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@lifeislikeabadrpg
I got hurt and it still hurts and I can't look at tumblr without crying and I can't enjoy Welcome to Night Vale without memories so I'm not coming back to tumblr for a very long time. I don't know that I'll ever come back. No apologies can be made for what was done to me.
I’m a 20 year old bedbound woman with a spinal injury, about to be evicted from my subsidised apartment for being disabled. I’m urgently seeking help to fund temporary private rental, and medical assessments necessary for a government housing application
I am completely unable to sit/walk. If I become homeless, my life will be in danger, due to physical vulnerability, and inability to request food without a charged mobile.
Links:
GoFundMe & costs outline ($5 minimum)| PayPal (no min.)| Image description
Edit: Even very small amounts help. 50 cents from each person who reblogs this would accumulate to hundreds of dollars over time.
sorry forgot tags
How do I spoon budget?
I'm not doing very well. And to tell the truth, a lot of that lately is something wrong with me.
Like, I know I have a limited number of spoons because of the PTSD and bipolar. This is something difficult I've had to come to accept, because it greatly affected my career as well as my life.
But for over ten years, somewhat near eleven years in fact, I worked at one of the most ableist workplaces in a very ableist industry. (And that's saying something.) I gave my company everything I had, to the point where I didn't have anything left for living much of a life outside of work.
And it is a terrible mindset to have when you have a spoon budget. It tells you to spend spoons until you are at your limit or even beyond it—and to do it again, and again, and again. It's been so endemic in my environment up until lately, it's kind of my default mindset: push myself until I fall over and start shaking and having bad thoughts. Get up and do it again.
And really, that was what they told me to do in order to succeed. Even with FMLA intermittent leave, the mindset and drive to succeed that the company espoused pretty much meant that the leave was ineffective.
So now I need to unlearn that drive. I need to know my limits. I need to figure that out before I really hurt myself one day. And I need to do it for my loved ones, who hate seeing me do this to myself.
I need to learn to budget my spoons.
So far I have figured out the following:
Every task should be estimated in whole spoons. Not half-spoons, not spoon-micrometers, but full spoons. This reminds me of what I did at work, actually, when I estimated tasks. When left to my own devices, I made estimates that everyone considered high but were actually what was achievable. Eventually, though, I gave in to management pressure to estimate low and overdrive to "achieve" the results. So maybe I need to just come up with spoon estimates for every task, starting at minimum one spoon, and there is no such thing as a 0-spoon task. (Yes, management pressured us to add 0-time tasks on a regular basis to our sprints. This was consistent with almost every team I was on save one. Naturally, 0-time tasks took time, but you were expected to do them anyways, even if you got eight of them, without wasting time and thus handling also on top the normal time tasks.)
Do not count on having infinite spoons. This should be obvious. But also do not count on spoons regenerating halfway through the day or multiple times during the day. I have one spoon budget per day, not three.
Start with 12 spoons. That's 1 per hour of being-awake time outside of eating and sleeping. If I wake up feeling horrible reduce to 8 spoons or less. If I have an actual PTSD episode no matter how small, remove rest of spoons and go watch internet videos.
Possibly I am overthinking all of this, but if there's anything I've learned about me, it's that I need to think things through because going on gut instinct doesn't work out well for me in certain areas, like effort.
Anyways. Stuff. Any advice people have on this front?
I always get anxious when I see comics or posts with Big Tough Artists Speaking From Tough Love. You know the kind, the ones that are like “DO IT DO IT DO IT GIVE UP EVERYTHING DO IT WORK WORK HAVE NO LIFE WORK.” They have their place, and it’s absolutely true. To improve, it...
For nearly a year, I housed someone who was in need but also was emotionally abusive. This was not apparent to me until several months in. And even so, the abuse continued until finally I wanted to kill myself.
They left after I threw them out in December. But they also left some stuff behind even after getting it in January. I paid them back their rent for the last month since they didn’t actually stay, and they weren’t paying very much for rent in the first place.
So now I need to get rid of their things. Their things trigger me on a regular basis, which is not helped out by the fact that they triggered me again when they came to get their things by using keys instead of knocking. What would they have done if I were not there?
Anyways, they are gone, their stuff is here, it triggers me, I am unemployed, and it will cost money to remove their stuff. After paying $150 to rekey the locks, I was not terribly thrilled to calculate a rough estimate of what it would take to remove their things and it will cost
$230 - for the junkers to remove the stuff, which includes a queen-sized bed, box springs, folding desk, night stands, and a broken TV
$35 - to buy boxes to box the smaller stuff that needs to be removed, this includes state tax and also what I will call “Bainbridge Island Is Expensive Tax”
$15 - YouCaring CC feeds plus transaction fees, estimated
———
$280 total
I don’t really see this total being filled, it’s kind of largish, but any donations you make will help. On January 31st I’m to pick up the boxes for packing so if $35 can come in by then that will help.
