’ ‘ i miss the thought of forever, you and me. ’ ‘ all you’re missing is my body. ’
ANGEL ON FIRE.
‘ i woke up to another mess in the living room. ’ ‘ don’t wake me in my sleep. ’ ‘ they talk and drink and laugh about things and fall in love. ’ ‘ nobody seems to ask about me anymore. ’ ‘ nobody seems to care about anything i think. ’ ‘ nobody seems to recognize me in the crowd. ’ ‘ i’m faded away. ’ ‘ i’m faded away, you know, i used to be on fire. ’ ‘ i used to be on fire. ’ ‘ i used to be a darling starlet like a centerpiece. ’ ‘ i had the whole world wrapped around my ring. ’ ‘ i flew too closely to the sun and now i’m melting from my wings. ’
DEVIL IN ME.
‘ you said i should eat my feelings. ’ ‘ i scream too loud if i speak my mind. ’ ‘ i don’t wanna wake it up, the devil in me. ’ ‘ gotta wake up. ’ ‘ come back to life. ’ ‘ you said i’m too much to handle. ’ ‘ you said i shine too bright. ’
HOPELESS.
‘ boy, you make it look so easy. ’ ‘ promise that i’m gonna call you back in five. ’ ‘ sorry, baby girl, but i can’t tonight. ’ ‘ boy, you make it look so simple. ’ ‘ i’ve known that girl for like my hole life. ’ ‘ you know the truth hurts, but secrets kill. ’ ‘ can’t help thinking that i love it still. ’ ‘ there must be something real. ’ ‘ you know the good die young. ’ ‘ you know the good die young, but so did this. ’ ‘ it must be better than i think it is. ’ ‘ it’s easy to forgive. ’ ‘ you and all your friends hate me. ’ ‘ you and all your friends hate me, thinking that you’re better when i’m not around. ’ ‘ you’re better when i’m not around. ’ ‘ i can’t help the way you made me. ’ ‘ i’m thinking that you want us. ’
random edit . ( 001 / ? ) ; please do not reblog !
001. - . \ alex standall . ( culpible . )
“ARE WE DEVILS?”
❝ heavy question. ❞ apathetic in tone, nonchalant in nature. it wasn’t long ago when you had convinced yourself that there was no one worse than you ( even surrounded by monsters dressed in the mask of humans, there was a wall between them and you that wouldn’t give you a break from believing you were just as bad as them. ) your faults have ignited a hurricane, fatality reached despite it not weighing on your shoulders, but you put it there anyway. your guilt nearly buried you alive, always suffocating you, ruining you to the core and making you forget everything you used to be. you’re not the same person you were a year ago, you’re not even the same person you were six months ago. a year ago, you felt like you could say and not say, do and not do, whatever you wanted with no consequences. six months ago, you had convinced yourself you were the devil, that you set off a series of bad quakes that left this town in ruins. now, you’re left putting the pieces together, trying to find the right path once again as you rediscover who you are. you may never stop hating yourself for what you’ve done, but you’re finally starting to accept it all —– you’re starting to see that there are others around you that are the real monsters; it doesn’t have to be you.
a slow blink, and your eyes finally drift back to the other. ❝ we’re not who we used to be. doesn’t make us good people. ❞ you may never see yourself as a GOOD PERSON again, even though you’re trying to be ( it’s why you wanted so desperately to hear those tapes again, to rediscover what it was that destroyed your mind and buried you with guilt. ) you’re trying to make a better effort with those around you because you know how easy it is to fall through the cracks. but will it ever be enough? ❝ i don’t know, clay, i think we’re just fucked. ❞ but it doesn’t seem pointless anymore, not like it did so many months ago. it feels like progress.
⤷ @liaeble
there were no more good people. anyone involved had maintained a certain filth behind their fingernails, under your skin. a short hum in acceptance of the answer given, he was right, you all had changed, some for the better. it still helped you to think you were adjusting, adapting with your truths and everyone's lies. maybe this was your spiral back up, first you needed to destruct, then you could readjust and bring back what made you who you were before she died. you hadn’t known alex six months ago, you barely knew him these days. ❝ it has to get better, i can’t let my life be forever marked as the guy you loved the dead girl. ❞ it was harsh, and uneeded ; your anger. you found it easier to be mad at the truth, than rely on it to cope. because the truth was, you were failing to survive.
noting the others calm demeanor you began to calm yourself, maybe you were overreacting, everyone needs a second chance. even yourself. maybe you shouldn’t think about it too much, it wasn’t just your problem anymore, yet you still felt the need to find answers, for yourself and her.
o shi t what’s this , it’s a mains call .
i just woke up but i just want @decntheart to know i hope she has a wonderful day and that i love her .