monographs

Some people say a home is where you come from. But I think it's a place you need to find, like it's scattered and you pick pieces of it up along the way. - Awaken, Katie Kacvinsky. I'm picking up my pieces.

[liebesgedanken]

yesterday i got a smidge of what having another person during down days felt like...you really don’t see how much you’ve been doing until you get help and see around you those who are still doing what you did. he was there to carry als’ scooter, hat, meds, bottle on top of his own heavy assed work laptop. i tease him for struggling with it but it was nice to have that load taken from me. even if it was just for a moment.

[liebesgedanken]

that was the most impromptu day ever! hahahahha who goes on a first date with their kid?? and it was so much fun! bugger bribed als with mlp and made me a paper rose...it felt nice to have someone carry either als or my bag. my longchamp bag ah. not my usual janky tote. haahaha like bruhhh and he noticed als loves lights so took a detour through lil india otw home. winning points throughout the day

[liebesgedanken]

just cause she’s my niece doesn’t mean i can’t say no to her. why did i say no at that point in time? maybe cause als woke up and her body was blazing hot and i didn’t want to have to pay attention to anyone else? you say i don’t like her why? cause i take the liberty to scold her, to show her that i’m angry? i do the exact same to als lah. if yll want her to be mollycoddled and protected, raised to believe that what she wants she will get then fine, i’ll follow suit but when she turns into an entitled brat who can’t take no for an answer, that’s not on me.

[liebesgedanken]

how do you teach lil people about changes in life? how do you teach them to say goodbye? how do you teach them to validate their feelings when you’re gone and not there to hug all the bad jujus away?

[1000drawings]

[liebesgedanken]

enough, yanns. enough.

[liebesgedanken]

is it you’ve somehow forgotten all the stories everyone’s recounted of how my mum took care of you when your mum worked nights? is it you’ve forgotten the numerous people telling you how my mum had to pretend to bf you to help you sleep? the sleepless tirelessness of taking care of her niece?

are you proud of having married into a higher income level? are you proud of having the luxury of being a sahm? are you proud of having been featured in an article everyone in our family scoffed at? are you proud of how ypu covered your brother’s ass?

you’ve not made an effort to introduce your son to his maternal grandparents, aunties & uncles and cousins. you’ve not even bothered to send pictures in the group chat. anyone whose seen your new family has done so by chance; bumping into you in some mall somewhere.

it saddens my heart when your helper comes over and my mum is asking so many questions about your baby. you’d think being a parent makes people less selfish, not always the case.

[liebesgedanken]

this week has been all over the place. from the weather to work to my seemingly accident prone nature to fking having to chase a bat out of school grounds ):

i just want some quiet calm consistency...

[liebesgedanken]

i need to not only stop expecting but to stop hoping.

[liebesgedanken]

my life is a fking joke.

1. travelled 1hr only to be told, oh the doctor’s not in

2. fell down and landed on my right leg i.e. the leg that has a plate in it

3. cracked my screen protector cause my phone flew out of my hands

4. i still don’t know when i’ll see you

so done. so fking done.

[liebesgedanken]

today, i told someone else about you.

[nevver]

The birds are flying lower, Édouard Taufenbach

[nevver]

Almost there, Cai Guo-Qian

[liebesgedanken]

good weekend was good (: got to see nas. got my basque. saw my mama & nenek. got a picture of your slenge face. got to read & have coffee. got to end the week chilling on a slide with als. we can do this.

[nevver]

Hartley Lin

[liebesgedanken]

i hate this? 2 weeks since i sat in front of a panel of 4 people! a part of me wants to do mtl..? which is crazy considering how BERTERABUH my malay is! hahaha i am so stupidly impatient! but i REALLY want the job lah. but yah lah can’t do much so like he said, doa for the best. inshaallah.

[liebesgedanken]

is it bad if i just want a day to stop & read & write & drink a copious amount of coffee...find me a nook and let my mind run free in a book.