It would kind of be… nice if the $150 paid for re-keying the locks could be picked up too but I really don’t see that happening.
Anyways, even if only $5 ever came in, I would feel better.
——
P.S. My abusive renter told me that it’s creepy of me to post about this, which is why it’s so hard for me to push “Post” or even to tell people about it, but I guess I am just going to be a creepy person.
Thank you all so much. The money has been made, everything has been funded, you are all awesome. Thank you for sharing, for donating, for spreading the word, thank you thank you thank you!
dothewordything replied to your post “Fuck. It. All.”
*hugs* that sucks and I hope things get better soon for you. I signal boosted and donated for the post but I wish I had more to spare to help.
*hugs* Thank you so much.
ballerinaduck replied to your post “Fuck. It. All.”
ugh, that's terrible >< *hugs* I hope you can get it out of there soon (and that you can at least avoid LOOKING at it as much as possible - can you at least get the blankets/comforter into the bin on trash day? bleh, wish I could be up there and help
*hugs* I shake whenever I think about packing up that stuff, or even going in there at all with the bed still there. >_<
shwetanarayan replied to your post “Fuck. It. All.”
huggggg
*huggggggg*
For nearly a year, I housed someone who was in need but also was emotionally abusive. This was not apparent to me until several months in. And even so, the abuse continued until finally I wanted to kill myself.
They left after I threw them out in December. But they also left some stuff behind even after getting it in January. I paid them back their rent for the last month since they didn't actually stay, and they weren't paying very much for rent in the first place.
So now I need to get rid of their things. Their things trigger me on a regular basis, which is not helped out by the fact that they triggered me again when they came to get their things by using keys instead of knocking. What would they have done if I were not there?
Anyways, they are gone, their stuff is here, it triggers me, I am unemployed, and it will cost money to remove their stuff. After paying $150 to rekey the locks, I was not terribly thrilled to calculate a rough estimate of what it would take to remove their things and it will cost
$230 - for the junkers to remove the stuff, which includes a queen-sized bed, box springs, folding desk, night stands, and a broken TV
$35 - to buy boxes to box the smaller stuff that needs to be removed, this includes state tax and also what I will call "Bainbridge Island Is Expensive Tax"
$15 - YouCaring CC feeds plus transaction fees, estimated
------
$280 total
I don't really see this total being filled, it's kind of largish, but any donations you make will help. On January 31st I'm to pick up the boxes for packing so if $35 can come in by then that will help.
It would kind of be... nice if the $150 paid for re-keying the locks could be picked up too but I really don't see that happening.
Anyways, even if only $5 ever came in, I would feel better.
----
P.S. My abusive renter told me that it's creepy of me to post about this, which is why it's so hard for me to push "Post" or even to tell people about it, but I guess I am just going to be a creepy person.
Fuck. It. All.
I'm getting triggered by the fact that Steven's bed is still here WITH the blankets and comforter etc. It would have been better had they taken the blankets/comforter with them, but of course they didn't.
It would be a great thing if I got it all out but it's hard right now to afford to (it will cost me over $200 to do it).
This has been going on for weeks and I want to kill myself.
Oke, paying over $200 is better than killing myself. Even if I'm unemployed now.
Gods I want to kill myself.
poems and pastries, so easy to spoil however well-meaning and earnest your toil with too heavy a touch they turn into mush
a Stone Telling note: please don't self-reject!
Especially if it’s because you like Stone Telling! Especially if it’s because you’re scared to send us stuff or think you’re not good enough.
Because, let me tell you a thing. Our inbox, every issue, is full of subs from people of privilege, who have very clearly never read a single poem from the zine & just think their work is universal and belongs everywhere. And quality aside, it’s generally thematically utterly inappropriate to Stone Telling.
Meanwhile the people we want to hear from the most, those people are scared to send us their work.
Because, listen, marginalized people tend to self-reject. Our people tend to self-reject. We are just so used to not being heard, not being understood, not being considered accessible or important or whatever, and - in my experience - the more axes a person is marginalized on, the more they tend to underestimate their abilities.
So please, please, if you have a poem that you think might be appropriate, send it our way! We want to see your work. I promise.
(Guidelines here)
Baby Nagakanya!
She’s a commission for the fabulous Bryan Thao Worra (a stone telling patreon donor award), and posted with his permission :)
Y'ever feel so depressed you can't sleep?
Like, you want to do something to make the depressed go away.
But to add mockery on top of pain, you are too tired to do the things that would make the depressed go away, and no amount of caffeine helps.
You know you should go to sleep but you want the depressed to please go away so that sleep will not be plagued with nightmares.
Nothing really helps.
Rice cooker pasta saved me.
Also will be breakfast or lunch or maybe dinner or snack
