[lieslayn]

I am so insecure it is absolutely appalling to me

[lieslayn]

I lead an incredibly lonely existence most days

[lieslayn]

Feeling so sad and lonely I just want to go home. I fail at everything.

I love Danny and Lukas and baby but I’m not good for them.

[the-memedaddy]

meirl

[lieslayn]

I have become unbearably self conscious about my appearance, and it’s affecting the way I react with people, and I despise it.

[hoardingrecipes]

Prosciutto Leek Quiche with a Sunflower Kernel Crust

[quadriceps-deactivated20171230]

what’s the mood for tuesday

[xenosaga]

[distorte]

[lieslayn]

This is what I look like 9/10 because I’m too tired to even exist

I wear a lot of gray

[whitepeopletwitter]

[gawd-desses]

[glassbonespaperskin]

same here D;

[lieslayn]

Pregnant me every night

[sdfsd32435-deactivated20180128]

me: ok i’m gonna shut up about this now

me 5 mins later:

[lieslayn]

Nausea is getting worse but it’s so on and off literally 1 minute I want to vomit and the next I want fried pickles and Mac and cheese and the next I want to vomit again. Have not barfed yet!

I didn’t have morning sickness with Lukas, so this sucks. But could be way worse I guess.

I can barely move the past few weeks the exhaustion is KILLING me. Idk how I worked full time on my feet at 4:30am last time.

I am so dead poor Lukie and Danny I’ve been slacking a lot

[lieslayn]

And I can’t force my ex to get sober and be present in his son’s life. And I can’t live in a constant state of worry that one day I’ll wake up and he’ll be dead, and what am I going to tell my son. And how is that going to make me feel and how does that change things?

And I can’t keep worrying about how Lukas is going to feel when the new baby comes and I never ever ever ever want him to feel like he is not as much a part of our family as the new baby. He is my heart and we love him so much and Danny is so wonderful with him and I want him to always know and feel our connection and our love.

And the horrible memories of how my last pregnancy and birth went are kind of flooding into my brain. And that’s inevitable. But my emotions are all over the place right now, and it sucks being reminded of that and irrationally worrying about something like that happening again. But I know it won’t. I’m not logically afraid of that happening again, because Danny is the polar opposite of my ex. And I’m different than what I was 3-4 years ago. We are going to be exhausted and stressed and probably fight a bit and it will be hard, but I know we will also be happy and fulfilled and excited and create the family that I’ve always wanted.

That being said, after all the anxiety I feel, and the hormones driving me absolutely crazy and making me feel awful,

I’m really really really really happy and excited about the new baby and I hope it’s a girl lol a little sister and I can’t wait to be back in MD for awhile and have my friends around me and my parents and I have been working on some personal projects and I feel closer to myself than I ever have and I’m really happy. Despite the anxiety.

[lieslayn]

Lol I am 7 days late

[lieslayn]

The moment of truth

Will I start my period in 3 days?

Or will I not?