I’ve been on a tumblr hiatus for quite some time now. The last time I really checked up on my tumblr news feed was the previous summer? Even though i hate to admit it, my tumblr used to be a way for me to communicate my honest thoughts to my followers. However, I’ve decided to start uploading text posts again without the expectation for other people to read them. Instead, I’m going to use this as a way for me to write down the highs and lows of my life so that I can reflect upon them in the near future.
Interestingly enough it seems like I come back to tumblr whenever something dramatic happens in my life. This comeback is no exception to that principle. The toughest aspect of my life right now is the process of studying for the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test). A majority of the people I know are actually still struggling with what they want to do as a full time career. However, I’ve always set my mind on becoming a lawyer. But why?
I actually can’t pinpoint an exact moment where I had this “ah-ha!” revelation. It’s just that every time I encountered the concept of law whether it be through meeting actual lawyers, watching law-related TV shows, or by reading about legal matters in the news I found it fascinating. Perhaps it was the fact that lawyers had the power to save or destroy a person’s life through a mechanism that is permissible in society’s eyes. But as you can guess I was never interested in using law for destruction. Instead the interest was focused around using law to help the people in need. Yes, yes it’s a very idealistic thought, but I don’t think that the fact that my thoughts are somewhat idealistic allows it to be dismissed.
So who would my profession benefit? Well, I would have to go back to my cultural roots to answer that question. Simply put, I’m a Korean-American who has been hovering between both cultures for a very long time now. In Southern California, Korean-Americans are usually labeled as Korean’s who have assimilated completely into the American culture and are only Korean simply by blood. This isn’t how I would describe myself. I’m a Korean American who has enjoyed both the best of both cultures. This is why I still feel like I have strong ties to Korea and when I think about my northern counterparts, my heart aches.
This thought is what led me to pursue international law. Both public and private. I believe that the two Koreas will reunify one day and that international law will play a huge role in stabilizing that region. Therefore, I’m striving to become a lawyer that specializes in international law. It’s a big dream isn’t it?
You can imagine the stress that I get from having this incredible dream of mine. Ever since I started studying for the LSATs back in January I’ve been coping with a huge amount of stress. The first thing on my mind when I wake up would be about law school. On the few nights that I get some sleep, the last thing on my mind before I doze off is the thought of law school. I know that this is not a healthy habit, but despite my attempts to find some distractions, my guilty conscience always pulls me back to working towards law school. I guess that tumblr can classify as one of those distractions.
And throughout this entire process the thought of failure plagues my mind. I like to think of myself as a smart person, but God knows that there are plenty of more capable people than me out there who are also going to apply for the top law schools this year. I’ve been through a lot of crucial moments in my life in which I end up failing. However, words cannot describe how much I want to succeed on my first try this time. I don’t want to disappoint myself. I don’t want to disappoint my family. I certainly don’t want to disappoint the people I will hopefully end up helping. Therefore, I pray that I may receive the strength and perseverance necessary to get into a top tier law school this winter.
If you reach the end of this post then I commend you. I’m not the greatest writer so I imagine that many of the people who read this will stop halfway and take their attention elsewhere. This is all I’m willing to write for now. May the future be bright. Fight on!
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