when you jack off to planes w/boobs AGAIN after you promised you @lifeduringwar-time - Tumblr Blog

Elvis Goes to Apologize

Hey, budduh. Saw your eyes dippin’ in through the crack of my bedroom door.

Just wanted to take a moment or two to say:

From the bottomuv my heart, I’m sorry you had to see me spleef like that buddio. The peanut butter ran thick on that un. Peefed me by surprise.

Huhuh. Thanks for understandin’. I promise to ya I’ll dubble tribble check my door for ya.

Oh and uhh…don’t come intoda bedroom for a minute. Gotta set tha roomba loose to gobble up some hot, smelly, sticky, loose, wet, disgusting… hoo mama *gasp*…. terrible, undulating, massive wads.

magimagali

c’mon everybody!!! *runs off excitedly and no one follows me*

commanderchrist-deactivated2017

Ah man, what a long day. Goodnight, Tim. *kisses the Tim Heidecker side of my Tim and Eric dakimakura* *flips pillow* Goodnight, Eric. *kisses the Eric Wareheim side of my Tim and Eric dakimakura* *falls asleep* *has a terrible nightmare*

I WOULD HAVE DRUNK TONS OF COFFEE WITH YOU, AND KEPT YOU ALIVE FOREVER.

#just watched inland empire oughhhhhhhhhhh #:(

foreveriallyzombified

here’s the facts

donald J trump is extremely fully 11 months pregnant

he is pregnant with a litter of half pig half men, somewhat resembling orcs. they were genetically engineered to his specifications and are rumored to be “super soldiers”

the former president became pregnant via embryo transplant - he does not have ovaries or penetrative sex, so insemination is not an option

they are not in his butt or penis - the pentagon hollowed and ballooned out his prostate gland to act as a psuedowomb

donald j trump is in constant pain because of this so he’s constantly smoking weed which just makes him sadder and more pregnant and it’s not so good for the piglets

trump said he got this idea “from sauron” of lord of the rings

when trump gives birth, his perineum will cleanly cleave in two, and a bucketful of viscous green nickelodean slime will dump forth onto the ground. he will steady himself against a ballet bar and dump out the pigfetuses one by one onto the floor with no umbilical cord

when pressed for comment, donald trump specified:

“I love my kids. They are the best. They’ve got strong blood. They’ve got good genes. But I could have better kids. I could have pigmen. Tall. Taller than me, if you can believe it. These piglets are the greatest — people are saying they’re the greatest!”

foreveriallyzombified

23 months

transfemininomenon

hunter, come here to me my son. i have dropped out. we have dropped out, my sweet child. swallow this pill with daddy. it'll be over soon. i love you, i love this nation, god bless these great united states. where am i again