Mayank

musician, writer, dreamer

[lifeonjanestreet]

The greatest horror is not the demons that surround you, but the one that convinces you they are you.

[lifeonjanestreet]

"To rise each morning, to carry the weight of breath,

is the quiet rebellion of the soul—the fiercest kind of bravery"

- Living in the constant tyranny of desire is scarier than death.

[lifeonjanestreet]

Isn't life a constant push and pull between noise and silence ?

[lifeonjanestreet]

Today, although being hard and tiring, was a break for me from the regular days of my life. I'm tired and going to sleep with some peace in the head. Gn material world. Om namah Shivaya. Jai Shri Ram.

[lifeonjanestreet]

Dear God, I have nothing left to ask from you except let me be more of you, and less of this maya. I will abide.

[lifeonjanestreet]

The greatest form of courage is the courage to suffer

[lifeonjanestreet]

God communicates through pain. Don't shut it down.

[lifeonjanestreet]

Hanuman ji,

I will not ask you to relieve me of this pain anymore. I surrender to your will. All I ask is to protect her from further pain. She will hurt seeing me fail another time. She is your special child. Pls protect her. Jai Shri Ram.🔱

[lifeonjanestreet]

Your suffering is not a reflection of God's indifference to your pain. His silence to your prayers is a reflection of his faith in your ability to evolve.

[lifeonjanestreet]

A Dream / A reminder

I am in a building that looks like the College where I'm training at. Its not the same college however. Whatever little I do remember of it is that I am around colleagues, people related to from work.

Not sure how it happened, but I find myself slowly and gradualy being deserted in the building. A few people left for break, some others just stepped out and will be right back. I myself step out for something thinking we got time before the next session/meeting/lecture (not sure what we were doing there) but when I return no one is there. In the beginning it feels normal, as I am waiting for people to return. Time passes and no one returns, I slowly beging to become anxious. After a lot of time has passed and I am walking back and forth in the building looking for people, I find no one is returning. My heart sinks as the realization strikes me that I am alone there. It begins to feel haunted or fearful. Theres no ghost, but I am scared because the way people just disappeared. A long time passes and no one is returning and my anxiety begins to shoot up. I am breathing heavy and can barely speak or walk. My heart is pounding. I feel like i'm stuck there and cannot return to normal. As a last resort / instinct / survival I beging to chant Hanuman Chalisa. I am praying for this feeling to be over. As soon as I am into the 4th or 5th verse, a realization strikes me that this is just a dream. iMMEDIATELY a sense of relief pulls me out of the ugly darkness. I am still asleep and dreaming as this realization dawns upon me. In my sleep/dream, I became aware that I was dreaming. I continue chanting chalisa. I am now deciding wether I should wake up or continue to remain where I am, but there is absolutely no way I am going to remain in that dark ugly heavy plane of existence so I try to come back to awake state. Because I am chanting chalisa, its a bit hard for me to continue/remember the lines because I was speaking them smoothly in dream, but as I find myself drifting into awake state, I am having difficulting retaining the memory of where I was at in the chalisa, or which verse is next. Its like i can't keep the continuity of the verses from sleep to awake state without stopping and restarting. So I stop chanting, and in a split second I am now awake. I open my eyes and I feel something that words cannot describe. I realize I just had a divine intervention from my God. He saved me from the depths of hell, but there is a deeper message and meaning behind it. May be there is no hell at all. I remember very clear the first thing I felt or thought as I opened my eyes was "I'm still not awake, yes the dream is over but I am still sleeping and this life is just another dream that we wont wake up from until we die"

Unknown why I couldn't keep continuation of chalisa from sleep state to wake state. Along with the above realization as I woke up, I continued chanting the chalisa but from a whole different verse. I know I skipped/missed some verses but thats ok.

There was an soul touching experience as I now slept again, that I have just had a reminder from the universe, my Hanuman ji, that everything is ok. I was shocked to find that Golu had the same interpretation of the dream as me, something that is very rare. She affirmed my belief and validated it.

Got to keep going, and keep trying to remain on the path of Dharma, until I get tired again and Hanuman ji picks me up for sometime. This world feels heavy sometimes, but I am begining to understand clearly that its not because there is something wrong with me, but its because I am ascending, and shedding layers that I had held on to for so long to feel secure. The ego is not happy.

Jai Shri Ram, Jai Hanuman ji.

[lifeonjanestreet]

No matter how sick or lost you are, God will find you. You'll be born again. Once those hands touch you, you'll never be the same again. Until then, abide in the pain. Abiding is the strongest form of prayer.

[lifeonjanestreet]

We're all going to find ourselves at a point in our lives where the realization of something that we always discarded as quackery or figment, is going to humble us down. Until then, if you can, reject nothing and be kind to the hermits and the mystics of the world. They just got there before us.

[lifeonjanestreet]

I hear you Shiva. I am not giving up.

[lifeonjanestreet]

Dear Hanuman ji,

I'm very close to the dream that has been a long time yearning. The web of maya has me entangled again. My soul is tired. My heart does not want to take another blow of failure and rejection. I am afraid of the same pain, the familiar sting. I am trying to remain in awareness. I have tried to remain detached from the expectations.

The mind is playing games again.

You have given me a new life and saved me from my old dark ways. I promise come what may I will not give up my persuit of truth. Please be patient with me. Hold me if I let go. Jai Shri Ram.

[lifeonjanestreet]

इतनी शक्ति हमें देना दाता, मन का विश्वास कमजोर हो ना |

[lifeonjanestreet]

The same god who saved you, will sustain you.

After 30 yrs of being lost, I'm home again. I feel strong. Its like a veil has lifted and I can see what I never did. I dont feel sorry for myself anymore. I have more gratitude than ever before. I have work to do. A lot of work to ascend and erase the self inflicted karmas. Jai shree Ram.

[lifeonjanestreet]

This video sums up the last 3 years of my life.