None Empathy With Left Guilt @liedtoyou - Tumblr Blog

The Nameless Monster, Johan Liebert - MONSTER

I’ve noticed that people often talk about paranoid delusions, but not so much grandiose delusions. So here’s a reminder:

Grandiose delusions don’t make you bad or self-absorbed. They don’t mean you can’t still struggle with your self-worth.

Grandiose delusions can be as much of a struggle as other types of delusions. They can make you feel worthless because you’re not living up to your “calling”. They can put you in serious trouble in social situations. They often tie in with, and make paranoid delusions, worse.

Grandiose delusions are real, often painful, and not something shameful that you’re not allowed to talk about.

#pseriouslypsychotic #grandiose without paranoia #but that part about feeling worthless because you're not living up to your calling #mmm

I’m starting to tire of my group therapy.

The people are nice, although they want to be more friends than I do.... but truthfully I’m only going out of a sense of responsibility and the bribe of extremely underwhelming coffee that I don’t have to make myself.

And now we have a member who is... upset that people lack empathy. Not compassion, because I asked, she meant SPECIFICALLY empathy, which ofc resulted in a number of people chiming in to add in their contributions for what that means. Feeling for someone, walking in their shoes, etc...

My individual therapist was overseeing the group that day, and I didn’t really say anything else for the rest of the session so she asked about it next time and I was up front about the fact that it’s just too much work for no payoff. The effort involved in explaining lack of empathy, fielding all the cues to reassure people I care about THEM (which I do not), an endless series of questions about my family (ha), my friends (haha), what I do(n’t) feel, and so on.

It is true she was very understanding (or pretended to be, whatever, it was nice of her even if it is her job) of the effort involved and why I didn’t want to perform that whole routine yet again, let alone for a room full of people I barely see, but if I have to sit through an hour and a half of railing against how people have no feelings every week and that’s what’s wrong with the world, the coffee isn’t good enough for that.

#actuallyschizoid

coolkidsland

#oceans #deep waters

To clarify from the other day, when I say I’m unwilling to do anything about it, I mean I’m unwilling to inform people and ask them to be mindful of it, because that’s too close to Abuser D’s behaviour (even if it isn’t the same at all, asking someone to behave or not behave a certain way around me would do my mental health more harm than good, and it's a cat you can’t put back in the box once you’ve told them what the behaviour is. They can’t un-know and you have no control over how they handle or perceive it and themselves once they do.)

#lies are not lies #everything you say has the potential to affect or alter another person in some way #personally I hate it

Had an absolute breakdown yesterday, which was.... unpleasant, but I did finally identify my biggest trauma-related trigger (as opposed to trigger for OCD or trigger for psychosis fun) and that’s... something.

Unfortunately, it is my absolute least favourite kind of trigger because it is predicated on other people’s behaviour and I have been abused repeatedly by people policing my words and behaviour (often while gaslighting me over my perceptions of theirs), so I don’t know that I’m willing to do anything with this knowledge except correct myself.

Which is fine, to be clear, I’m just... mmmm. Ruminating.

#trauma talk

court-records-net

A new season of the Ace Attorney anime has been announced! Details are thin at the moment, but it seems it will feature our favourite coffee loving prosecutor… Discuss the news at http://www.forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=31&t=32827

[Voting is open in the 2018 Court-Records Original Character Contest through this Saturday, March 17th!]

#godot tag #AH